


All of the Stars

by Britannica17



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-05
Updated: 2017-08-03
Packaged: 2018-11-09 08:35:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 99,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11100891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Britannica17/pseuds/Britannica17
Summary: Years into adulthood, Hermione Granger faces personal heartbreak and must learn to heal old wounds and find those responsible for the horrific acts. Juxtaposition of past events and current tell the tale. Warning- character deaths EWE SS/HG Reformed Malfoys. Ignored the epilogue of DH





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Author's Note: I have several stories in progress, but this one is finished and it is editing mode. I am definitely working on. Unfortunately, some personal grief had kept me from writing, but also inspired this deeply troubling but ultimately rewarding story I apologize in advance for the angst, but if you've read my other fics on fanfiction, you know it's just what I do. Also, scenes of motherhood, extreme grief, etc Please let me know what you think. Warning- character deaths. Also, anything in the past is indicated by a heading, indications of when it is happening are used, the sections from the past are supposed to help give background to events happening in the "present".

"If you write the same thing on more time I am charging you for the ink, Granger." Severus Snape's voice had changed little since he was a professor at Hogwarts, and Hermione's professor at that. She looked up from the document she was writing on the changing legal status of werewolves and sighed, her mind had been rambling for hours. Stretching her fingers and using her wand to procure a new document, she rubbed her abdomen where the newest Granger-Weasley creation was brewing, a girl they planned to call Winnie.

"Make fun all you want, I can't help it if I'm worried about my daughter leaving for school tomorrow. She's so unlike me; all she talks about is playing quidditch. How in the world did I give birth to a female Ron?" Laughing, she finally finished the documents and put them in a folder for Seamus Finnigan before swirling in her chair towards Severus as the tea that he ordered was delivered. If anyone had told her after the war that she'd eventually share an office and task force with her former professor, she wouldn't have believed them. Surely he wasn't so different from the man she'd known through adolescent eyes, but she saw bits and pieces of the man he could've been had he never joined Voldemort and become a death eater. He was thoughtful and kind, though he would rarely own up to it; there were moments while working with him that she wondered how some eligible witch hadn't snatched him up. He wasn't immediately handsome at first glance but over time his classic looks reminded her of mythology, of the Greek heroes she'd studied before going to Hogwarts. There were times, like this, when she got lost in thought just imagining how different life would be with him, which led immediately to guilt and an intense fear that he was reading her mind. Pouring her tea, he finally caught her attention again.

"You act as though she's somehow deficient in any way. At least she is more prepared for the experience than you were- perhaps she won't memorize Hogwarts; A History...good lord, has she already?" He jibbed, sneering at her with a slight smirk. Though it was hard for him to remember exactly what Hermione had been like as a young girl, he knew Rose was more like her mother than Hermione believed, and found her company far more tolerable than most of the children he encountered; at least Rose could play a decent game of chess and didn't feel the need to prattle on unnecessarily.

"I'll be in around ten tomorrow since we're driving with Arthur and Molly." Rolling her eyes, Snape knew not to tease her as she slowly lifted herself from the chair and straightened her back. She would've liked to apparate to the station instead of riding with Arthur who had difficulty driving in the best conditions, little alone a car full of adults and children of varying ages.

SSHGSSHG

(Hermione's final year at Hogwarts)

Hermione Granger walked swiftly through the corridors of Hogwarts trying to make it to her potions practical before she was needed in the infirmary again. Although she'd started her studies soon after the war ended, giving little time to really deal with aftermath, she felt like she was faring well and contributing. Most of their classes took places in rooms that had been largely unused as the castle was rebuilt, but she didn't mind at all. Finishing her NEWTs with ten of her classmates and then the traditional seventh years had felt right, she'd even buried the hatchet with Draco Malfoy.

Opening the potions' classroom door, Hermione was shocked to find Severus Snape speaking with Professor Slughorn, Snape hadn't left the infirmary for more than a few days at a time since becoming more mobile after the final battle, and that had been with her previously. It was odd to see him moving around as though he was completely healed.

"Just who I needed to see, Miss Granger, your NEWT examination for potions has been set for the thirtieth, so you will be free of potions first." Her breath caught, it seemed too soon, she wasn't ready to leave Hogwarts, her friends, to face the world without the comfort of familiar surroundings now that her parent's house was destroyed. She knew it was the beginning of the end; with the first NEWT exam taken, she'd have nine more and then she would leave.

"Oh, good. I'll just go then." She immediately fled and only hours later did she reemerge in the infirmary where Snape and Madame Pomfrey were talking about a new restorative potion. She couldn't meet his gaze nor hers, she'd been crying for hours and it showed. Checking on the students and professors still convalescing, Hermione tried to push her pain away, to forget that under the many layers of clothing her body was a mess of jagged scars and the word 'mudblood' dripped anew most mornings. Lost in thought, she didn't notice Snape come to her side and then to ask her many questions before he finally became so exacerbated he forced her to look at him.

"Granger? Do you need a pain potion?" She winced, the pressure of his hand on her arm where the carved word was re-opened made her eyes water again.

"No, I'm fine and shouldn't you be resting? I need to change the bandages around the graft soon."She snapped, pulling her arm away and trying not to think of her pain.

"You forget to whom you are speaking."

"And you forget you wouldn't be here at all without me, so I'll call that even. You are no longer my professor, but I guess I have you to thank for scheduling my NEWT early." She paused her spellwork and turned to face him, he was far less terrifying now that she'd seen him so vulnerable and though an amicable peace had been established, she recalled how nasty and caustic he could be when provoked. He was far less terrifying now that she'd saved his life, watched him shake in pain, entered his mind to speak with him to share their lives; yet, he still terrified more than any other person she knew.

"Why are you wasting away here when you could be living." She felt a surge of her magic, the gentle trickle of blood down her arm and then nothing, her mind went blank for a moment and then he finally noticed the blood. It piqued his curiosity; why was she bleeding? Had she been hurting herself?

"I'm not wasting away; I'm finishing my education which is important to me. I will have to prove myself as a muggleborn witch for the rest of my life, I'd like more than what's written in the Daily Prophet to back me up." Pushing away from the desk where she had written several notes about the patients, she walked to the storage closet and took out fresh bandages, counting out the amount she would need for his neck and her arm, meticulously thinking of the fastest way to clean his wound and go to her rooms.

"Sit down." She quipped, standing before him and casting a numbing charm, several cleansing spells, and one moisturizing spell to help keep the skin from drying out. As she worked, she felt his eyes on her, watching her contort in pain as a fierce aftershock of the cruciatus curse moved through her. Spelling the bandages to stay in place, she practically ran from him and the infirmary down to the special rooms for returning seventh years. She didn't hear him follow, only found a small pain potion by her door thirty minutes after she'd cried herself hoarse. When she saw him the next morning, he didn't mention the potion and she didn't apologize. They continued as friends in most respects until the month before she left, well fled Hogwarts for Oxford; when she'd realized that he would always be a hateful man and she a bleeding heart for a cause. She ran to Ron, she buried herself in books, not knowing how desperately she'd fallen in love with her former professor until many years later.

SSHGSSHGSSHG

"Need a potion?" He asked as her face winced, lower back cramps had been plaguing her for weeks but she knew she still had an entire month of pregnancy before she would see her newest daughter. Shaking her head, she squeezed his hand and dipped down to kiss his cheek. While their relationship hadn't always been so cordial and close, she rather enjoyed this side of her colleague. When he wasn't trying to put her in her place, he was rather fun to be around, though every now and then she got the feeling that she irritated him more than he let on, it was moments such as those that Seamus unfortunately got the brunt of their personalities. Sometimes she forgot the other parts of Severus Snape that she'd known as an adolescent, but those times were few and far between; most of the time, she enjoyed his company so much she rarely worked without him.

"You always take such good care of me, Severus. I'll see you in the morning." And with that, she was gone. She preferred this working relationship to the one she'd had with Severus when she first joined his task force. He'd been incredibly and unfairly cruel, and she'd just had her second miscarriage, though she hadn't informed him of that until his incessant pestering finally drove her to tell him why she was reluctant to get involved in certain aspects of their research. It took a full year before they were easy friends and longer still before she considered him one of her best friends; she'd come to trust him with her life once more.

Walking to the floo, Hermione took some powder and arrived home in the townhouse she shared with Ron, her husband of thirteen years.

"Ron, are you home?" Hermione called out setting her bag down and waiting to hear him call out from the void of their home. Hearing both Ron and Rose, Hermione's mouth turned upwards, and she dusted off before finding her husband cooking dinner. Bending slightly, Ron kissed Hermione like they'd been apart for weeks, drying his hands on his pants, he wrapped his arms tightly around her, running his fingers up and down her spine.

"How are my girls today?" Stepping back slightly, he placed both hands on Hermione's belly and locked eyes with her; he'd adored Hermione for as long as he could remember, those amber eyes were chasms he got lost in every day, at least once he'd finally admitted it to himself.

"We are hungry and anxious. Is Rose packed?" Stomping feet made them both turn.

"I've been packed for weeks, Mum. Dad, have you seen August? I've looked everywhere but he's missing." Hermione took steps towards Rose, pointing to the window of the dining room where her cat, August was sunbathing and then smoothing her hair. Bright auburn and curly, Rose was every bit a Weasley. Tall, long-legged and pale, Rose looked more like her Aunt Ginny than Hermione, the only similarity was the curl of their hair.

"You'll miss me, won't you?" Hermione asked, pulling Rose into a tight hug.

"Of course I will and I want to be the first to see Winnie, after Dad, but before Granny and Grandma. They will see her all year while I'm away. " Rose planted a soft kiss on Hermione's cheek and ran off up the stairs to grab the rest of her items for school, leaving Hermione to stare and wonder how eleven years had passed so quickly.

"I still can't believe your father got that van. These aren't his first grandchildren going to Hogwarts." Hermione laughed as Ron pinched her bum, stirring the sauce for alfredo once more, transferring all the food to the comfy nook where they typically ate more often than not.

"You know how he is, he just wants us all together. Plus, Rise and Jamie are special to him, they're the ones who tinker with him the most." Kissing her softly once more, he pulled out her chair and they waited on Rose to come down so they could eat, all a tad melancholy that it was their last meal together for a while.

After dinner, all three sat together on the settee and watched a rerun of Graham Norton before retiring to bed, wherein they checked over Rose's trunk once more. Ron made sure to massage Hermione's lower back and then legs. There was a simple pleasure in knowing and loving someone so unconditionally, Hermione knew how lucky she was to have Ron. He wasn't perfect, he grated her nerves most of the time, but each time she'd been pregnant, he was attentive, kind, and took care of her as though she were the queen, even when things hadn't gone to plan, when they'd lost two children early in pregnancy, Hermione knew she could count on Ron for anything. She appreciated how kind he was, even when certain aspects of their relationship weren't always perfect.

Relaxed and almost asleep, Ron stuffed pillows around her, then played with her hair. He seemed to find an odd joy in twirling her curls, telling her he loved her and turning out the lights, every night like clockwork. Except this night, he'd lingered a while longer kissing her neck, tracing the memory of old habits, before they had Rose when their love was still new and they explored in the confines of the fourth floor of Grimmauld Place, in the room they still used when they stayed there. Turning in his arms the pillows flew away, and though took more effort than normal, Hermione pulled him closer, kissing him properly as her hormones were just as riotous as his, forcing her to practically beg for more, which wasn't typically her style. Taking charge, mostly because it was easier with her current body limitations, Hermione perched herself over him, caressing his face for a moment, then finding the hem of his pyjama pants, and easing one hand down. They rarely spoke, especially not when Rose was home because she was such a light sleeper, but as Hermione freed them both of the confines of their knickers and pants, Ron quickly cast a silencing spell because a moan omitted from Hermione that certainly would've woken their nervous eleven year old. it was moments as these that Hermione couldn't fathom loving her husband more, even if there were times they weren't perfectly suited, she knew that Ron would always be her sidekick, her biggest fan, and most importantly, her first true love.

The next morning in a hurry, they piled into the van as Arthur, Molly, Harry, Ginny, and the kids all talked of Hogwarts. Ginny was days from labor herself so she and Hermione lamented on their swollen feet and uncomfortable sleep. Albus complained about being squished between Rose and James, but everyone was quiet as they actually pulled into the station. It was bustling with people and the rare onslaught of trunks and creatures, all bound for a magical school in Scotland.

"You'll write? And make sure Jamie writes, too." Hermione held her daughter tight, soaking every second of that hug as she could knowing she would see her in a few weeks when Winnie was born, but still missing her as though she'd been gone for weeks.

"I will and you know he will, he can't wait to rub it in Alby's face that he's a first year on quidditch. We'll see, won't we James Potter. " Rose teased, giving her father a hug as well. Molly and Arthur saw Bill and Fleur's children off before making sure George and Angelina's made it as well. She didn't see Percy and Audrey's children, but they were often first left, so she didn't look too terribly hard for them. They were quite a sight, Hermione knew, all these Weasley grandchildren.

"Do you think they'll love it as much as we did?" Ginny asked, rubbing her stomach in copy of Hermione, worried about her eldest being gone.

"Surely, there's no dark lord trying to kill them." Harry joked, ruffling Albus' hair and placing an arm around Ginny as they watched the final students getting on the Hogwarts Express. Somehow it felt so different than when they were first years; these kids were going to Hogwarts during a time of peace and though there still existed some rivalry between the houses, it wasn't quite the same.

"We should get moving if we want to miss the traffic." Arthur interrupted, holding Molly's hand as they turned away, waving off their grandchildren. "We'll grab some lunch if everyone has time?" He added, smiling at them and for a moment Hermione felt like a child again, seeing Arthur's joy and feeling so included in his effervescence.

"I can't, unfortunately, paperwork and defense this afternoon. Snape'll hang me by my toenails." Hermione quipped, kissing Ron and walking to the apparition point beyond the station.

"Don't work too hard- I'll see you for dinner." Hermione stopped and looked at Ron, he seemed almost sad so she walked back to him and hugged him a second time, kissing him and trying not to think about her daughter already miles away from them.

"I love you, Mynee." She giggled, he hadn't called her that in years. Hand on her belly, Ron walked her over to the apparition point. "I love you more." Hermione replied and with another kiss, she was off to the Ministry.

SSHGSSHGSSHG

(Ron and Hermione before Rose was born)

"Ron, I have a bit of a surprise for you." Ron rounded the corner of the hallway in their newly purchased townhouse and found his wife completely nude, resting on the chest at the end of their bed. Her scars were gone; she exuded confidence like someone who'd just won a prize and he couldn't believe she was there, like that, waiting for him. Even though they'd purchased their own home, they stayed with Harry and Ginny far more often than at their own home. It still felt incredibly lonely when they were at the townhouse.

"How is this possible?" He asked, dumbfounded and so attracted to her, he could barely contain himself.

"Lavender happened. She'd invented a charm that only needs to be renewed every six months. It covers everything you don't want visible. So...here I am." She stood slowly and walked to him, knowing how difficult it had been for him to look at her after the final battle, when their love was still new and their comfort still being tested. She remembered how he'd looked upon her in pity and disgust the first time they'd been together, how it had hurt her far more than she let on in the moment because she'd just wanted someone to need her and he did. It got better, of course, when like most couples together for long periods of time, he memorized her body in the dark, was able to replace her self-hatred, the constant worry that her physical appearance was such a huge problem for Ron, and that no man would want her, especially if Ron didn't. Although she never expressed how deeply he'd hurt her, it definitely affected their intimacy for years until she finally gave in and decided to use glamours to hide her scars so that she didn't feel she repulsed her husband.

"So, is this more pleasing, Mr. Weasley?" Her voice was low, her arms on her hips as she stood to give him a better view. For the first time she could recall, she felt attractive and desired.

"Pleasing doesn't cover it." With only a few steps, Hermione was in his arms, securely wrapped against him, his desire evident, further emboldening Hermione into action as she undressed him and forced him on the bed.

"I aim to please."

SSHGSSHGSSHG

"Did you cry?" Seamus asked as soon as she walked into the office, taking her cloak off and smoothing her robes, feeling rather large navigating around their desks and rolling her eyes at Seamus before taking her seat and organizing her papers before sending an interoffice memo to Snape, wherever he was so they could make their eleven o'clock meeting with the small council of the Wizengamot for a preliminary hearing on their case. He finally sent her a short message back and she smirked, it felt like he was avoiding her, perhaps worried she was emotional and she knew he hated dealing with any emotion. She wrote back, 'I haven't cried, come to the office.' and he magically appeared a moment later with scones from the bakery around the corner.

"Lifesaver!" She exclaimed suddenly feeling her hunger.

"Don't be cheeky." His reply was terse but she could see the laughter in his eyes, begging her to jibe back, but instead she ate a scone and thought about the irony of her statement, as she had been the one to save him during the final battle. As quickly as the thought entered her brain, though, she pushed it away; remembering the blood and the gurgling of his attempts at speech made her stomach drop.

"Rose will be fine and you know she's a bloody Gryffindor, so you should remove that melancholy expression."

"I wasn't thinking of Rose, if you must know." Dusting off her robes and casting a charm to floss her teeth, Hermione stood with her papers and met Seamus at the door of their office, waiting to walk to lift. She met Severus' eye for a moment and with that one look, he understood that she'd been thinking of him and his near-death experience. She sighed heavily and walked with Seamus, hoping Rose was enjoying the train ride with her cousins and Ron wasn't too bored riding home with his parents, probably questioning him about Winnie's impending birth and what the plan was for Hermione's maternity leave. Since she'd quit working for a while after Rose was born, Molly assumed she would do the same again, but Ron planned to stay home this time as Hermione's career changed and it seemed that the Ministry was grooming her for position with more power and responsibilities. Although Molly thought it odd, Ron was really good with Rose and their nieces and nephews; Hermione loved them, but her patience was stretched thin when surrounded by all the Weasley grandchildren. Lost in thought as Seamus presented the initial findings of their case for thirty or so minutes, Hermione didn't even see Severus walk into the small council room, his face ashen, hands visibly shaking as he stepped towards her, stopping when Seamus saw him, and whispering to him before asking for adjournment.

"Why do we need to adjourn? I didn't even get to speak, Severus." Hermione pulled from his grasp as he gripped her elbow tightly, almost painfully, but she couldn't budge from his grip. Meeting his eyes as she tried again, she finally saw the pain in his eyes and what appeared to be the beginning of tears and it hit her, like the sting of crucio, something had happened, something was very wrong; Severus never cried or rather she'd only seen it once when he was dying and that image did nothing to calm her rising fear. Finally relenting, Hermione let him lead her from the room and to their offices, not saying a word, though as soon as they entered the lift, she saw Arthur's assistant crying and if for only a moment, she wished desperately that Snape would not tell her what had happened. Without another thought she buried her face in her hands, hiding her burgeoning tears from him; she never wanted to appear weak to Severus.

"Hermione, come here, I...we need to go to St. Mungos." Severus extended his hand, but Hermione refused to take it, instead she sat at her desk for a moment. "This is not a time to dally, we have to go now." The harshness of his voice shook her to the core, something terrible had happened, something she just wanted to avoid. She knew the looming anxiety was bad for the baby, so she tried to breathe but as though compelled by something otherworldly, Severus put his arms around her and lifted her to stand.

"Tell me, please, I don't want to go there if I don't know what to expect." Words weaker than she'd ever spoken left her lips. Was it Rose? Was it Ron and the family?

"There's been an accident, a lorry overturned...I don't know more than that, a note simply arrived from Albus Potter...we need to leave now." He held her tightly against him, both his arms around her shoulders as her tears dripped onto his frock coat. She felt all of her breath leave her as she almost passed out. In a flash, they were at St. Mungos, but Hermione was in a daze, as though her brain was trying to protect her and the baby, she didn't hear the commotion, the rapid movement of people in and around the emergency room, nor the healers telling her and Severus information about the Potters and Weasleys.

"Hermione, did you hear Healer Smythe? You need to go to Ron's room." Severus lifted her chin and saw, for the first time in ages, the girl he'd seen enter Hogwarts all those years before; her eyes were large, filled with tears and so much fear he couldn't stand to let her go. He helped her walk to Ron's room, finding him alone except for a healer in training, cleaning his face. For a moment, Hermione stopped, he looked completely normal, as though he were asleep, but she could see that there were only shallow vitals, so shallow she could barely register the tiny bleep of the heart monitor. Shaking Severus' arms off of her, she went immediately to his side and kissed his lips, smoothing his hair back and trying to see if there were any signs of life.

"Ron, please, I can't lose you...Rose needs you, I need you…" Her tears came in waves, dropping on his face but there was no reaction, he was simply there, barely breathing and completely unconscious. "Ron, I'm so sorry, I love you...I love you so much it hurts, please don't leave me." Lying against his chest, she heard a shallow heart beat, so few and far between she knew it was unlikely that her husband would survive. He looked fine, but when she looked over to the healer, she finally asked the question she didn't want to ask.

"What's happened?" The healer looked between Hermione and Severus, gauging what to say in the moment, knowing that another healer should be present.

"I will get Healer Smythe and we'll talk." The young healer in training left Hermione and Severus, but only for a moment as Hermione heard a screaming baby and looked to the door.

"Ginny?" It all hit her at once, everyone in the van would've been affected. It all became too much for her and she felt a wave of pain hit her, the same braxton hicks contractions she'd had with Rose, she knew the stress, fear, and sadness she was feeling was harmful for the baby, so she tried to breathe, to focus on Ron.

"Mrs. Weasley," "It's Granger," It felt such an insignificant thing to correct the woman before her, but Hermione was not thinking rationally.

"My apologies, your husband sustained severe internal injuries and blunt force trauma to the brain. I'm afraid there is no brain activity, the spells we put on him were to keep him comfortable to see if there was improvement and to allow you time." Hermione heard the words, but she couldn't register exactly what the healer was saying.

"Severus?" She reached for him, one hand still on Ron's cheek and the other in Severus', she cried so hard the bed shook. For his part, Severus didn't know what to do for her, he felt so far out of his element he could barely stand himself, watching his friend and colleague suffering so, feeling at a loss completely as to how to help her.

"Ms. Granger, your husband is in no pain, imagine that he's in a peaceful sleep." Hermione whipped her face towards the healer, anger topping all of her emotions before she heard the bleep of his heartbeat, slowing even more. He was slipping away.

"Rose? She's still on the train, she needs to say goodbye." She looked once more to Severus, but he shook his head. "It would be better for her to remember him as he was...she shouldn't see him like this, Hermione." Severus replied, thinking of his own mother's death and how watching her die changed him and the way he thought of her...he saw her final expression first whenever he chanced to think of his mother at all.

"Ron, please, I can't do this without you...I love you so very much, I'm sorry I was hard to live with, I never told you enough how much I love you...I'm sorry, Ron, I'm so sorry my career was more important than being home with you, with Rose...All the time I thought we'd have…there was never enough time and I asked you to stop being an auror, I'm sorry I took that from you but I was so scared. I didn't want to lose you and now I have, please, Ron, please don't leave me. I'm sorry I couldn't give more children, that we lost those boys, and you loved our Rose and I know you would've spoiled Winnie rotten...please forgive me, please don't leave me." She wiped her tears from his face, not cognizant of the room's inhabitants, it was just she and Ron for a moment. Closing her eyes, she remembered him from school, how his eyes lit up when they'd kissed the first time, how he'd been attentive to her for years, taking care of her and maturing more than she'd ever believed possible when they'd first married. Memories replayed over and over as her tears continued to fall, she continued to murmur how much she loved him, kissing his lips one final time, they were cold, he was cold, his heartbeat was becoming faint as she struggled to let him go. Finally remembering Severus was in the room, she turned to him, a broken woman and felt her vision blur.

"I can't do this…" Severus stepped closer to her, trying to help her take slower breaths, but he watched as she hyperventilated, lost her strength and fell against Ron, passing out from all the shock and stress. She awoke hours later in her own hospital bed, feeling heavily drugged and foggy, and noticed only that Severus was gone and so was Ron. There was pain, insurmountable pain and she blacked out again, her body giving in to the myriad of emotions and stress.

When Hermione woke the second time, she tried to understand her surroundings, but it all seemed too difficult to comprehend. She recognized the healer in training and tried to speak, the young woman walked over and offered her some water.

"Are you in pain?" The woman asked, Hermione finally registered that her name was Weston.

"Yes, what's happened? Where is Ron? Why am I here?" Hermione began to shake from the coolness of the room and shock, it was then she registered that she couldn't feel the baby moving. "My baby? What's happened?" Healer Weston stepped into the hallway for a moment and brought Severus into the room, Hermione immediately noticed he was wearing different clothes. He sat on the chair next to her bed and as she tried to face him, she felt the pain of what she assumed was falling.

"Is he gone?" She asked, tears falling as though there was an endless supply, and he nodded. "My baby?" She felt empty, the roundness of her belly somehow completely gone and replaced with a flabby nothingness. Without a word, Severus stood and pulled a curtain back, showing Hermione a cot where a tiny, redheaded baby, so much smaller than Rose had been was sleeping.

"She's small but very well considering. They said she will need to stay for a few weeks until her lungs are functioning better, but I can get the healer if you'd like to hold her." Severus motioned to the door, but Hermione didn't want him to leave just yet, she felt him the only normalcy for the moment and didn't want him to leave.

"Please, just tell me everything, I need to know what happened." He pinched the bridge of his nose and felt the weight of the everything, the deaths, the crash, having to tell someone he admired so much the terrible news. He recalled her pleading from the day before, how she'd laid bare her soul to her dying husband and he didn't want to contribute to that pain.

"Hermione, I really don't think now is the best time...there is some paperwork I need to bring you and we can speak then. Right now, you should rest and I'll get the healer so you can hold your daughter." But as he finished his sentence, Healer Smythe walked in with another baby.

"She doesn't know yet, she's only just woken." Severus snapped, pointing towards the door. His raised voice and caustic words scared Hermione, she couldn't process the scene or even fathom for a moment why the healer was carrying another baby into the room.

"It is my legal duty to bring her this child, Master Snape, as I told you earlier. She must assume responsibility as soon as possible." Hermione looked between them, raising herself up as the healer placed the baby in her arms.

"Ginny?" Hermione questioned Severus, he knew what she was asking as the baby was placed in her arms. She had red hair, darker than Ginny's but lighter than Ron's.

"Mr. and Mrs. Potter's will was read this morning, they named you and your former husband as guardians of their children should anything happen. Albus Arthur Potter is currently in the care of his uncle George Weasley, but as soon as you are well he will be your responsibility, as well as James Sirius Potter and this little one, Lily Luna." Blinking rapidly, Hermione didn't even try to hold back the tears. Shock filled her; Harry and Ginny were dead. Immediately, Hermione despised Healer Smythe again, her callous manner in telling her that her dear friends, practically her brother and sister were dead and that their children were now her own, and there would be no Ron to help her. She was now the mother of five children.

"Severus?" She reached for him, pulling him close as she cradled Lily in her arms. "Tell me." He sighed, sat on the edge of the bed next to her and ran his hand softly over Lily's soft hair.

"The accident might have been intentional, they are still investigating things. A lorry overturned, more than twenty people were killed," he paused, wanting so badly to leave the room, to avoid having to be the one to tell her everything, "Molly and Arthur were killed instantly, Ron and Harry suffered injuries that left them unconscious as far as doctors can surmise and they both slipped from life in their sleep, Ginevra went into labor, much like you from the shock, and then her injuries also claimed her. Fortunately, Albus walked away without a scratch, but he hasn't spoken since the accident. When you passed out in Ron's room, your blood pressure was so high they had to induce labor and Winnie was born late last night. I don't know what else to say, there are no words I can offer that you will comfort you, I am wholly unprepared to be a comforter...I…" For a moment she held her breath, everything they'd survived, the odds they'd beaten fighting Voldemort, it was all for nothing. Looking at Lily, whose eyes had opened momentarily, she felt as though she was looking right at Ginny, the same beautiful round face, the same eyes even though she didn't know for sure if they would be hazel or green like Harry's.

"It was all for nothing." She whispered, kissing Lily's sweet face and wondering how she was going to manage it all, it all felt too heavy. She'd lost everyone, everyone she loved aside from her daughters.

"Rose?!" Her eyes snapped to him and he bowed his head.

"You have a Gryffindor, one who would very much like to see you. She's been helping take care of Lily and Albus with George, Sinistra gave her leave until everything is settled...would you like her to come in now?" He offered to take Lily, but Hermione held her tightly.

"Yes and Jamie, is he here?"

"He is, would you like him as well?" He folded his arms, standing before her like he had so many times when she was a student and while they worked together in Magical Law Enforcement, awaiting a verdict or for her paperwork to be completed.

"Give me a minute with Rose first." He nodded and left. Hermione rocked Lily slightly, she had an immediate need to see Winnie, to compare them, to hold the last vestige of her husband in her arms. As Rose walked in, she motioned her over, patting the bed.

"Will you bring Winnie's cot over, love?" She watched Rose for signs of her grief and could tell immediately that she'd been crying; she'd lost her father, favorite aunt and uncle, and grandparents in one day. "I'm sorry you weren't the first to see her, I guess that was your Uncle George or Severus." Hermione peered over into the cot and her eyes filled again, Winnie had Ron's exact lips, the same peaceful expression of sleep but definitely her curls with his red hair. Next to Lily, they looked almost like twins, varying shades of red hair but still, so similar.

"I don't know what to say to you, poppet. I haven't even been cognizant enough to deal with this myself and suddenly, there are two new babies...did they tell you about the will?"

"Yes, I was there, Mister Severus let me listen so I could be a witness and help. Alby hasn't even talked to me yet but Jamie has, he's upset but I think we are all in shock. There we were after the sorting ceremony and Jamie and I were so excited because we made Gryffindor and then Headmistress Sinistra came and took us to her office. We flooed here and Mister Severus and Uncle George told us." Hermione was surprised at how well her daughter seemed to be handling the situation, but she knew there would be many emotions over the next days, weeks, months, and years.

"Has anyone alerted Grandma and Grandpa?" Suddenly, Rose's eyes met Hermione's.

"Yes, but they're having trouble getting here. Mister Severus didn't want to leave to get them and for a while I guess there was no one who could. So I think Mister Seamus is going later."

"Well, that'll be a relief, especially with these two." Hermione handed Lily to Rose and canceled the charm on Winnie's cot for a moment so she could reach in and take her tiny hand. "I wish she was going home with us, but they said they have to keep her until her lungs are ready." Rose rocked Lily gently as Severus appeared at the door with James and Albus. Hermione smiled at them, she knew it was time to be strong for these children who needed her desperately.

"Come here, boys." Hermione held her arms out and though she was still incredibly sore, she held them tightly to her, putting the spell back on Winnie's cot and smoothing each of their hair, so like Harry's unruly and soft.

"Mister Severus has told you about the will?" She asked as Severus stood awkwardly in the doorway, watching the scene unfold from the outside, feeling like he shouldn't be there.

"Yes, Aunt Hermione, I was at the reading as well." James, who had always been more mischievous than his brother was solemn, leaned his head against her shoulder, looking at his new baby sister in Rose's arms.

"When we leave the hospital, we are going to Grimmauld Place. Your uncles George, Bill, and Percy will come and we'll have to plan things, I'm sure your Uncle Charlie will come but it might take him longer. It will be painful and I will understand if you want to get away, but please don't do anything rash. Our family has already survived so much loss and we will survive this, too, I promise. I only ask that if you feel overwhelmed or angry, talk to me or your uncles, let one of us know...and when you two go back to Hogwarts," she pointed at James and Rose, "you tell Professor Longbottom when you need a break or someone to talk to. He will take care of you, I promise." She pulled them closer, especially Albus as he began to cry. They were so young.

"I love you all and so did your parents, and you know Granny and Poppy would've moved heaven and earth to be here right now. Do you need anything right now? Have you eaten?" Hermione tried to think like Molly, to anticipate their needs like she would, but suddenly she felt overwhelmed and scared. She knew Lily would need feeding soon and would it be wrong to nurse her as she had Rose?

"If you're hungry, I'll walk you to the commissary." Severus offered, clearing his throat. He knew Hermione was about to crack, she'd been incredibly strong for the older kids but it was obvious she needed a break and to tend to the babies. Unfolding his arms, he motioned for the kids to follow him to get dinner and watched as Rose reluctantly placed Lily in Hermione's arms. When the kids walked out, Hermione met his gaze.

"Will you send the healer in with the paperwork, please?" Meekly, she asked, holding Lily tightly against her chest. "And thank you, for everything, I'm forever in your debt, Severus." He closed his eyes slowly, he'd never seen her so hurt.

"I think you'll find I am far more in your debt, Hermione." He turned quickly, leaving her no chance to respond. The healer followed swiftly as though she'd read Hermione's mind.

"These papers are for legal reasons, I apologize for the haste in which this must be done but as there's an investigation into the accident, the aurors who came were concerned about possible kidnapping. I realize how indecent this may seem at this time, but it must be done." Healer Smythe took Lily from Hermione so she could read through the papers. Papers concerning Grimmauld Place and Kreacher, temporary custody orders for James, Albus, and Lily, Gringotts access to accounts for their care, Ron's pension from his time with the Ministry, and lastly the release of their bodies. She signed them all, balking at the amount of money and thinking about her own home, what she would need to take to make things comfortable at Grimmauld Place. Handing the papers back, she took Lily in her arms and watched as the healer made copies for her and placed them on the counter.

"I…" The healer turned. "How have the girls been fed so far?"

"We have a storage of breastmilk for such occasions when a mother wants to nurse but cannot due to medical injury, so they've both had a few feedings. Your Master Snape fed Lily a few hours ago so she should be hungry soon and Winnie is being fed by healers because she's having trouble on her own with a bottle." Hermione nodded, taking in the information but not truly understanding, like most things that day.

"It's just, I feel…" Hermione didn't want to say she felt odd nursing her niece but at the same time, knew she needed nourishment.

"Do you want me to bring more milk?" Hermione looked into Lily's eyes and thought of Ginny, she knew that Ginny would do whatever it took to care for Rose or Winnie, even if it felt like a gray area in the moment.

"No, I just...will my medicine affect her, when I had Rose the wouldn't let me nurse for the first hours because they'd given me pain potion." Healer Smythe nodded, her face softening for the first time in their acquaintance, sensing that Hermione was struggling.

"The medicine we gave you has worn off, do you need me to send an obstetrics healer for nursing consultation?" Hermione smiled at Lily and then thanked the healer before watching her close the door, unbuttoning her gown and trying to remember how she nursed Rose all the years before. It took them both a moment to get situated but she felt her latch and then the familiar tug, forcing her eyes to fill again, it still hadn't really registered that her family was gone, that she was alone with these two babies. Roughly twenty minutes later she heard a knock at the door and saw Healer Weston come in to do a check up.

"We've kept them together in the cot because it always seems to help the smaller ones thrive. I'm going to cast a few spells on your Winnie and when Lily is ready, I'll take her so you can rest." She watched as the healer's wand changed different colors and recorded numbers on a chart near her paperwork. Preparing to switch sides, Hermione brought Lily up to burp and felt her sweet breath on her neck, instantly taking her back to sweet baby Rose, and when she positioned her again, she nursed a little longer but fell asleep, so she handed her off to the healer and reached for Winnie.

"They were born only six hours apart. I know this is an impossible time, Ms. Granger, but these girls are little miracles." Hermione smiled, holding her daughter against her thighs, memorizing her tiny nose and mouth, trying to stop the flow of her tears as she thought about Ron, the first time they'd kissed, when he proposed, how happy he'd been when Rose was born, how he'd held her when they'd lost the two after Rose, his sweet smile in the morning, the pleasure of his embrace...all of it made her weep. How could she hold it together for the children? Her brothers-in-law who'd already lost so much?

She heard the door open again and tried to snap a button, seeing Severus walk in alone.

"They said you fed Lily, thank you." She stated through her tears, wiping them away before they could fall on Winnie, her tiny bundled body still cradled in the butterfly of her legs.

"It was a way to be useful." He sat cautiously in the chair by the cot, looking at Lily, the granddaughter and namesake of a woman he'd once loved so dearly.

"Where are the children?" She asked trembling, her tears still flowing incessantly. As he handed her a handkerchief she held his hand, unafraid and unwilling to let go.

"George and Bill took them to Grimmauld Place, we still have access as a safe house. They're concerned yours might be a target, even if it all pans out to an extremely unfortunate accident, they're being cautious. I will accompany you in the morning." She knew this wasn't comfortable for him, she could feel how tense he was, how desperately he wanted to get away.

"I'm sorry I must lean on you. I'm sorry you have to see me like this, Severus, I'm…"

"Grieving. You are beyond distraught and if I can help, I will. Do not apologize to me again." His tone frightened her, as though she was about to be given detention and he sensed it immediately. "I'm sorry, please don't cry over my ineptitude, Hermione…" She lifted Winnie as she heard tiny grumblings of fuss and showed him her scrunchy face.

"I will shed thousands of tears for a great while to come, I'm sure, but I know that I have to care for these girls and myself, poor Alby. I have no idea what to do with a boy, I've only a girl until now and Alby is far more sensitive than Rose has ever been." The Healer bustled in again as Winnie fussed and wanted to be changed and fed. Hermione realized she needed the loo as well but didn't know how much strength she had to walk. Wiping her eyes with his handkerchief, she watched the Healer change both girls into clean nappies and rebundle them. Lily loosed an arm and touched Winnie, as though to comfort her.

"I've sent Seamus to collect things from your house, things that should be kept safe in case this is more than coincidence. Is there anything in particular you would like?" Hermione turned her eyes from the girls to Severus, taking in his appearance and wondering how he was dealing with everything. He'd known Molly and Arthur since he was but twenty years old, he'd taught all of them, protected Harry for years, and for the first time she noticed him staring at the girls, as though he was remorseful.

"Yes, my beaded bag, it's everything I would ever need, on my nightstand."

"You still have that?" His voice almost quivered, as though he didn't understand why she would feel insecure enough to have her bag from the war still stocked. He remembered vividly when she pulled medicines from her bag to save him, even in the haze of his impending death, he could recall the beaded bag as though he'd seen it everyday of his life.

"Some things you can't leave behind." It was then she realized she was still holding his hand. "Are you alright?" Squeezing his hand, she fought tears again.

"You shouldn't worry about me, you've enough to deal with right now." She dropped his hand as though it burnt her and folded her arms, realizing her gown still wasn't completely buttoned and averted her eyes. She felt like she was under a microscope, that every move she made played out to him in bright bold letters. The paranoia made her skin crawl and brought back moments of terror, Bellatrix LeStrange torturing her at Malfoy Manor, Dobby dying at Shell Cottage, kissing Ron in the Chamber of Secrets. Shivering, she closed her eyes tightly and tried to calm herself down.

"Well I need the loo, could you ask the healer to come back?" Hermione felt her hormones fluctuating, her desire to run from him and shut everyone out far more powerful than any other emotion, so she turned on the bed and put her legs over, waiting for the healer to come. When she finally walked through, Hermione stood on wobbly legs, blood rushing down them as she stepped, making her thankful Severus had stayed outside.

"We've let you sit too long, I'm afraid. Let's have a shower? You'll feel better." Hermione nodded but said nothing as Healer Weston helped her to the toilet, then the shower, washing her hair and running her fingers through it as her Mum had for years when she was a child. In a clean gown and fresh socks, Hermione laid back in bed, clean sheets and one hand in the cot, touching each of the girl's tiny feet.

Hours later, when she was finally asleep, Severus came back to check on her, even in sleep she looked fitful. The healer had obviously helped her to shower because her hair was plaited and she smelled of jasmine. Turning his attention to the girls, he noticed Winnie had freed her tiny hand from the wrap and was touching Lily's face, just as Lily had done earlier. He'd never loved babies, the only one he'd ever been around for any length of time was Draco Malfoy and that had been ages ago. Though he'd helped feed Lily earlier in the day, he didn't quite know how to hold them correctly or keep from feeling as though they were glass. With one last look at Hermione, Severus left the room to the healers and apparated to Grimmauld Place where his usual room was waiting. His sleep was fitful as well and though he knew the next week would be arduous, all he could think of was Hermione's face, how forlorn and desperate she looked until one of the girls was placed in her arms, then he saw some of the old spirit. He thought on it a while longer and then slipped into sweet sleep waking before sunrise and washing quickly so he could escort Hermione home.

*I promise I have not killed the Weasleys/Potters in vain- there is actually a plot line in hooks to achieve from the grief. I apologize in advance for mischaracterization of anyone you recognize- this is simply my idea of what they would be like after the war


	2. Chapter 2

AN: I have updated a few things in Chapter 1. Also, all text with a special heading is from the past; I have indicated about where in the timeline the past text takes place. Thank you for those who have reviewed and followed. Warnings: character deaths

Chapter 2

(When Snape comes to work with Hermione and Seamus)

"Why do we always get these cases?" Hermione heard Seamus complain, throwing a brief in her direction as a bout of nausea hit her, forcing her to stand and run quickly to the loo, leaving Seamus in quite a state. She thought it a cruel twist of fate that even though she'd miscarried, she was still vomiting every morning, and she'd been well into her second trimester still vomiting. The only thing keeping her going was the sweet kisses she received from Rose in the morning before work and then in the evening, from both Ron and Rose.

"Again?" Seamus remarked as she entered the office again.

"They gave me a potion and it helps sometimes but my always, and that's really insensitive of you, you know." Both of their voices stopped though as a knock at the door brought them out of their momentary lapse of time and conversation when Kingsley Shacklebolt, the Minister for Magic, walked through the door with Severus Snape and Hermione was instantly thrown back to the night she saved him, the months that followed, how he'd eventually thrown her out when he had recovered enough. But, with persistence he eventually he allowed her back in, working on NEWTs in his study while she helped him learn to walk, speak, cast spells again after the nerve damage affected his spine. How, in the end, he'd refused to see her after she completed the majority of her NEWTs; how he'd broken her heart and neither had recognized how much they'd come to depend on the other.

"Good morning, I bring you your new partner, I believe you'll remember him." Hermione stood to shake his hand and felt another wave of nausea hit, and without a word she left the room, expecting that Seamus might explain so she didn't have to, but when she returned he looked as surly as ever, as severe as her classes with him and how he'd acted when she told him she was leaving Hogwarts early.

"Sorry, Seamus did you file the continuation papers?" She asked, coming back into the office and finding the office that had sat empty for over a year now with one ex-professor who looked like he'd rather be anywhere else.

"No, Madame, you'll have to waddle on down...sorry." The look she shot him made Seamus shut up immediately.

"Gladly." Walking to the filing system for their current cases, she took the paperwork.

"Would you like to accompany me to the offices we submit paperwork through? I can brief you on our current cases." He simply nodded and stood, but said nothing. Hermione stopped for a moment at their office door and thought he might fall over from annoyance, his face ashen and his hands forced into the pockets of his trousers.

"You don't have to come, I just thought…" she paused, the look on his face shifting to something far worse, "fine." She led him down the corridor, explaining in the simplest terms that they were currently working on a brief that would extend marriage rights to vampires and werewolves, as their citizenship status was still compromised, and then then they would pursue legal rights for the new potion controlling the symptoms of werewolves for six months at a time, thereby making it possible for werewolves to get legal citizenship and equal status.

She felt him staring at the back of her head, his arms now folded across his chest like old times. When they reached the office for filing court motions and briefs, she introduced him to Avery and Erika, the two ladies who handled all the paperwork like true professionals and saw his mood change immediately and her own annoyance grew.

"Our brief is third in line, so we'll present to the small council next week. Seamus will catch you up on the process because I have to be out, umm, two days I think next week. Also, the trolley comes by at ten, one, and three of you're inclined. We typically brew our own tea or coffee in the office and Molly sends breads and sweets with Arthur, he works two floors down."

"Do you often miss work, Ms. Granger?" Of all the first things to say to her, Hermione was shocked that he'd latched onto that particular bit of information.

"No, actually, Master Snape. I've only missed one day of work thus far. And we've successfully changed or introduced twenty cases in our short time with this office." She felt the door handle jiggle under her hand, her magic surging in her odd mood and hormone duplicity.

"Seamus, will you brief Master Snape on the objective and process for Monday? And also, I am the head of this particular department and task force, so if you need anything, do not hesitate to ask." He nodded and looked at them, wondering what had happened on their short walk to the offices only moments away.

"Thanks." She slammed her door, sat her desk and cried. It felt completely wrong to be crying and she hated that she'd lost control in front of him; they'd left each other in what she thought was disarray and seeing him again brought back the hurt she'd felt when he practically refused to see or speak with her.

When the first week ended, the following Wednesday, she returned to work refreshed but still quite emotional. She'd had to have a procedure at St. Mungos to help her uterus heal and felt quite sore. Although they'd given her pain potions, she was still in a great deal of pain, but she tried to endure it and make it through her work. The three days she'd worked with Severus had been tenuous at best and she hated that the job she'd come to love was now the last place she wanted to be. He said nothing to her Wednesday, aside from a snarky comment about her puffy eyes, and she wondered what had happened to the man she spent almost an entire year bringing back to life. He argued with her over research protocols or why she was unable to interview certain people connected to their cases. He didn't know she was on potions that made her nauseated and often lightheaded and therefore interviewing was out of the question until she no longer needed the potions. She agreed to compete all the paperwork if they were willing to do the briefs.

"Do you always shirk your duties or is this simply for my benefit?" He sneered, taking his parchment and quill with him to Seamus' office.

"Seamus and I often collaborate this way, if it is not to your liking I apologize. We play to our strengths and though normally interviewing is one of my strong points, I cannot participate at this particular juncture." She snapped back, angry and frustrated with his inability to be civil.

"Who knew you'd grow into a paper pusher; certainly not the job I thought you'd have this many years out of school." Part of her ties itself tightly in knots waiting for him to admit she had succeeded in many ways was like waiting for Ron to hate quidditch.

"I find great value in my profession, if you do not, why then are you here?" But she didn't wait for his answer, she simply left the office to meet Arthur for lunch.

On Thursday morning, she arrived with bacon and egg sandwiches for everyone and brewed fresh tea, hoping that a peace offering of his favorite breakfast would smooth things but she found him less than pleased and instead of thanking her, he refused to eat and instead made a comment that perhaps she'd been eating too many of the sandwiches herself. Refusing to cry in front of him, she left their office and went to the loo and when she sat down to see, she saw red. She was tired of bleeding, tired of pain and as she cried she heard the door open.

"Granger?" Seamus called out to her.

"What?" She relied through choked tears.

"Everything okay?" But he heard no answer, instead he heard the toilet flush and when she exited, he saw she'd been crying and didn't know how to help her. "Is this about Snape?"

"No," she paused, splashing her face with water, "not entirely." They exited the the loo together and she saw Severus standing right outside but she said nothing, only felt her heart breaking for the continued feelings of loss. She knew she should be thankful for her Rose, but losing another child hit her harder than she ever thought possible.

"Are you really this upset because I won't eat your sandwiches?" Immediately she halted; she couldn't believe his audacity.

"No, you ungrateful swine and I've not been eating too many sandwiches for your information, I was pregnant. I've had a miscarriage and the surgery I had to have on Monday has left me in a great deal of pain, not to mention I was almost at the end of my second trimester. So no, I'm not crying simply because you won't eat the sandwiches I made, which I know you love, I am crying because I've lost a son." Going through her door, she slammed it behind her and tried to calm herself down. A few hours later she heard a light knock on her door and saw Severus, so she opened the door with her wand and waited.

"For the pain." He abruptly handed her a small box of potions. She knew it was a peace offering but she couldn't imagine forgiving him for a long while.

"Thanks." But she felt no relief, only sorrow for having lost another baby, and one who'd been her friend for a short time.

SSHGSSHG

When Hermione opened her eyes the next morning it felt as though she'd been drugged, her mind was still foggy and her body incredibly sore. Her brain was fuzzy, and she had the distinct feeling she'd dreamed about Severus. She felt the numbness of her arm and realized she had been holding onto the cot most of the night, and in a fit of panic she sat up quickly making sure both girls were there. Lily peeped one eye open so Hermione went quickly to the loo, her legs less heavy then and returned to lift Lily from the cot and change her nappy. Tucking her back into her sleeper, Hermione sat with her in the chair, a far better angle for nursing than the bed and tempted the sweet girl to eat. In the moment, she was lost in the sweet sound of her niece enjoying her breakfast, keeping one eye keenly on Hermione. For a moment, Hermione saw James as an infant in Lily's face, though he had darker hair, they had the same eye shape and ears, Harry's for sure but everything else reminded her of Ginny. A soft knock at the door broke the spell and Healer Smythe came through.

"If you are prepared, they are processing discharge now. Winnie will need to remain for a minimum of two weeks but you are welcome to visit as often as you'd like. " Hermione couldn't form words so she just nodded, looking over to Winnie as she slept, so tiny compared to Lily.

"With your forms you will find their birth certificates. Both need to be filed, we just need your signature." Shifting Lily to her shoulder and pulling her gown closed, Hermione looked over Lily's first. Eight pounds and ten ounces, no wonder she looked so much larger than Winnie who was but five pounds and four ounces. Lily Luna Potter and Winifred Ruby Granger-Weasley, born six hours apart. Signing them quickly, Hermione handed them over and just as before Healer Smythe made copies.

"Was my wand brought? I can't believe I haven't thought of it until now." The healer laid out fresh clothes for Hermione and placed her wand next to them. "Oh, thank you." Placing Lily on the cot again, Hermione made sure the door was locked as the healer left, then changed as quickly as she could, though she was incredibly sore. Taking Winnie from the cot, she held her tight, hummed lightly to her the same song her Mum had always sung for her, "Let It Be", then walked around the room a bit, trying not to think of all the things she would need to do for the funerals and to make sure the children were cared for. She heard another soft knock on the door and cancelled her spell. Severus walked through looking rested but still grim.

"Are you ready?" He wasn't impatient or insistent, he seems worried for her.

"One more minute before I have to put her back." Kissing Winnie's sweet cheeks, and running her hand over her soft hair, she cradled her a moment more then placed her back in the cot, taking lily in her arms, tucking her wand safely in her sleeve. Looking around the room, she found everything had been packed nicely by the healers.

"Are the children okay?" She asked as they walked from the room, Healer Weston going in immediately to take Winnie to the maternity ward holding room.

"They're enjoying breakfast with Charlie, he came early this morning. I've convinced him to stay a bit." Her brow furrowed.

"I can't protect you around the clock, you know." She didn't know why it bothered her, to feel somewhat slighted though she should've known it wasn't the case, but still she frowned as they walked to the lift. Charlie was her favorite Weasley aside from Ron and he was the least attached, it did make sense she supposed. Taking them into his arms in the apparition point, Severus held them tightly apparating to the doorstep of Grimmauld Place and letting her go through. A chorus of hellos greeted her as she entered the kitchen. Bill and Fleur had come, their children in tow and Charlie was cleaning dishes at the sink. Rose immediately took Lily so Hermione could eat and though there was certainly a somber mood, Hermione felt at home at the table where she'd shared many meals with her friends and family over the years. She didn't notice Severus slip away and only later did she wonder if the aurors were in fact correct and that there was something more going on than a simple but devastating accident.

Hours later, she climbed the stairs to her room very slowly, realizing that she would eventually have to clear out Harry and Ginny's room, that it would be easier to be in their rooms because the nursery was already prepared next to it, but she just didn't feel comfortable moving their things just yet. Instead, she unpacked a few things from the bag the hospital had sent and found Ron's ring. Putting it on her thumb, she kissed it and then took the clothes Seamus had packed and put them in the armoire. Rose walked through moments later with Lily who was definitely unhappy.

"Thank you for taking care of her, poppet." Rose was almost her height and when she leaned in to take Lily from her arms, she let one settle around Rose's waist. "I love you, Rose."

"I love you, too, Mum." Rose then turned and left the room and although she was fussing, Hermione walked with Lily down the stairs to the nursery so she could use the lounger to rock her- she knew it would support her better than the chair in her room. Rounding the corner of the hallway, she saw Albus and James playing chess in the dining room and smiled at them, hoping their uncles were giving them attention. Turning the doorknob, she walked into the sweet nursery Ginny had prepared for Lily months prior. She remembered when she'd first told her she and Harry were expecting, Hermione had just discovered she was expecting as well, but both were cautious because it had been years of trying. Humming to her lightly, Hermione rocked gently while she nursed, looking in her eyes and sometimes around the room, wondering if she needed to bring the cot for Winnie from her house or if it would be better to put them in the same one. She thought about all the things at her home, pictures, furniture, memories...living there with five children would make no sense, they barely fit when there were three people living there. She wondered if she should sell it or wait for the dust to clear on the investigation into the crash. Thoughts jumped through her mind in an endless cycle, like a revolving door, she couldn't silence them so she hummed more and stared at Lily's face, trying to focus on what she could control in the moment.

After a nappy change and kisses, Hermione left Lily in the nursery with a charm and walked into the kitchen to make a cup of tea and find lunch. Charlie looked up from his own tea and gave her a Weasley smile, it felt glorious to see a bit of Ron in him.

"Bad times, love." He whispered in her ear as she was enveloped in a hug. She wasn't expecting such affection from him, but they had always been closer than she and Ron's other brothers.

"We need to talk." She heard from the doorway where Severus was standing with Bill and Percy, George eventually trailed in as well. She felt immediately empty as Charlie's arms left her, but sat next to him at the kitchen table.

"Although there is still an ongoing investigation, the aurors alerted me an hour ago and revealed compelling evidence that this was a planned event. That being said, the funerals must be orchestrated and kept secret, in fact it should be the people here and no one else," Severus paused, looking directly to Hermione for the first time, "We have moved your parents to a safe house, but they will not be able to come here until the investigation is completed." His words were clipped and devoid of all the emotion he'd displayed the days before, making Hermione's eyes water for a moment. She wanted her mother there, to help with the girls, to express all of the anger and pain she was burying within in herself moment by moment. Wrapping her nails on the table, Hermione felt the sting of indifference and then suddenly, the thought that she might not be able to go to St. Mungos to see Winnie.

"In ten minutes, a Ministry official will be here to speak with Albus, one of you must be present with him because he is a minor."

"I will, unless Hermione, you are their guardian." Hermione scanned over to Percy who had spoken and sensed a hint of jealousy and anger in his tone.

"As long as Lily remains asleep, perhaps more than one of us should present any way, for his comfort. Excuse me." She felt herself leaking, in more than one way and she needed to leave, so she stood quickly and ran for the door, taking the steps quickly and finding the first loo. She had hoped the steady trickle of post-partum blood would've slowed, but it was still a problem and though she couldn't see the milk leaking through her robes, she felt it. Walking back down the stairs to the nursery, she found Lily still sleeping.

"Are you planning on sitting in on the interview?" Hermione heard from the doorway, she jumped in shock and turned quickly, her wand aimed directly at him, though in one swift breath, she immediately dropped her hand.

"I'll be right out, I was just…" She looked over at Lily again, she knew her voice was terse and that he was doing the best he could in the situation. It made her feel helpless to be be overwhelmed in such a way, she'd always been so well put together and now it seemed everything was crumbling around her. She needed him to leave so she could fix her nursing bra, but he seemed to want to escort her. Folding her arms across her chest, she stared him 't these men realize she'd given birth three days before? That she too was healing and trying to function on very little sleep and high anxiety? Trying to breathe evenly, she looked directly in his eyes.

"I'll be right out." She repeated, trying to convey in those words the urgency of him leaving the room, but there he stood and stayed, watching her. "Severus, I need you to walk out, please." Refusing to look away, she watched as his eyebrow rose, Hermione rarely ordered anything from him in seriousness. For a moment, she could see worry in his eyes.

"Please, I need to be alone." With that he turned, slamming the door and waking Lily from her sleep. Hermione grabbed a thin flannel and pulled Lily into her arms, and then walked back to the dining room where Albus, Bill, Charlie, and Severus were waiting. Lily was getting better at latching so she cradled her and let her nurse. Casting a charm for the blanket to stay in place, she sat next to Charlie.

"I'm sorry, Lily needed me." She glanced across to the Ministry employee, a woman who looked about thirty and smiled weakly, then she felt Severus' eyes on her as she spoke. But even as thought about it, it was really she who needed Lily. She'd have to come up with a better plan for the leaking as it was fully apparent her milk had come in completely. A small pinch of Lily's latch made her shift a bit, but she focused on Albus and the Ministry employee who seemed to be shuffling papers back and forth, peering over her crescent-moon glasses, reminding Hermione for a moment of Rita Skeeter.

"Albus Arthur Potter, my name is Sophia Michaels and I work with the Ministry in Magical Law Enforcement but in a very special unit that deals with mysterious events like those that just happened. Do you feel comfortable to talk to me about what you remember?" Hermione finally placed the woman, she'd seen her before in the Wizengamot, and suddenly remembered she was a fierce prosecutor, one who did impeccable research. For a moment, relief washed over her as she looked over to Albus whose eyes were focused solely on the picture behind them, a family picture from three years prior, before Lily was even a thought in his parents minds, before James left for school.

"I don't remember much, because Uncle Ron was teaching me a magic trick with cards and I unbuckled my seat to turn and watch him. I just remember Poppy slamming on the breaks and the wheels screeching, Uncle Ron pulled me close but when the van flipped, I fell out of the window, i remember rolling and hearing the explosion." Albus' voice was soft but Hermione could see that he was struggling to speak at all.

"Did the explosion happen as soon as the vehicles stopped or when you were in the grass?" The woman asked, but Hermione's attention was drawn back to Lily who was ready for burping, so she shifted her for a moment, reaching under the blanket and pulling her sweater tightly enough to pat Lily's back against her shoulder and once she seemed relieved of any discomfort, she repeated the process, switching sides and casting the same spell for privacy. If anyone was uncomfortable by her actions, she didn't notice, only that Lily's tiny coos and drinking sound was obvious when the room was quiet.

"It was when I was in the grass, the lorry exploded but Dad and Mum were able to get out of the van before the flames reached them, Uncle Ron, too, but Poppy and Granny were…" His tiny lip quivered as Hermione reached her hand to hold his, and without a moment's pause, Albus came to stand next to her, his hand in her hair. He'd done this quite often when he was young, he'd always been obsessed with the hair of his female relatives.

"I know this is hard, Albus, but do you remember any other people? Any people with wands or watching the scene?" Charlie smirked, wondering how his nephew could've possibly been paying attention to his surroundings as though he were a trained auror.

"There was a man, in the field across from the road, he kept watching us like...I don't know...he made me feel weird, like he could read my mind." Hermione exchanged a look with Severus, almost prompting him to ask for the memory to look at the man.

"Would you be comfortable if Master Snape was to look in your mind?" Albus looked between the woman and Severus, he'd always like his parents' old Potions Master, he'd played enough chess with him over the years to feel like he could count on him if he needed to. "With your guardian's permission, of course."

"If Alby feels comfortable, I consent." Hermione said plainly, shifting Lily in her arms slightly to relieve some of the pressure on her leg.

"Okay." Was all Albus said, looking at his Aunt before moving to the seat next to Severus and wiping his eyes where tears had formed.

"You must look at me and think of that memory, Albus, but if it hurts, let me know and we will stop." Severus tried to sound as calm as he could, worried at who he would see in Albus Potter's mind. Without saying the words, Severus was in Albus' mind, seeing images of Harry and Ginny, bloodied and bruised, then Ron, whose leg was visibly broken, suddenly there was an image of Arthur and Molly lifeless on the side of the road but Severus couldn't ascertain how they'd been thrown from the van if the front was completely smashed. He delved deeper, looking where Albus did, and seeing in the field someone he hadn't expected at all.

"We can take a break, Albus if your head hurts." Severus broke the connection, he couldn't process what he'd seen and didn't want to make anyone suspicious.

"Yes, I'd like a break, please." Sophia Michaels frowned for a moment and wrote notes in her notebook, then closed her file.

"We'll meet again tomorrow if that is agreeable?" The adults all looked to each other, but as usual, Hermione took charge.

"Tomorrow after lunch, please." With one look to Charlie and Severus, Hermione stood slowly, Lily still nursing as though she would never eat again, then kissed Albus' head and motioned him to come with her.

"Let's go see if Aunt Fleur and Jamie have tea ready, okay?" Her arm around her nephew, she walked with him through to the kitchen, stopping when she saw Rose and James pulling tea cups from the cabinets and their cousins setting tea trays as though they were having a fancy party. Victoire was impossibly beautiful, just as her sister Dominique and brother Louis were. None of them had the bright or auburn Weasley red hair, but Victoire's strawberry blonde hair moved as though a spell was cast on it in perfect, flowing curls. Kissing his cheek, Hermione left him with his cousins and set off to the nursery to change Lily and let her rest again. The door was cracked slightly when she came through and she saw Charlie looking at the small things Ginny had purchased for her daughter.

"How's our girl?" He asked as Hermione cancelled the charm on the blanket and moved Lily to the cot for a moment so she could button her jumper and free her hands.

"She's a healthy eater so far, that's for sure...speaking of, and I feel I can ask you this because you are always completely honest with me, do you find it odd that I am nursing her?" Hermione kept her eyes on Lily, unzipping her romper and changing her nappy, the cold air making her fuss for a moment, her bright eyes filling with tears. As quickly as she could, Hermione disposed of the nappy and bundled her back up, snuggling her tightly against her shoulder then offering her to Charlie.

"No, not at all, Ginny would've wanted her cared for and loved, and you do that so well. I know it's hard for you, not having Winnie here, but you'll be an old pro when she comes." Hermione smiled at him, his ability to make her feel calm and supported had never wavered since she and Ron married. Most everyone in the family knew he was likely to remain unattached, but she'd always hoped he would find someone worthy of his love. Charlie, of all the Weasley men aside from Arthur, was quite possibly the best of men; he was kind and giving, comforting and open. He pulled her into a hug and as though all the emotions she'd held in for a few hours suddenly brewed over like the tea kettle she heard in the kitchen, Hermione began to cry.

"How am I going to do this? Two babies, two at school, and poor Alby? He has to be traumatized. How long can you stay?" Charlie moved to put Lily in her cot and brought Hermione into his arms properly, smoothing her hair as she cried; he felt like Ron for a moment, like it was Ron's arms holding her tight as he had just days before, but he wasn't Ron and suddenly she was filled with guilt. Charlie sensed the shift in her emotions and cupped her face between her hands.

"You are grieving, you need to find comfort where you can. I can stay as long as you need me, okay?" She nodded, reaching up to wipe her eyes she let him hold for longer than she should've, but the mere weight of another's arms around her calmed the anxiety that began to rise each time she remembered Ron had died.

"Am I able to go to St. Mungos? Severus didn't say and I want to see Winnie again." As though spoken name was a spell, Severus appeared at the door, taking in the scene with a sense of dread.

"It might be wise to remain here for the evening, until Aurors have secured floo connections." He voiced, as she pulled away from Charlie and looked between Lily and Severus.

"I realize there is a threat, but I can't just leave her there, alone." Folding her arms, Hermione fought the urge to leave immediately without an escort, just to spite him. She hated the way her hormones and emotions were conflicting making her irrational.

"She isn't alone, Hermione, the healers are taking great care of her and aurors are stationed there in case anyone tries to enter the ward." His tone was calm, she was surprised at how his voice pleaded with her to remain even if he wasn't expressing it in words.

"She's my daughter...she and Rose are all I have of Ron and I want to see her. If I have to take an army of Weasleys with me, I will to see her this evening."

"Hermione, think rationally, one evening will not change her so much that you will be missed." And he'd finally said the words she'd been thinking since he first led her from the courtroom; she was being irrational, she was thinking emotionally instead of practically, but it didn't matter if it was realized, she felt compelled to see Winnie.

"I realize my behavior may seem irrational and maybe I am, but she is my child and she is so small...and my husband is dead, I've lost my best friends…" Severus interrupted her.

"Do you want your daughters and niece and nephews to lose you as well? We have no idea if you are a target or anyone else in the family. Do you want to cause more suffering?" Instead of heading his words, Hermione charged past him, angry that he was right, angry that it didn't matter to him how hurt she was. He could easily take her to the hospital and they would be safe. Stomping up the stairs to her room, Hermione immediately changed out of her robes into her regular clothes and took care of her care for postpartum and sat at her desk. She wanted desperately to talk to Ron, to kiss him, to feel his embrace and know he was actually there with her. Instead, she stewed at her desk in anger, unable to forgive Severus his callous behavior in the moment.

"Hermione, have a care, luv, Alby needs to speak with you." Hermione turned to her door and saw Seamus with Albus at his side. She immediately held her arms out for him and pulled him close as he sat on her lap.

"Did it hurt your mind when Mr. Severus looked?" She asked him, running her fingers through his hair, as one of his hands became tangled in hers.

"No, I'm just worried I did it wrong." Turning his eyes to her, Hermione frowned.

"Why do you say that?"

"He didn't say anything after, like I did something wrong. Have I, Aunt Hermione?" Again as on cue, Severus appeared at her door and for once in a long while, she wanted him to go away.

"You haven't done anything wrong, Alby, I promise. Look, we'll ask him. Mr. Severus, did Alby do anything wrong when you went into his mind to see the wreck?" Severus walked towards them, taking a seat on the chair next to the desk and folding his arms as he normally did.

"You did nothing wrong, Albus. I might have to look again, though, because sometimes when you look at memories, you miss things and I think I missed something. We can do that tomorrow, though, when Ms. Michaels comes back." Albus nodded his tiny head, he was rather smaller than James to be a year apart, and though she would never say it to James, Albus was always nicer and more pleasant than he. She loved them both dearly, but Albus held a special place in her heart.

"Why don't you go make me a list of food in the pantry so I can plan some dinner, okay?" He hugged her tightly and left cautiously from the room, looking back to them a few times before going down the stairs to the pantry off the kitchen.

"You aren't telling anyone what you actually saw?" She asked as soon as she knew Albus was far away. Severus looked to her betraying none of his secrets.

"I want to be sure before I lay blame on anyone."

"So you won't even say who you think it might be?" She folded her arms to mimic him and crossed her legs, though she was still quite sore from labor.

"I would think you would care more to know why they said your husband suffered a head trauma so severe that he became unconscious, yet was walking around after the wreck as though nothing happened to him at all; there isn't enough adrenaline in the world to make someone brain dead walk around after an accident.." Bringing her hand to her mouth, Hermione's eyes filled with tears at the callous nature of his speech, as though all the years they worked together and had become best friends hadn't happened at all.

"How would I possibly know that? And why would you walk all of those stairs, after already putting me in my place once today, and tell me that something else happened to my dead husband after the wreck? I have a thousand hormones rushing around my body and leaky tits, I haven't stopped bleeding and there are two babies who I need to care for but one who I may not see until she's so altered I won't know who she is...and I don't care if that's exaggerating, but it's unfair that my precious niece is bonding with me instead of her mother and her brothers are...What right have you to do this to me?" He leaned forward, a malicious look on his face, and pointed at her as though she'd blown up a cauldron in his class.

"You have to think like the woman I've worked with, not the girl I taught. You are too emotional and you're going to get yourself killed; it will not be on my head that you die, not if I can talk some damn sense into you."

"I am the woman you've worked with, have you no heart at all for my feelings? You have no children, Severus, you don't know this pain and I can't make you understand why I desperately need to be with my child." He grimaced and without another word, he swept out of the room, as though still wearing the billowing robes of her youth. His words did nothing but anger her further and instead of heeding his words, she made up her mind to leave for St. Mungos. Grabbing her beaded bag, she closed her door, walked down the stairs and checked on Lily one more time before going to Rose, who she knew could be trusted with a secret, told her she was going to check on Winnie and then walked out the back door. The crack of apparition registered with no one in the house.

She arrived at the hospital and went inside with no problems, she showed her identification and went to the maternity ward. Aurors were planted around the lift and at the desk, but she showed her identification again and they let her into the room where Winnie was being fed by one of the healers.

"Oh, Ms. Granger, would you like to?" The healer showed her the best angle to hold Winnie as she was fed and then she took her in her arms, so much lighter than Lily but looking so similar she was sure once they were the same size, they would be mistaken for twins quite frequently.

"Oh my sweet Winnie." She whispered smelling her sweet smell, kissing her cheeks. Severus didn't understand the need, no compulsion she felt in having to care for her baby. What good mother wanted to be parted from their baby if it was avoidable?

"Does she seem better? Thriving?" Hermione asked as she finished her tiny bottle.

"No change from this morning, but she's still doing well, so that's always a good sign."Hermione kissed her daughter's sweet cheeks again before laying her on the cot, casting the same spell she'd done previously, and walked out of her room. Even if she only stayed ten or fifteen minutes, Hermione wanted to see Winnie as much as she could. Leaving the ward, she cast a quick glamour and walked to the apparition point, in seconds she was in the backyard of Grimmauld Place. Without pause, she released the glamour and walked into the house, through to the nursery and a sleeping baby, much like the one she'd just left. It looked as though Lily hadn't stirred a bit.

Leaving the nursery, she went to check on Rose, James, and Albus to see what they were doing and found all of the children listening to a story being told by Charlie about dragons in Romania. Sneaking to the kitchen, she found the list Albus had made for her and began making her own list of things that would be easy and hearty for the amount of people who'd be around until the funerals were over. Fleur and Angelina came through for a moment, whispering about something and though Hermione typically stayed out of drama between the Weasley wives, it piqued her interest. This would've been a moment where she would've pulled Ginny aside and asked her for information, but she just sat there, still stewing in her emotions, making lists of food for all the people in and out of the house. For a moment, she felt like she had no allies in the house aside from Charlie and even he was unpredictable. Molly had always joked that he would never marry because that would require him to stick to one wife, but Hermione knew he hadn't married because he didn't want to be the only Weasley in the family attracted to the same sex. He'd kept that to himself for years but let it slip when he saw an ally in Hermione, knowing she loved all the Weasleys for who they were. Regardless of their typical camaraderie, Charlie was still a Weasley and would most likely take his brother's side in any argument, unless it was Percy.

Focusing on her lists, she didn't notice Kreacher suddenly come up beside her. He didn't interrupt her, but waited only circling the table once. He'd calmed over the years since ownership shifted from the Blacks to the Potters and now Grangers. It seemed odd to Hermione that she would own such a massive house.

"Oh, Kreacher, I'm sorry. Is there anything you need?" She finally noticed him head bowed near the kitchen sink.

"Nos, not so much, just reminding yous that Kreacher is a good elf now." She smirked at him, remembering when he'd called her a mudblood for years.

"I will bring your wages to you tomorrow, if that is alright with you? For whatever you'd like to do with it." Kreacher merely shuffled away, taking his dusting flannel with him and climbing the stairs to the attic.

"He may never accept you as his mistress." She heard from her shoulder and without turning Hermione knew Severus' voice implicitly.

"You can stow away any further nasty remarks, Severus, I really haven't the energy." Taking her lists, she walked swiftly passed him to the nursery where she thought she heard Lily stirring, though once she entered the room, she found her still resting and Severus at the door.

"I am not purposely nasty, you just invite mischief, as you always have." She could hear the teasing in his voice but she wasn't ready to forgive him his words and actions. Although she had to admit she knew he was looking out for her best interests, just as when they worked on cases together, he was spiky and curt, she could never quite read his mood and now when things were so chaotic, she wanted normalcy.

"Anything else, professor?" She teased back, only calling him professor when she felt he was being particularly nasty.

"Your family would like to go over the details of the funeral."

"Well then, that makes meal lists and shopping trips seem a waste of time. Lily will wake soon so if we are planning to discuss this, it should be now or after she wakes. I don't rather enjoy nursing in front of an audience." Placing the lists on the end table, she peeked over at Lily again and walked past Severus once more, feeling as though he was almost her shadow. Before she reached the living room, though, she felt a tug at her elbow.

"Before you go in there, you need to know that Uncle Percy has been arguing with Uncle Bill and Uncle Charlie that you aren't fit to care for us. Uncle George called him a prat, as always, but I want you to be our guardian, just so you know." James Potter whispered, looking up and down the hallway and then reaching for her, hugging her tight as though it was just hitting him that his parents were gone.

"Thank you, Jamie, that means more, especially from you, than you could ever know." Her mischievous nephew smiled as only he could and hugged her again before scampering back up the stairs to entertain his brother.

She entered the room and all speaking stopped, they were sitting together as though she was walking to her execution, all brothers on one side of the table and she on the other. It didn't feel like a Weasley welcome at all, and for the first time in her entire acquaintance with them, she felt like a true outsider.

"Any reason for the firing squad?" She asked, folding her arms and sitting, trying not to show the pain she still felt postpartum, easing herself on the seat. Percy was first to act as though it wasn't odd for them to sit just so, moving to her side as though they'd always been close. Certainly, since the war had ended, he'd calmed remarkably his asperations a professional asskisser, but she saw in him a misogynist who wanted to control her actions, his wife's, his sisters-in-law as often as possible.

"The Burrow has been left to Bill and Fleur who have no use of it, George and Angelina have been living above their shop for ages so they will take ownership. As it is, we think the funerals should be there, where our family experienced the best of times, as least for Mum and Dad, we understand if you feel differently about Ron, but…" Percy was immediately interrupted.

"Don't say it like we're giving her no choice, she's family, you twat." George roared, reaching across the table to her. "Look, Snape said it was best the funeral happen in one place, we've had notice from the Headmistress that there are plots reserved for all of the members of the Order of the Phoenix, so that is an alternative. Hogwarts would be a safe place, a place we can all visit, and our children and grandchildren, etc. If something ever happens to the Burrow, Merlin forbid there's a madman on the loose, at least at Hogwarts there are protections." George had taken one of her hands, and suddenly she realized the reason they were treating her so differently was that she'd lost her spouse, but they'd lost their parents a sister and a brother, a brother-in-law. It wasn't that her grief was lessened, but that there's continued to grow, first with Fred and now with the heart of their family, their parents. In each of their faces she could see varying obvious levels of grief and it made her feel guilty for thinking they were trying to lampoon her, when it was quite clear that they had thought out things quite thoroughly, even if they didn't agree, they were trying to save her the grief of another thing, especially since she had just given birth.

"I know I am a Weasley only by association." George squeezed her hand, "You are our sister, Hermione, as much as Ginny is, was, Merlin…we want you to know that what Harry and Ginny decided was their choice and though any of us would be happy to be guardians to their children, we know why they chose you and Ron, I mean, of all of us you were the closest to Harry, what you experienced in the war together, we understand. They trusted you, we trust you. That's the last said on the subject." He was commanding, a shadow of his mother in that moment filling Hermione's heart with such love, she felt her hormones surge, tears forming as she thought about the fact that this was the closest she would ever be to her husband again, his brothers and her children. She would never again feel his hands in hers, the easy way the Weasley men loved their wives because Arthur had shown them that it was perfectly fine to show affection not only to Molly but to them, his sons weren't slighted over old fashioned ideas of fathers being aloof and commandeering only. She didn't know how long the crippling feeling of loss would have hold of her, but as the felt Charlie come to sit to her left, she leaned into him and wiped her eyes. This was true of all of them except Percy, she rarely saw the "Arthur" side of his personality.

"Well, I say Hogwarts." She finally said, they all nodded and even Percy looked somewhat pleased, even though he still believed the Burrow was more suitable. Bringing her hand back and folding her arms, she heard the charm she'd put on Lily's nursery sound, so she excused herself for a moment and walked to the nursery where she found Angelina checking in on her.

"She looks so much like Ginny right now." Angelina said softly, thinking of their quidditch days and how much fun she'd had with Ginny over the years because it was an easy thing for them to bond over.

"I know, I'm still curious about her eyes, they don't look quite as dark as Jamie's but not as green as Alby's, I guess we'll have to wait and see." Hermione bent slightly to scoop Lily up and cradled her a moment. "I feel like I am selfishly taking time with her and we haven't gotten to speak since I came here, I don't want you or Fleur or Audrey to feel you have to treat me as fine China, I promise I'm not that fragile." Hermione held the baby out to her, but Angelina declined, smiling softly while looking Lily over again.

"It's hard to know what to say, in times like these. I do hope Percy hasn't been too bold, he acts like...well, I don't want to be catty so I'll stop, but please, know we are in your corner, always." Resting Lily against her shoulder, Hermione hugged Angelina, it hadn't happened often in their lives as sisters-in-law, but she found that every embrace made her feel marginally better, so she was taking whatever she could get. Angelina walked out soon after as Hermione checked Lily over and tried to concoct the same blanket situation she'd used earlier and hoped Lily wouldn't be too fussy. Walking slowly and gently back to finish funeral arrangements, she saw Seamus at the front door and wondered when he'd arrived, but he was speaking to Severus and an auror she didn't know, so she just continued to the dining room.

"We were thinking tomorrow, if that's not too soon. It's just that the longer they are kept at St. Mungos, the more likely another event might take place." Hermione nodded, shifting slightly with Lily and thought about the meeting with the Wizengamot representative and how Albus would feel burying his parents and then having to speak to her.

"The meeting with Ms. Michaels tomorrow, she wanted to speak with Alby again."

"It will be postponed." She heard from the doorway as Snape and Seamus entered the room, passing through to get tea that she'd smelled brewing.

"Might we make a board for memos with information such as this? So we are all aware of changes in plans?" Percy spoke up and for once Hermione was thankful for his persistence. Snape rolled his eyes and transfigured the tablet Percy had been writing on into a board with the words, etched his his spiky handwriting, 'Albus A. Potter meeting with MLE Michaels rescheduled for Wednesday'. He then swept as he normally did to the kitchen without another word.

"We need to speak with the children about the arrangements. Who will be speaking over the procession?" Hermione asked, feeling incredibly hungry for the first time in hours and not remembering that last time she ate.

"Bill, would you feel comfortable giving remarks?" Charlie asked.

"For Mum and Dad?" He countered, it was then the magnanimity of having a funeral for five people hit Hermione; it felt like all the funerals after the final battle.

"I can speak for Ron and Harry, or maybe we can just all say what we need to say? I don't know how best this needs to be done." Hermione added, feeling her eyes water again, looking under the blanket for a moment at Lily's angelic face, trying to distract herself so she didn't melt into a puddle of emotions again.

"Perhaps then one of gives a general statement and then like a wake, we each share something?" Bill offered, and they all nodded, knowing as the eldest child it would most likely be he who would lead them and he felt surprisingly fine with the idea.

"It's settled then, I will write some things up and Hermione if you don't mind looking over it?"

"Of course." Fleur came through with tea for everyone and then Audrey called out that dinner would be finished soon. Hermione used her wand to spell the transfigured board, 'Dinner after funeral, Weasley favorites'. Standing for a moment and going to the nursery where she'd left the grocery lists, she brought them to the dining room and asked if Seamus could go to the store, she'd send the order he would just need to pick it up. He was off in the crack of apparition and she turned back to the dining room, moving Lily out to burp while she gently walked back across the house, she remembered how scary the house seemed when she came there the first time before fifth year, but now it was happily filled with people and Harry and Ginny had done so much to it to make it a true home. She wondered what it would be like when everyone left and it was just herself, Albus, and Lily, until Winnie came home; the thought made her feel the weight of her ever increasing sadness. Rose, James, and Albus running past her brought her out of her fog, she didn't know how long she stood in the hallway leading to the dining room. Fixing Lily again, she took a seat between Rose and Victoire, who were happily chatting about Neville's herbology classes, and she was able to breathe again. She thought better of the tea once she remembered the caffeine and poor Lily, so she poured some water for herself and picked around at the stew. It smelled delicious but she felt oddly repulsed and eating with one hand wasn't easy, so she decided to wait until Lily was asleep again, and instead watched and listened as her family enjoyed some time together during one of the hardest events they'd been through together. It reminded her of Bill and Fleur's wedding, after he'd been mauled by Fenrir Greyback and how she'd surprised them all and showed her true to devotion to him. Looking around the table she caught Charlie's eye again and tried to smile but felt a slight pinch as Lily began to fall asleep. Buttoning her jumper back up, she used the blanket to wipe her tiny mouth and then kissed her softly, resting her against her shoulder and rubbing circles on her back, gently humming as she did and closing her eyes. When she was completely out, Hermione felt Rose reach for Lily, so she handed her over and finally ate her stew, suddenly feeling her appetite return, as it had earlier.

When all the dishes were sent back and the kids informed about the following day, Hermione took Lily to the nursery and rocked her, wishing Winnie was also with them but also trying to imagine what it would be like to have two babies when one was already exhausting. She placed her in the cot and decided to sleep in her regular room again; the house was eerily quiet as she climbed the stairs. She wanted to go back to St. Mungos to see Winnie but knew chancing it that late was a bad idea, so she sat down at the desk and tried to write her thoughts about Ron and Harry, her first friends at Hogwarts, all they'd been through the years before after Voldemort came back, and how hard it had been to return to regular life because life had never really been normal for them. She struggled putting quill to parchment as the time seemed to tick away increasingly faster and faster each time she came out of a memory. Around one in the morning, she heard the charm on the nursery and she went to retrieve Lily. Taking her in her arms in the quiet of the night, she hummed to her, staring deeply into her eyes as she heard a gentle tapping on the door, not having the blanket to cover, she cast a quick spell to disillusion her bare breast and then opened the door with her wand.

"Why are you still awake?" She asked as Severus came through the door, keeping his eyes planted firmly on her face.

"I've made you a sling, for tomorrow to make it easier with her." He held out the emerald green fabric and walked over to her, watching her face as one arm cradled the baby and the other smoothed what little hair she had.

"Of course it's green."

"It was the only fabric I found free upstairs, if you must know." She leaned forward so he could drape it around her, like a pageant sash, and she gently placed Lily in it, watching as it magically held her in place, allowing her to squirm and get comfortable while holding her securely. Hermione felt her arms instantly feel lighter and she smiled up at him, only then realizing that putting on the sling had cancelled the charm she'd put on to have a little modesty.

"Oh, sorry, but this is wonderful, thank you." She felt her blush, as she averted her eyes back to Lily.

"I've seen a breast before, Granger, yours aren't the first." He rocked back on his heel for a moment and then stepped behind her to look at Lily again.

"Well you have not seen mine before, so don't mind me if I blush." She could feel the heat of his body behind her, leaning into the chair and staring down at the sweet baby's face. Suddenly he put his index finger in Lily's impossibly small hand as she rested it on her tiny stomach; Hermione's breath hitched as she felt him leaning over her. This was the first time she'd really seen him around a baby for more than a few moments. Harry had always been aggressively inclusive with Severus, inviting him to every possible event his family held at Grimmauld Place, but Hermione didn't recall his interest in James or Albus, and Rose was already five when they'd started working together, so it seemed odd to her that he was taking an interest in Lily. Craning her neck slightly, she chanced a look at him and found the most vulnerable expression she'd ever seen on him, his eyes were soft, there was almost a smile on his lips, it made him look younger by many years and certainly less terrifying than he'd always been to her when she was younger. This was a man who could be loved and love easily, or at least he was giving the appearance of it as he held onto Lily's tiny hand. As though sensing her gaze on him, he leaned forward a little more and took an even closer look at her eyes.

"She has incredible eyes." Looking back at Lily, Hermione had to admit the infant was beautiful, far prettier than most babies, and her eyes were remarkable, though still unclear as to what color they'd be, they were like tiny kaleidoscopes, as light hit them, the color shifted.

"I checked on Winnie an hour ago, they gave me this for you; it's charmed to update every few hours." Hermione took the object from his hand and saw her own beautiful child, eyes open and alert, sticking her tongue out for a moment and then looking towards whatever had been filming her, her tiny hand flexing a bit. It caused Hermione to cry immediately.

"Severus…"She couldn't form words as her tears rolled down her face and onto Lily's, she watched as he wiped them away from her tiny face as he let go of her hand. "You've given me two amazing gifts." She finally choked out, keeping the framed picture of Winnie in one hand as she awkwardly tried to wipe her face with her sleeve.

"It's an apology, with you I take for granted far too often how calm and agreeable you are, and when you aren't it is such a shock to my system. It's inexcusable, without you I wouldn't be here at all and I repay you by making you feel terrible for wanting to see your child. You've lost your husband and best friends. I'm sorry, Hermione, truly, I was worried for your safety and I let my temper rule my tongue, it's a habit I'm afraid I cannot break even after years of hurting those who tolerate me." His candor surprised Hermione, he'd been frank with her often but not necessarily about his feelings or apologetic when he was nasty. Typically, when he was especially raw and cruel, he brought her tea and her favorite biscuits or arranged for her favorite curry chips from the chippy a few blocks away from their offices. She wondered what was making him voice his feelings and apology and then the thought struck her, it was Lily. Looking at him again, she saw regret. He'd never been able to repair his relationship with Lily Evans, and her namesake was lying before him with red hair and eyes that might be green some day and she felt the bitter sting of jealousy; it hit her so hard she felt ashamed and confused. She felt her breathing stop and panic hit her, as though she was being choked, so stood carefully but quickly and moved to the dresser where she placed Winnie's framed picture and then took Lily out of the sling, kissing her a few times, trying to make herself breathe as the room felt like it was shrinking, with shaking arms, she placed her in the cot and swiftly charmed her jumper closed and felt an overwhelming need to sit on the floor, so she did, drawing her knees tight to her chest and wrapping her arms around them and burying her face between her knees trying her best to breathe normally. She didn't feel him kneel down in front of her, saying her name. She didn't register him at all until she felt his hands pulling at hers, he kept asking her something but her mind only processed the baritone of his voice and not what he was saying. Feeling the pressure of his arms around her body, she felt herself being lifted and carried, if she had wanted to fight him it would've been impossible, he was incredibly strong. Finally, as he placed her on her on the kitchen counter and even though he was so much taller than her, she felt as close as eye to eye with him as she'd ever been.

"How much did you eat at dinner?" She finally registered his words and heard fear, and the guilt washed over her again. Pushing him away, she tried to slide off the counter but his arms held her in place.

"You are feeding a child and you're still losing blood, Hermione you have to eat more. Stop being so stubborn and let me help you."

"It's ssnot fffoodd, pppanic…"She couldn't form more words; the years after the final battled she had had many panic attacks, but this triggered by something far more sinister in her mind and it was most likely the reason she couldn't let him continue touching her.

"Your blood sugar is dropping rapidly as you sit fighting me, working around potions has afforded me a few healing skills, and diagnostics is one of those skills. Stay there." He grabbed some biscuits from the pantry and poured her some milk, looking for something substantive to make as she munched on the biscuits. It took all her strength not to look at him, not to vomit from her guilt. He held the milk for her, offering it when she finished a biscuit, then helped her down from the counter to a seat in the breakfast nook as he made her an omelette. Every now and then she glanced at him, meticulous in his efforts as he prepared her food, believing her low blood sugar was causing her distress.

"Here, small bites." He cut the omelette into small bites and watched as she ate, each bite looked like a struggle until she'd eaten about half and drank more of the milk.

"Am I going to have to put a charm on you to force you to eat?"

"I wasn't purposely avoiding food, it's been a long few days and I'm still adjusting to having a baby again, and I…"She almost said it- she almost admitted that his kindness towards her, though it vacillated, had led her down a path of emotions she couldn't process and the brevity of the situation forced her to admit she was clinging to comfort wherever she could find it; with Charlie, with George, and with Severus. It was unfair to them and completely unfair to herself because she was simply masking her pain with that comfort.

"And I've been cruel to you, I meant what I said, I apologize, though I still believe you should not go anywhere without an auror…" She interrupted him, "I understand and I appreciate that you've apologized but I must apologize as well, I've been…" But words failed her again, she knew she needed to say she had gotten jealous of an emotion she thought she saw in him when he looked at Lily, and that her guilt when she'd so recently lost her husband made her sick. Before she could find words again, she simply bowed her head and rubbed her eyes, she was tired of crying.

"Come on, finish up your eggs and I'll help you upstairs. I cast the charm on Lily, so you can rest easy and I grabbed this in case you want an update when you wake up." But when she finally looked at him, he finally registered the haunted look on her face, the deep sadness in her eyes that threatened to spill over again. She quickly ate the rest of the omelette, stood and cast a spell to clean the mess, to send the dishes and pan back to their proper place, then took the frame of Winnie in her hand. Guilt washed over her as she thought of his kindness, his behavior was so un-Snape like that it was overwhelming her senses. Contrite and often caustic, Severus Snape had only twice before actually said he was sorry for something, so the offer of biscuits, omelette, and milk after everything else was too much. It was though she was waiting for the true Severus to appear, to rip her raw emotions into shreds and reduce her to the fool she was, so when he offered his arm to help her up the stairs, she stopped and faced him with renewed strength.

"Why are you doing all of this?" Her voice was one she didn't recognize, coming from depths she only knew when they'd been hunting horcruxes.

"What do you mean?"

"Apologizing, making me eggs, making the family meet and discuss details, providing a security team of aurors around my tiny baby, making sure Sinistra allows us the funeral because I know George didn't swing that on his own, the sling, this beautiful gift of seeing my girl when I cannot actually be there...so I ask again, why are you doing this? Did you lose a bet to Arthur some years ago? Why?" She saw his face form into steel, as though he'd thrown up barriers again and she almost chided herself until he offered his arm again.

"Are we not friends?" He asked and she nodded. "These people were important to me, too, it's not about you all the time, Granger." She felt the sting of that blow immediately and wanted nothing more than to disappear. Diverting her eyes to Winnie's frame, she saw it update and looked down at her daughter, the wisps of red curls framing her face. She had far more hair than Rose had at birth and she could tell Winnie was going to have the same pert nose that Rose had, the Granger nose.

"I would never gamble the care of someone's family nor friends...is that what you think of me, truly?"

"I wasn't asking to wound your pride, Severus, I asked because I keep waiting for you to tell me to get over myself, to stop crying, to stop worrying. You seem to appear at every moment when I do something completely stupid or embarrassing, when I'm leaking or bleeding like a stuck pig. I am waiting for you to be disgusted with me." The last words were whispered and her earlier guilt returned, why did she care so much what her colleague thought. He wasn't her boss, he wasn't her professor. But his opinions had come to matter to her and she didn't want to be the snivelling mess she'd become in her grief.

"Let's get you to bed, you're obviously losing it for real, Granger." His voice was light but she could tell she'd struck a nerve in him, so she grabbed the banister and walked on her own to her room, climbing all the flights of stairs regretting every word and every moment of what had occurred between them in the wee hours of the day she would bury her husband, best friends, and surrogate parents. She didn't know if he watched her walk the stairs or if he followed her because his steps were always so light; she simply walked into the loo and changed the massive pads St. Mungos had given her, ingested the potions and hoped the physical pain would soon ebb. She could barely recall Winnie's birth, but she certainly felt it when she shifted her body or tried to use the loo, rubbing her eyes she tried not to think of everything that needed to get done, so crawled into bed. Her pulse was still racing but with one final look at Winnie, she finally fell asleep tears still falling down her cheeks and onto her pillow. She yearned to have Ron's arms around her, to make her feel something besides guilt and shame, for him to be alive and not lost to her forever.

Hours later, when he was sure she was asleep, he moved across her room and put out an anti-anxiety potion to make the day easier. When he turned to watch her sleeping, he heard her tiny, consistent breaths and wondered if she was dreaming. Taking a peek into her mind, he found her between her conscious and unconscious mind, the beginnings of a dream scenario taking form and thought he hadn't expected it at all, he saw himself feature heavily in her dream. It was odd but not unwelcome; so before he left the room, he stole one last glance at her and saw for the first time, at the top of her chest had some odd marking he'd never seen before and assumed they were from her time hunting horcruxes.

SSHGSSHG

(After working with Snape for a year in MLE)

Hermione arrived in the infirmary after the attempt to stop Sirius' death, her body flayed and broken but she was unconsciously unaware of the pain. As Madame Pomfrey twittered around the room, trying her best to aid everyone in discomfort, she called on Processor Flitwick to help with healing charms as the students with minor injuries were fixed and sent back to their doemistoriez. When she came to Hermione, she recited a charm over and over until the bleeding stopped, but she desperately needed Professor Snape to aid her with restorative potions to stop the bleeding and replenish the blood she'd lost. But he was detained by Voldemort, most likely helping the Death Eaters. By the time she was able to get Hermione healed, too much time had passed and Hermione's wounds too deep, leaving jagged scars across her torso, stretching from her breastbone to her pelvis and around her body like a vice. It looked like lightning in the ski. When Severus finally returned the next day, Hermione had been discharged with healing cream and then went home to her parents under strict a orders to apply the restorative healing cream three time day. All would have been healed had she not been crucio'd by Bellatrix LeStrange two years later at Malfoy Manor. As quickly as the image of the Department of Mysteries dictated her dream, she felt the torture of Bellatrix's wand, her knife, delving deeper and deeper into her arm.

In her sleep, Hermione whimpered, her body covered in sweat, her skin screaming for relief and when she woke, she looked to the word on her arm; it was bleeding again. There was rest for the weary however, so she got ready for work and found Severus and Seamus working on the Tartaglia case, neither looked to her as she entered, so she slipped into her office and blotted the jagged letters on her arm. Finally an hour later when she been sitting and working on the final brief for their vampire case, representing a Strogoi from Romania, Hermione felt the pressure of the air in her room shift so she looked up and saw Severus with a tray of biscuits and hot tea.

"Trying to tame the Beast?" She asked, noting that he set the tray down before actually looking at her.

"You seemed distressed; just extending the kindness you've shown me." Hermione snickered then took a biscuit; ginger and orange, her favorite and then sized up her colleague. They been working together for eight months already and she counted him as more than just her partner in the firm, they'd become friends over that time. Yet, as she thought of her dream, remembering the healing of the curse inflicted upon her, and how the only person who'd ever really seen the worst of it, Ron, hated the way it made her look.

"Thank you for the healing potions you made after the incident at the Department of Mysteries." She nibbled a biscuit and sipped the Darjeeling tea he brought her when he thought she was having a bad day.

"That's a bit random."

"I've been having nightmares." Staring at him over the rim of her cup, she saw him shift a few times then fold his hands across his lap.

"I hadn't realized you'd been injured."

"Madame Pomfrey sent me home immediately because she needed someone to help me with the creams, some areas affected were of an intimate nature. I just wish they hadn't reopened when I was at Malfoy Manor." He was sure he'd misheard her; how could a small hex have caused so much danger?

"Well, biscuits and your favorite tea should help." It was clearly out of friendship, even though it was budding and new. That had convinced him to bring her tea.

"Thank you, Severus. "

"I should be thanking you, Granger." Mouth full of biscuit, Hermione couldn't ask why, she simply shook her head and waved him off. Finally able to speak, she sipped her tea and contemplated his meaning.

"Because I bring you bacon and egg sandwiches?" He deftly picked up a biscuit and dipped it on his tea, careful not to splash.

"I think you know better than that." He saw the wheels turning in her brain, the way she nibbled her lip when she was upset, contemplative, or worried, and knew she was confused. Her confusion and worry emanated like a poisonous has, threatening to force him to do something he'd regret.

"I'll leave you to your missives." And he was gone, but after that she was sure he regarded her as a true friend and in his small way, though it seemed to be taking months, he was recreating the easy friendship they'd had after the war before he'd snapped. Steeling herself against him would be difficult again and letting him in seemed impossible. Severus Snape was an enigma, one that forced her mind down so many avenues that she got lost in thoughts of him, thoughts of how difficult his life had been or how empty he might feel knowing that emerge entire wizarding world knew his life story.

Hours later when they all walked to the lifts to head home, Hermione saw her daughter running towards her with Arthur.

"Rose!"

"Mummy! I taught Poppy to use the microwave today and beat him in cheese twice." Rose jumped into her arms, all dark red hair and soft curls, her massive blue eyes filled with wonder and excitement.

"She's a genius, that one." Arthur took her small hand and kissed it. "One for Poppy?" Rose reached over and kissed Arthur's cheek and then leaning from her mother's arms, hugged Arthur tightly around his neck.

"Is Poppy letting you win?" Hermione asked, kissing Rose's checks and sniffly her tightly.

"She's far surpassed my abilities and her father's, we'all have to find her a worthy opponent." Mindlessly she turned to Severus, but she knew how he felt about children after multiple conversations with Harry about Severus' refusal to attend anything he invited him to.

"Mister Sebrus, do you play chess?" Rose batted her eyelashes towards him and waited. In fact they all waited, what would he say to this sweet girl?

"I do, in fact. Perhaps sometime your Granny or father can bring you and we can see how you fair against a master." She squealed with delight, clasping her arms around Hermione's neck as they all entered the lift. He apparently needed to go a floor further, so as the lift door shut, she whispered, "thank you", to him and waved him off. It finally felt like the Severus she knew after the war, one who enjoyed her company, one who would make sure his terse words were followed by something marginally kind, where biscuits came freely but so did acerbic comments, and in the end he gained just as much as he gave, finding his place in the world. When she arrived home that night, Ron was still at the shop so she made meatloaf and crispy baked potatoes, hoping the following day would give her the same Severus she'd seen by the afternoon. It had, she found, been the door that opened their world, their friendship grew from that day, from tea and biscuits, from more understanding about her afflictions, and his gentle acceptance of her daughter's affections.


	3. Chapter 3

This chapter handles the funerals (they are immediate due to the worry surrounding a possible attack). Thanks to everyone who has reviewed or followed. This was a tough chapter to write, there are more things happening in the past in this one to illustrate how difficult the situation is for HG and also the duality of her marriage to Ron/relationship with SS. Thanks for reading! Warnings: mentions character deaths and mentions of miscarriage.

Chapter 3- The Funerals

(After working with Snape for two years)

He could see she was visibly distressed and wanted to ask her what was bothering her, but he couldn't, he saw her husband come to her side and shuffle her away but he could still see that she was upset. Sometimes it was too much to work so close to her and not be able to express himself, to tell her that she had grown into a lovely woman, headstrong and capable everything he'd misjudged her for when she'd left Hogwarts to go to university and then to come work at the Ministry had been reversed, but of course he wouldn't admit that to her unless hardpressed to. As she came back into the ballroom, he could see she'd been crying, he could feel the pull at his navel, like a portkey, to go to her and try and help her, but he fought the urge and stayed in his place. When he found her alone an hour later, he handed her a fluted glass filled with sparkly champagne and orange juice, a mimosa he was told, and waited for her to talk.

"Do you ever just want to go away?" She whispered, taking sips of her drink and trying not to think about how she'd fought with Ron several times over the previous week, well months really, though they'd been small fights at first.

"Sometimes, but I find that distance does little to assuage the problem which makes you want to leave." He looked anywhere but her face, knowing that seeing tears in her eyes would make him say or do things that he knew were inappropriate.

"True, you're right, it's just, I'm...I'm tired." Her hand came to rest on his forearm, the chill of her hand reached him through the layers of wool and it forced him to look at her.

"What has you so troubled, Granger?" He led her from the ballroom to the balcony overlooking the small fountain below and waited for her to talk, but she seemed lost and though he didn't draw into her mind, he could see that she was far more upset than he had originally perceived.

"I've asked Ron to quit his job. It just doesn't make sense for both of us to be employed in somewhat demanding positions that require so much time,and he is making this so much harder than it has to be...basically telling me that my job isn't valid and all the work I've done has been for nothing. Can you believe that? I had no idea that I was married to such a neanderthal." Though he wanted to agree, though he wanted to add that he didn't understand what attracted her to him at all, he didn't. Instead, he sighed and watched the water cascade from the fountain, wishing he could pull her into his arms and tell her she was the brightest, strongest, witch he knew.

"I know, I shouldn't complain about him to you, but I don't know who to talk to anymore. Ginny has a new baby and Luna is traveling with Rolf in Taiwan. I'm sorry." Momentarily he was struck by the sadness in her voice, he hadn't heard her like this since the miscarriage and he certainly didn't want to handle this like he had handled her after such a loss.

"You know whose side I will take, so don't expect impartiality on my part." She turned towards him, wiping her eyes free of tears and trying not to smear the makeup Ginny had done for her hours before. "Your feelings are valid." He added, but that seemed to only make things worse.

"I know they are, but he doesn't. He thinks it's his job to be a provider like this is the 1800s and he cannot fathom his wife having a job more prestigious than his, even if he will be helping his brother run the family business. I just cannot worry about him all the time and our daughter shouldn't have to grow up with a father who cares more about the adrenaline of his job than her." He heard her huff and then, out of nowhere she downed the rest of the mimosa and walked to the doorway where a tall table stood, collecting empty glasses.

"You know he cares for her."

"Of course he does, but it's not fair to me to ask me to quit when my job isn't nearly as dangerous and I make far more money." He could hear what she wasn't saying, that she wasn't made to stay home and take care of a toddler.

"What are you really upset about because it seems that the rational part of your brain has left and has been replaced with a raging harpy." Instead of becoming angrier, which he expected from her, he watched as Hermione's face fell, her tears forming again and he felt it, all of her sadness, as though she was re-feeling every bad moment from her life.

"It isn't fair that I've worked so hard and went back to school, that I did everything right and he had things handed to him. I told you I'd have to prove myself for the rest of my life and I was right." Severus turned to her, looking fully at her face, into her eyes and saw the same determination he'd seen many times, except he also saw and felt her annoyance and fear.

"And if your sons had lived?" Her eyes closed and he watched her tremble.

"Sometimes you push me too far, Severus." When she opened her eyes, he was sure he would be dead if her eyes could've controlled her magic.

"I only want to help you, as always."

"Help me? I need a friend right now not another person who passes judgement. I don't need anyone else to tell me I spend too much time at work or I should be a better mother or that my body is…" She stopped, not wanting to reveal how terrible she felt about herself most of the time. "I thought you, of all people, would at least agree that wasting my brain is not an option."

"You are a mother, your daughter depends on you. Be angry with Weasley, but never neglect your child for your job." He spat back, losing his patience with her diatribe and self-pity. His thoughts traveled back to his own mother, who'd sacrificed much to please her husband and fell prey to his whims, neglecting Severus for the majority of his life. He wouldn't wish that feeling on anyone and especially not Rose, who he had to admit was a rarity amongst children.

"I have never neglected my daughter, you ass. You're just like him, like all of them, I swear. I used to be able to talk to you, but now I feel like you judge me far more harshly than you used to, why is that?" Pinching his arm so he didn't lash out or tell her the things he wasn't allowed to say, he simply bowed his head.

"I only want you to see that this isn't the end of the world, that you will work it all out because Weasley loves you and he wouldn't hurt you."He watched as her face contorted, as she looked down at her body as if to see through her clothing and he could sense her remorse and the same painful self-hatred he never thought he'd see in her.

"Yes, he would and he has; you have no idea...I love him, but sometimes I wonder what it is he loves about me because I certainly don't understand it right now." He felt it again, the need to hold her tightly. The need to take her far away from the Ministry gala and show her what it meant to be loved, but he knew he couldn't. Suddenly, there was a powerful surge of anger he could barely describe at the thought that Ron had hurt her. He wanted to know exactly how he'd hurt the beautiful woman before him, so vivacious and giving of herself; how could anyone hurt her?

"I guarantee if you asked him right now, he could give you a multitude of reasons." He tried to sound impartial, he tried to ease her mind but it was taking every ounce of his strength not to march into the ballroom and hex the redhead.

"I guess you're right, I am being foolish. I'm not a child anymore and complaining to you about our fight solves nothing." The wind picked up a bit as she turned and leaned against the edge of the bannister, arms folded across her chest and tears steadily falling.

"If he hurts you again, I'll bury him so deep in the Forbidden forest even the spiders won't find him." He tried to sound jovial, as her friend pretending to be protective when he really did what to get rid of Weasley everyday.

"He hates spiders, maybe you could offer him up in exchange for their venom." They both laughed a bit and then Hermione turned morose again, thinking back to collecting potions ingredients with him as he worked on recovery, how she'd done everything asked of her even if it was a bit frightening, even if she questioned whether Severus was sane some days. All of the memories hit her quickly, the alcohol fueling her nostalgia, so before she left the balcony, she turned and held his forearm again.

"Someday you'll have to tell me why you threw me out, I feel my life might've taken a different path if you'd let me remain your friend." And then she was gone, she didn't wait for his response; he stood and watched her leave, regret and guilt boiling over as it always seemed to with her. The great loves of his life ruled him in agony, toying with his emotions as though it was the only way he knew to love someone. He wished he'd never sent her away; he wished the night they'd collected edelweiss that he'd kissed her as they stood under the full moon, her hair wild and untamable, like her spirit. He would never forget how her eyes pleaded with his to kiss her, nor the words he said the next day wrenching her from his life slowly each day until she was gone.

SSHGSSHGSSHG

They used a portkey to get to Hogwarts, aside from Hermione who apparated with Severus so she could carry Lily safely. They were at the gates faster than she expected and walked together to the graveyard Hermione had never noticed while she was a student. Severus had explained that aside from Dumbledore's tomb, unless someone was directly related to or had a relationship with someone buried in the graveyard, it wouldn't be visible to them. Although it took then a while to walk to it, it gave them all a quiet reflection time under the protection of the castle's spells and the aurors. She curved her arm through Severus' so she didn't fall as they walked.

The administrators of St. Mungos had brought the bodies of their loved ones to Hogwarts so when Hermione finally saw them all in their caskets, she was devastated; even though she'd tried to mentally prepare herself for this moment, she couldn't have prepared herself for the immediate tidal wave of pain she felt. Letting go of Severus and putting an arm around Rose's shoulders, they walked together to the graveyard for all the fallen and Hermione tried to think of something positive to keep herself from crying, a memory or a moment with her best friends and family, anything to stop the breathtaking agony brewing inside her.

Before anyone spoke, several aurors cast additional spells around them to protect the proceedings and it occurred to Hermione how surprisingly good the Ministry had been to them since the war. She knew it had a lot to do with Kingsley Shacklebolt being Minister for Magic and Ron and Harry both having been aurors, but still, she wished she could express how much she appreciated all the effort they'd gone to for the Weasley and Potter families. Immediately, it reminded her of the combined wedding she'd had with Ginny and Harry; how Molly had been so angry because none of them wanted anything spectacular, just to go to the Ministry and have it done and then have a nice dinner. She and Ginny didn't even wear white, they both wore the same gorgeous violet robes and their husbands wore dress robes similar to the one Harry had worn for the Yule Ball all those years before. Pulling the beaded bag from her side, she searched for the picture of all four of them, happy and in love, standing before the doors of the Ministry, married for mere minutes. They waved to her, those young people who had no idea what life would bring them after already surviving so much. She focused first on Harry and Ginny; she felt so much the sting of Harry's life being taken by some crazed person, perhaps connected to former Death eaters or perhaps it wasn't related at all, just some elaborate act of desperation for attention, regardless she knew he'd deserved for everything he'd been through. In their thirteen year marriage, Hermione had seen them bicker but never truly fight, she'd witnessed how Harry learned to be a father, to open his heart to the possibility of loving without fear because he'd lost so much. And Ginny, how she'd been strong enough for both of them when Harry felt he failed at being a father, particularly with James. People had expected all of them to move on with their lives as though they hadn't experienced true terror, and though having James made things remarkably better in the Potter household, Harry had often voiced to her how inept he felt as a father.

Her eyes moved to she and Ron and how carefree they looked, both anxious about the party and that night, though it was hard to see unless you really looked for it in their faces. They'd certainly done their exploring, but Ron had wanted to wait until they were married to make love with her, defending himself by saying that he wanted to be fully hers before they took that step, and also joked about the virility of Weasley men; neither wanted a surprise baby before they were settled in careers. Closing her eyes, she recalled how much she'd wanted him that night, how he'd taken her hand and led her to their room in the sweet bed and breakfast on the coast of Ireland. For years her crush on him had been boiling under her skin, her jealousy over Lavender Brown, her anger when he'd left when they were in the Forest of Dean, and ultimately when he admitted his feelings after the Final Battle, kissing her in the Chamber of Secrets with passion she'd seen in him only connected to quidditch. On the first night of their honeymoon, though some bits had been awkward because they were both nervous, she felt all the years she'd loved him complete, in his arms she felt beautiful and desired, safe and worshipped, at least until they turned the lights on. They hadn't slept a wink that night, both thrilled to finally be together, to finally be free, and though some the nights in the years that followed were sometimes fraught with bitter misunderstanding or miscommunication, she could always remember their first night, and know that they would triumph over any argument because they were both devoted to each other, even when things were tough or she felt ignored, there was something about Ron that signaled home, even when she had doubts or let her guilt take over her life. Opening her eyes, she looked at his face, tracing it with one of her fingers and showed Rose, who laughed a bit seeing her parents and aunt and uncle so young and silly.

SSHGSSHGSSHG

(When Hermione discovered she was pregnant with Rose)

For weeks Hermione had been feeling off, it was enough to make her question whether she'd eaten something rotten or if she'd caught the bug that was going around the office. Eventually, she forced herself to go to a healer and when she was told she was expecting, she was visibly shaken. She'd just started a job at the Ministry with the magical creatures department and didn't know how to even process having to give up the job when it became too dangerous for her to be involved in certain cases. But pervading all those thoughts was telling Ron and wondering how it had happened. They used potions and spells, they were always careful, and for a moment, she couldn't decide if she was happy about the news.

Hours later when she apparated to Grimmauld Place and walked through the doors to the kitchen, she saw Ginny sitting with Harry and Ron, all three turned to her as she dissolved into tears.

"What has happened, love?" Ron held her tightly, looking over to Harry and Ginny, confused.

"I've been to the healer...we're expecting." Ginny immediately squealed and ran over to Hermione.

"Did they say how far along?" Ginny asked, knowing that she was also pregnant and hadn't told anyone yet.

"Twelve weeks, I don't understand how I didn't know."

"Well I'm eight weeks, so we'll be going through this together. Mum is going to die." Hermione wiped her eyes and looked between the three of them again, confused and emotional, she tried to look pleased but knew she was failing.

"Are you alright?" Harry asked, holding her hand across the table and trying his best to get a read on her.

"Yes, just shocked...I just thought I was sick, but it makes more sense now." Finally, she concentrated on Ron who looked pleased beyond measure, and decided she would be happy because even if their child wasn't planned, she'd thought they might never get to have any at all and a surprise baby was a sweet gift.

"It was Pisa." She whispered in his ear, causing them both to giggle thinking about their short trip to Italy and she recalled quite clearly they'd been too intoxicated to cast the charm. Finally feeling the weight of the news lift for a moment, her tears flowed just as hard but she felt happy; happier than she'd ever been.

"Our children are going to be so close. Should we tell Mum and Dad together, like our wedding?" Hermione hugged Ginny tightly, wiping her eyes quickly and nodding; it would be a glorious surprise for her parents-in-law.

Arthur and Molly were as shocked as Hermione had been, but overjoyed and as though these two babies were there first grandchildren, Molly began immediately planning and knitting, offering herself as a babysitter whenever she was needed. It all overwhelmed Hermione who was still having difficulty imagining being a mother at all, little alone imagining the child as a real human being. Months later when Charlie came home for a brief vacation, Hermione felt like she could finally express all her fears and misgivings about what kind of mother she would be and if she should stop working. Although he told her that she would be a terrific mother, it did little to calm her mind. The next months were fraught with doubt until Charlotte Rose was born, bright red hair and puffy red cheeks; Hermione had fallen in love instantly and although she was still terrified, she loved her little girl so much, that feeling pervaded all others.

SSHGSSHGSSHG

"Why did you all get married on the same day?" Rose asked, having never really been curious about it before.

"We didn't want Granny forcing us into a big wedding, so we told them the morning of, got dressed and went to the Ministry. She probably never forgave me and your Uncle Harry for that."

"Is that why Jamie and I have birthdays so close?" Hermione smiled for a moment, thinking about how clever her daughter was just when she believed her to be more like Ron.

"No, that was purely coincidental, as is the coincidence of Lily and Winnie's births, but it certainly made it easier." Rose looked forward for a moment, then turned to Hermione again.

"Did you want another baby after me? I mean, before Winnie?" Hermione's face fell, she knew someday she'd have to tell Rose about the brothers she almost had, but wasn't counting on it being the day they buried Ron.

"We tried, sweetie and desperately wanted you to have a sibling, but we lost two, boys, and thought it would never happen. But, then Winnie came and I hoped it wouldn't be too late for you."

"I'll love her, I'm sure. I'm just sad she won't have Dad to make her pancakes or sing her silly songs." Hermione didn't quite know how to respond, so she put her arm around Rose. She tightened her grip on Rose's shoulder and pulled her closer, desperately seeking the warmth of her body and pressure of another human being.

Bill began to speak and though she tried to clear her mind, she kept replaying moments of her and Ron's life together; when Rose was born, how he'd carried her around the ward as though she was the triwizard cup, how proud he'd been to have a child with Hermione. She remembered when they'd finally moved out of Grimmauld Place and bought the townhouse. At first they'd lived with Harry and Ginny out of security; though they'd all been given Orders of Merlin and a healthy pension for services rendered, that year on the hunt for horcruxes had made them leery of being alone. The semester Hermione had gone back to Hogwarts to continue her NEWTS lessons had been the best and worst of her life; she missed her friends and though she had Ginny and Luna, they weren't Ron and Harry. Instead, she spent most of her time with Severus as he convalesced after the battle, taking time to relearn to walk, talk, and use magic after the venom from Nagini had paralyzed his body. She hadn't seen him much after her graduation and subsequent job at the Ministry in Magical Law Enforcement, until he showed up a few years later as a new member in her department. Looking over to him as they sat and listened to Bill's words, Hermione wondered if he remembered all the time she'd spent with him in the infirmary, taking care of him was as close as she could get to being with Harry and Ron again. He hadn't judged her for going back to school, at least not at first, and the time she spent using her brain, asking questions they pondered together, it was a time of glory. Shuddering, she felt a cool breeze go through her and she finally put the picture down, and tried to concentrate on Bill's words but Lily stirred, so she took her from the sling and held her against her shoulder, rubbing her back and kissing her soft hand.

"Do you want me to take her?" Rose asked, holding her arms out and though Hermione was reluctant to hand her over, she could see Rose needed the comfort. In what seemed like perfect timing, Charlie sat down after saying some words and motioned for Hermione to stand. She took off the sling and walked to stand beside the podium, thankful to have something to lean on and took a deep breath.

"I never thought I'd be back at Hogwarts so soon and certainly not for this purpose. But, here we are, all mourning our loved ones who we can never replace, even if we desperately wish we could. I don't want to be morose or melancholy because it's not what Ron would've wanted and since I so clearly followed all of Ron's missives, " she paused laughing at herself, they all knew she rarely followed anything Ron told her to do, "I thought to share a story about Ron, my giving, honest, hardworking husband of almost fourteen years. We were in the townhouse the first night and neither of us had considered the electricity, somehow living at Grimmauld Place had made me far less muggle than witch, so when we were trying to cook dinner, we forgot that the electricity had to be turned on for the range to work, and we could've used magic but we didn't think about that either, so we kept waiting for the water to boil for the noodles and nothing, the water just sat in the pot, and I finally went to the panel and remembered we needed to turn on the main breakers...anyway, when I returned to the kitchen, a spell he'd used worked so well the noodles exploded, we found noodle bits for weeks after that, and I can't remember him ever making spaghetti again." Folding her arms, she looked over to Rose who was gently rocking Lily, and she saw so much of him in her expression; his blue eyes, his red hair, his cheek bones, his amazing, stubborn love.

"Rose, your father told me the day you were born that you were simply the greatest thing either of us had ever done. You were worth more than medals, fame, money, he would've done anything for you, and he did. When being an auror took him away from you too often, he quit and started working with your Uncle George. Making you smile was his greatest wish every single day and I hope that when you think of him, you never wonder how much he loved you because it was clear in every action, every story he read to you, every time he let you beat him in chess, every quidditch match with your cousins; I hope, poppet, that you never doubt for one second he would've cheered you on in any adventure of your life. And now I must ask that you continue that tradition, because you are so like your father. When Winnie and Lily need you, when they want a story or to play a game, I hope you will think of your father and how selflessly he would drop what he was doing to be with you because you are so like him, so giving and loving, and mischievous." Taking another breath she looked at her nephews.

"Jamie and Alby, there are so many stories I could tell you about your parents, so many times they made me laugh or cry, that we'd been through so much together, but I will let your uncles do that, instead I just want to say that I will never replace them, I will never be able to give you exactly what they would have because your mother was a fierce warrior, having six brothers taught her unimaginable strength, which I know you've seen, and your father, his life was hard, indescribably sad at times, but he was optimistic to the last, he wouldn't want either of you to mourn him but to take that optimism and conquer the world. Jamie, you are so like him whether you'll admit it to yourself- danger seems to find you just as it did him, and like him you are strong and brave. And Alby, like your mother, you've learned a good hex or ten, and your ambition will take you places you cannot even imagine now. This moment feels unbearable, as though we will never move on from the hurt of having lost these beautiful souls in such a way, but I promise to love you for the lot of them." Finally the tears came, she'd been strong for long enough so she stepped towards Ron's casket and placed the picture from their wedding day in his cloak pocket and the words she'd written the night before, words she couldn't have said in front of their family, she whispered to him before kissing his lips one last time. She would never regret marrying Ron, the ways her life had been altered because she'd run to him after her graduation from Oxford and thrown herself into a life with him. She would never regret the pain they'd caused each other throughout the years because from each ounce of pain she had far more of love, even if she didn't always understand why. Wiping her eyes she returned to her seat and tried to pull herself together.

Several family members spoke, but Hermione was lost in thought, she couldn't believe she would never see them again, that when she returned to Grimmauld Place, she would have another day or so of company and then they'd be gone; it would be Alby, Lily, and her. She wondered if Severus and Seamus would check on her or if any of the Weasleys would be around because it suddenly felt quite lonely.

"I'll take her back, darling." Lily fussed a bit in Rose's arms, so Hermione reached for her, putting the sling back on and walking off for a moment to position them better. It was truly an ingenious transfiguration and charm that Severus had done; it seemed as though he'd read her mind, felt her discomfort and made the perfect object for her to tackle motherhood again. Standing and looking towards the Black Lake, she wondered if Winnie was alright, if she was safe; she wanted desperately to see her and hold her, she hated being a bit resentful of Lily, and the guilt again of all the disparaging thoughts rattling through her brain.

"They're closing the caskets, Hermione." Severus tapped her shoulder and saw again the hollow eyes from the night before; he led her gently to each one, starting with Arthur and ending with Ron. First, at Arthur's she simply leaned in and kissed his cheeks, unable to form words to express everything she wanted to say. Pausing at Molly's, she whispered, "Thank you for loving me like a daughter and for giving me Ron." At Ginny's, she almost felt her knees buckle, she felt Lily stir. "Ginny, you have a beautiful girl and I promise to love her and her brothers for you." At Harry's, she had to grip the side of his casket, feeling Severus' hand at her lower back, she leaned forward to kiss his cheeks and felt her tears falling, thinking about how unfair the universe was, taking him when he'd already given so much. " Harry, I can never thank you for everything you did, you gave me a place in a world that didn't want me...I wish I could take your place, you deserve to be here, with your beautiful children, raising them until you are old and gray. But you are with your parents now, with Sirius, Remus and Tonks, with Fred.I will love you forever." She looked over to Ron again and watched as Rose hugged him, and cried over him, just as she had. It was all to painful to bear. Rose immediately reached for her as she came to stand by the casket again.

"I don't want to say goodbye, Mum, I just can't." Hermione held Rose as she cried, shifting Lily a bit to hold Rose tightly as they both shook from tears.

"You don't have to, my love, he will be here and you can visit him and talk to him. He will never truly leave you, I promise." But Hermione could barely say the words and though she wanted to believe them, she felt the sting of watching them close his casket like a death knell...Ron was truly dead, gone, out of her reach.

"Come, darling, we are going back home." Hermione held Rose's hand as they walked back to the portkey. Hermione watched as Rose, James, Albus and George left, then the rest in small groups, her last view was the caskets being lowered into the ground as Severus stepped forward, wrapping his arms around her, he wiped a tear from his own eye, and felt Hermione rest her head on his chest, they were gone in a flash and for the first time that day, Hermione felt safe again, secure by the man who had been protecting them for years. When they arrived in front of Grimmauld Place, Hermione felt him pull her quickly to the door as three spells shot through the air, forcing her inside, Hermione caught only a brief glimpse of the assailant, and it hit her instantly why Severus had been reluctant to share who the person he saw in Albus' memory was; the blonde hair, the cane, she would know Lucius Malfoy from miles away, little alone steps away from her. As the door shut, she saw aurors descend upon him in rapid succession, there were so many people outside her door she couldn't tell who was who, and then they were gone, and Severus was next to her, telling her to take Lily to the nursery but she couldn't move, she couldn't fathom why Lucius had wanted the Weasleys and Potters dead, why he'd gone to such great lengths to kill them, that he thought she'd be with them, too and that was why he had fired a curse at her. It added to the already consuming fear and hurt she felt, so when Severus asked her again to move,again she felt her knees buckle, her legs give and she fell. He caught her before she hit the ground and was immediately thankful the sling had kept Lily secure; he carried them to the nursery and put Lily in the cot, transfiguring the lounger into a small bed for Hermione, he cast ennervate and she opened her eyes quickly, scanning the room, Lily and Severus, her breathing accelerated by confusion.

SSHGSSHGSSHG

(When Hermione chose to represent Lucius Malfoy)

"And you're volunteering to represent him?" Ron's face turned up, he seemed as angry as she'd ever seen him.

"Yes, he's reformed and doesn't deserve to be in Azkaban. They are refusing to give him a lawyer and I can defend him and win. No one deserves to be left without legal counsel, and I have watched his recovery and change; he's given most of his estate to help recovery of the school and to establish funds for children who lost their parents. " Hermione shuffled papers on her desk and found the one where she'd written the legal codes needed to defend Lucius.

"Well, I think it's wrong." Ron stood, using his height to try and intimidate Hermione for a moment, then realizing what he was doing, he stepped back and immediately felt guilt.

"Look, you can try and persuade me to walk away, but you cannot tell me that an innocent man deserves to rot in jail just because he was a jerk to us growing up."

"You were tortured in his sitting room; he helped Voldemort….he's the reason my brother is dead." Hermione could agree with him that Lucius was to blame for many things, but he hadn't cast the spell which took Fred's life.

"Ron, that is unfair, he did not kill your brother, nor did he cast the actual spells which tortured me. He and his wife are the reason Harry survived and I agree, he's not a great man, but he doesn't deserve to rot in jail, and neither does Snape." She walked swiftly passed him up to their rooms and slammed the door. She'd interviewed Lucius four times already and though she was already aware of his suave and manipulative nature, she knew she wasn't being snowed by him. She knew he'd done terrible things and was clear that he had tried to make amends, his saving grace was Narcissa lying to Voldemort that Harry was dead, then his immediate admittance to a program started by the Ministry to show that once Death Eaters were reformed. She found that bit suspicious, but as his wife had divorced him and his son disowned him, she knew he had no other avenue for recovery.

The next day, she met with Lucius again to work on strategy and also to make sure he was prepared for cross examination wherein he would be lambasted for sure.

"They've taken Severus into custody today." She whispered after they had talked about the case for two hours. "They won't let me defend him and now i'm sure he won't have counsel at all." She finished writing the last of her brief and looked over to him; he seemed vulnerable.

"Is anything troubling you? I mean, more than this, of course." She held up a huge stack of notes and then the actual motions paper she was going to file.

"They are trying to villainize him, but Severus was a perfect spy. He never participated in the worst of events and the way they are going to punish him; it's unbelievable." She paused her writing and looked into his eyes again, seeing the fear again.

"What do you mean?"

"I do not think I am at liberty to say as of now, but he will most likely not be imprisoned in a traditional way." He curled a quill through his fingers, pausing at perfect points to emphasize his words, figuring out for himself how much the young woman cared for her former potions professor.

"How barbaric. I swear, this is all ridiculous." She felt his hand cover hers.

"You are a gem, Miss Granger, truly. I know that our history suggests otherwise, but I shall endeavor to make up my wrongs with you." She felt herself blush slightly but quickly hid her obvious discomfort at his attentions. Hermione was not used to men giving her attention, even if it came from someone taught from the cradle how to get what he wanted.

"Call me, Hermione, please, we've been working together for long enough and will in the coming weeks."

"Then you must call me Lucius." And from that moment forward, Hermione and Lucius were able to work together without the anxiety or fear that either brought to the table at the beginning. They learned to trust each other, far beyond what Hermione thought was possible. Though she didn't consider him her friend in the same sense as she had Severus at one time, she knew she could count on him if needed.

SSHGSSHGSSHG

"Was that truly Lucius?" She asked, terror in her voice; he wished he didn't know this distressed version of her so well.

"They assume."

"Why would he do this to us? What could possibly be his motive? He has his freedom, he has his wealth, what more could he possibly want?" Hermione had worked on his case years before, when he and Narcissa had divorced, after he had been tried for war crimes and did community service. Draco and Narcissa had refused to see him again after that, she knew because Harry had run into Draco several times when Draco did consulting work with the aurors.

"I can only assume revenge, but until they question him, this is all conjecture." Hermione bolted up and thought of Winnie, taking her wobbly legs to the stairs and climbing, not listening as Severus protested that she stay still. She finally made it to her room and found the framed picture, a tiny sleeping baby and her heart felt calmed for a moment.

"Can you take me there, please, even if for a moment, just so I can hold her." Hermione asked, knowing he was at her door.

"Fine, but there is still a threat, he may not have acted alone, it might not have been him at all." She walked past him down the stairs, casting a quick spell on Lily and waiting for him at the door. He took her hand and they apparated to the hospital. The aurors let her through immediately and when she saw Winnie, she felt her heart break again. She was so thankful she was well and unharmed, that the security measures Severus had put in place were successful, but she wanted her home. She wanted Ron to have seen her at least once.

SSHGSSHGSSHG

(Charlotte Rose is born)

They placed the tiny baby in her arms and she didn't quite know what to do. Although she'd held many Weasley progeny over the previous years, this one was partly hers and though it didn't seem she looked much like Hermione, there was something that immediately struck her when she looked at little Rose.

"Mum will want to come in in a minute, are you okay with sharing her yet?" Ron asked, sitting next to her on the cot and helping her hold the tiny girl.

"Not just yet, give me a moment more and I'll be happy to let you show her off." Hermione brought her small face closer, she clearly had Ron's lips, a tiny little pout, but in the shape of her fingers, she saw her hands, her mother's hands. She tried her best to memorize everything about the being she and Ron had created.

"I don't know if I'll ever be able to put her down." Hermione whispered, smiling between the bundle and Ron as he moved her hair from her neck then kissed her.

"You were amazing, I knew you were strong, but watching you...I love you, you know."

"I know." And with that, Hermione handed Rose to Ron and watched as they left the room, her heart going with them with each step. All pregnancy she'd worried she wouldn't be a good mother, that her instincts were left on the battlefield, but as soon as the girl, covered in fluid and screaming was placed in her arms, she knew it would be okay.

"I've just seen my namesake." Charlie said as he opened the door.

"Isn't she gorgeous."

"Like her mother, of course." Charlie brought her roses of varying shades and sat where Ron had previously been, putting one arm around her shoulders and kissed her head.

"You are a flatterer, Charlie."

"Well, Ron knows you only married him so you could be my sister, so it comes naturally." She laughed, the force of which reminded her that she'd just pushed out an eight pound baby and that there was still fluid slowly trickling from her.

"Don't make me laugh, I might bleed to death or worse piss myself in front of you." He continued to hold her until the healer came back, casting charms to help with stopping the bleeding and mend her nether regions. Helping her to stand, the healer wanted to ensure she could make it to the loo and back, and though she was sore, Hermione found it felt good to stretch her legs and pee.

"Need help in there, Granger?" Charlie called out as she struggled to stand again.

"Yes." She meekly replied, but found him ready to help in seconds, lifting her slowly and helping her back to bed as Ron came back in with Rose.

"Do I get to hold her now?"

"I suppose, you are her godfather, after all." Ron reluctantly handed Rose to Charlie and watched as his brother softened; he'd always thought of Charlie as a rough and tumble type, taming dragons and living the life of a vagabond, but seeing him with Rose somehow changed that point of view. Charlie looked almost like a father, which made both Ron and Hermione smile.

"Did Ginny come? I know she's uncomfortable now."

"No, the godmother will have to meet this one another time. Little baby Potter was making her nauseated, so she stayed home. Harry came, though, he'd like to see you." Charlie hesitantly placed Rose in Ron's arms and left the arm after a quick kiss on Hermione's cheek and a pat on Ron's shoulder. In moments Harry came through and without words made Hermione feel like she'd won some great prize. His green eyes were bright, brighter than she'd seen them in years and when he came to sit with her, it felt for a moment like the times they'd been alone hunting horcruxes, how they'd depended on each other indefinitely.

"I never thought we'd get to do all this." He whispered in her ear.

"Me either, but look at her...just wait until James is born." Ron joined them on the other side of the cot and all three looked at the sleeping girl, her tiny face a clear reminder that they'd survived, even if there were days when it was hard to forget the things they'd been through.

SSHGSSHGSSHG

"I don't think I'll be returning to work for a while, Severus or at least not in the same capacity." Her words floated on the air as she picked up her daughter, still lighter than Lily and held her tightly against her chest, smelling her hair and kissing her head.

"That's to be expected, between having new children and the investigation, Seamus and I can handle things without you for as long as you need." Hermione sat with Winnie, looking up to her chart and seeing that she had gained a few ounces and that her breathing was getting stronger.

"I may need help." She said flatly, wondering how she was going to manage the girls and Albus' schooling, dealing with the townhouse and living at Grimmauld Place, and now an investigation against someone she thought would never be a threat to her family.

"In what way?" He assumed his typical stance, arms crossed, looking quizzically at her as though she'd blown up a cauldron.

"In every way." Like a doe, she looked at him, eyes large and full of fear as though he was a hunter about to take her out. Instead he relaxed a bit and watched as she rocked the tiny baby in her arms, confused as he was many times by her. She couldn't say what she wanted to say, which was a desperate plea to have him around. It was odd to her that she only felt safe when he was near, but actually telling him that worried her, as though it would make him want to stay as far away as possible.

"I can assure you your sisters-in-law would be glad to help you, especially with her and Lily." Hermione nodded, turning her attention to Winnie, realizing she'd forgotten to say goodbye to Hagrid, McGonagall, and Sprout. Other professors had attended but they were all blurs. She was sad that she felt so alone. She didn't care if her sisters-in-law helped or if her parents even could stay, something deep within her wanted Severus around to ease her mind after everything that had happened. Sighing, Hermione watched as Healer-in-training Weston came in to check on Winnie and was pleasantly surprised to see Hermione.

SSHGSSHGSSHG

(After working with Severus for three years)

"Why do they make us come to these things?" She asked rhetorically, not expecting Severus to answer as they watched people dancing; they were wallflowers who enjoyed discussing work or other events far more than actually socializing with anyone else at Ministry functions.

"They have to parade the heroes, show that things are still good while they covet money from the wealthy." She wasn't surprised by the tone, the sarcasm in his voice but they were both surprised by Kingsley who suddenly appeared next to Severus, edging them towards the dance floor, both reluctantly fell into the other's arm and danced long enough for him to move away.

"Seriously?" Severus, holding Hermione's right hand in his, his other at her waist turned to her field of vision and found Ron and Seamus challenging each other in arm wrestling. He could sense immediately her embarrassment, the red in her face dipping lower and lower as he studied her. She wrenched herself from his grasp and went to her husband, leaned in and said something that obviously made him stop, then she stalked out of the room. Severus found her on the balcony again, looking over the same fountain as the year before.

"Can you apparate me home?" She threw herself at him, her tears flowing freely and he realized she'd had too much to drink. He wrapped his arms around her tightly and apparated to her townhouse, finding the light off and the house silent.

"I guess they took Rose to the Burrow. Do you want some tea?" She watched his face twist.

"Anything stronger?" His eyebrow perked as it always did when he was being marginally playful, so Hermione went immediately to the cabinet above their fridge and grabbed two bottles.

"I have rum from St. Lucia or vodka from Kiev?" He quickly took the vodka and poured them both a shot from the tiny shot glasses she kept behind the tea cups. Though they didn't often entertain, when Hermione had guests over and Severus happened to be one, he was quite helpful in the kitchen.

"Wait." He made her pause and look at him. "You know that those Easterners say about not making eye contact when you toast."

"We'll die a horrible death?" She chuckled, as he tapped her shot glass with his, but she knew it meant that their sex lives would be cursed, or at least that's what the myth was.

"To winning more cases and having more couth than our partners."

"Stop making me laugh, imagining Seamus as your partner." The eyebrow shot up again.

"Don't think I could finesse him? Stop being a proud, you have a homosexual brother-in-law, Granger, come on." Hermione poured another for both of them, careful to meet his eye this time from the off.

"To you, Severus for salvaging this horrible evening with me." Their shot glasses clinked again and she squinted at him, making a frame with her hands and trying to imagine him with a man. "I guess I could see it, you are rather mysterious you know, perhaps everything we know is a façade and you really are shagging Seamus."

"Now that is a laugh." She waved off another and instead moved to sit in her den, kicking her shoes off and sending them to the door, she stretched her legs to the coffee table and sighed heavily in her sparkly dress.

"Do you think if I didn't show up to work tomorrow anyone besides you would notice?" She queried, closing her eyes as she undid the complicated knot in her hair, using her wand to remove the multitude of charms before running her fingers through the curls and leaning into the sofa comfortably.

"Probably not, but best not risk it." She could still hear the humor in his voice and peeked one eye at him.

"Rats."

"Unhappy in MLE?"

"Not at all, I'd just like a real vacation, I think to France or maybe Italy. My parents are coming back from Australia next week; it always makes me want to travel." She watched him fold his arms as he sat in the chair across from her, his legs crossed, everything about him so neatly put together as always.

"You mention this at least once a month, take time off and go. Seamus and I are competent enough to handle the cases. I'm sure Rose would enjoy seeing Rome." It took all of her might not to say she wanted to go alone, she kept that to herself and wondered if perhaps it was time to speak to someone because her feelings were becoming increasingly more erratic and unpredictable. She'd never really dealt with the miscarriages, her terrible self-image, or events leading up to and the final battle. It plagued her often, close to her period when her hormones raged, the images of those she loved dead or dying, including Severus. Sometimes when she got to work, she checked on him several times just making sure he was there, that he hadn't really died on the floor of the shack.

"Heavy thoughts?"

"Stop reading my mind." She pointed her hand at him, forgetting how many wonderful things he'd taught her with wandless magic.

"I'm not, you know better." He uncrossed his legs and leaned forward towards her, itching to take her foot in his hands and massage it for her, but knowing it would be too intimate.

"My feet probably smell, I'm sorry, I know how sensitive you are." She drew her legs back, unaware of the shift in her dress, giving him a view of her right thigh up to juncture of her hip and underwear, except she wasn't wearing any, not that he could see that far but he could certainly imagine. She mumbled something incoherently at him then promptly fell asleep. Afraid to leave her alone, he covered her with a throw blanket and waited for her husband to return, not realizing how the hours passed until he was almost out himself. Ron stumbled through the door at two in the morning, laughing heartily and then seeing them he tried to be quiet, but was completely incapable.

"How long have you been here?" Ron asked Severus, seeing his eyes open.

"A few hours." Standing, Severus felt his duty was over, so he headed towards the door but heard Ron trying to wake Hermione.

"What are you doing? She's actually sleeping." Severus snapped, watching as Ron's face contorted, the alcohol in his system forcing the possessive side of him out.

"What does it matter to you, huh? She's my wife, Snape, unless you've forgotten and I know what's best for her."

"What's best for her is a solid night's sleep and to forget your display at the gala." Severus knew how easily he could put argue Ron, but was trying to keep his voice hushed as not to wake Hermione, who had turned to sleep completely on the sofa.

"Display? You mean like you dancing with my wife?"

"You were arm wrestling a top barrister in plain view, how did you expect her to react?" He was a few feet from him now, moving from the door to try and prevent him from waking Hermione.

"Just mates being mates, not that you'd know that since your mates are all dead except for Malfoy who hides in his house alone. You may have fooled her, but you haven't fooled me." He touched a nerve with that, but Severus refused to let loose everything he could against Ron, instead he gathered his words.

"Your wife has more faith in people than anyone I've ever known and so does your daughter. Perhaps if you could move on from your days at Hogwarts, you'd see the rest of the world has and have a bit of compassion for humanity." Ron frowned, purposely leaning into the couch and shaking it a bit, waking Hermione in a fit of terror.

"You imbecile." Severus hissed, as he watched Hermione gain her bearings again, her discomfort obvious to him.

"Severus? Ron?" She looked between them, posed as though they might duel.

"I was just leaving; don't come in tomorrow." Severus waved them off, walking to the door and then through it, apparating to Spinner's End. When he arrived at the Ministry at normal time, he found Hermione in her office nursing a cup of tea and eating a piece of toast.

"Good morning." Her smile was genuine, she radiated positivity though she should've been feeling a hangover, especially since it had been so long since she'd had alcohol.

"I didn't embarrass myself too badly last night, did I?"

"The perfect model of decorum. Your husband, however." Scrunching her nose, she took a deep breath and chewed more toast.

"We can't all be as perfect as you, Severus. Thank you for seeing me home, I really am in your debt." Offering him some of her chocolates, she watched him as he sat across from her, refusing the chocolate even though it was his favorite.

"I'm going on a trip." Her words blurted out in an odd stream.

"Good on you, Granger. It's about time. Where is Weasley taking you?" Hermione put her quill down after signing two briefs and finished her toast.

"He isn't, I haven't been home as much with Rose so I'm going to take her to Australia when my parents return, maybe do some hiking or see the opera." He contemplated her, the way she fidgeted and the rise of color in her cheeks; he could feel her guilt emanating clearly through the office and had so many questions for her, questions he'd never ask but all the same he pondered her.

"I haven't taken a day since, well you first came here."

"I'm aware; I'm sure it will be an adventure for Rose. Has she been to Australia?" He reached for the chocolate and wondered how long the portkey was to Australia.

"No, this will be her first trip. I haven't told her yet, but I'm sure she'll be excited. Aside from you, my father is the only one who can challenge her at chess. Perhaps she'll come back with new moves." As though on cue, Seamus popped in and took half of the chocolate bar.

"Sorry we made fools of ourselves last night, Granger, but Ron is so easy to goad." As she looked at Seamus, he watched her expression sour.

"I wish you wouldn't. He gets enough of that with George all day and don't eat all my chocolate, I'm desperate enough to hex you." She snapped the chocolate off her desk and winked at Severus, and soon they were speaking of their docket for the day. They didn't speak of the Ministry gala again and when Hermione returned from Australia, she was tanned and light, the weight of her life lifted for a respite. He wouldn't have admitted it to anyone except Lucius or perhaps Seamus in duress, but he'd never worried for her more while she was gone, every fiber of his being telling him to follow her and ensure her safety as well as Rose's, but nothing compelled him strongly enough to go, so he waited and when she strolled in, bringing them sweets and vegemite, he relished the hug and kiss on the cheeks he received, thankful she was safe, sane, and mere feet from him instead of oceans away.

SSHGSSHGSSHG

"Ms. Granger, I don't want to get too ahead of ourselves here, but she might be able to come home by the weekend if she continues improving." Hermione smiled down at her sweet girl and gave her one last good squeeze and kiss before thanking Healer Weston and walking with Severus to the lifts. She didn't speak, he didn't either and it was fine for both of them. He took her hand again at the apparition point and she looked into his eyes and wondered what he was thinking, as his face betrayed nothing as usual; it made her want to delve into the chasms of his mind, things she'd seen when he was nonverbal after war. Like a magnificent maze, his mind beckoned her in and wrapped her in a fog, leading her further and further down the rabbit hole until she discovered who he really was.

When they arrived at Grimmauld Place this time, they weren't met with spells, only Kreacher cleaning off the stoop and a ruckus in the gardens where the children and their uncles and Aunt Angelina were playing on brooms. Rose waved from the pitch where she was defending the makeshift goal they must've constructed while she was gone. She watched them play a bit longer and then went to the kitchen to start preparing food, finding Dominique and Victoire cutting vegetables and washing them. She began trimming the fat from the ham and then put it in the oven, a flurry of spells worked through the kitchen, she found being busy and useful made her heart hurt a bit less, especially with so many family members around. When Lily's cries brought her out of the fog of cooking, she washed her hands and went to the nursery, taking her and changing her nappy quickly, then sitting with her in the lounger that was a lounger again, and sang to her softly, feeling optimistic about Winnie coming home.

"Oi ,Merlin, Hermione maybe there needs to be a sign on this door?" Charlie joked coming into the nursery.

"Well if you knocked, you'd know she was nursing." Hermione jibbed back, smiling up at him.

"This just further cements why I could never have a wife." He pointed to her breast and shuddered; she appreciated the humour and laughed with him, trying not to think about how exposed she was with the door wide open.

"Well I'm sure the rest of the house doesn't want to see this either, so hold on while I get the sling." She stood, moving Lily to burp and fixed her robes so that she would be on the other breast once she was in the sling. Turning back to him, she gave him a hug and walked on his arm to the dining room where the family was all sitting, digging into the food and sharing stories of their lost loved ones. She turned to the door as Seamus, Severus, and an auror she didn't know left. Frowning, she wondered why they weren't staying for food, but she didn't question him. She sat with her family and enjoyed their company, forgetting how fulfilling it was to be surrounded by so many loved ones. She missed her parents, she missed Ron, she missed them all but it was hard to be too glum when George and Charlie were telling stories about their childhood with Ron or times at school in the dormitories. Soaking it all in, she marveled at how well they were holding things together for the children. She knew Rose and James would be returning to school the next day, that Albus would be interviewed again, but none of that weighed on her too much as she ate dinner and then had pudding, Fleur's famous baklava.

After everything was cleaned up, she gave everyone hugs and went with Rose to the room she was sharing with Dominique and Victoire for the night, giving her a big hug and kiss before going down the steps again to put Lily in her cot. She ventured into Harry and Ginny's room, but she still wasn't ready to sleep there, so she cast a few cleaning charms and walked the stairs again to her room, exhausted from the day and raw, she looked at Winnie's picture and smiled, she hoped she would come home soon. Tucking away her fears and the worries of the tasks she needed to get done, she rolled towards the wall and willed herself to sleep. Without really noticing, though, she cried fitfully and eventually dreamt of her imagined view of the accident. She saw an image of Ron braindead in the hospital, they'd finally come back together truly stronger since conceiving Winnie and his face, lifeless, barren was all she could see. Guilt, the heavy weight of it all, made her wake many times, but she just curled herself further into a ball and cried, hoping their would someday be an end to her tears.

SSHGSSHGSSHG

(After working with Snape for two years)

The first time Severus actually came to a Potter birthday party was when Albus turned five and the only reason he'd come was the promise that Potter would not ask about his parents or force him to play games. Although reluctantly, Severus had attended the christening of the Potter boys, but he'd always left as soon as possible and burned most of the invitations he received from Harry and Ginny. Rekindling his friendship with Hermione had also made the event easier, and her Rose was a tolerable and sweet child who knew how to behave around adults.

Gathered in the garden, several little people ran about but when Rose Granger-Weasley saw Severus, she stopped immediately and came to his side, staring out at the crowd like his tiny shadow. From across the lawn, Hermione and Ron watched her interact with their former potions professor.

"Of all people, why did she have to take a shine to him?" Ron shuddered as he put his arm around Hermione but found that she was not so disgusted.

"He's good at chess and he treats her like she's special, that's all a girl wants after all. Maybe we've finally found a trait in which Rose takes after me. " Severus's eyes flicked to hers immediately as her heart surged with pride.

"Besides, it could be a lot worse. She could be mimicking Seamus' vocabulary." Kissing Ron, she turned from his grasp and went into the kitchen to help Ginny with the lunch and found herself staring at Severus and Rose, playing chess on the picnic table. She wondered if he'd ever imagine in his life that someday a little Weasley child would love him so dearly.

That night while tucking Rose into bed, she read her a story about Newt Scamander's exhibitions around the world when Rose suddenly stopped her.

"Mummy?" Her tiny fiats rubbed her eyes as she yawned.

"Yes, love?"

"Why does Mister Severus have those marks on his neck?" Hermione was shocked Rose noticed them as buttoned up as Severus remained most of the time. She had rarely seen the scars herself, it reminded herself that he'd never seen hers.

"At the end of the war, you know when Uncle Harry took care of that really bad wizard, well Mister Severus was a spy. And see, spies well they often get the bad end of the deal and he was bitten by a rather large snake who had poisonous fangs." She watched as Rose's eyes widened.

"Nagini?"

"Yes, yes actually, who's told you?" Another deep yawn from her daughter.

"Uncle Charlie, when he was telling me about dragons and other nasty creatures." Hermione nodded and tried to fight her own yawn.

"That makes me sad, Mummy, Mister Sebrus is so nice and he brings me chocolates sometimes, and those biscuits have chocolate." Hermione smiled at her sweet girl and kissed her cheeks several times and then plaited her hair to one side.

"I will make sure to tell him, poppet." Leaving her sweet girl to sleep, Hermione sent a quick note to Severus thanking him for being so kind to Rose and for the chocolates and biscuits he apparently provided her. The next morning at the office he handed her a small tin.

"Since she loves them so much."

"My parents will kill me for letting her have so many sweets, but she's their only grandchild, so maybe I'm safe." Her smile faded a bit as she thought that they should have two more running about, so she excused herself and went to the loo to wash her face, trying not to think about the miscarriage, the pain she felt in the emptiness of her womb, how Ron's faced had fallen yet he'd never said anything, simply held her as she cried. Wiping her face one more time before going back to the office, she took a deep breath and went back into the office.

"Your father-in-law stopped by with Rose." Suddenly from her office door, Rose popped out her mouth covered in chocolate her pigtails bouncing.

"Mummy, Mister Sebrus gave me biscuits and chocolate." Jumping from Severus' office to Hermione's, Rose grabbed her leg, smearing biscuit crumbs and chocolate on her tights but Hermione smiled all the same and pulled her precious girl into her arms.

"He must really like you, my darling." Moving her eyes over to Severus, she saw him peering down at her freckled, red-haired child who seemed so full of happiness the room seemed to shift due to her exuberance.

"Did you thank him?" Rose's face immediately fell.

"Oh, Mister Sebrus, I'm sorry I didn't thank you." She quickly let go of her mother and ran over to him and practically climbed him to force herself into his arms.

"She's quite welcome, Granger. Maybe if her mother was as gracious she is she'd have ginger and chocolate biscuits more often." He and Rose had a good laugh while Hermione pretended to be annoyed but really, she was happy to see Severus interacting with her daughter or anyone for that matter where he seemed more like himself. It made all the nastiness of his arrival at the MLE seem worth the grief.

The spell was broken momentarily when Ron and Molly came through with lunch for everyone. They ate family style at the transfigured meeting table, conversations about work and upcoming birthday parties and holidays. Before she knew it, her dismal mood had completely disappeared and all could see was her family, happily conversing about life. It was a treasure, to be sure.


	4. Chapter 4

AN: Some explanations of the precarious relationship between HG and SS. This chapter is quite long, so I had to break it into two chapters, though they go together. I promise the Lucius situation will be explained. Warnings for language and moments of tense fighting/character deaths.

Chapter 4:Revelations

An owl at the window woke her from a deep sleep, it pecked the window several times before Hermione woke completely. She'd been to feed Lily only three hours before, so she hoped she would've gotten a few more hours, but as she opened the window, the bird swept in and she took the letter. Offered the owl a treat and it was gone. Turning the letter over, she saw the malfoy seal and immediately dropped it and left the room to find an auror or someone in the house with training beyond her but found the house practically empty aside from Charlie and Seamus, who both turned their heads as she entered the room, as though they'd been speaking about her.

"I've received a letter from Malfoy, I didn't open it, it's on my desk." Seamus took off immediately to her room, taking the steps by twos and threes, apparently he'd been told information she hadn't. Immediately from her left she felt the front door open, the movement of several aurors, and Charlie pulling her into the nursery.

"What the hell is going on?" She yelled, shoving him off and casting a silencing charm around Lily.

"Lucius escaped early this morning, that letter might be a portkey."

"No one thought to wake me and tell me he was missing?" Arms folded, she paced around the room, in sudden need of the loo and a strong cup of tea. She walked past him to the loo in Harry and Ginny's room, splashed her face and realized her pads were upstairs, so she peed and then washed her hands, left the loo and climbed the stairs, as the aurors swept past her in a flurry, taking the letter with them, one staying by the front door but she couldn't see him once she'd gotten to the fourth floor. She refused to believe Lucius Malfoy was behind the attacks, it seemed too easy a scapegoat, too easy a ploy and she was convinced he was reformed.

As she walked into her room, she saw Severus and Seamus talking at her window and it struck her suddenly that Seamus and Severus were acting oddly, even for them, and then, mind ticking between events over the last six years, how it seemed one or the other was always at her side, yes practicing law but still, protecting her as though somehow there had always been a threat. It was like a picture show, the images of them speaking this way, going to meetings without her or making her leave the Ministry to complete an inane task, refusing to allow her to go to lunch by herself. How had she never noticed it before? Had she become so blind in her faith that she didn't question either of their motives?

Without a word, she swept past them to the loo and changed her pad, seeing far less blood thankfully. She charmed her nursing bra as well, then mentally prepared herself for the questions she knew she needed to ask both men. Washing her hands again, she opened the door and caught both of their attention, mentally kicking herself that it had taken so long to see that she was in some sort of wizard protection program; no wonder Severus was always around, always checking on her, always making sure she was safe, but she hadn't noticed his attentions as such, she'd actually thought him her friend, but now, looking at him and Seamus, she was angered beyond comprehension that she'd let herself be fooled. Of course he had befriended her again out of duty and not because he actually enjoyed her company; the way things had ended when she left Hogwarts should've been a much larger eye-opener when he came to work at the Ministry. She remembered times when she was particularly angry or hurt, how he seemed to know and tried to help, how he was so compassionate towards her through their bickering. It made her weep.

Instead of saying a single word, she grabbed Winnie's picture and walked slowly down the flights of stairs to the kitchen, brewed a quick pot of tea and locked herself in the nursery; if Lily woke while she wrote, she would be in close proximity. In quick succession, she wrote every instance she could remember where Severus or Seamus appeared to protect her, to step in the way of a threat or to escort or somewhere. All the dinners she'd brought them to, all the ministry events she was forced to attend and how they'd acted far more like annoyed spies than annoyed ministry barristers. With each event she struggled with her emotions- what if she was wrong? What if they weren't actually bodyguards for her but instead were simply her friends and colleagues who happened to watch out for her. Tapping the quill feather against her lips, she thought she heard a knock at the door, but she ignored it, until she heard Rose asking for her and she felt compelled to open the door.

SSHGSSHGSSHG

(After working with SS for one year)

"Who could possibly be at the door?" Hermione wiped her eyes on her sleeve and tried not to look at Ron who had reluctantly stood and opened the door. She saw Severus standing there, his face betraying nothing about his visit, so she walked to the door as Ron hadn't invited him in yet.

"Has something happened?" She asked him, wondering what he could possibly need at half ten on a Tuesday night. He walked passed both of them and stood awkwardly by the fireplace.

"Ron, can you get some tea?" Her face told him to leave the room, not that there was much escaping the sound of people talking in the den; it floated effortlessly through her home. WIthout silencing spells, Rose was certain to wake up and no one wanted a cranky Rose, so she cast a spell and waited for him to speak.

"Seamus was involved in an altercation this evening with the opposition for our brief tomorrow, so it was rescheduled for next Wednesday." Hermione's face scrunched, as it always did when someone in her vacinity either did or was retelling something she didn't understand or thought was ridiculous. She could imagine quite clearly how Seamus happened to be in an altercation with representatives from Azkaban who felt the need to re-secure the prison with dementors.

"Shocking. What did Kingsley say?" Ron came through with tea and then left again; she was thankful he'd read her posture and knew they were speaking of work.

"Nothing, surprisingly but we have an unplanned day off tomorrow." They both sipped tea.

"That's odd." She contemplated what it meant for their case if Seamus and whoever he fought in the opposition were unable to participate due to conflict of interest, but then realized now that Severus was part of their team, she wouldn't be presenting alone.

"I'll still be in the office for a bit. I promised Rose I would take her to see Arthur's exhibition." Ron reappeared momentarily, then nodded and left. He didn't just go into the kitchen this time, she heard him slam the backdoor and it forced her to jump, spilling her tea. Immediately, rolling her eyes, she scourigfied her dress and waited for Rose to come down the stairs. It took no time, her light sleeper creeped around the edge of the stairs and when she saw Severus she smiled as though it was Christmas.

"Mummy? What was that?"

"Nothing, darling, come here." Hermione set her tea down and snuggled Rose as she came to rest in her lap. Immediately, Hermione plaited her hair again as it had loosened a bit from sleep and listened as Rose questioned Severus about their next chess match.

"Perhaps after you see the exhibition we can play, with your mother's permission of course."

"Mummy, can we play, please? I have to get better before Mister Severus says I'm a dunderhead." Hermione tried her best to stifle a giggle, but couldn't.

"You will never be a dunderhead, Charlotte Rose Granger-Weasley, I promise." Rose looked reluctantly to Severus, waiting on him to agree.

"Your mother is right." Instantly she perked up and kissed Hermione's cheek, taking her hand and leading her up the stairs. Hermione tucked her back in bed, charmed her nightlight and cast a charm to let her know if Rose was in danger, then closed her door softly, blowing her a kiss. She hated fighting with Ron, especially when it concerned their daughter, but Hermione refused to relent. Rose needed to learn the muggle life just as much as the magic life, mostly for when she stayed with Hermione's parents, but also to be well-rounded, understand her mother's background. Ron thought it was idiotic for Rose to learn to cook on a gas stove, without magic, or to hand clean dishes. It frustrated Hermione that for all their ideas of what seemed like equality, the Weasley's could be just as backwards about pureblood ideology as the Malfoys.

"Sorry about that, she's a terribly light sleeper and I'm afraid to silence her room in case there's a fire or worse."

"No apologies needed. You're a good mother, Granger." She couldn't tell if he was being sarcastic, because he took many jabs at her mothering most of hte time.

"I'm sure, between forgetting her lunch most days she's with me or leaving her Roardie at the Burrow. Maybe I'll get it right when she's older." Half-heartedly, she smiled at him, his face an expression that said to her that he hadn't been sarcastic, that he was trying to compliment her.

"What is a 'Roardie'?"

"You will hate it, I'm sure." Hermione stood, walked over to the corner of the room and grabbed two stuffed animals.

"She has about ten of these, and sometimes it's hard to remember which one she loves the most." Severus took one of the lions in his hand and rolled his eyes.

"Of course your child would have an affinity for lions." The annoyance dripped from his tone, but Hermione just smiled. Sometimes old habits really did die hard- house rivalries apparently didn't disappear with graduation.

"Jamie has several as well, but Alby hates them, he thinks their manes tickle too much." At the mention of the Potter children Severus' face went blank again and she almost wished she hadn't brought them up. Yet, she knew Harry was trying his best to include Severus, to give Severus an extended family per se. They'd even considered naming Albus after him, but decided instead that Severus Snape would not like to have a Potter carry his name.

"Roardie has been left all over Britain. I've gotten rather adept at transfiguring Roardies." He could see her soften talking about her daughter, how Rose seemed to leave an expression on Hermione's face that changed her entire persona; there was no doubt that Hermione loved her daughter.

"Would you like me to stay until your husband returns?" Severus said abruptly, causing Hermione to think of Ron again. She questioned whether Ron would be more or less annoyed finding Severus still in their townhouse, but also knew that regardless of his opinion, Severus still made her feel safe after all the years.

"Please, I'm afraid this time of year is difficult for me sometimes and my dreams tend to keep me awake." She admitted a weakness and hoped he wouldn't use it against her, like he had years before in the infirmary, forcing her from his side, from the cordial relationship they'd built over the course of the year Hogwarts was repaired.

"I find myself in the same position." He admitted. They didn't speak more on it; Hermione refilled their tea but both fell asleep before Ron returned at three a.m. He softly shook Hermione's shoulder and waited for the reaction he always got, immediate fear and a shot of adrenaline that made her instantly reach for her wand.

"It's just me, Mynee." It registered with her finally, so she rubbed her eyes and felt her pulse start to drop, noticing that Severus had awoken as well.

"See you tomorrow, today, whatever; thank you for staying." She put her hand on his as he stood and started climbing the stairs. Ron showed Severus out and tried to ignore his jealousy over his wife feeling secure in the presence of the man who killed Dumbledore, even if he'd had no choice. Severus apparated home, weary and uncomfortable in his role, but anxious to ensure that Hermione didn't spend her evenings crying. He hated lying to her, he hated that he had to come up with reasons to ensure her safety.

SSHGSSHGSSHG

"Mum, they are taking us to Hogwarts in ten minutes, it's safer there than even here, they said." Hermione's brow scrunched and she felt so out of the loop. James and Rose stood together with their small bags, and she hated to see them go. She would worry a thousand times more with them hours away in Scotland, even if they were protected by ancient magic; she knew it was the Ministry doing this, taking her children to Hogwarts so they were less of a target than in London. Going back into the nursery, she placed a translating charm on her notes making them impossible to read and grabbed the two letters she'd written to them while she'd nursed Lily early in the morning with spending money.

"Here, one for each of you, I wish I could take you both, but I am sure I'll pick you up at Christmas, okay?" Handing James his, Hermione pulled him against her, and kissed his cheek. She did the same with Rose, wishing they weren't leaving so soon after the funerals, after everything had happened. Somehow, though she wanted to cry, she felt her heart harden a bit watching two aurors she didn't know walking out with them, waving them off she put her hand to her face and waited for the door to close. Her heart was beginning to harden a bit towards the Ministry.

"Alby, did you get some breakfast?" She finally noticed him by the stairs and motioned him over.

"No, Aunt Hermione, the lady from the Ministry is coming and I didn't want to be eating when she showed up." Taking his hand, she lead him to the kitchen and pulled some eggs from the larder and then bread. "French toast?" She asked and he smiled, perking up immediately.

"I don't think we'll be able to send you to your school here until things calm down, but I can help you with your work. The headmaster sent some things." She pointed to the nook where a pile of books and papers lay, and Albus' eyes lit up again.

"Good, I know I'm so behind already, and I don't want any of those kids having an advantage over me."

"School just started, poppet, you can't be that far behind, besides, I know you're just like your mum and you'll have that lot finished in no time." Whisking the eggs, cream, and cinnamon, Hermione tried to remember times when James and Albus had stayed with her and Ron, Albus had alway been the quieter of the two, less mischievous but certainly still as sneaky as his mother had been, she found him gentle and kind, always trying to win Harry's approval in some generational task; she'd seen Harry struggle with the same desire to prove himself to those who already had expectations though he didn't even know their acquaintance. She imagined Albus felt exactly the same, especially with his name, a former infamous headmaster and stopper of Gellert Grindelwald, his manipulations hadn't reached Albus' young ears but she knew once he went to Hogwarts, he would face the same scrutiny and although she'd immediately known her daughter and James would be in Gryffindor, she wondered about her quiet but tenacious nephew, whether he would be Gryffindor or perhaps Slytherin, whether he'd feel somehow slighted if he were a Slytherin.

Bringing his breakfast to the table, she served herself as well, talking of his school subjects and what they'd tackle first. It was nice to talk with him and to pretend that it was a normal day, that she didn't have a hundred questions for Severus and a million worries about her children, especially Winnie alone at the hospital and James and Rose traveling to Hogwarts without her. Sipping her tea, she heard Lily waking so she finished her breakfast and brought her dish to the sink.

"You finish up and I'll be right back with your sister." Kissing his wild mop of hair, she wiped her wet hands on her robes and found Lily chirping a bit in her cot and she saw a tiny smile, she was sure of it, when she leaned down to take her in her sling and kissed her all over her tiny face. She was almost a week old and looked so different that morning she barely recognized her. For a moment, Hermione lost herself in the sweetness of the little girl and forgot the pressing matter of investigation and the looming disappointment that perhaps her friendship with Severus had been nothing but a ruse to keep her safe. Tucking Lily in the sling so she could nurse, Hermione walked back to the kitchen where Albus was finishing breakfast.

"Your sister is such a pleasant baby. I remember you being exactly the same way." She commented, leaning down slightly to rub his shoulder; Albus looked up to her with a questioning glance, his bright green eyes never failed to make her feel better and miss Harry.

"Really? Dad always said I was fussy." Albus often reminded her of Harry so much she could barely look at him without fearing she would cry, but in that moment, he reminded more of Ginny and the Weasley sibling rivalry.

"Only when you were jealous of Jamie were you fussy, he could walk and talk and you wanted so much to be doing what he did. Uncle Ron and I moved out right after you were born, well permanently at least, but I spent a good deal of time here." It made Albus smile to hear a story about himself, to be reminded that though his parents were gone there was still someone who remembered him from his infancy.

"Charming as this is, Ms. Michaels is in the living room." They both turned to the door where Severus was standing, looking every bit the snarly former professor, as though he'd put the pieces together as well- she knew.

"I'll clean up, you go on." Hermione cupped his face, green eyes meeting amber and she wished more than anything that she could trade places with his parents,to be able to give him the life he deserved. But since she couldn't and though her heart was still a fragile mess, she vowed to be the best surrogate mother she could.

"You should be present for this." He sneered as she sent the dishes to the sink and began washing them, Lily moving a bit more and reaching out from the sling.

"Whatever for? I'm just a barrister for the Ministry and it matters not whether I'm his guardian, decisions will be made with or without my approval, as they have been for years." Taking Lily out to burp, she turned to him, her face as stone as she soothed the tiny girl.

"If you've finished being obstinate for the morning, join us, please."

"Join you for what? Meetings that don't involve me, special assignments you all thought I'd never know about, or perhaps this is when you admit the only reason you're here is…you are not my father, you don't get to command me like you are-" But she stopped herself as she heard Albus scream; without pause she ran into the living room, tucking Lily safely in the sling she left Severus in her wake.

"What in Merlin's name have you done to Alby?" Hermione looked over to the woman, the same who'd been there two days prior and a man who reminded her of Sirius Black, obviously performing legilimency on Albus.

"He wasn't cooperating." The man dryly replied.

"He's ten years old, he's had his mind invaded only once before, what do you expect?" Hermione went to Albus and sat next to him, soothing his tears by pulling him into a hug and then wiping his tears. "There's no shame in being scared, Alby. Once, when I was younger, a madwoman entered my mind and tortured me for hours, even carved my skin until I wet myself...imagine your aunt covered in her own wee and so you've cried, braver than me I'd say. Look, I'll try, do you trust me?" Hermione tilted his chin up, wordlessly speaking the incantation she was in his mind; first it was the funeral and the weight of his emotions, then she saw them eating dinner together and his being jealous of James, then she pushed further, seeing Ron showing him the card trick and then suddenly, the truck overturned in front of the van, causing a massive crash and the van flipped, more than once, Albus flew from the window, but it didn't quite make sense how he'd gotten out really, and then she saw them, Molly and Arthur dead, Ginny bleeding heavily and Harry and Ron, wands ready, Ron's leg was broken but he moved quickly to cover Ginny and Albus, and that's when she saw him, Lucius Malfoy across the road, mouth moving so quickly in incantation. It reminded her of Snape the first year at Hogwarts when she'd thought him to be hexing Harry's broom. The last thing she could see in the memory was Ron and Harry falling, as though stunned and Lucius running to them, as though in aid and then everything went black. Albus had been obliviated and now she understood why Severus had been reluctant to tell anyone what he saw. Pulling gently from his mind, Hermione took a deep breath and looked to the Ministry officials.

"You all have made a critical error." She rose from her seat to take Lily back to the nursery and felt Severus on her heels.

"You cannot tell them what you saw." He hissed, grabbing her shoulder.

"Let go of me, I need to put Lily down." She felt unsafe, she felt betrayed. Fixing her robes and removing the sling, she cast a heavy protection spell on Lily and turned to face Severus.

"I am…" Running her hands through her hair, she stopped herself from shouting. "Not that I ever truly thought I knew you, but I can say unequivocally that I know so very little about you and each time I think I've made a chink in your armor, you best me, keeping me further than arm's length. Each thing I believed I learned while befriending you years ago and for the last six years, it was all a lie, wasn't it." She swept past him and when she entered the living room, she took out her wand. Her anger pulsed through her, she felt herself seconds from hexing all of them. Suddenly, all of her spirit returned, her anger and pain manifested in Gryffindor courage she forgot she possessed.

"You will both leave this home. You will not meet with my nephew without proper counsel. I will be in contact with your office when you bring legitimate paperwork for interviewing him again. Thank you." Both stood. "And your name?"

"Carson MacNair." Shivers invaded her senses but she simply opened the door and escorted them out.

"You can join them, if you please and Seamus, too." Hermione snapped. "Albus I want you to go upstairs." Her eyes were red, her pulse rapid; the pain of betrayal made her magi kinetic. It pulsed around her like a heartbeat, glowed with a magical force making Seamus and Severus stand back.

"You aren't thinking rationality, Lucius may be a threat and you have no idea what you saw. Leaving you and the Potter children alone here would be unthinkable." He looked visibly shaken and concerned.

"How long have you been lying to me?" She countered, hands on hip as she faced him and felt the weight of his apparent betrayal.

"I have not been lying to, you don't understand the gravity of this situation. Being alone here is-"Severus was reaching the end of his patience with her.

"I won't be alone here; you are not my husband nor my father, stop trying to dictate my life."

"You can't be serious, Hermione. You're being irrational." His voice was almost pleading with her, but she did not back down.

"I may be irrational, but I have never once lied to you or kept anything from you, I admitted all the silly things I did as a student, the moment where I questioned your loyalty yet still saved you, and you've been lying to me for years, you've lied to me about my family, their deaths...is my baby even at St. Mungos? Is she even mine?" Hermione's mind raced as she watched him obviously battling with himself. She felt suddenly that she could trust no one, she worried her children weren't really going back to Hogwarts, that they too would be taken from her.

"I haven't lied to you. Winnie is being protected as you've seen and your family died just as you saw, though there are still questions we are all seeking answers for. I have withheld information because you are mourning, you don't deserve more pain. And how can you even suggest I am acting like your father? I do not tell you what to do." Hermione wanted to believe him, she could hear the pain in his voice but every instinct in her mind told her to go forward with her plan.

"Really? You haven't told me what to do that last six years?" Hermione wanted to hex him, to force him to leave. Her anger boiled like a cauldron and she felt herself ready to explode. He saw it then, the pulse of her magic again and worried she would perform spontaneous magic. For a moment he regretted teaching her to harness her magic in such a way.

"How long did you think this would go on before I figured it out?"

"I never would have guessed six years." He snapped back.

"I trusted you, you were my friend, I fucking made you tea and sandwiches, we had curry twice a week for years. I'm ashamed it took me six years, but I will not feel sorry for those years when I was able to love my husband and my daughter without fear. I'm not sorry I was so distracted by my pitiful life that I didn't doubt you for a second; I haven't doubted you since I stuck my fingers in your bloody throat, but I don't know you at all, do I? So what, should I be thanking you for giving me those years? I obviously couldn't have lived that life without your protection." She saw his face fall, as though she'd mortally wounded him.

"You don't know what you are talking about Hermione, this isn't a game." She couldn't register the fear in him, the worry that somehow he would be compromised, that she would never forgive him.

"I'd know if the two people I'd been working with for years weren't hiding something from me. So what is it? Are you unspeakables?" Seamus came bounding down the stairs and stopped at the scene before him, Hermione was all but questioning him at wandpoint.

"Hermione, stop." He called to her but she felt her temper rising.

"Tell me, admit it. I've been a 'special case' for you. That's all I am, we are. You're only here because of those children, you wouldn't be here unless you were forced because why would you befriend the person who saved your life when you wanted to die." Her voice trailed off, she accio'd the notes from the nursery, the evidence from her mind of the years they'd worked together, niceties that may not have happened had he not been bound in some way to care for her. She saw it again, the pleading in her mind, the way he projected his pain on her to let him die and she felt, for a second that maybe she should have...maybe she wouldn't feel so guilty and used.

"You are wholly misinformed, Granger." He could barely form the words, she could see he was wounded from her words, but felt like she couldn't trust him as she once had. Something made her feel she couldn't trust anyone. Before she could walk from the room, Seamus held up the letter she'd received that morning.

"This letter could have been jinxed, you've been compromised in some way." Seamus cast a few spells on her, but she felt no different. Instead, she felt angrier and saddened at the same time. Tears filling her eyes, she left them and climbed the stairs, each step reminding her how alone she was on those stairs. There was no Ron to welcome her into the bedroom, or Ginny to share her day with, or Harry to challenge her. There was Albus whose mind was full of sadness and a sweet baby who needed her.

"Nice try, Seamus. Distract the crazy, hormonal witch. It's portkey, I'm sure it would take me to Lucius and right now I'd welcome it because at least Lucius' treatment of me is consistent." She turned from them and fled.

Entering her room, Hermione saw her beaded bag and threw more clothes and other important possessions in it, walked over to Albus's room and saw him reading his history book.

"What's wrong with Mister Severus and Mister Seamus?" His innocent face made her pause, was she crazy? Was she jinxed? Setting the bag down, she looked in her nephews eyes and then joined him on his bed. It felt like she needed to flee, to take everything and go into hiding. His gentle expression and knowing Winnie was in the hospital was all keeping her in Grimmauld Place.

"We're all just a bit stressed, darling. We might go away for a while when Winnie comes home, like a vacation. Would you like that?" Running her fingers through his hair, she wanted to think logically, to go away and get some peace of mind.

"Like Scotland?" Hermione's face fell, of course he'd want to see James and Rose. Her anger dissipated slightly when she remembered her grieving brood,

"Maybe Australia? Or would you like maybe Amsterdam? You've never been before, but only if it's safe." She hugged his shoulders again and looked at his spiky handwriting, it was like a portal to another time working with Harry and Ron on homework, the etching sound of the quill like a calming draught.

"Ooo could we see windmills? Jamie has that book." Before she saw him at the door, she felt Severus in the doorway, so she leaned in and whispered to him, "It will be our secret, okay?". Albus nodded as she hid the beaded bag behind him as she went to the door, casting another protective charm on him without speaking. Without a word, she locked and sealed her door and went down the stairs. Pouring herself a glass of milk, she saw Charlie enter the front door, but felt just as suspicious of him as the others. In the moment, she didn't care.

"Finally, a Weasley to talk sense into you." Seamus yelled from the living room.

"What have you done?" Charlie asked her playfully.

"I've only figured out that my two colleagues have been lying to me for six years." Sipping her milk, she toasted some bread and spread butter on it, suddenly famished again.

"Have they?"

"Speaking of, what was the name of the name of your first love?" She asked, trying to discern that he was really Charlie and not some Ministry imposter.

"Really, dove, in front of Severus? Fine, Jeremy Pine of 14 Brockhurst lane, Surrey. Merlin, you make me feel like a fool." Charlie pulled his hair back in a ponytail and added, "But the first one who returned my affections was Billy Mackleroy, whom you met last year. Am I safe now?" Hermione let her guard down for a moment and watched all of the men in the room. She didn't trust one of them. As though on cue, she heard the charm in Lily's room and excused herself.

"You have perfect timing." She remarked changing her nappy and sleeper, casting a calming spell and trying to nurse again, it seemed like she might be going through a tiny growing spurt. When she'd finally calmed down enough to think of her own bizarre behavior, she wondered if they were right, had she been jinxed? Had all she thought about Severus and Seamus been exacerbated by some magic? She couldn't believe that her misgivings were completely unfounded, though, she could admit she was irrational. As she thought on it more, she felt the wards on the door pulse- they weren't getting in so easily. She heard Severus call to her.

"I'm not canceling my wards." She replied, casting a stronger spell- perhaps he shouldn't have taught her the skills to best him. It reminded of when he'd been ill, how the only way she could get through to him was through education. She taught herself legilimency so they could speak and a fat lot of good it had done her. Finally after multiple efforts, he tore down her wards and entered the nursery.

There she sat, Lily cradled in her arms, and he couldn't believe she thought him so evil.

"Hermione, please let me explain."

"You couldn't say anything right now that would persuade me to believe you anything but a liar, Severus. I will not raise my voice and I will not fight, but I was already heartbroken, you've taken what was left. Did nothing I did for you matter? Did all those hours I spent learning as much as possible to help you truly mean nothing?" Hermione's misty eyes met his, she could see he was alarmed.

"I have done everything in my power to protect you." His reply was cold and she felt no relief from his words.

"Why weren't you honest with me? Why wait until my grief has forced me to examine everything?"

"Like I was given a choice. Our bloody Minister for Magic forbade me." She shushed him as she watched Lily's eyes close, her gentle breathing and sweet face the perfect juxtaposition to his ire.

"There is always a choice." Hermione continued to rock and began humming to Lily as she did, feeling so many emotions at once. "So if you are really my bodyguard, what is there to protect? A war heroine who has little ambition than to protect animal welfare and extend rights to legitimate citizens? Is it my children? Are they part of some prophecy?" He sighed, leaning on the bookshelf filled with muggle and magical tales.

"It's more than that." He replied, walking through the room, looking at the paintings on the wall, the pictures of Ginny and Harry, Lily's brothers and grandparents. Hermione was tired of playing the game with him. Rising, she placed Lily back in her cot.

"Is it her? Do you wish to protect the grandchildren of your first love? Is that why you're here?" As though slapped, Severus stepped back from her but peered down at the sleeping girl, beautiful.

"You go too far." He hissed.

"I haven't gone far enough. You've made a fool of me." Casting a quick charm she left the room, finding Charlie and Seamus at the dining room table discussing her security.

"I'd like to see Winnie." She looked to Charlie first, hoping he would be the most sympathetic.

"I'll take you, do you need to talk to Alby?" Charlie's replied, reaching for her.

"No, he's reading. We'll only be gone less than a quarter hour. They barely let me hold her." Glancing between Severus and Seamus, Hermione didn't know exactly what to feel,but she followed Charlie to the door and stepped through. In a crack they were gone and she hoped the enchantments she placed on the children would be strong enough if they tried to take them.

Going into the ward, Hermione passed the same aurors she'd seen before, leery now of them as well, but when she finally saw Winnie, she felt things calm. It was as though Winnie made the madness of the day disappear. With her cradled, she felt her happiness return for a moment and looked to her vitals, still growing, still improving. She wished desperately she could take her home. Fifteen minutes later, the Healer came through and gave her an update. She'd be able to come home Sunday, suddenly Hermione knew she could make it to Sunday if it meant Winnie was coming home.

When they returned to Grimmauld Place, she checked on Lily first and found her content, then climbed the steps to see Albus, he was still reading. So she went to her room to write correspondence to Rose and James, hoping they were safe in Hogwarts and adjusting to being back though they'd barely been there. She sent them off with Harry's owl Tyrus and waited. She knew Severus was still in the house but she didn't know if Seamus had returned to his wife, Lavender. Running her quill over her lips, she thought more about the morning, when the owl had come and she'd touched it, had her magic shifted, was she compelled to be suspicious? She wanted to read the letter, to know what Malfoy had written her, so while she had her writing supplies she wrote to Draco, nothing too elaborate just enough to inquire about his father and his apparent role on the deaths of the Weasleys and Potters; she waited for Tyrus to return to send it, leaving it on her desk then going down the stairs for a late lunch. Making sandwiches and reheating some soup from the day before, she called Albus down and heard Charlie and Severus walk in as well.

"I have curry planned for dinner, so if you don't want that, you are welcome to eat elsewhere." She remarked, dipping a piece of her sandwich bread in the soup and trying to process everything that had been going on since the accident. Why had she suddenly noticed all the years of Severus and Seamus' protection? Maybe they really were just her friends, but then Severus had something about Shacklebolt ordering him not to tell her things and so she knew there was definitely something he was keeping from her. She ate slowly, playing through so many moments with him, how he'd at first seemed forced in his new role with her, how he'd fought her more often than not on cases, and then once she felt she'd won him over again, like she had in the infirmary, they were friends. They still bickered and disagreed but he seemed to enjoy her company and then as thoughts turned like the hands of time, she wondered if this was a prison sentence for him. Was he assigned to her because Kingsley knew how she admired him? Was he doing time outside of Azkaban in community service since the Wizengamot would most likely never completely exonerate him? Stuffing her sandwich in her mouth she tried not to look at him...what if this was his punishment? What if the only reason he cared at all was due to some vow he'd probably had to make? Seamus strolled through to the kitchen and brought her from her thoughts. Did Seamus know?

"I'd like to go to the Ministry at some point before I bring Winnie home on Sunday." She suddenly said, and as though he could see the constant wheels turned, Severus turned to her.

"If you require speaking with Shacklebolt, he would prefer to come here I am sure."

"Can you arrange that for me, then?" She asked in a syrupy sweet voice even Albus could see through. "I mean since I can't be of service to work for the MLE right now, I figure there are a few things I need to make clear with him before I take an indefinite leave of absence." She looked to him as he sipped his tea and dipped the edge of his bread in his soup- was she his penance?

"I will owl him momentarily." Came his snipped reply. She somehow felt worse thinking that he'd been assigned to her and hoped it wasn't true. Until she heard the words from Kingsley, though, she didn't know if she could trust him. Something within her told her that he was the same vague, caustic man she'd known for ages and his 'assignment' of her wasn't truly a betrayal...she did, however wish she had known all along. It would've immediately, she thought, erased any feelings she felt creeping within her that certainly weren't friendly and added to her guilt.

Hours later after she'd napped a bit in the nursery with Lily then began cooking dinner, she saw people in the backyard and then felt an odd wave of magic wash over her before she heard the front door. Tucking the sling with Lily in it a bit more modestly, she pulled her wand and faced the door of the kitchen as Severus and Charlie walked through.

"Are you going to hex me?" Charlie joked but Hermione's nerves were beyond frazzled and she found no humor in his jest. Behind them, she saw Kingsley and Dean Thomas, his deputy.

"Minister, it's so lovely to see you." Hermione immediacy tucked her wand away after casting a stasis on the food and moved forward to hug him, carefully protecting Lily as she did and feeling for the first time that day as though she might get some real answers.

"Can we speak here or would you rather go to the library?" He asked in a soothing voice she'd missed since being away from the Ministry.

"The library, please." She knew Kingsley was just as familiar with Grimmauld Place as she, so when they went into the library, he immediately took a seat by the fire and looked to her over his folded hands.

"I'm a mess, I apologize." She first said, shifting Lily who was fast asleep in the sling and smoothing her hair.

"You are mourning a great deal; yet I come in here and you are making dinner, visiting , teaching the next generation of Potters. You are a wonder." Hermione almost blushed but she could tell it was a politician's answer, at least partially.

"I have two questions for you and I know you are incredibly busy, but both are weighing so heavily on me I feel unsafe." He leaned forward, hands still folded and met her eyes compassionately. "I knew you would, you're not the brightest witch of your age for nothing."

"Firstly, Malfoy? What did the letter say and did the aurors detect any dark magic?" She felt Lily stir a bit and lightly rocked her, patting her back and trying to watch his face for clues.

"A copy will be sent and you were correct to be suspicious. It was a portkey but so far, we can find no dark magic associated with it nor a motive for Lucius Malfoy to target you or your family members. After all, you are the very person who exonerated him." He finally unfolded his hands and placed them on his knees.

"But, why would they arrest him if it was unclear…oh, well he was the only one there they could see from Albus' memory. He's been obliviated, Kingsley and I wasn't trying to keep or Carson MacNair from seeing that, I just wanted to speak with you personally because I would feel more comfortable with Severus trying to restore his memory." His eyebrow quirked and he almost chuckled.

"And here I thought he would be the last person based upon his reports."

"Yes, his reports...that brings me to my second question, is he…" She closed her eyes as tears prickled at the edges, she did not want to cry in front of him, not with Lily gently resting against her. "He told me he wasn't allowed to tell me his specific role in the MLE or even with me, but over the course of this week, I've come to realize that he isn't just a barrister with me and I would like to hear from you what his actual role is before I feel like I've completely lost it." He sighed heavily and so did she. It was obvious he did not want to tell her what Snape was doing for the MLE or why he was so ingratiated in her life.

"Hermione, what I am going to tell you cannot leave this room. All those who know have been sworn to a wand oath and I must ask the same of you." Immediately, she pulled her wand from her sleeve and swore to him to keep anything he told her a secret. After another long sigh, he leaned forward, removing his hat for a moment and running his hand over his scalp.

"Once he was recovered sufficiently after the war, the Wizengamot wanted to immediately try him for the murder of Dumbledore, I held them off for as long as I could, almost five years. You were working on Lucius' case already and when you offered to represent Severus, I came to an alternate decision, one that he agreed to begrudgingly because, well honestly the alternative was Azkaban, even with the memories, statements from you, Ronald, and Harry, and of course the professors at Hogwarts and members of the Order; I knew I had to make a deal for him. Do you recall when the special session was called and you were conveniently whisked away to a meeting about Lucius?" She nodded, fearing that her assumption about Severus being in some sort of required penance was correct and her heart sank.

"I convinced the small council to allow Severus to serve outside of Azkaban. They wanted twenty years and I eventually whittled it down to fifteen, promising he would not only work for the Ministry, but in any capacity that was asked of him. He is not an Unspeakable, but he has often collaborated with them. When asked how best he could serve, he asked for Magical Law Enforcement himself and when given the option, he chose you, citing your care for him at the Final Battle and of course the others were people he felt he could not tolerate for ten years, since he'd served five specifically with the aurors and Unspeakables. Seamus was employed to assure the Wizengamot that Severus was completing his end of the bargain, a parole officer of sorts, and that is how he has come to be so protective of you, I believe. Severus knows that a breach of this agreement will mean imprisonment and at the full sentence. There are other stipulations which I am not allowed to share with you at this point, for which I apologize." Hermione looked at him with shock and the agony of knowing she had eventually guessed correctly.

"But why wasn't I informed? He was thrust into my life without my consent; he's become my friend, but how could he…" She growled, angry at the entire system. She believed he should've been exonerated from the off.

"The Wizengamot made that decision. If Severus had tried to inform you, he would've been reprimanded and taken. They wanted to insure he did this task without help from you; they know of your generosity and goodness, Hermione, you were working at the time to exonerate the man in whose house you were tortured. I assume they didn't want this to be easy for him. They wanted to ensure he was completely reformed." Fuming, she felt Lily stir and tried to calm herself down, breathing slowly with her eyes closed, trying her best not to think about the forced nature of actions.

"Can they be convinced to let him off early? I don't know if I can live like this, Kingsley." His face showed surprise and questioning immediately, leaning back and wondering what her motivation was.

"We can always try, my dear, but I would not suggest you hope for this. And aside from that, I think it is in your best interest to keep him close. He is a master duelist, he has fought some of the worst men and women in Britain, he will protect you with his life."

"Yes, he is all those things, but he is compelled to do them through an order of the court. I don't want someone protecting me because they are forced to."

"That is understandable, but until a hearing can be called, he must. Please do not leave the British Isles without him- it would put him in danger of a harsher sentence." Hermione nodded, leaning down to kiss Lily's forehead and put her back in the sling. Suddenly, she remembered her trip to Australia when Rose was eight and felt incredibly guilty; she'd left him in England and he could have been compromised.

"Thank you, Kingsley. I don't know for sure when I'll be back to work, or what's going to happen with this investigation. I sincerely hope Malfoy is not behind this because, well, I'm the reason he's not holed up in Azkaban. I can't promise I won't say anything to Severus about this; I'm so disappointed right now...I understand the secrecy, but...well, I should get back to Alby. Thank you, again." When she stood, she stepped forward and hugged him again, soaking up every second of that human contact she missed so much.

"I am only an owl away, Hermione." He bowed to her and let himself out of the library, leaving Hermione completely lost in thought. She felt the pulse of magic again, smelled the curry still cooking as though someone had taken over but wasn't ready to leave the room. Desperate not to cry, she stared at Lily's soft, sleeping face and wondered how anyone could hurt a child, so innocent and pure. She didn't hear Charlie come in, only felt his hand on her shoulder and though she reached up to hold it, she wished it was Ron's more than any moment since she'd lost him.

"I've finished dinner." He whispered, offering to take Lily and for once she relented, handing over the entire sling. She watched as it adjusted to him and then wiped her face, wondering if a day would pass any time soon where she didn't cry, but then reminded herself how much had happened in such a short amount of time.

Taking a seat next to Albus, she watched Charlie doting on Lily, having so many nieces and nephews had made him far more comfortable with infants. Although she was still rather reluctant to let her go, it was a nice relief to see someone else enjoying her sweet cuddles. Seamus, Severus, and Albus were quiet, so she finally asked Albus about his books and homework.

"The headmaster understands why you're out, darling, he's not going to fail you. We will send in your work and he will have your teacher send your grades work or anything that needs corrected back. Besides, you aren't required to attend this school at all, your father just wanted you to get a full experience before going to Hogwarts next year." She patted his arm then put her arm around his shoulders, pulling him into a loose hug.

"Thank you, Aunt Hermione, I just don't want to fall so far behind I get trolls for grades." Charlie, Seamus, and Hermione all giggled looking at Severus who had given many troll grades over the years.

"You are a lot of things, but one of those is not a troll, Mr. Potter." She remembered that tone from all the years she'd say in his classroom, seeking his approval; she found it funny that her daughter and Albus tried to impress Severus as often as possible.

"Eat up, I'm sure Lily will wake soon and I want to read with you tonight." They ate in silence, the dishes sent to the kitchen and kreacher art cleaning them before Hermione walked with Albus to his room. They read The Hobbit, one of their favorites before Hermione tucked him in bed, trying her best not to think of his life suddenly sans parents and his older brother. When he was finally out, she slipped down the stairs to the nursery where Charlie was practically passed out with Lily in her cot. Tiptoeing, she didn't want to walk him so she took the girl and her sling and climbed the stairs to her room. Positioning her to nurse, Hermione decided to tell her a story about her father and how, when things had been really bad in the Forest of Dean, he'd cheered her up.

"He was kind, your dad, and desperate for love. I never truly understood how lucky I'd been to have my parents until I became friends with him. I hope you never feel as lost as he did; I'm not his Aunt Petunia for sure, but I promise to love you as though you were my own, sweet Lily Luna. How could I not?" As she moved her to rock her gently before trying to nurse again, she felt Severus at the door.

"I'd rather not speak about today, if we can avoid it." She whispered to him, moving Lily to her breast again, missing Winnie and wishing they were together.

"I understand." Was all he said, standing and watching her, being all the mother any child could hope to have.

"I will say this, though, I'm sorry I called you a liar...while you were bound by secrecy, I cannot fault you for keeping the truth from me...I only wish I didn't feel so like a burden, like another master being forced upon you beyond your control."

"I chose you." He simply replied, coming closer to her, looking down at Lily with eyes as despondent as Hermione's.

"We can speak more on this another time, just know I've put things into motion that may free you of this prison sentence. I only wanted for you to know freedom; I worked so hard to save you so you would never feel the noose of another required sentence." With her free hand she reached for him, wishing she could both convey her anger and sadness with the situation. Flashes of his begging, pleading, and how she almost gave in filled her brain.

"You were/are never a burden, Hermione."His face was unreadable again, but she knew if she pushed hard enough, she could break his mind and see exactly what she wanted, but she didn't.

"You say it was your choice, but none of this has been your choice. I sought in you everything I'd wanted for years, your approval, your respect and now I feel, well, sorry I should stop. I just don't know if you're really my friend or if it's all a charade and somehow, in this moment, that is more than I can bear. If Kingsley does what I've asked, you will be free and I will…" Glancing up to him, she saw his eyes flicker between Lily's face at her breast and her own eyes, pain evident.

"I will endeavor to know you as you really are and not someone who is required to care about my safety, how I knew you before."

"Hermione, don't." He sounded as defeated as he had in the memories when he spoke to Dumbledore about protecting Lily Evans Potter and Harry and it made her feel guilty, as though she needed one more thing.

"No, you cannot imagine how I feel, Severus. I accused you of many things today and I was right on some. You are obligated to do things in my honor and that's not what I want. I want you to live the life you deserve. Kingsley practically told me I was crazy for wanting to 'free' you, but honestly can you blame me? Who wants to believe the only reason someone associates with them is because they are forced to." She made herself make eye contact with him then, wanting nothing more than to convey how thankful she was for his service and how disappointed she was that he was forced into a situation, even if he'd chosen her, where he was required to protect her.

"Do you honestly believe I would befriend you simply because I had a prison sentence? Think of what you say you don't know of me, Granger, am I really someone you imagine tolerating anyone just to get a job done?" She thought of his behavior with Umbridge back in her fifth year, other colleagues he barely tolerated, and though he had eventually come to some peace with Harry, he still didn't go out of his way to include him in his life, even when Harry included Severus in everything.

"Still, I don't want this arrangement to continue; I want to work with you as equals, not because you are required to be with me, watch out for me, and Seamus, how must he feel being your jailer? How are you to really get on with life if there is someone always checking your every move?"

"It's a small fucking price to pay to not be in Azkaban; I've been, I never want to go back. I have a life, I have a better life than I've ever had...don't presume anything about my personal life." And with that, the jealousy was back. She hated herself for feeling so vulnerable and angry about something that was beyond either of their control and though she had tried with all her might not to cry, she dropped his hand and wiped her eyes.

"You're right, I know nothing after all these years." Wiping her eyes again, she thought about her previous thoughts of him, that he spent his weekends alone at Spinner's End, surrounded by books, but it had been an unfair assessment. Of course, she hadn't thought too often of what he was doing when they weren't working together, especially since they worked so frequently on the weekends. Perhaps he had a spouse she didn't even know about; about her guilt was misplaced and any odd feelings she thought she felt were simply the fear of losing him as a friend.

"I didn't want to talk about this tonight because there are too many conflicting emotions and too many things for me to worry about. I don't need the added stress of knowing that you're being forced to protect me and I certainly don't want to hear about your personal life which doesn't involve me because we aren't really friends...real friends would know about someone's personal life, Severus. And not that you've ever been so open with me...self-preservation? Why worry yourself with my little life or tell me anything about yours beyond,'I brewed this and I wrote that', when someday you won't be in this arrangement anymore and I will be just another student you taught, another colleague you tolerated. Because say what you will, you would tolerate me to complete a job; I know there are things about me that are grating and irritating, I know I can be impossible so this must truly be a sacrifice for you." During her speech, she'd walked Lily over to the spare cot, changed her nappy and put her in a new sleeper, whispering her words and trying her best to remain calm. Once she was sure Lily was out, she turned to him, so annoyed and dismayed with herself that she could barely see through her tears.

"I counted you my friend, I was content working with you, I was happy to save you all those years ago because you deserved a life unshackled, and now, I guess, I still want that for you because knowing what I know now makes me ill. I felt such satisfaction knowing that of all your former students, you seemed to actually enjoy my company and enjoy working with me; but none of that matters, my husband is dead, my daughter is in the hospital, my other daughter is miles away most likely struggling with grief, I have two nephews who may never accept me as a mother figure, a baby I often feel guilty for bonding so dearly with, two homes to worry about, a house elf who has more than once tried to kill me, siblings of my husband who care but have their own lives and their own grief, I've lost my two best friends, my parents can't be here and you, I thought I had you, too, but I have created a persona of you in my mind. It's not your fault, really, it's mine." She turned from him and immediately left, descending the stairs to escape her room, falling immediately on the bed in Harry and Ginny's room and crying, crying so hard she felt herself almost hyperventilating. It went on for hours, though she eventually slowed, the crying would not cease. She was so angry and sad, disappointed in herself for placing Severus on a pedestal, for wishing that he hadn't done all the things he'd done for her out of compulsion. There was no doubt in her mind that she loved Ron, that she missed him so much her bones hurt, but she couldn't deny the jealousy she felt in thinking Severus had a whole other life she knew nothing about. It made her mad with rage and cry in pain. At some point she made herself rise and work on the protection bracelets she'd made the kids, but it was incredibly difficult working through her tears.

AN:second half will be posted soon. Thanks for much for reading!


	5. Chapter 5

AN: Some plot revealed and more background into the relationship of HG and SS, HG and Draco Malfoy. Although one part of the accident is explained, there are still major gaps- don't think this story is over yet! Warnings: episodes of PTSD, character deaths, mentions of miscarriage. Thank you for reading!

SSHGSSHGSSHG

(celebrating Hermione's birthday early in her first year)

Martin brought the cake in from the kitchen, glowing with twelve candles brightly in the dimly lit room as Jane began singing. He followed her in song, both staring at their sweet daughter going to Hogwarts the next day, her eyes larger than her father could remember suddenly. When she blew out the candles, he hugged her tightly then put his arm around Jane. They ate the german chocolate cake and vanilla bean ice cream before sitting together and watching the tele for an hour before Hermione wanted to try sleeping, even though she knew she wouldn't sleep even if she laid still all night.

"Dear, do you want some sleeping medicine?" Jane asked opened Hermione's door and finding her a bit morose sitting on top of her plaid bedding.

"No thank you, I just-" Hermione reached for her, pulling her close like they did frequently when things were stressful or overwhelming, when Hermione became aware that she was dramatically different than the people at her primary school.

"You will be wonderful. Think about how much power you felt at the wand at Ollivander's shop; don't fear, darling." Hermione held her mother tightly, thinking about all the friends she didn't have, aside from her friend Ebony who was supposed to have gone to Hogwarts with her, but when her parents moved to France, they were sending her to Beauxbatons instead.

"You're right, Mum. I'm just nervous." Jane kissed Hermione's forehead and continued to cradle her like she was an infant. When Hermione finally fell asleep, Jane went into the master bedroom and saw Martin with his planner open, hair wild and crazy like Hermione's.

"She's asleep?" He asked, taking his reading glasses off the bridge of his nose.

"Yes, she's nervous but I'm sure she'll be fine." Jane changed into her pajamas, washed her face, and came back in the bedroom and joined Martin looking at their crazy schedule for September.

"Time's like these, I wish we'd had another after Hermione." Jane whispered into the void as Martin looked over from his work and leaned in to kiss her softly.

"I know, me too, but she will be fine. We both survived boarding school."

"You're right, I'm just not ready for her to go." Putting his planner on the nightstand, Martin turned the light out and held Jane, just as she'd held Hermione earlier. Although neither could imagine what would become of their precocious daughter, both supported her through everything even when they didn't understand her life nearly as well as they had when she was small.

SSHGSSHGSSHG

Weeks passed in an odd dance of normality and function. Hermione wasn't granted permission to speak with Lucius until the end of November, which felt eons away, and as far as she was told, he was still their only suspect. It was a frustration she could only explain when Albus wasn't around, and even then she hated to dwell on the case unless it meant closure. She and Charlie traded off meal prep, but she found that Albus enjoyed helping cook and even prepared a meal, supervised of course, for them the night before her birthday. She wouldn't even have thought of her birthday if Charlie hadn't woken her with blueberry pancakes and a song, just as Ron had done for all the years of their marriage. And though it made her cry, she felt loved. Lily and Winnie seemed to prefer the same cot but feeding and eating enough herself kept Hermione busy most of the time. Between lessons with Albus and taking care of the girls, she wondered if she'd ever get over the exhaustion she felt, even with help every now and then from Severus and Charlie, she thought she might crack under the pressure of practical twins at nineteen days- she couldn't imagine what it would be like when they were mobile. Charlie left for Romania once his leave was up but came back every other weekend in October to make sure things were going smoothly. Aside from being extremely frustrated with the case and feeling like a shut-in, Hermione was surprised at how well things were going with the girls and Albus.

After finishing all the remaining paperwork she had from her cases, Hermione began to fill her little free time with creating lessons for Albus and trying to investigate a bit of the case on her own. She'd never been involved directly with criminal law, aside from Lucius Malfoy's case, all of her other work had involved legislation and precedents; she never thought she'd get involved with the criminal side of law again after Lucius, but she couldn't help but feel personal pressure to figure out who was behind the attack. Although she knew Severus could most likely fix Albus' memory, he hadn't yet and it made her wonder if he was told not to by Kingsley. The worry over what be unlocked in her nephew's mind only bothered her at night, when she was alone feeding the girls. It made her want to try for herself, to push the boundaries of his mind and memory to discover the missing piece, but she simply couldn't bring herself to. She thought perhaps it might be better to borrow a pensieve and extract the memory for further viewing.

Draco and Scorpius had come over several times since their initial visit, but for Albus' sake, Hermione wished they could come every day. It was obvious Scorpius wanted to get away from the sadness in his home and found an ally with Albus, who had already lost his parents. She watched him go through the motions, finish his work and play outside, but she could tell he was lonesome and missing his brother and parents. When James and Rose wrote letters, typically on the same parchment, they also seemed to be going through the motions, playing the game of life. She hated that they'd had to go back to school so soon after the accident, but she didn't worry about them as much as she worried about Albus. She was completely surprised when, after a light lunch and work with Albus, that Charlie offered to take care of the girls in a secret dinner with Severus. She didn't ask where they were going, she simply took his hand and they arrived in Hogsmeade, where Hagrid was standing with James and Rose at the Three Broomsticks.

"Oh my goodness, what a surprise!" She immediately ran for them, wrapping both children in a tight hug, kissing their cheeks and then giving Hagrid a big hug as well.

"I'm so sorry I didn't get to say goodbye last time, Hagrid or even tell you about Winnie, we gave her a middle name for you; Winifred Ruby."

"That's awfurly sweet, 'Ermione. Think nothing of it, go enjoy yer belated birthday dinner. I'll be waiting ter walk you back to Hogwarts." Hagrid smiled at her and for a moment she was transported back to simpler times, before they'd all lost so many people. James and Rose told stories of their time at Hogwarts and though it had only been a short time, Hermione could tell they loved being at Hogwarts as much as she had.

"Aunt Hermione, why didn't you tell us about the troll your first year?" James smiled over his pumpkin juice, the same smirk Harry had often displayed when being mischievous and Hermione couldn't help but laugh with him.

"Your dad never told you about that?" Hermione asked, taking a bite of her steak pie and watching as James nodded. "Well it was all his fault, no not really, it was your Uncle Ron's, I heard him making fun of me and as a muggleborn going to Hogwarts, I had enough trouble fitting in. I had such high expectations for myself and before I even left, I had read everything so many times I could recite it. Anyway, without that troll who knows if we would've become friends; I almost asked to be re-sorted before that night since the hat tried to put me in Ravenclaw."

"You were almost Ravenclaw?" Rose piped in, having heard the story about the troll in bits and pieces but never fully.

"Yes, I asked for Gryffindor." An odd smile played on Hermione's face as she watched the children absorb her words, both exchanging a look that signaled that they couldn't imagine Hermione as anything but a Gryffindor.

"What about you, Mister Severus?" James asked, looking to the austere man who had said very little thus far in the evening.

"Yes, Severus, tell them about your hat experience." Hermione teased, hoping he was in the right kind of mood to deal with the children.

"I asked for Slytherin, but the hat considers all possibilities." She grinned and touched his arm.

"That's all? The hat considers all possibilities." Jokingly, she turned completely towards him, challenging him to tell them more.

"Fine, I was almost Gryffindor, the hat practically begged me to change my decision."

"You would've been a great Gryffindor, but I am glad you were Slytherin." Rose commented.

"And why is that, Miss Granger-Weasley?"

"Because you might not have learned chess and strategies as you have, and I appreciate the ways you've helped me over the years, especially talking Mum into things." Severus grinned in the only way he knew and folded his arms, looking between Rose and her mother.

"Just wait until your brother is a Slytherin, Jamie, you'll have a Slytherin wannabe in Rose and Alby and Scorpius in Slytherin proper. Good luck." Hermione pretended to toast to them and laughed, it felt so good to see Rose and James, to be out in public for food with her friend, even if things between them were tense; although she missed the girls, it was nice to not have one attached to her breasts while she ate.

"Alby is such a Slytherin. I wonder if Mum and Dad figured he would be or if they thought we'd all be Gryffindor." James' contemplative question made them all pause.

"Your dad asked me about it once, because they'd had a fight and it was nasty, like he said some things to Alby that he felt really guilty about. He would've been proud regardless, I know, whether you all were in Gryffindor or any house, he just wanted you to be happy." Hermione felt her voice break a bit, realizing again how terrible it was that Harry was missing out on seeing his children become adults, that Ron and Harry would never know their youngest children; it suddenly felt like too much. She stood and went to the loo, where her tears fell without abandon until she heard the door open after several minutes passed.

"Mum?" Rose's voice, like a perfect song, rang out through the loo. "Mister Severus asked me to check on you."

"I'm okay, sweetie, just hormonal." Hermione wiped her eyes and walked out of the stall to find her daughter standing by the sink, her large blue eyes full of tears as well. "Oh, darling, I didn't mean to make you sad."

"You didn't, I was just thinking how lucky I am that you're still here. Jamie and Alby lost both their parents." Hermione pulled Rose into a hug and smoothed her hair, soft and full like Ron's had been.

"I am very happy to still be here, darling, and to be able to love all of you. I know I'm not perfect, but I promise to do my best." Rose squeezed her tightly before they both splashed their faces and returned to the table. Hermione could tell it was time to pump or feed her girls since her chest felt far heavier than normal, so she finished her food quickly.

After they ate, Hagrid walked them all to the castle and Hermione paid her respects to the Weasleys and Potters, wondering if she was raising the children well enough. The girls were almost two months old and it was hard for her to believe so much time had passed as she sat on Ron's grave, telling him all about Winnie. Severus has remained with them, but aloof neither participating nor fading into the background, he watched and protected, hoping no evil would befall them after he'd taken great pains to organize the dinner before the Halloween celebration.

"I'm sorry, but we must go." Severus whispered, leaning down and getting Hermione's attention. She immediately stood and hugged Rose and James, made them promise to write and then gave them pictures of Albus and the girls.

"How did you manage this?" Hermione asked as they walked towards the gates, she felt her feet pinched in her shoes but no amount of discomfort could remove the happiness she felt.

"Charlie mentioned we didn't really do much for your birthday and reminded me how nice it would be to get out after being cooped up at the house." It reminded her of Sirius during her fifth year when he'd felt so useless. She didn't feel useless, but knowing that she was being protected by the Ministry, as well as her children, it seemed things so far out of her control, and it was a feeling she didn't enjoy one bit. She hadn't wanted to talk about the case or things that would ruin the pleasant mood, but she was incredibly frustrated.

"I just don't understand how there are no other leads, and they won't let me talk to Lucius until next month, they won't let you fix Alby's memory...it's incredibly suspicious to me." Hermione took his arm as they reached the gates, and for a moment she thought of him as a Death Eater, leaving Hogwarts to go to the Dark Lord and she shuddered.

"They are being cautious for good reason, though I concur that it's suspicious." He pulled her close and apparated to Grimmauld Place where she couldn't shake the feeling of his former life for a moment, the nightmares he'd had in the infirmary and his rooms following the war, and how he wept. They'd both suffered lingering effects of the cruciatus curse, but Hermione's wounds had been healed by the time Severus awoke, he'd never seen the pain she'd been in and for that she was grateful. It worried her, then, that he would blame himself for not being able to stop Voldemort or his followers from hurting them. She knew, in her heart of hearts, that he would've stopped Bellatrix LeStrange from cursing her if he could have. The thought stayed with her, the blade at her arm, the feeling of a thousand blades across her body, opening up the hexed skin; she suddenly felt ill.

"You're suddenly troubled?" He lifted her chin but Hermione didn't meet his gaze.

"It's nothing, only, thank you. I really needed to see them." With that she walked through the door and saw Albus and Charlie feeding the girls, and all her misgivings vanished for a moment.

"Were they good?" She asked, taking Winnie from Albus and kissing her cheeks, running her hand over her soft curls and looking over to Lily, who was completely asleep.

"Of course, they are always good for Uncle Charlie." Standing on her toes, she kissed his cheek as well, then took Winnie to the nursery, coming back for Lily before telling Albus she would make sure he got his story before bed. She spent around an hour with the girls, bathing and changing them, giving them one last feeding and hoping this might be the first night they slept through. After climbing the steps to Albus' room, she found Severus telling him a story about his grandmother, Lily. She listened, her hand on the doorframe as he told Albus about he and Lily Evans fishing in a dammed lake, how she was clever and used the magic she didn't really understand yet to entice the fish over. He told him a few other stories until Albus' eyes began to droop.

"Did you always stay friends?" Albus asked innocently, rubbing his eyes before pulling his covers back and sliding back on the bed sitting cross legged.

"No, unfortunately, I'm surprised your father never told you. I'm sure you'll hear about it when you get older, but no. I made some poor choices, ones that altered my life path, and did things your grandmother found difficult to forgive, not that I blame her. I hope that whichever house you end up in you choose to be a diligent and forgiving friend." Hermione was surprised by the tone of his voice, the way he mentioned Lily with calm and composure when she knew how painful the situation had been for him.

"Will you tell me, someday? About being a spy? I mean, I know it's personal."

"When you are older, though if you have questions once you get to Hogwarts, because I'm sure there are many tall tales about my efforts, I will answer them."

"Thank you, sir. Goodnight, Mister Severus, Dad never talked about his mum." He said, yawning and pulling his covers up.

"He didn't know her as I did. Goodnight, Albus." When Severus stood to leave the room, he found Hermione at the door with tears in her eyes, which wasn't an abnormal sight for her but still, it had been a few weeks since he'd seen her cry so hard. It felt suddenly like the room was too small and so was she, she looked young and innocent, as though none of the bad things that had happened in that last years had affected her at all. Before saying a word, she turned from him and started down the stairs, to check on the girls and say goodbye to Charlie who was returning to Romania until Christmas. Wiping her eyes, she threw her arms around him and tried not to think of Ron and Harry, how it had been them together for years working together, experiencing their lives together since they were eleven, and though she knew she would be strong enough to move on, to live life for their children, in the moment she just wanted to escape. The night had been perfect, her girls happy, Albus and Severus getting to know each other better, and dinner with her Hogwarts kids; but as she watched Charlie grabbing his things, she felt so distraught, as though she was being abandoned. It definitely felt to her like just when she needed them most, when both girls were home and her meeting with Lucius Malfoy was a month away, they were abandoning her.

"I'll be back at Christmas, I promise. George said something about coming to see you tomorrow to talk about some things at the Burrow; I wish I could be here for that, but I know you can do it." Charlie's hands were cold, but Hermione didn't mind as he held hers for a moment before letting go and grabbing his duffle, walking to the door and leaving. There was an immediate, eerie silence in the house; it made her suddenly uncomfortable, until Severus' voice broke the void.

"Seamus will be here in an hour to strengthen the wards. He has been asked to stay as I need to take care of some errands." Scrunching her brow, his tone reminded her of September, when he'd told her he couldn't always protect her. Turning from him, Hermione didn't know why her emotions were so raw or why the smallest things were making her weepy. Wrapping her arms around her midsection, she took a deep breath and nodded, she couldn't form the words to tell him she wished he wouldn't leave because it made her feel alone, even with the children in the house. She understood he had many other responsibilities; she understood that making him stay and guard her all the time was all-consuming. Yet, even with rationality of thought, Hermione felt his loss and he hadn't even left. Before leaving him she turned again and saw clearly on his face that he didn't want to leave or if it wasn't that, he was doing a pretty good impression of someone who looked lost. How could both Charlie and Severus be leaving her at the same time?

"Do you plan to be gone long?" She asked, worried that she sounded desperate.

"It's not my plan to be gone at all, but I must do what the Ministry asks." His reply was straightforward but she felt consumed by guilt- always the guilt.

"Will you be safe, please?" Her voice was low, calm, and pleading as she tried to decide if what she wanted to say was appropriate.

"I always endeavor to be safe." Annoyed, she wondered if he was incapable of admitting that he wanted to return. But part of her worried he really did want to leave, and if that was the case, she wished he wouldn't return. not that either of them had a choice in the matter at all. It was a cruel punishment of the Ministry to force Severus to protect her, to feel her emotions this way and then to send him away.

"I guess nothing left to say, then." Arms still wrapped around her center, she started to walk away but heard him curse behind her and then quietly whimper, as though he'd hurt himself. When Hermione turned, he was already using his wand to heal the cuts on his hands from the vial he'd been holding. It took for only moments to decide whether she should help him, so when she walked over, she was surprised it had been in his direction.

"What happened?" But instead of an answer, she simply got his infamous scowl. "Fine, do what you want and you accuse me of being irrational and emotional. Goodbye." She left immediately, beyond frustrated with the situation but devastated that she had lost her temper with him again. Of course, at that moment in her anger, she didn't understand that he would be gone for almost two full months.

Entering her room, Hermione immediately went to loo and washed her face and when she changed into her pajamas, she noticed that she was having her first regular period since the birth of Winnie, and that made her feel a little less annoyed with herself for being so emotional. When she felt the wards shift and then calm, she climbed into her bed and tried not to think about the things she needed to do, the trial that seemed like would never happen, the crippling loneliness she'd only felt once before in her life, and the person she was leaning on too often was someone who being forced to.

When George came the next day, he gave Hermione all of Ron's childhood toys and anything else connected to him, like his "R" sweaters from infancy and any pictures that were his or copies of family pictures.

"George," she placed her hand on his and looked into his bright eyes, still mischievous but holding so much sadness, " each time I think I've mastered an emotion or done just one thing right it hits me again. I honestly don't know how you are braving this, any of you." George brought his other hand to rest on hers and sandwich it, unable to form words for a moment.

"Without Angelina and the girls, it would be impossible, but life must go on. We can't sacrifice the living for the dead, you know." She couldn't look him in the eye again as his insightful, painful words washed over her. They sat in silence a while longer as she waited for the girls to wake again, and when George left, she hugged him hard, thankful there were still Weasley men around.

Although it was bittersweet, Hermione thought it would be sweet to put Winnie and Lily in their father's or mother's sweaters for a picture. The rest of the day she spent going through the motions, taking care of the girls and Albus, supervising his homework and teaching him about the dragons that Charlie tamed in Romania. When she finally went to bed late that night, she couldn't get to sleep so she looked through the pictures George had brought her and eventually fell asleep with his picture in her hand.

SSHGSSHGSSHG

(Hermione's first Christmas home after starting at Hogwarts)

"Hermione dear, what has you so focused?" Jane Granger asked her precocious twelve year old, knowing that it could be a myriad of things. Since she'd first received her letter, Jane had known Hermione was destined for a far different like than she and her husband had experienced.

"Just reviewing, we have some exams when we return." Hermione lied, and Jane knew this because when Hermione lied she refused to make eye contact and scrunched her nose or blinked incessantly.

"So what is your favorite thing about Hogwarts?" Jane tried to pull her from her text and watched as Hermione reluctantly closed her book, set aside her parchment and quill, and came to sit next to her mother on her bed.

"Well, I really love the lessons, and my professors, I mean some are really strict. My potions professor is really clever, but he doesn't really like my house, urm Gryffindor house, and my head of house and he sometimes seem at odds. And I've made some friends, Harry and Ron, they're really funny." Hermione loved when her mother played with her hair, it was instantly calming, something she missed greatly in her room at Hogwarts, surrounded by girls who cared more about their looks than brains.

"Your headmaster wrote us about Halloween." Jane's tone was clear; Hermione hadn't written her parents about the incident with the troll, but she should've known Dumbledore would tell them, it was the responsible and professional thing to do.

"I was upset because Ron had made a joke about me, several in fact, and I was crying in the bathroom, and we worked together to stop a troll. It's how we became friends, actually." Jane didn't pretend to understand everything about Hermione's life, she worried for her safety but chose to believe that nothing truly terrible would befall her daughter while she was away at school.

"Daddy wants to take us to ice cream, what do you say to some mint chocolate chip?" Hermione smiled broadly, ice cream was certainly a treat from her dentist parents. Grabbing her jumper, she followed her mother out of her room, forgetting about her research and her life at Hogwarts for an evening and spending time with her parents. It was the first time she truly realized that her life would continue down a clear path separately from them and she worried they'd lose each other in the end if she didn't try to include them.

The next day they had Christmas dinner with extended relatives, none of whom knew she was a witch and even though she could sense a real disconnect between herself and them, it was still nice to be around family. They were planning to go to Paris the next morning, so Hermione didn't let a single thing get in the way of her happiness. She hoped Ron and Harry were spending their Christmas holidays researching like she was, though she was frustrated she couldn't figure out where she'd seen the name Nicholas Flamel.

"Hermione dear, tell me about this school you go to." Hermione's maternal grandmother, who she Nonny, asked bringing a plate of pastries to share with her. Of all of her grandparents, she loved her Nonny the most; although she knew no one else in her family was magical, if there had been a chance for someone else to be, she believed it was Ruth Cooper.

"It's in Scotland, as you know. We are divided into groups and there's some competition for points for the end of the year celebration. I love my classes so far." Nonny smiled softly and took Hermione's hand in hers.

"Your mother has called me twice a week since you left asking how I dealt with her going to boarding school. You must promise to always be honest with her so she won't worry." Hermione's eyes flashed to her mother's, bright blue and happy amidst all of their relatives, her brothers and sisters.

"Of course, Nonny, I do love it there and I'm learning so much." It wasn't a lie, nothing Hermione told her could be misconstrued for truth, but Hermione did feel a bit guilty because she normally told her Nonny everything and now it was against the law to do so.

"Janie said you were researching NIcholas Flamel, is that for your science class?" Hermione was shocked; how did her mother know she was researching Nicholas Flamel and how did either of them know who that was?

"Not exactly researching him, something he's connected with but I am at a loss, and yes it's for Science, urm Chemistry to be exact." Nonny took a bite of the lemon bar and smiled sweetly towards Hermione.

"He's a famous alchemist, dear, you should be able to find him in any historical text. There are all kinds of rumours and myths about him, quite intriguing really." It dawned on Hermione immediately. They didn't need the restricted section, they just needed 'Hogwarts: A History'. Kissing her Nonny's cheek, she put her desserts down and ran to her room, opening the massive text and found him. Although she was thankful to have finally made the connection, she couldn't help but question how her Nonny knew anything about Nicholas Flamel or alchemy for that matter.

"Hermione, your grandparents are leaving." Hermione heard her father call out, she'd been so engrossed in her writing and reading that an hour had passed in what felt like seconds. Scampering quickly down the hallway, Hermione hugged and kissed both sets of her grandparents, then sat with her parents as other guests filtered out, until it was just the three of them again.

"Are you packed for France, dear?" Jane asked as Hermione sat between them, her father's arm extending across Hermione's shoulder to touch Jane.

"Yes. I'm so excited, we haven't been in years." Martin and Jane exchanged a glance, one that Hermione unfortunately missed; they were going to renew their vows in the small church where they'd married twenty years before, dedicating their lives to each other again as the absence of their only child had made them reassess what they were to each other. Jane was first to voice her concerns, that they'd focused so much on Hermione and her magic that they'd forgotten to love each other and take time to work on things. That was when Martin suggested they remarry, rededicated themselves to each other and Hermione. Although both knew their marriage was far from perfect, they wanted Hermione to have a positive example for a lasting relationship, and were happy that they still loved each other after twenty years married. They wanted Hermione to marry someday, to know that even if most marriages ended in divorce, marriages could be worked on, if the married couple tried, there were some things they could overcome. Although they'd faced many trials, Jane and Martin Granger wanted Hermione to spend life with someone who loved her endlessly, so she would never be alone.

SSHGSSHGSSHG

When she was finally able to meet with Lucius Malfoy, she was nervous but ready to ask him all the questions that had been floating around her brain since she'd first seen into Albus' mind. Though it also made her realize she'd never gotten a copy of the letter he'd written her. It seemed that almost nothing Kingsley Shacklebolt had told her when he came to Grimmauld Place was true, aside from the one part of Severus' 'prison' sentence, she'd figured the rest out on her own. It made her wonder what else he was keeping from her, from the wizarding world for that matter. Although she still trusted Kingsley, she certainly believed him as crooked as Fudge and Scrimgeour and it saddened her because she'd admired him since she was young, when she first knew what the Order of the Phoenix was, but then again, she was the worst for putting people on pedestals, giving them too much leeway and trusting that they had her best interest at heart.

Seamus escorted her to Azkaban, as Severus still hadn't returned from his errands he was apparently running which she was convinced were connected to the case. He'd never been absent from her for so long since coming to the MLE offices. It bothered her that there had been no communication from him, not even to check on the girls; although she assumed he was communicating with Seamus and the Ministry, she wondered why he wasn't communicating with her. She wondered if this particular jaunt away from her was connected to his first five years working for the Ministry, when he worked with the aurors and Unspeakables. It bothered her more than she could express that even after all his years of service as a spy, the Ministry was using him to their advantage.

George and Angelina watched the girls and Albus while she went to Azkaban prison; even without the dementors, it was still an unbearable place. She'd almost asked Draco to accompany her as well, but she knew things between father and son were still a bit unsettled. Although she'd seen him in Albus' memory, seeing him sit before her in the holding room unnerved her; she'd defended him and had spent hours with him, she felt completely unnerved.

"You are looking well, Ms. Granger." His voice still dripped syrupy sweet.

"That's a lie, but I'll thank you all the same. And, it was Hermione years ago, it should be now." Hermione took her notes out and wondered if he would talk as freely as he once had. It had never occurred to her that he would be so open when she was defending him against the Ministry, but hard-fought case brought them closer together.

"I assume you know why I'm here."

"Of course, your dear nephew saw me trying to stop the lorry from flipping and then later, when they took me into custody because they knew they were holding me without proper evidence, when I came to Grimmauld Place to explain everything, Rabastan LeStrange decided to follow me. He and his brother are to blame for the lorry explosion, citing some vendetta against Molly and Arthur, though I still believe you were the ultimate target. I haven't quite figured out why, but I was warned hours before by Rabastan's wife, which is why I showed up at all really, but since I came to Grimmauld Place, they assume I am somehow connected. They are holding me here for parole violation." Hermione was surprised by his candor, but not surprised that the LeStrange family was connected. It was clear he hadn't spoken to anyone in a while because his speech was erratic and quick, as though terrified he may not speak again.

"And why did she feel the need to contact you? Did you tell the Ministry before you showed up where she told you they'd be?" Hermione eye's narrowed in on him, wondering why these former Death Eaters had targeted her family at all, and certainly why the wife of someone she'd never seen warned Lucius to stop her husband and brother-in-law.

"I have no real answer to that, except Isadora LeStrange knew that they would be caught and killed. Perhaps she wanted to save his hide. They've taken her into custody, but Kingsley probably won't tell you that. And I did alert the aurors and the Minister for Magic himself, though you can see what good it did." She contemplated him and wrote a few things down; if she were to take his word, it would mean that someone at the Ministry had allowed them to be targeted and die.

"Who is your representation?"

"It was to be Severus until Shacklebolt sent him away, and I supposed asking you would be a major conflict of interest, so at the moment I'm completely unrepresented, which doesn't seem to be doing me much good since it took them two months to let me speak to someone aside from Severus." Her face felt permanently scrunched; she hadn't realized Severus had been there so often visiting, especially since he hadn't mentioned going to visit him at all.

"No one from our office has been? That is shocking." She watched him cross and uncross his legs, then rest his head on his hand as he normally did.

"Really? You don't find it odd that they've kept me from having legal counsel. They tried last time-"

"Sure, but this is completely different. You haven't murdered anyone and you are entitled to legal counsel; these aren't Death Eater days, though knowing that the LeStrange's are involved makes my stomach turn. How did Rabastan escape? And which brother, Rodolphus died." He could see the wheels turning in her mind.

"Hermione, they will not let you represent me, so as much as I appreciate your mind working at Hogwart's Express speed, I would hate for you to waste your time." It was hard to shift her eyes from his, they'd always drawn her in like Severus', they were the gateway to his soul, what was left of it.

"My mind has been numbed by babies and mourning, so do excuse me for a moment because I quite thought there weren't any active Death Eaters out to get my family anymore and certainly not one I hadn't ever heard of." Writing a few things down, she kept her eyes on Lucius and felt for a moment what it had been like to be in her early twenties, defending him even though she despised most things about his beliefs.

"His name is Reynaldo and he is the youngest; he hid out in Ukraine while the rest of us answered the call, and before you go trying to research him, you won't find much. Severus could barely find his name mentioned in the family's records. Listen, dove, I know I was really only exonerated because my former wife told Voldemort Harry Potter was dead, so my hopes aren't quite so high right now." She watched him fold and unfold his slender, long fingers and wondered if there was anything she could do for him while he seemed completely fine with the hand he'd been dealt. His mentioning Ukraine made her shiver with memories.

"It's illegal, though, what is happening. I will at least petition for your release and I can defend you if I choose, there are no laws preventing me from doing so. I just wish they'd let Severus fix Alby's memory because I'm sure we'd see Mr. LeStrange. I remember now, the night you came to Grimmauld Place that there were other men there, not just you." She watched as his face softened and spark of sorts returned to his eyes. There was no way she could let him suffer in prison when he hadn't committed a crime.

"What is their justification for your parole violation?" She asked, writing a few more notes before looking at his piercing blue eyes again.

"They claim that using my wand, even if it was in defense of you and your family, violates the oath I made not to use my wand outside of my home. Technically, they are completely within their right to keep me here on those terms, though I think the extenuating circumstances trump the parole rules. Besides, I'm only one month away from the parole rules applying." Nodding and writing more down, Hermione mentally flipped through her memory of the parole terms they'd settled so many years prior and knew she could free him, though he'd be under house arrest.

"Not that I mind at all, but why are you so willingly helping me?" His voice pierced her concentration, forcing her to look at him again, to think of her motives and the people the LeStranges had hurt who were so dear to her and the answer was clear.

"Funny, I asked Severus the same thing not so long ago." She wrote a series of bulleted steps she knew she'd need to follow to get his release and then put her notepad away. "You know I'm hopelessly a bleeding heart for a cause and though we may not have seen eye to eye on much, you aren't the man who picked on my muggle parents at a bookshop any longer and I'm not a bright-eyed girl with such naivety. Life is completely black and white, you know; you and I fall into this gray area." Hermione extended her hand to him and felt both of his grasp hers.

"You've paid your debt to society already, Lucius, you shouldn't be here. I will contact you with any updates." Hermione looked upon him with empathy but all Lucius saw was her grief.

"I'm sorry I couldn't stop the accident from happening altogether; I realize now how devastated you must be- there's something about this place that makes it hard for me to feel anything, but with you here, darling I just don't know how you're coping." Without a second thought, he stood and walked to the door connecting to the hallway of cells, leaving Hermione in the room alone, wondering how she was keeping it together as well. She knocked on the door and found Seamus on the other side. They didn't speak, he knew just as well as she did that Malfoy was being kept there to appease the public while the Ministry floundered trying to hide a Death Eater plot. It seemed like something Cornelius Fudge would've done and not Kingsley. It made her stomach weak, it made her want to swoon and as soon as they left the prison, she vomited in the bushes.

"You okay, Granger?" Seamus offered her his hand and saw the anguish on her eyes, threatening tears, and whisked her away.

"Funny that Severus isn't normally allowed to leave my side yet he's been sent away at this particular time. Something isn't right at all, Seamus." Hermione said as they landed on the stoop of Grimmauld Place.

"If you can, contact Severus and tell him I'm petitioning the Wizengamot on behalf of Lucius Malfoy." Seamus merely nodded as she went inside, found Albus studying his history lesson with George and the girls napping sweetly in their cot. Without a pause, she went to her desk and began filling out the forms required to petition the Wizengamot and sent the forms with Harry's owl Tyrus immediately to the Ministry and then wrote to Draco, waiting for the owl to return. She hoped he'd stay true to his word and help her exonerate his father, even if it meant having to help her defend him. The thought of the LeStranges focusing on her family made her stomach continue to churn; she sat for a moment longer then went to the kitchen to start dinner and hope she was doing the right thing. The only Death Eater she could imagine having a vendetta against her or at least one who she'd had a run in with before was Antonin Dolohov or even Fenrir Greyback, but they were both dead. Of course, she'd thought the LeStranges dead as well. Unless, of course, it was something connected to Bellatrix, but even then Hermione couldn't make the connection.

Stirring the beef stroganoff, Hermione thought deeper on Albus' memory and realized immediately that when he was looking in the opposite direction of Lucius, he'd obviously seen Reynaldo or Rabastan; if he hadn't been obliviated, they'd definitely used a charm to confuse his memory just as they'd done the night she and Severus returned from the hospital. But, just she'd almost completely lost herself in thought, she felt Albus' arm at her waist.

"Can I chop the gherkins?"

"Of course, here, just be careful." Kissing his crazy hair, she watched him slice up the gherkins as though he were preparing a potion. It made her think of Severus and how different the house seemed since he'd been gone. Perhaps the compulsion spell really did work both ways because at odd times, she felt his anxiety, his fear and though she'd always imagined him fearless, she knew he was worried about catching the people responsible and keeping her and the inhabitants of Grimmauld Place safe. It made her guilt surge, to feel that once again he was obligated to a cause, compelled to action without a choice and she hated it; yet, part of her didn't want anyone else to assume the role. If nothing else, she knew how dedicated Severus was to his duties, she just wished it wasn't because the Ministry was making him.

SSHGSSHGSSHG

(7 months into pregnancy with Winnie)

Hermione sat in the loo crying; she hated the tears and the fear that seemed to accompany every surge of hormones was a smothering feeling she was losing her child. Blood, not red and not heavy, but still there. She didn't recall this with Rose; it didn't seem like Ginny was experiencing the same things. So she sat, the weak woman she'd become during this pregnancy and her fear everyday made her worry.

"Hermione? The Ballantynes are here for their briefing. Are you alright?" Seamus yelled through the loo door.

"I'll be right out." She squeaked, blowing her nose, then washing her face and trying to calm her nerves. When she finally felt a little less red, she walked into the hallway and saw Severus waiting for her.

"The Ballantynes rescheduled suddenly. Would you like to get some tea?" She shuffled to her office, this pregnancy had been the worst yet and most days she was just so thankful to have carried their new girl so long she couldn't contain her happiness, but when there were hiccups in her typical day, she felt those emotions overwhelm her.

Walking down to the commissary, Hermione tried to remind herself that everything was fine, it was all normal and every time she felt little Winifred Ruby kick it made her heart soar.

"Has something happened?" Lost in thought Hermione looked over to Severus and signed.

"Lady business." She replied curtly, feeling the roundness of her seven-month belly.

"Lady business? Seriously, Granger, I've held your hair while you've vomited more than once. And besides that, I'm one step away from a healer at this point, so if it's something I can help with, let me." He scanned the room as he spoke. "Besides, neither Seamus nor I can handle the Ballantynes without you and your sharp quill."

"I've had some bleeding, light but still...when I lost the last one I bled for days." Severus stirred his tea with magic from middle finger and watched her face go through the entire gamut of emotions. "And you don't need me for the Ballantynes."

"We'd like you around all the same, especially since you'll be on leave for six months, lazy layabout." Normally Hermione loved his teasing, his sardonic sense of humor was far superior to the asskissers she encountered most of the time at the Ministry, but that day Hermione felt too sore and emotional to laugh.

"Do you need me to-"

"No, I don't need anything." She grabbed her tea and went back to their office swiftly, it was too warm in the commissary and she felt too exposed by Severus, as usual he knew the exact thing to say to make her lose her wits. Shuffling papers for a moment, she felt an odd chill fill the room and when she thought she might shiver into hysterics, she almost fainted. With no voice or power to call out, she lay there on her office floor in professional dress, completely immobilized. When Severus showed up seconds later, she was sure he was going to berate her for storming out of the commissary or for whatever had caused her sudden chill and paralysis.

"Hermione, you are in shock. Look at me, look at my lips, listen to me breathe." He slowly brought her head up and forced her into his arms, yelling to Seamus to floo Ron.

"Breathe, Hermione, count in your head, four in and six out." Ten minutes later Ron showed up and found Hermione wrapped in Severus' arms, her face pale and sickly, her entire body quivering. Severus had sent his patronus because he wasn't sure if Seamus had gotten Ron through the floo.

"I think she's had a panic attack, Weasley." Ron dipped next to his wife and cupped her face, leaning down to kiss her softly and then push her curls from her face.

"Were you bleeding, love?" Hermione silently nodded looking between the man holding her and the one cupping her face.

"It's going to be fine, the doctor said the other day if she came now it wouldn't be great but her chance of survival is high. Come now, let's sit you up and we'll go home. Fleur can floo over and check you, unless you want to go to St. Mungos?" Hermione couldn't speak, she felt trapped and her breathing hitched again, her vision blurred and before she passed out, she saw dark eyes and a worried expression.

"There, Mynee, we're home. Fleur came and everything's fine." She heard Ron's voice, felt him at her side gently massaging her arms then taking her hand in his and kissing her palm.

"Snape made some potions to help and brought them. I'm so thankful he was there for you; I don't know what I'd do if I lost you." Her eyes filled with tears and she felt foolish, her worry had turned into a panic and that panic had just made things worse.

"I'm sorry, love, so sorry. I just worry so much she'll be taken."

"I know, I worry, too, but we can't. I love you, stubborn as you are." Hermione smiled and leaned up on her elbows to kiss him, his soft familiar lips only the second she'd ever known.

"Is Severus still here?"

"Yes, he wanted to cast a charm, some kind of anxiety thing he learned after the war." Ron kissed her forehead and went down the stairs. Before Hermione could really take a breath, Severus was at the door, looking impossibly tall and foreboding but also a kind and wanted figure.

"Are you here to charm me?" She laughed, imagining him trying to charm any woman.

"Mock all you'd like, I didn't pass out in my office today." As soon as the words had left his lips, he regretted them. She'd been far more sensitive during this pregnancy than any other time he'd known her.

"I'm sorry, really, you shouldn't have to be in these situations. Maybe I should take leave early." He simply rolled his eyes and cast a few charms on her, strengthening charms and then one to protect her cervix.

"Stop trying to shirk your duties." He did one more diagnostic and then helped her to the loo door, seeing a fair amount of blood on the spot where she'd lain and then he worried, which he did so rarely felt, and felt her fear as well. When she exited the bathroom, he'd already taken care of the sheets and helped her back into bed.

"Stay home tomorrow." She saluted him in mocking and watched as he bent down to check her temperature and found instead the steady breath flowing in and out of her nostrils, the light perfume of Lavender and vanilla, and the freckles- they seemed to represent all of the stars in the great wide sky. If she had been almost any other woman, he would kissed her, ardently with finesse he reserved for women he actually cared for. He opted to kiss her forehead then left her room, saying hello to Rose and goodbye to Ron as he left. Hermione Granger had given him a chance at a second life, but he felt truly that she would be the death of him.

Next chapter: Christmas, SS returns, Lucius leaves Azkaban.


	6. Chapter 6

AN: Lucius returns, Draco and his relationship with Astoria and children, Christmas and some surprises. Warnings- abuse, miscarriage, mothering, episodes of PTSD.

Chapter 6: Christmas is All Around

(First Christmas after the Final Battle)

Hermione's eyes swept over the infirmary, Professor Snape had been asleep for far longer than usual and she couldn't tell if he was slipping into one of his long sleeps; she couldn't call it a coma but there didn't seem to be a better term, so she just watched him and hoped she could help if he seemed distraught. It had been months since she'd mastered changing his bandages and administering potions without him complaining, but he hadn't had to stay in the infirmary for so long for a great while. His quarters had become second nature to her, as predictable as her own and she was truly thankful that he allowed her sanctuary there when it was too much. Although classes had resumed, she was one of ten in a special situation, finishing the seventh year even though she felt much older than everyone. And though she felt safe at Hogwarts, most nights she dreamt of the previous year, the fears of being caught, the torture, that pain of losing so many. When she cared for Professor Snape, it all seemed worth the pain.

He stirred and opened his eyes, so she reached for him through his mind since his words were still limited, she knew he was in pain immediately but as she stood to grab pain potions, he grabbed her wrist and held so tightly she thought it might snap. When she entered his mind again, he was begging, begging for relief, for death and it made her ooze guilt, it made her force images of a life fully lived; like a tug of war, they battled in their minds, he showed her the depravity of his life, the people he'd tortured as a very young man, killing Dumbledore, but he'd accidentally slipped in his refusal to leave the Carrows alone with students, his protection of Harry, his first thought when he'd seen her above him, shoving a bezoar down his throat and stopping the bleeding. She showed him how much he'd given her, the safety she'd felt in his presence since 3rd year, how much she commiserated with him about the way the Marauders treated him, and finally she asked if he wanted to go to his rooms. Hermione almost broke when she noticed a tear roll down his cheek; he deserved so much more than she could give. He finally released her wrist and she grabbed the pain potion, pouring it delicately down his throat.

She knew the pain potion would hit him hard before they got to his rooms, so she cast a spell to make him light as a feather and carried him, safely depositing him in his own bed, then ordering soup for him from the kitchen. He'd wake in an hour, so she wanted to be ready. After pain potions he was always particularly grouchy, so she wanted him fed. While he slept, she read her potions work aloud to him and then her defense texts, wondering when he'd feel up to brewing with her again. His pain was cyclical but unpredictable; she'd tried to use arithmancy trying to predict when another great spasm would hit him, but it was unreliable as well. Hours later, when he finally woke, he apologized in his limited words and thanked her; he ate his soup and went to the loo on his own. He didn't know how many times Hermione had helped him or even bathed him and it became her life's mission to make sure he never did.

"Care to play?" Hermione pointed to muggle Scrabble but he seemed too drained.

"No." He pointed to the chessboard instead and she grimaced. He was far better than her, but she knew he'd be asleep before the game was over so she agreed, and with every movie she saw his eyes droop, his mind slow and then he was out. Moving him in his groggy state to his bed was never fun, he was tall and surprisingly strong for someone so thin. As she transfigured his clothes into something warmer, she heard a bell chime and realized it was Christmas Day.

"Happy Christmas, Severus." She kissed his forehead and though she knew it was a bad idea, she lay next to him, moving his hair from his face as she did. He looked peaceful. Sleeping next to him ended in one of two ways normally; either she was immediately thrown out or felt one hand on hers, in her hair, or on her side. It seemed in those times that Professor Snape sought the same comfort she did, even if she knew it was most likely inappropriate. Lost in thought, she closed her eyes and began to drift off when one of his arms pulled her closely, he kissed the top of her head and sighed.

"Happy Christmas, Hermione." He whispered, new words including her given name. It made her smile, it made her hope she wasn't pushing him too hard and that her friendship meant as much to him as his did to hers. She burrowed into his side a bit more, wetting his nightshirt with her tears of gratitude, and wishing desperately that she never had to leave him.

SSHGSSHGSSHG

When the kids came home from Hogwarts, there was music and joy in Grimmauld Place. Although she hadn't been allowed to help gather them from King's Cross, she was waiting with sweets and the house decorated when they came through the door. Although it hadn't seemed long since Severus had taken her to Hogsmeade for her belated birthday dinner, it felt like months since she'd seen them. Rose was immediately obsessed with Lily and Winnie, who were now over three months old and far more alert than they'd been last time she'd seen them.

"They could easily be twins now that Winnie is plumping up." Rose smiled down at her sister and then at Lily.

"You'll help me feed them? I've been pumping as much as I can." Rose immediately nodded and took the bottle from Hermione's hand, and the sight of Rose helping take care of her sister made her weepy.

"So what is your favorite class?" Hermione asked, trying to keep herself from losing it moments within the children arriving.

"I rather like transfiguration but herbology is probably my favorite. Professor Longbottom has really been fun and he tells me and Jamie loads of stories. I help him on weekends in the greenhouses, well when we're not practicing quidditch." It felt like home again just listening to her talk, Hermione couldn't imagine a more perfect evening or time spent with Rose.

Later, they all gathered at the table for dinner, James and Albus still catching up and chattering away as Charlie and Rose talked quidditch. Hermione just watched, observing as they all reacquainted themselves with each other again. Halfway through dinner, she heard the front door open and the heavy sound of boots as Severus and Seamus came through. Before she could say welcome, she saw Lucius Malfoy behind them so she walked over and motioned for them to join them for dinner. She'd received no note, no briefing, nothing about the release of Lucius Malfoy, but she hadn't received anything from Severus at all while he'd been gone, as though she were just anyone else in his life. It surprised her that nothing had been said about releasing a convicted man into her home, where the five children also resided; it seemed highly unethical on Kingsley's part. But, she couldn't begrudge Lucius nor place the blame on anyone but herself since she'd freed him.

"They didn't even tell me you were being released." She stepped forward and shook his hand, unsure of the terms of his release and how he'd welcome more than just a handshake after being in Azkaban. Soon, they were in chairs enjoying the dinner Hermione and Albus had prepared for everyone and then Yorkshire pudding, which she knew was James and Rose's favorite pudding and then hot cocoa in the living room where Charlie had started a fire. Hermione busied herself with a room for Lucius on the third floor and freshened Severus' room which hadn't been slept in for a while. She could hardly recall the last time she'd seen him, which was odd after so many years working with him.

"You could've left that for me." She heard him from the doorway but didn't turn to look at him as she tucked the sheets under the corners of the mattress and then grabbed the laundry, shrinking it all into one pillowcase and taking it with her down the stairs. Part of her was quite angry with him for neglecting her for over a month and part of her was so happy to see him she could barely contain her excitement.

Before going back to the living room, she knew Lily and Winnie would need a feeding before they slept for the night, so she grabbed them and her sling; leaving one girl at her breast and one still sleeping on her shoulder, she joined the crowd talking happily of classes and quidditch, Albus happily soaking up each word. Taking a seat in the only free spot, she found herself directly across from Severus and Lucius, who both appeared to be exhausted but pleased, as though for them it was as close to a normal Christmas as they'd get. Lucius suddenly came over to her and crouched down, looking at Winnie's face as it rested on Hermione's shoulder.

"This must be Winnie." He tentatively reached to touch her back softly, the way he had with Draco, Scorpius, and Hyperion. "Scorpius and Hyperion loved to rest on my chest when they were l this size; they grow far too quickly."

"It's amazing how much they've changed in three almost four months, some mornings I hardly know them." Hermione adjusted the sling, making sure the charm for modesty was still in place; it was one thing to have family see but quite another Lucius Malfoy, no matter how much he'd changed since the war ended. "Would you like to hold her? Draco told me you actually love babies. I would never have pegged you for that." He happily but gently lifted her from Hermione's chest, cradling her against his as though she was precious cargo.

"Oh but it's been so long since I've held a little one. How I begged Narcissa for years for another but it just wouldn't do, she was obsessed with Draco's perfection." He quickly transfigured the foot rest into a chair and sat next to her. It was hard for her to imagine Lucius as a doting father or Narcissa a loving mother, for that matter, but then she rationalized that he loved his wife and child like any man, regardless of being a Death Eater. Though she believed he'd been on the wrong side, he had been doing whatever it took to protect his family and she couldn't deny him that, even if she'd almost died in the Department of Mysteries because of his 'friends' at the time.

"We tried many years for more, but lost two. Sometimes we get surprised, though and she was definitely a surprise." The smile on his face made Hermione thankful she'd worked so hard to get him released and exonerated all those years ago. If he could sit in such close proximity and snuggle a tiny human, he had certainly changed. She wondered how much being in prison again had affected his psyche and knew he was longing for human interaction. It reminded her of his exoneration years before; whenever she'd visited him to discuss the case, he'd always sat close to her, touched her arm as he spoke, did anything to prove he was still human. It was never sexual, Hermione knew he didn't fancy her in any way, but he certainly started to treat her like a niece or even daughter, his concern over her post-traumatic stress came before anyone else even noticed accept Severus. She watched him holding Winnie, as though she was the most fragile China, and then he met Hermione's eyes, a look of compassion that could not be fabricated.

"I haven't thanked you for your dedication to my cause. Severus said he'll give you all the specifics, but suffice it to say I am released into your custody, I cannot leave this house for any reason except court, and I intend to do my part. I'm adept with cooking charms and can help with tutoring, anything you require Madame, I am at your disposal." Hermione nodded, her eyes flashed to Severus' which were occupied on the fire.

"You are welcome, of course. We'll find a way to keep you entertained; our library is humble compared to Malfoy Manor, but there are some interesting tomes. Alby would love to learn more about Runes, Draco said that was your area of expertise and we can always use help with the food. Can you excuse me for a moment." Hermione stood quickly and went to the loo, switching and taking Lily from the sling and walking her gently while she made interesting noises. Taking her to the nursery, she changed her nappy and put her in the cot, casting the charm before she left.

"She just woke up." Lucius said as Hermione sat back down, taking her sweet redhead from him, placing her to nurse and then closing her eyes for a moment. Although she'd already thanked him many times, Hermione was eternally grateful for the sling Severus had made her; it made nursing so much easier and she didn't have to hide away from her family like she'd felt she had to with Rose.

"You'll have to see Lily tomorrow, she's always first to sleep and sleeps the longest. Though I've only seen a few pictures, I think she looks just like Lily Evans Potter."

"We were a few years apart in school, but I'll make my assessment. Is her hair so red?" He asked.

"No, it's more strawberry right now, a bit of blonde. I think Winnie's will be darker, but we'll see, they're still so small. "Opening her eyes, she caught Severus' glare for a moment before he looked away, making her feel as though she'd done something wrong.

"Draco and Scorpius are supposed to visit tomorrow." Hermione patted his hand and thought about how long it had been since he'd seen his own grandson. Something she didn't recognize flashed across his face. She was sure he was thinking of Astoria and Hyperion, how little hope there seemed that she would pull through, and how tiny for his age Hyperion would survive to reach eleven and go to Hogwarts.

"I'm not trying to pry, but do you and Narcissa ever speak?" Hermione asked, staring at him and watching his face fall.

"No, not unless it's a quick letter about holidays. I haven't seen her in ages, not that I don't deserve every inch of her ire." Placing her hand on his again, Hermione squeezed it gently.

"Why have you never remarried? I'm sorry, I'm being too personal-"

"No, it's a fair question. How do you replace perfection?" For a moment, Hermione saw herself in him, the loss of a spouse and that niggling feeling that they were irreplaceable yet still imperfect. Silence descended between them as Hermione thought on his words and felt Winnie slowly falling asleep, her tiny hands moving and then stopping to rest on her chest. She'd completely blocked out the rest of the conversation around the room, lost in thought so deeply she almost cried realizing how lonely she felt. Without excusing herself, Hermione went to the nursery and changed Winnie, put her in the cot with Lily and sent the sling to be cleaned with the rest of the laundry. She stood over them, watched them as their tiny breaths remained the only sound in the room. When she was unsure how much time had passed, she heard the kids bounding up the stairs then Charlie following, taking Lucius with him. Kissing both girls, she went to the kitchen to make sure the dinner mess was taken care of and then to make sure there were enough eggs and beans for breakfast. Going to the laundry, she pulled her jumper and bra off and started the laundry washing. Standing with only her camisole and pants, she felt the chill of the air hit her, but the feeling pervaded the loneliness she'd felt most of the day.

"You'll catch your death in here." She heard from behind her, the familiar dulcet baritone voice she hadn't realized she missed so much in the time he'd been gone. When she turned, she found him in his pajamas; it was the first time since Hogwarts she'd seen him so unbuttoned.

"It's a nice kind of chill." She noticed his eyes flicker across her body. "You didn't write me." She finally said, knowing it made her look weak and possibly obsessive. But she knew he could feel her emotions, so whether the words were spoken or not, he'd know she was distraught. "And you never said you'd been visiting Lucius." Walking passed him, Hermione went to the tea kettle and made her caffeine free Oolong tea, waiting patiently for the tea to steep.

"I didn't expect to be gone for such a period. Trust me, I felt your annoyance and perhaps anger?" Hermione didn't look at him, only at her teacup and wondered if she was being silly. She knew he wasn't admitting to all of her emotions, but she was just fine not having to justify her melancholy.

"Well I guess it's a relief that nothing was so bad you weren't compelled to be here." She sipped the hot tea, meeting his eyes over the rim of her cup, goose bumps appearing all over her skin as the warmth hit her.

"I wouldn't say that, I simply couldn't leave." His voice flowed over her, she heard so many things in his tone that she couldn't separate them.

"I'm sorry I didn't realize how much I depended on you. So thank you for that, for helping so often. It's a bit easier now that the girls are older and I have something to occupy my mind." She watched as his face fell, he looked almost angry for a moment.

"What?" She asked as his eyes squinted and he grimaced.

"I can feel more than your appreciation, you know." It wasn't clear what he meant and she was frightened for a moment. She felt too exposed.

"It doesn't make it less valid." She quipped, sipping her tea and realizing for the first time since leaving the laundry that she wasn't wearing a bra.

"You know I must do as Kingsley bids, my life is barely my own, especially now that you've put Lucius in this house." Hermione almost dropped her cup at the malice in his words. Before he'd left, he'd said wonderful things about her, the compulsion, how this hadn't been a bad situation for him and now it felt like he was completely changed, as though it had become a real prison sentence.

"Are you implying I should've let him rot in Azkaban?" Folding her arms across her chest, she hadn't expected their first conversation in over a month to be so contentious.

"No, of course not but it does complicate things." His tone was free of malice, but Hermione could easily tell he was unhappy with the situation.

"I'm already a target. The LeStranges can't access this house and Lucius cannot leave. I'm not planning to leave without an escort, so how have I made things more difficult for you?" She felt her indignation rising, like the temperature of her tea she felt her blood boiling at the implication that she'd do anything to make his life harder.

"I've done all I can to make this prison sentence disappear for you, Severus. I try to temper my emotions, I try to think through things before acting, I've…" She felt her words falling on deaf ears so she stopped, taking her cup in hand she left and went to her room. Tears threatened as she looked around the room, a picture of she and Ron, and Harry and Ginny at their marriage ceremony caught her eye. She took several deep breaths and tried to remember he'd probably been in a dangerous situation for his unexpected absence. She finished her tea in one big gulp and went to her desk, taking the knitting she'd been working on for months and tried to erase every ounce of anger or annoyance from her mind. She fell so deeply into her library in her mind, she didn't hear him come in, and only recognized that he was in the room when he wiped away a tear that she hadn't even known was falling from her eyes. Placing her knitting aside, she swiveled in her chair and faced him.

"It was a different kind of torture being so far from here, from you. I believe Kingsley is connected to whatever the LeStranges are trying to do, whether he is imperiused or under some other spell, he didn't want anyone but Lucius going down for this crime. You're too brilliant for your own good and now he's chomping at the bit to find the LeStranges, but unwilling to admit their involvement. He knows Lucius is innocent, but his release opened up questioning he wasn't prepared to address. Look, Granger, your actions were noble, and I've felt every ounce of your fear, anger, and guilt, but you…" He stopped himself as he watched more tears fall down her lovely cheeks. Being away had only made his affection for her worse; he hated to see and feel her in such pain.

"Never mind, I don't need explanation. You can go now, I'll just get back to Christmas presents." Hermione turned again as her shoulders shook. Her first Christmas without Ron since she was twelve, aside from the year they'd been hunting horcruxes and after the war, that first Christmas, and she felt the weight of everything pressing on her so severely she could barely breath. Yet, with Severus merely feet from her, she felt for the first time in over a month that she was safe and without really thinking it through, she jumped from her chair and hugged him tightly. His arms remained at his sides, his body stiffened by her sudden intrusion in his personal space. But as she sobbed against him, he could feel her relief.

"I was so scared." She whispered, holding him tighter and trying not to think about the series of nightmares she'd had about the war, the accident, but most especially his near-death in the Shrieking Shack. It scared her how much she had missed him.

"You Gryffindors." His voice rumbled against her. "You say you were scared when you went to Azkaban prison and freed Lucius Malfoy with tenacity only you possess." She thought she heard the tiniest bit of a compliment, but felt far sillier for still holding him when he hadn't moved to comfort her at all.

"Seamus and Charlie, and sometimes George or Bill make me feel secure, they just don't make me feel as safe as you do." She pulled back and found him staring into the room, and suddenly she felt extremely uncomfortable. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have..." she immediately pulled away and felt her arms wrap around her body as she sank into the floor. Her breathing felt labored, her skin moist and her mind racing, she felt foolish and the more the thought of it, of her standing there holding him while he was obviously so uncomfortable made her bury her head under her folded arms, knees pulled to her chest. It seemed so odd and devastating that she'd received more affection from Lucius than Severus. She just couldn't seem to get her pulse to slow, her breathing to feel less labored, so she tried to listen to him breathe, even if it seemed impossible.

"Hermione, stop, please." She felt the air change but before she could lift her head to see that he'd gone, she heard a chime from the nursery. Wiping her eyes, she stood slowly and saw that he hadn't left, he'd simply sat on her lounger near her desk. Going into the nursery, she found that Lily had rolled over in her sleep and was lying in Winnie's arm.

"Maybe we're ready for a bigger cot, huh loves." Hermione used her wand to widen and deepen the cot, recast the charm after taking Winnie into her arms.

"Now you know Lily didn't mean to wake you, calm down little one, Mummy made more room." Hermione rested her gently on her chest, rubbing her back and humming lightly until she fell asleep once more. When she returned her to the cot, she covered both girls with a light flannel and recast the charm once more. When she went back into her bedroom, Hermione found Severus asleep in her chair, so she covered him with a blanket and cast a cushioning charm on his neck. Returning to her knitting, she stayed awake an hour longer, tucked herself into bed and watched Severus sleep, wondering why he made her feel so calm and safe when they bickered so often or at least they had when they worked cases.

Before she realized it, she was asleep and in the morning, when she woke realizing the girls had slept through the night, she found him gone and her blanket neatly folded. She pulled on her warmest house robe and went to the kitchen to start breakfast, full English and when the crowd started to filter down, some of her loneliness abated. It felt good to have a table full of people, even more to see Lucius and his grandson chatting so happily. Draco looked sour, as though he hadn't expected his father, but talked with Severus all the same. She brought all the food to the table and sat for only a moment, eating her blood pudding before she knew the girls were awake and she was off to gather them. Taking the sling from the laundry, she changed both girls then tucked Lily immediately in the sling, sitting at the rocker while Winnie was pacified with a charmed carousel turning and playing a tune. When Lily was sated, she switched out the girls and hummed lightly as she stared into Winnie's eyes, seeing fleck of green, blue, and brown in them, she wondered still whose eyes she'd have. Without knocking, Severus came in with water and her breakfast.

"I see you've been neglecting your food, Ms. Granger. Perhaps I do need to cast a spell to make you eat after all." Hermione rolled her eyes but took the plate and ate slowly as Severus examined Lily in her bouncer.

"I've only lost my baby weight, I'll have you know, not a pound more." The look he cut her showed his obvious displeasure.

"They've changed." He finally said, taking Lily's little hand in his.

"Yes, they have." Hermione finished her breakfast and found Winnie ready for her burping then bouncing. "They stay awake a little bit more now." Pulling her robe tightly around her waist again, Hermione sat on the floor in front of the bouncers and gently rocked both girls, humming a tune she remembered her mother humming and suddenly missing her parents a great deal.

"Thank you, Severus." Hermione said between notes, then went back to gently rocking the sweet girls.

"For what?" He asked, standing still, far taller than she anticipated.

"For everything, but mostly letting me hug you when I know how much you abhor human contact, well except the girls." Smiling sweetly at him he simply bowed and grabbed her plate, leaving her to the girls and their morning routine. When he entered the kitchen, he saw Kreacher doing the washing.

"Does Hermione seem off?" He heard Charlie ask as he poured a cup of tea.

"No more than usual." Both men looked to the children who were riding their brooms in the back garden, watched not only by them but two blonde-haired men awkwardly talking.

"It's just, we were both gone most of November and this month, Seamus said something about her…" But he stopped as he heard Rose open the back door and run through, stomping her boots on the rug before running to the loo. Charlie did not finish his sentence or try to bring that topic back up, but he could see that Severus was also somewhat concerned about their wild-haired companion. They continued to watch the boys fly and felt the whoosh of Rose running back out to them, taking her broom and flying like she was born to do so.

"You were saying?" Severus turned to Charlie, but found that he was preoccupied with the children.

"What? Oh yeah, Hermione, Seamus said she seemed to need someone to speak with, that perhaps a therapist or healer would help her...that she's been crying more often than not." Severus merely nodded, he had felt her pain and anguish while he'd been gone, but it hadn't felt particularly worse than before, so he hadn't noted it for Kingsley.

"Perhaps it is this season? Being without the people she normally celebrates with for Christmas and then of course, the hormones from the girls. Maybe she…" But Charlie stopped again as Hermione entered the kitchen, refilling her water and eyeing the two men as they stood.

"A healer had already been dispatched, so you can stop speculating on my sanity." She quipped, leaving the room as quickly as she'd entered it.

"Hermione, wait." Charlie immediately followed her but felt Severus tug at his jumper. "Let her go, she's working on Christmas presents and is quite annoyed." He told the younger man, releasing his jumper and moving to the door again, watching her slam her bedroom door.

In her room, Hermione knew that she should feel thankful that the men cared enough to consider her mental health, but she hated the vulnerability it made her feel, that each of her moves were being watched by someone in the family or Severus and Seamus. It was one thing to be cooped up in the house the majority of the time, but quite another to feel as though she was falling into some mental trap, as though she was watching herself go through life through a veil. And it was becoming increasingly more obvious that she was latching on to the males in her life in absence of Ron. It was also clear that she'd relied on Severus and Charlie too heavily and for too long; she felt lost in a way she'd never anticipated.

"Hermione, Albus asked for your Runes text...what has you so troubled?" She heard from the door of the nursery, when she turned she saw Lucius at the door, handing her a handkerchief as he entered. It surprised her that it was Lucius and not Severus, perhaps Severus was tired of dealing with her constantly shifting moods.

"They think I'm losing it and perhaps I am." Looking over to the girls, she saw they were both still completely out.

"You've had a major loss, one no one with a heart should have to bear." He looked over to the girls and then back at her; her shoulders slumped but she stopped crying, folding her legs under her body.

"I don't know if I'll ever get over it. Some days I forget, I wake up and forget where I am and think that Ron will walk in and remind me I have a brief or that Rose has left her trainers on the stairs. But, I remember he's gone and the worst is, I feel so guilty, all the time."

"Why do you feel guilty, if you don't mind me inquiring." Lucius had been exceedingly kind to her during and after his trial, she had assumed at the time it was out of desperation, but truly the war had changed him. Hermione wiped her eyes again and tried to breathe.

"It's foolish, really. I spent all these years with Ron, we were friends and then married, I love him more than I can describe but I feel so incredibly guilty because I…" But she couldn't say it aloud and was thankful she kept it to herself as Severus came to the door.

"Hermione?" Her eyes snapped to his and she thanked Lucius for the handkerchief and went into her room to grab her books and brought them to him, closing the door softly behind her when she returned and reminding herself how easy it was to fall under Lucius Malfoy's spell. Even if his intentions were noble, she knew how much he enjoyed collecting information. Tidbits of gossip or odd stories about people fueled his proclivities and she'd almost admitted aloud something she couldn't take back once said. It left her with an empty feeling, the same she'd felt the night before when Severus refused to hug her back. Turning her mind back to the knitting, she continued her Christmas presents and tried only to think of the case, to making headway on finding the LeStranges and not to the huge gaping hole she felt whenever she thought of Ron, Harry and Ginny, or Molly and Arthur. Over the years, she and Arthur had become quite close spending lunches together frequently with Severus or other Weasleys when they were at the Ministry. Although she adored Molly, she'd always felt closer to Arthur.

SSHGSSHG

(Hermione goes back to work after having Rose)

Arthur made his way through the hallways and meetings rooms until he found Hermione sitting outside Kingsley Shacklebolt's office and though he'd known her since she was twelve years old, she'd never looked so young and innocent, interviewing for her promotion with the Ministry of Magic. He wasn't surprised in the least that she'd gone back to Hogwarts to finish her NEWTs and then to Oxford on an accelerated path, graduating far faster than anyone expected and marrying Ron the day after graduation. Although Arthur loved all of his children equally, his daughters-in-law all brought something different to the family and if he were hard pressed to admit it, Hermione was his favorite by far. She was kind, giving, and like his wife, willing to fight for what she loved. When their Rose was born, he was sure she was an angel sent to help mend the sadness their family had experienced. Like his own children, his grandchildren were just as precious but Rose and then James certainly had him wrapped around their little fingers.

"I've come to wish you luck and see if you'd like lunch today?" Arthur leaned down and kissed her cheek and noticed how nervous she seemed.

"That sounds lovely." He heard the nervousness in her voice and was sure she had no reason to doubt she was a shoe-in for the job. In fact, he knew someday she would be running the whole show, a Minister for Magic they could all be proud of.

"What has you so nervous?" He watched as she breathed deeply and then closed her eyes, fidgeting with the hem of her new smart outfit.

"Malfoy is in there now and although we focused on separate types of law, he's probably more qualified." Hermione sighed, folding and unfolding the papers in her hands, her transcripts from Oxford and Hogwarts, her NEWTS and OWL scores, and her letters of knew Draco was suave and prepared; his entire life was preparing him for answering questions like these, and she knew he was ready and willing to do the job. He'd changed and so had she.

"No sense in going into battle already wounded, you know. Think of it like this; you have certain skills and attributes that fit this particular position, and a history of efforts to causes important to this department." Hermione's gave immediately changed, her nerves calmed she heard the door open and Draco Malfoy walk out. Before leaving the sitting room, he walked over to Hermione and Arthur, extending his hand to both of them.

"Good luck, Granger. Good day, Mr. Weasley." Arthur watched as the young man, so changed since the war, left in politeness he had never expected from him.

"I'll meet you for lunch in the commissary, all right?" Helping her stand, he placed his hands on her shoulders. "You are the most capable candidate in building and Kingsley knows it." She kissed both his cheeks and walked into Kingsley's office, relaxed and confident. When they met for lunch, she told him all about the interview and how she'd be working with Seamus Finnigan.

"Will Draco be disappointed?" He asked her, buttering a roll and then another.

"He'll be fine, he really wants to focus on ventures and stock nonsense since his degree features more of that world of law. Besides, we buried the hatchet years ago in school and after I successfully defended Lucius. Hopefully he won't blame me that I've gotten the position."

"Bully for him if he does. So, what is your first case to be?" They talked and ate for thirty minutes more before Hermione went down to the auror offices and told Ron and Harry of her promotion. Every time she was able to have lunch with Arthur, she felt lucky; he was always complimentary about her work, about her mothering and roles in the Ministry. It meant something that Arthur acknowledged her mind after all the years since she'd finished school; it was affirmation she needed desperately. She started her new job two weeks later and then suffered her first miscarriage a month after that, forcing her to question whether she should've gone back to work at all.

SSHG

Christmas Eve arrived with spirit no one was quite sure would show after everything they'd been through in three short months. Hermione had invited the other Weasley brothers and they had a huge feast, followed by games and a few stories from Bill, nostalgic but not too sad. When it was time to head to sleep, Hermione accompanied the kids up the stairs and kissed them all goodnight, finishing out the evening with an animated re-telling of the Night Before Christmas, which had always been Rose's favorite. Once they were all tucked in, she brought the presents out and filled their stockings, including one for Severus and Lucius. Charlie came down before midnight and put his own out, but she was asleep before she heard anyone else shuffling through the house. Lily woke her early, but she didn't mind as she wanted to get a breakfast bake in the oven so they'd all have something warm to eat. She nursed Lily as snow fell quietly outside and for a moment, she thought it was a perfect Christmas morning.

"Happy Christmas, Mum!" Rose called out as Hermione brought the girls out in their bouncers to participate in the morning festivities. Each child dug into their stocking and she watched as Charlie did as well, laughing at the tiny figurines of his favorite dragons battled in his hand. Eventually, Severus came from the kitchen with tea and settled in next to her.

"Hold on, Jamie, I want you to save that one for last." Hermione stopped her nephew, knowing he would enjoy the present more if explanation were possible. Taking as many pictures as possible, Hermione captured all three of the older children opening presents from their aunts and uncles, from St. Nicholas and of course from her.

"So this year I thought it would be special to continue a Weasley tradition." Hermione handed all of them a present, holding the two packages for the babies and watched as they opened their sweaters she'd barely finished in time. "Molly would be so glad to have all of you in Weasley sweaters." She laughed as Severus and Lucius both made a face but they still slipped on their sweaters to placate her. Unwrapping the tiny sweaters for the girls, she gingerly put on a "G" and "R" sweater.

"And Severus, I have another present for you but you'll have to come with me." Hermione motioned to the stairs, leaving Rose to watch the girls.

"I know without continuous cases you've felt as confined here as I have and at your home you have everything you need, but while you're stuck here I thought you'd like to have your own space again." She opened the door to a pristine laboratory, new cauldrons and scales, fresh ingredients and all other possible equipment he'd need. "I know you still help brew for Madame Pomfrey, I thought this would help." With her arms out, she pointed to different parts of the lab, then folded them worried she'd misjudged the idea when he hadn't said anything.

"Of course, you don't have to use it, I just thought...well…" She was stammering and she knew he could feel her nervousness, so she walked past him and back to the stairs. "Happy Christmas." She whispered when he still hadn't said anything. By the time she reached the top of the stairs, she pushed the fear that she had overstepped her bounds and convinced herself that if he didn't use the lab, she would.

"This is the first Christmas in ages I have had such a delicious breakfast. Thank you." Hermione heard as Lucius and Charlie ushered the kids into the dining room; she'd missed James and Albus opening their broom kits and the special gifts, James received Harry's old quidditch robes and captain badge and Albus his mother's. To Rose, she'd given Ron's deluminator, the one Dumbledore had left, to remind her their was always light in the world. The babies were fast asleep when she brought them into the dining room, charming their bouncers to rock, so she ate and shared crackers with her quirky family, feeling for a moment that everything was normal.

"I have to get a picture of everyone in their sweaters." She stood and took a few pictures, capturing the boys and their Uncle Charlie looking so mischievously like Weasleys and Lucius and Severus, who has finally joined them, looking austere as though it was the first Christmas they'd ever celebrated.

"Fine, you can take off the sweaters." She laughed noting neither man moved though they did seem uncomfortable.

"Can we play in the snow after breakfast?" Albus asked, desperate to spend time with his brother and cousin before they returned to Hogwarts.

"Of course but I want you to take your presents to your room first. And later, write thank you notes to your aunts and uncles." All three agreed immediately, stuffing their faces with more breakfast bake and then bounding into the living room and up the stairs. Charlie offered to clean up and for the first time in a while, Hermione felt like a nap, so she charmed the bouncers and went to the nursery, both girls finally woke so they were fed and changed, happily playing on a soft flannel for tummy time. In their innocent faces, she could see the hope Severus had once said he saw. When they tired out again, she put them to rest on the cot but next to her in bed, all charms in place she closed her eyes and let sweet sleep envelope her as though she hadn't slept in months and when she woke, she received her present from Severus, something she hadn't expected at all.

Martin and Jane Granger arrived with aurors before Hermione awoke and waited patiently to meet their new granddaughter and see Hermione for the first time since the previous Easter. After spending most of the afternoon with Rose, James, and Albus, they were more than ready to see Hermione, Winnie, and Lily, though they weren't quite prepared to see their own daughter so changed. When Hermione emerged from her bedroom with Lily in the sling and Winnie resting against her shoulder, Jane practically gasped.

"Mum? Dad?" Hermione stopped dead in place, almost falling to her knees- how she'd longed to see them and know the comfort only they provided. "How?"

"Master Snape collected us a few hours ago but we couldn't bear to wake you. Is this our gorgeous Winnie?" Jane stepped forward and took the baby from Hermione, who was speechless.

"We can only stay for a short while, unfortunately." Martin Granger pulled Hermione into his arms as she dissolved into tears. "Come, darling, don't cry." With his thumbs he gently dried her cheeks and then took his new granddaughter into his arms.

"She may have her father's hair color, but she looks just as you did." He remarked, only making Hermione's tears fall harder. Turning from them for a moment, she wiped them away and took Lily from the sling and burped her, taking the sling off and fixing her robes.

"And this must be the beautiful Lily her brothers cannot stop talking about." Hermione watched as her mum held Lily, and wondered if they'd accept the Potter children as their grandchildren now that they'd lost their only living grandparents.

"We brought sweets and presents. Here, Jamie, this is for you, and Alby, and Rose."

"You've brought them sweets?" Hermione laughed; they'd never let her have sweets when she was their age.

"It's the ones from that one store, in Hogs whatever, the floss ones." Continuing to giggle, Hermione delighted in seeing her parents take the the girls, to just have them within arm's length was nothing short of miraculous. Yet, the more she thought about it, the more she wondered why Lucius was allowed to stay at Grimmauld Place when there was an obvious threat but not her parents. The confusion must've displayed on her face because she heard Severus clear his throat and it made her focus on the gift of her parents instead of the multitude of questions she had for him.

"You've lost so much weight, dear."Jane remarked, leaning towards her, Winnie cradled sweetly in her arms.

"Just what I gained with Winnie and I burn so much because they're exclusively fed by me right now, they'll be eating cereal and such soon so I'm sure I'll plump back up a bit." Hermione explained, taking Lily from her father and kissing her softly, cradling her against her chest but facing outward so she could look around the room.

"Everyone ready for dinner?" Charlie asked, popping into the room so quickly Hermione almost saw Ron for a moment and it made her breath catch, her eyes go wide but her mother's gentle hand brought her instantly back to reality. Taking Lily with her to the nursery, Hermione got the bouncers and brought them into the dining room where everyone was seated and waiting for her.

"Mum, you can put Winnie in the bouncer if you'd like." Jane Granger smiled at her daughter, but cradled WInnie tighter in her arms.

"It's been far too long since I've held a baby, so I'll hold her a while longer." Before Hermione could put Lily in the bouncer, her father reached for her and for a moment, she felt it; they were accepting Harry and Ginny's children as their grandchildren as well...Lily would not be neglected for Winnie.

"When do you have to leave?" Hermione asked, taking a bite of the roast Charlie had obviously been cooking most of the day because it was incredibly tender.

"In the morning. The aurors and Master Snape will take us back to the safe house." Hermione's face fell, she had hoped it would be longer. As she looked into her mother's eyes, the same as her own, she saw happiness.

"Well, we'll make the most of the time we have." Hermione hoped her mother didn't hear the disappointment in her voice, but she was sure she did. Looking around the table, Hermione tried to find a reason to smile for all of the people gathered together, her children, her family, her friends. She caught Severus' eye and saw the worry in him as well, for the first time in ages his face mirrored hers and wasn't a blank mask.

After dinner, the children played in the snow again for a while and then they all played games in the living room, first charades and then multiple games of chess and scrabble. Hermione watched them in wonder, all trying to get through the first major holiday without their family members. She fed the girls and then let her parents tire them out, and then, out of nowhere she heard the sweetest sound; Winnie and Lily both giggling at her father; she loved seeing him be so silly with her girls. It seemed everyone in the room was surprised by the sound and stopped their own conversations or games to stare at the two girls.

"What a lovely sound to have tiny laughter in this house." Charlie walked over to the girls then to Hermione, putting his arm around her shoulders and squeezing her a bit. "Happy Christmas." His whispered words as he leaned into her, his head dipping behind her as he spoke and involuntarily, a chill ran down her spine. If she hadn't known of Charlie's preference for men, she would've thought he was flirting with her, the way his hand rested on her shoulder, his thumb almost caressing her collarbone and just when she thought he would move or let go, he stayed right where he was. She convinced herself immediately it was her hormones, tricking her brain into imagining that he was doing anything more than being her brother-in-law, comforting her and seeking comfort for his own loss.

"Hermione, Draco sent a letter earlier that he and Scorpius will be here tomorrow for Boxing Day festivities, I hope I wasn't too forward in inviting them." Her eyes snapped to his as though he brought her from a deep fog, as though her brain had gone somewhere and she couldn't even remember the journey.

"Of course not, Alby and James love having Scorpius here. I needed to speak with Draco anyway." She smiled softly towards him, hoping that the time he spent with Draco would help them fix the relationship that had been so strained. Even with all the horrendous things Lucius had done in the name of pureblood status and even the hesitation to protect his own family during the war, Hermione had believed for the majority of her life that people were redeemable and that, if possible, fences should be mended. She didn't want Draco to regret not giving his father a chance when it was so obvious to her that he'd changed dramatically from the person he'd once been. She thought of him, sitting with her muggle parents and watching them play with children who were at best half-bloods and she knew, this man had changed. She thought of losing Astoria and how much Draco would need his family when that happened.

"Come kids say goodnight to Grandma and Grandpa and head to bed." Hermione watched as the kids cleaned up the games and kissed Jane and Martin Granger's cheeks and then the girls, shouting goodnight to Charlie, Lucius, and Severus as they bounded up the stairs. Though she was cozy and comfortable in Charlie's arms, Hermione squeezed his leg and followed the children, taking the steps slowly.

"Aunt Hermione?" Hermione saw James on the second floor, waiting for her.

"Yes, sweetheart?" She could see now why he'd stopped, his hazel eyes were swimming with tears and he looked embarrassed.

"I just wanted another hug." Although he was almost her height, when James leaned into her in such a way it felt like she was hugging him when he was quite small.

"I have plenty of those." Rubbing his back in circles, as she often did for the girls, she felt his crying still and finally, he pulled away, wiping his eyes quickly and walking with her up the rest of the stairs and then joining his brother and cousin.

"You've decided to all camp in here?" Hermione laughed seeing the sleeping bags around James' bed.

"Why not, sometimes Rose and I sleep in the common room." That made Hermione suddenly quite sad. It hadn't been clear to her through their letters or the first interactions when they came home how much they were hurting.

"And your other cousins?" She asked tentatively.

"Well, they do, too. Sometimes Teddy even sneaks in. It's just, with Granny and Poppy, we all feel sad and lonely. Sometimes Professor Longbottom stays and tells us stories, like I wrote about and that's nice. It'll get easier, we know, but at first, we just needed each other." Rose explained, plaiting her hair and folding her sleeping bag back.

"You know I will come to Hogwarts, if you need me, right?"

"Of course." They said in unison, but Hermione felt uneasy. Kissing them each on the cheek and hugging them, she went to the door.

"Did you have a good Christmas, despite...everything?" All three nodded and smiled; 'if nothing else, they did have each other', she thought, 'and that was better than Harry ever had'.

Descending the stairs, Hermione found her father on the second floor talking with Charlie and Severus about their departure in the morning, she gave him a hug and went to her mother who was in the nursery with both girls who were already asleep.

"I thought it would be nice to talk." Jane looked at her daughter, the same scrutiny Hermione had just used with her own.

"Let's." Hermione took her arm and brought her into her bedroom, folding the covers back and lying next to her, as they used to do whenever she came home from Hogwarts, their first evenings spent whispering about everything she was experiencing.

"How are you, darling, really?" Hermione looked across the room to the nursery door and thought of her girls, how happy she was that her mother was but inches away from her.

"Some days are better than others...the girls keep me busy and worrying about the case. Now that Lucius is free, I feel a little less trapped here, but…" She wasn't sure if she should tell her mother about Severus, everything she'd found out since the accident. "Mum, Severus…"

"He told me, when he came to bring us here." Hermione's eyebrows shot up.

"Told you what?"

"That he is under some prison sentence and he has a sort of pulse on your emotions. He said something about being away and since he's been back, he's been really worried; he practically begged your Minister to let us come and even then, we were supposed to leave after dinner." Hermione sighed, she hadn't known exactly what to expect. Severus and her parents had been around each other many times over the years, but she wasn't sure exactly Severus would tell her mother.

"He was gone and even though I know he was sent away, it sort of felt to me like he wanted to go, like being here with me was sucking the life out of him. I know he feels as trapped as I do, but I also know that I don't feel safe when he's gone, almost as though I have a read on his pulse as well, but only when he's far away. I don't like it." Jane reached across to her daughter and smoothed some errant curls around her face.

"He doesn't mind protecting you, I can tell, darling. Have patience; your heart is hurting and imagine how that feels to a man who, at least in my experience, shows very little emotion."

"I know, but it's been almost four months, I don't know if I will ever stop feeling like this. I've petitioned the court to have his sentence ended; I don't want to be a jailer." Hermione was proud of herself for not crying but hated the idea that her mother would be gone in the morning when she needed her more than ever.

"I'm so glad you're here, Mum." She closed her eyes and turned, feeling her mother's fingers on her back, then in her hair a bit and then she was asleep.

SSHGSSHGSSHG

(Hermione's first visit with her parents after fixing their memories)

She watched them slowly come to the realization that they did indeed have a daughter and that she'd taken their memories to save them from the Death Eaters. They seemed drunk or in a fog; the books had all said it would take days for their minds to completely reorient themselves, but she worried she'd left it too long and that they would be disappointed in her.

"Hermione?" Martin Granger reached for his daughter, whom he barely recognized with her hair thrown in a lazy pony tail and clothes raged.

"Mum, Dad, I'm so sorry I had to bring you here...I just wanted to save you." Martin's face fell, he didn't quite know what she was referring to but he trusted her, he knew that and he wanted nothing more than to hold her tightly, as he had when she was small and looking so distraught. He wrapped his arms around her and held her tight as she cried, remembering for a moment there had been a war, that Hermione had warned them that things were unsafe in Britain.

"Oh darling, we're so glad you're safe." Jane joined them, holding her husband and daughter tighter, remembering the day Hermione was born, how her large eyes had instantly made her fall in love and how they'd waited so long to have her.

"You aren't mad?" Hermione asked, fear filling her that her parents would be angry with her for sending them to Australia and modifying their memories, but she'd been wrong.

"Of course not, you saved us and you're fine...you are fine, aren't you?" Jane watched as Hermione nodded but she could see her girl was not fine, but let it go, knowing perhaps Hermione didn't want to discuss specifics with her just then.

Two weeks later, when their memories were completely restored, Jane finally asked Hermione what had happened and as though a great deluge had snapped, Hermione told her everything. About the year hunting horcruxes, everything they'd experienced and lost, and how she'd saved Professor Snape, how she'd come to care for him and how she'd finished school, was going to Oxford in the fall and moving into Grimmauld Place with her friends.

"Will you be safe?" Jane asked, worried about her daughter.

"Yes, Grimmauld is safe, the safest aside from Hogwarts. Plus, Harry and Ron will be there and we're pretty good at protecting each other now." She attempted a joke and failed.

"Ron?"

"Yes, Mum, Ron...we kissed in the Chamber of Secrets but I don't know where we stand now, since I returned to Hogwarts and he went into training, we haven't seen other much since then." Jane nodded, brushing Hermione's hair several times in small sections.

"Well, you'll be careful, won't you?" Jane smiled, pretending to jibe her daughter who'd understood more about birth control and anatomy since she was tiny.

"Mum, I doubt I can even have children, so no worries." Silence filled the room and Jane prayed that if she wanted children someday, that Hermione would be blessed with a daughter or son who care for and loved her as much as Hermione did them.

"You don't know that for sure, poppet. Your body will heal and if not, there's always adoption."

"I know, Mum, but I guess I worry no one will want me." Jane watched as her daughter completely fell apart; she'd seen her upset for sure, but never like this. Suddenly, Hermione became an adult to her, a fully-formed woman with adult emotions and worries.

"You are a prize, my love, a true prize." Jane kissed her head and helped wipe her eyes, holding her as tightly as she could before knowing Hermione needed space. She reluctantly closed the door, leaving Hermione to herself and wondered if she should contact her professors or perhaps the Weasleys, but decided Hermione would make her own decision and she'd support her any way she could.


	7. Chapter 7

AN:I wanted to get this one out before things get crazy with graduation coming up and also because it bookends the last chapter. The next will have some serious plot movement, but all is still not what it seems and though some of this may seem neatly tied up with a bow, there are still many things to be revealed. Miscommunication and surprise with SS, continued Christmas and some surprises. Warnings- abuse, miscarriage, mothering, episodes of PTSD, and language. Thanks for reading and those of you who have followed, favorite, and reviewed!

SSHGSSHGSSHG

When she woke in the middle of the night after hearing the chime on the nursery, she found her mother was gone. She walked into the nursery, the chime had jarred her from sleep and found Lily resting peacefully while Winnie was fussy, her tiny fist rooting around her teeth. She cradled her in her arms and rubbed her gums with her finger, whispering to her and humming softly walking her around and rocking her as she did. But it was clear Winnie wanted to nurse, even just to make her gums hurt less, so she moved her camisole and brought her to her breast, cradling her and moving her robe to cover her tiny body. Taking Winnie and leaving the nursery, she walked into the kitchen to drink a glass of milk and found Severus sitting and sipping tea, completely buttoned up as though he had recently taught a class at Hogwarts. She examined him without saying anything for a while, then brought her cup to the table.

"Did they get back safely?" She asked, assuming her parents were gone. He turned his head and looked towards the door, still not looking at her.

"Yes, Charlie and the aurors decided it was better to go in the middle of the night than in the morning." Hermione noticed that he hadn't looked at her once since she came in. In fact, she noticed that he hadn't talked to her much either. It was as though she didn't exist at all in 12 Grimmauld Place, that he was living as a shadow again, and it had felt like since he'd gone away in October, they had never really found each other again. It plagued her, the feelings that she was remembering from her time at Hogwarts and even though he'd pushed her away, she hoped he didn't hate her.

"Severus?" He still didn't look up. "Have I done something? You've barely talked to me at all since you returned." She took a seat across from him in the breakfast nook and finished her milk, looking down at Winnie and wishing she'd stayed awake with her mother for longer, especially when she didn't know when she'd see her again.

"No." His words were cool, removed from any emotion, and she was sure he would rather do anything than speak to her.

"Why won't you look at me?" Suddenly, Hermione felt a surge of emotion, as though he was projecting his onto her and when he finally looked up, she understood why he hadn't been looking at her.

"I didn't expect you to be awake, Hermione." His whispered words almost frightened her as she looked at him, his face ashen and his expression so sullen it was as though he was processing every emotion he could possibly feel at that exact moment. His eyes swept over her, looking between her face and Winnie, tucked neatly in her arm and quietly nursing, a sound he hadn't realized he missed. He couldn't explain his natural draw to the girls, how they appealed the dark recesses of his heart, but they did and he wanted nothing more than to protect them. It was as though the emotion and compulsion charm on Hermione extended to them, even though it really only should've logically applied to Winnie. He assumed by extension that the feelings extended to Lily either because she was Hermione's by proxy, because they were related by blood, she and Winnie, or because he'd loved the original Lily for so long.

"What has happened?" She rose and moved next to him, reaching across the table and placing her hand on his, hoping she wasn't making the wrong choice in touching him, as she felt she had done before with the hug. She snuggled Winnie a bit tighter, using her arm and leg to stabilize her tiny girl as she nursed.

"It's just been a trying few weeks." Clipped and soft, those words made Hermione feel guilty, as though she should've thought more carefully about how her emotions would be affecting him.

"I'm sorry, I haven't been guarding my thoughts so well and while you were gone...I-" But as she thought to explain herself, his eyes popped to hers.

"No, don't do that, you already have enough to be concerned with, don't worry about me." His words pleaded with her; he looked as though he might cry, which she simply couldn't bear. It reminded her of Hogwarts, of caring for him.

"I cannot help but be concerned about you." Running her thumb into the palm of his hand as it faced down on the table, it was almost as though an invisible tether existed between their fingers, their magic pulsing through the current and making him want to pull away. It was all too much. Being away had given him a tiny break, the feelings she carried crossing distances greater than she could imagine, but he'd felt them all the same and though he tried desperately, his affection for her had not waned. She'd never seen him so vulnerable before, aside from the night in the Shrieking Shack and part of his recovery. But, Hermione didn't want to push it; she didn't want to make him uncomfortable in her home.

"Hermione, I can feel this heavy shroud of guilt; why did you tell your mother you thought I wanted to leave?" Vulnerable Snape frightened her a bit, but she felt that this Snape would've hugged her back, this Snape would tell her the truth.

"Well, didn't you. Wouldn't you rather be away than having to experience me, this at the lowest point of my life. See, I know that sounds so self-absorbed, but I also know that being here with the current demands of the court has to be unbearable. My emotions shift so rapidly, my heart must feel like a noose to you; it wouldn't be the first time you've been compelled to push me away. And you're surrounded by babies and baby things and a pre-teen who both admires you and wants to topple you, wouldn't you rather go about your life as you did before?" She imagined he was smothered, her emotions like a vice a around him tightening with each surge, each time she fed the girls and felt her body releasing chemicals that cemented their bond; hours spent with Albus teaching and learning, watching his mind expand, waiting for his questions and hoping she could solve anything he prompted- she wondered if even the better times were too much.

"No, I would not and I didn't want to push you away, I had to." He simply replied, pulling his away making her worry he was retreating completely, but instead slowly laced their fingers together, intertwining them, the feeling of which made both of them look away from each other. Hermione felt Winnie's mouth move from her breast; the absence created a small coldness, but her body still close, the coldness dissipated and all she could feel was Severus' fingers, long and delicate, coarse but incredibly comforting. She pulled her hand back for a moment so she could switch Winnie to her other breast, still trying to produce enough milk for both of them consistently. After she adjusted and Winnie was happily drinking again or at least using her for comfort, she reached back to him, lacing their fingers together once more.

"Did you like your present?" She asked, sheepishly, thinking of him brewing again and trying to change the subject. For a moment, it made her feel like she'd forgotten a critical part of his life before the MLE made them colleagues and hoped he would feel useful when she often couldn't.

"Yes, very much. You?" Images of her parents flashed before her eyes in quick succession, her mother's hands on her back and in her hair, how they loved her children and Harry's, how they were perfectly comfortable with them in Grimmauld Place after all the years, and he was the one who'd brought them there.

"I'm sure you felt just how happy I was."

"Yes and the guilt." Her front teeth chewed her bottom lip without cognizance and felt him lightly apply pressure on her fingers. Why did he feel the need to constantly bring up the guilt, the pervading feeling that she carried with her at all times?

"I don't know what to do about the guilt, I'm sorry." She felt them coming, the tears but tried to will them away. The tears had stop. They stared at each other for about five minutes without speaking; she relished his hands over hers, feeling his warmth and trying not to pay attention to her falling tears. Using her shoulder, she wiped her eyes and brought Winnie up a bit so she could kiss her forehead. She smelled heavenly and so did he, his natural musk and sandalwood drifted over to her, forcing her to smile just thinking of holding him again.

"Do not quell your emotions for me, Hermione. Feel things, experience things; I wasn't merely trying to make you feel better when I said I'm somewhat grateful for this interesting charm because it means all the things I've buried for years, I can finally experience without too much, I don't know, fear I'll be compromised in some way." Then they fell, and she was unashamed. "Why are you crying?" She couldn't meet his sight, but she knew she needed to ask him a difficult question, knowing it would push a wedge between them and seal the vulnerable Severus she saw before her.

"I have something I need to ask you but I don't want to." She stammered through her tears, worried she was being used by the Ministry as bait.

"Yes?" For a moment she felt his emotions, as loud as hers in the room, and worried he was anticipating something more than her actual question.

"Is Lucius here to force the LeStranges out of hiding? Is that why he can be here and my parents cannot?" Immediately, she felt him shift, the gap between their fingers growing and then it was gone, his arms were folded across his chest. She immediately regretted her words, although she needed to know.

"Do you want the answer I'm supposed to give you or the truth?" Hermione brought her hand to be mouth, relishing the warmth where his hand been and thought hard before answering, wishing she wasn't so tenacious, she didn't have to have so many questions and need so many answers.

"Forget I asked." Her reply was terse as she stood, taking her glass to the sink and regretting immediately that she'd made him retreat. "Goodnight." She left the kitchen and walked slowly to the nursery with Winnie sleeping snuggled against her and was glad to have her girls and the kids in the house, even though she felt marginally unsafe now that her suspicions were confirmed and she knew without a doubt that Severus had only been returned to Grimmauld Place because he hadn't found them when he'd been sent away or if he had, hadn't been able to take them out. Someday, she would really give Kingsley Shacklebolt a piece of her mind.

Placing Winnie back in the cot, she pulled her camisole back into place and tightened her warm winter robe, thinking perhaps a hot shower would make her feel better, she cast a charm on the cot and walked to the loo and removed her clothes. Turning the taps, she took a look in the mirror and saw what her mother had seen, dark circles, puffy gray bags under her eyes, and her stomach, extra skin but she had lost weight, all of it and then some. She couldn't recall seeing her body this thin since the war and it hit her so hard, the realization that she'd let herself go.

"I haven't let myself go." She said to herself in the mirror, but she was fighting a losing battle and she knew it. Resolved, she stepped under the hot water and felt it envelope her, every pore opening, the feeling washing over her as though she'd just made love to Ron. For the first time since he'd died, she felt more numb than anything, angry that Severus had made her vulnerability grow like some weed she couldn't kill and though she knew how ridiculous she was being, she couldn't stop admonishing him for pretending, for refusing to tell her full truths; she shouldn't have to keep asking the probing questions. Her safety was at risk, her daughters, her nephews and niece, and he was beginning to treat her like the fourth year he must've still seen when he looked at her. Over and over in her head she heard those words, 'I see no difference.' And though it had been many years since he'd said it, she had never really let go of the sting. It was apparent she would never be a beauty, but as an adolescent girl, it hurt more than he could probably fathom to have a teacher she respected lie and poke fun at her obvious expense.

Turning off the taps, she dried herself and then wrapped her body in her bath robe, opening the loo door and stepping into her room where she found him, asleep in her chair again. Instead of using her cushioning charm or covering him with a blanket, she poked him lightly. She was in no mood for his push and pull, his inability to be a normal human being.

"Severus, you've fallen asleep in my chair, again." But his eyes didn't open and something within in her broke, she wanted to be thankful to him for fighting to bring her parents, for protecting her, but in that moment she was so angry she couldn't see straight and her radical emotions finally brought him out of his sleep.

"Hermione?" His voice was raspy, like it always was in the morning before tea and her anger dissipated with one look. His face had softened, making the guilt of everything hit her like multiple hexes to the chest; he'd never seen her so angry outside of the courtroom.

"I didn't want your neck to hurt." She snapped, going to her bed, throwing back the covers and sitting down, her robe opening slightly and giving Severus a good look at her legs, reminding him of the night of the Ministry gala.

"Why are you so angry?" He asked, sitting up in the chair and rubbing his eyes for a moment, trying to get the image of her damp hair, long legs, and the thought that she had no clothes on from his mind as quickly as possible.

"Can we not do this right now? You know exactly why I'm so angry and it has much to do with you being obstinate and not talking to me...or when you do, you say things like we don't know each other, like we haven't been friends, like you don't care at all." Taking the towel and drying her hair in sections, she ran her fingers through and tried to detangle her curls, she watched as his eyes flickered over her body, then stayed transfixed on her curls.

"Your anger practically forced me into this room, if it could've made me enter that loo it would've. I won't pry but I can't exactly leave you like this." She smirked and wondered what he would've done had he been forced in the loo. Without a word, she rose and grabbed her pajamas and went back into the loo.

"So you aren't going to comment on your words, your tone? Your behavior towards me?" She was furious, her blood was boiling and she couldn't quite tell if it was because she was angry with him, the situation or everything.

"Hermione, you know I do not hate you. You know that present circumstances make us both short towards each other and though I wish, at many times, I could take back the way in which I have said things to you, but I do not wish I hadn't said them. Being honest with you is important, even if it's hurtful. I apologize it must be this way." She nodded and rolled her eyes.

"At least transfigure it into something comfortable, then." She finally said after brushing her teeth and returning to bed. "I'll try to be quiet if the girls wake; hopefully when I fall asleep you'll be able to leave. And don't worry about my anger, or at least try to not feel compelled if you can because it's not going away anytime soon." Wandlessly, she sent the extra blanket to him and laid flat on her back, staring at the ceiling as though it was filled with stars, constellations she could recall as though she'd visited every one of them. She let her mind drift for a moment to the nights she'd slept next to Severus when she'd gone back to Hogwarts; the pain of loneliness filled her. She thought of the nights she'd slept next to him in his quarters, how just the closeness of his body made her calm. Suddenly, the room was dark but she could see them, really see them; he'd transfigured the ceiling to look like the night sky and though she was fighting it, she immediately felt her heart leap; it instantly reminded her of Hogwarts, of his convalescing period and how the stars seemed to be something that calmed him when nothing else would. It was impossible to stay angry with him when he did such lovely things.

SSHG SSHG

As the aurors and Charlie took the older children back to King's Cross and then let her know they'd made it to Hogwarts safely, she released a breath,hoping that they would never have to face an attack at the Hogwart's express or any home in which they lived. As children returned to school and Grimmauld Place to pre-Christmas fanfare, Albus to his studies and Hermione to her research on locating the LeStranges and also perhaps why they'd targeted Molly and Arthur. She spent days with Lucius discussing possible motives, he helped her work through years of war propaganda and then they finally found Reynaldo in family history. He also worked with Albus frequently on Runes and other works, both to give Hermione time to research and to earn his keep, even if Hermione told him he didn't have to. Severus had been busy brewing most days and when Seamus came to report and bring case information, he rarely found his former colleagues together. Hermione hated that she felt so much anger towards Severus some days and wondered if he knew how worried she was about their situation most of the time. Even though she couldn't blame him for things that were happening with the Ministry, she still felt he was treating her like she was incompetent and unable to help them in any way.

It was until a few days before his birthday that she felt a sort of break in her emotions, when the healer had come and started her on potions to regulate her hormones and though she knew it would take a while, the idea that she'd have control over herself again and even better that the potions were safe for the girls. The healer had been really kind and helped her beyond measure; being able to speak with someone who was completely unconnected to the family or the incident made it possible for Hermione to express her fears, desires, and anger over everything she couldn't control. It seemed that once she was able to get everything off her chest, she immediately felt relief she couldn't describe. Although she knew it didn't mean she would suddenly not miss Ron or the rest of her family, it was a great weight off of her shoulders when she was able to walk into her room, look at the pictures of all who'd died and feel love instead of loss. The healer had suggested journaling and daily meditation to get herself into a calmer state, to help her work through the stages of grief, though she wasn't sure she'd ever completely feel the acceptance that was required. The official diagnosis was post-partum depression, most likely exacerbated by the deaths and her remaining fears and anxiety from the war. While she was working on acceptance, she knew she needed to stop second-guessing Severus' every move or the Kingsley's for that matter; if someone really wanted to hurt her family or finish the job that been started September first, she knew worrying in the house was useless, and she knew she needed to focus on the evidence she had about the LeStranges, get back to work on the other cases that they'd been assigned, or at least the ones Seamus and Severus had been assigned.

The time they spent together from Christmas on felt stilted, as though he was distancing himself from her and the other house inhabitants as though somehow things had become worse the time he'd been away and their disagreement at Christmas. She tried to get Albus to entice Severus into games, to fly, anything, but he'd just continued to distance himself. The only way he was relatively normal was his relationship with the girls. At four months, they were both sitting up, rolling over, and making more sounds. They both enjoyed tummy time and Lily even scooted a bit sometimes when she was frustrated that Hermione or Severus were too far away. He still took time for them, helping Hermione change them or give them baths, he helped cook or instructed Kreacher to clean certain areas. He became a shadow in the house to everyone except the girls, who loved him dearly. She couldn't quite figure out why he was so annoyed with her, aside from bringing Lucius into the house and figuring out that the ministry was trying to force the LeStranges out. Lucius had been far more invested in Albus' day, working with him on ancient runes and even arithmancy when he needed help or played outside with him when Scorpius came over. Between Draco and Scorpius, Lucius seemed to be living far more, enjoying life like he hadn't been in Azkaban for several months and that his daughter-in-law wasn't dying of Dragon Pox. Hermione prayed for Astoria every day, tried to love on Scorpius when he would let her because she knew losing his mother was going to be devastating.

In an effort to bridge the gap that had formed between she and Severus since he'd left to search for the LeStranges in October, as she was now convinced he'd been sent to do even if he wouldn't confirm her suspicions, Hermione asked Seamus to apparate with her to Diagon Alley to find him a present for his birthday. Though she knew he had many potions texts, she thought to find him one or perhaps some new scales. With Seamus, she felt safe but not as safe as she would've felt had Severus been with her.

After buying him some new, varying scales and a few ingredients, she and Seamus decided to have a meal but as they entered a new establishment, Hermione looked across the restaurant and saw him, Severus Snape, buttoned up like he used to be in all black with a woman. She had long blonde hair and from what Hermione could see, she was gorgeous, thin with an emerald dress on, she had long, slender legs that matched her long slender fingers, the same fingers resting on the rows of buttons on Severus' frock coat. As she devoured his image, she watched him lean forward, tilting the woman's chin towards his and when their lips touched, she knew she had to leave. Suddenly, she was filled with unjustified jealousy and nausea, guilt that she realized without a doubt that she was attracted to him and that unlike Charlie or Seamus, she hadn't been seeking comfort from him as a friend or colleague, she'd been trying to replace Ron with him and it was completely unfair to both of them. His feelings were obviously of a different sort and now, thinking of her behavior, Hermione was disgusted with herself. Bile rising in her throat, she turned to Seamus who had no idea what she'd seen. If she didn't move, she knew her adrenaline would make her vomit or worse she'd have a panic felt exactly the same as when he'd forced her from Hogwarts; she'd been right, he didn't care for her at all.

"Seamus, let's just go back to the chippy."

"Why? This place looks perfectly good." But he turned to Hermione's line of vision and saw his colleague out with a woman, a professor from Hogwarts if he wasn't mistaken.

"Granger, wait." He grabbed at her sleeve but she was gone in a flash, as though propelled by a force greater than herself because when Seamus looked again, he saw exactly what Hermione had. Severus' hand was on the pretty lady's hand and he'd leaned over to kiss her again, but suddenly made a face and looked over to Seamus, shocked at finding him there. Seamus immediately walked out of the restaurant and saw Hermione standing, face red and sad, embarrassed beyond comprehension, as she apparated away, he followed and they both arrived at Grimmauld Place simultaneously. Her old feelings found her, her old obsessions and it was clear that all this time she had been using him for comfort and projecting her feelings for something he clearly didn't feel for her. It hit her hard, she'd loved him all those years ago at Hogwarts and when he'd pushed her from his life, she'd buried those emotions for years, forgetting how ardently she had cared for him until she watched him kiss another woman. Though she was ill from guilt, retching on her own front stoop, she felt relief because she finally understood why she had been having such conflicted feelings about Severus since Ron's death and even before, how it had taken her a while to wear him down but she'd turned Severus into her work husband. And it was clear, at least to Hermione, that he did not return her affections the way she did. Retching again into the perfect shrubs, Hermione remembered Severus at Hogwarts and his cruelty, making her feel unwanted and unloved after she'd given everything to him.

"Granger, that was fuckin' insane. What the hell do you think you're doing?" Seamus yelled, but he couldn't fathom anything about the woman in front of him, this crazed looked crossed her face and he knew instantly they needed to get inside.

"Is this what he does when he leaves? Never mind, don't answer that; I'm sure he'd hate it if I actually knew anything about his life." Hermione's red eyes flashed to him, brimming with tears she stepped beyond the void of the wards and instantly threw up new ones, slipping into Grimmauld Place and forcing Seamus off the stoop. When she walked into the living room, she cast several more, and then a final two before finding Lucius with Albus and the girls.

"Oh, dove, what's happened?" Lucius stood immediately and came to her side, taking her bags and offered her his arms, which she fell into even though it felt odd, she didn't care. She shook against him, ashamed of crying over something that was not her business, something that should not be affecting her at all, but still made her cringe.

"I saw Severus and I-" She pulled him from the room, throwing up silencing charms so Albus could not hear her conversation.

"He was on a date and I saw him, he was kissing her and I just-" Lucius understood immediately, he had for years suspected that Hermione had conflicting feelings about her colleague and now, to see her so distressed, he was sure he was right. And though Severus had never really expressed himself regarding Hermione, he knew Severus was only distracting himself with the woman Hermione had seen him with.

"Come here, he is a lonely man, Hermione and I'm sure she's nothing, an informant most likely. " He stroked her hair, rubbed figure eights on her spine and as she felt the wards being tested, she cast another, making the house so safe no one could come through.

"Please don't say anything to him. I shouldn't have acted like this, he's not my husband, he doesn't even like me, he barely tolerates me most of the time, like all of you. He's my colleague, a co-worker, nothing more and I shouldn't be so upset." She rubbed her eyes furiously, it as she was about to fall in tears again, she immediately felt Lucius pull back from her. It felt like she was in stage, like a bright spotlight shined on her and felt incredibly embarrassed to have lost it in front of Lucius.

"Never say things like that. You've saved me more than once and though my affections for you are completely those for a father to a daughter, any man who had your affections would be incredibly lucky. Now, look, he can feel what you're feeling, he wants to stop those feelings when he can and you're keeping him from that, his body is probably fighting him. Either steel yourself or drop the wards." His voice was stern, exactly like the father figure he claimed he was. She nodded and took a deep breath, immediately going to her library in her mind and pushing the image of Severus and the beautiful woman into a tome, forcing her emotions to calm and when she opened her eyes again, Lucius smiled sweetly.

"Now, let's get you some dinner. Kreacher!" Hermione cancelled the silencing spell and followed him into the living room, then the kitchen.

"Thank you." She whispered as he brought her soup.

"Your house elf made this and it's quite good. I'm wonderful with cooking charms, but he's better." She laughed for a moment thinking of him in the kitchen cooking. When she was full, she checked on Albus and then took the girls to the nursery where she nursed them and put them to sleep, completely resolved to see Kingsley in the morning and force his hand in ending the compulsion charm on Severus, if they'd only let one go, dealing with her emotions would get easier but she didn't want him forced to help her anymore. When she finally fell into bed, she cast the wards again and looked to her ceiling, the stars were back; she could find her favorite constellations, but it didn't make her feel anything. Instead, tired and cold, she closed her eyes and wondered why she cared so much that Severus had been out with a beautiful woman. He deserved happiness; he deserved to engage with people that weren't cooped up in the house all day, everyday. It made Hermione want to stage an event to entice the LeStranges, to get them out of hiding so she could get back to work and have freedom again.

The next morning she sent an owl to Kingsley but received no reply. It was clear at Kingsley enjoyed having Severus under his thumb and wanted no part in removing him from his parole agreement; the jail which she'd only discovered a few months prior. Letters arrived daily from Severus asking her to drop the wards, but Hermione couldn't bring herself to do it. Too much hurt had boiled over from her time at Hogwarts and she needed a break. She needed to organize her life and figure out how to do things without him as a crutch again. In her anger, she'd used so much wandless magic, had done things spontaneously like she'd done as a child and it frightened her, but she still refused to drop the wards; she didn't care to see Seamus or Severus in her anger, her emotions so convoluted she worried she'd kill both of them.

SSHGSSHGSSHG

(Hermione leaves Hogwarts in 1999)

She walked hurriedly through the halls, trying to find him before she left Hogwarts for the last time, at least for a long while. It had been about month since they'd spoken, a month since he'd forcefully pushed her from his rooms after her potions NEWT returned and she'd received the highest mark in the history of the school. When she'd run from McGonagall's office to his labs, taking large strides, hoping trick steps and knocking on his door so hard it shook. When he opened it, he immediately scowled.

"Didn't we already discuss your interruptions? And don't you have exams to prepare for instead of interrupting my brewing." Normally, his scratching words would've wounded her, normally she would've fled, crying but she didn't. She stood in the doorway and matched him in stance, defiance ever present.

"My other NEWT scores arrived." She shoved the paper towards him and watched as he ignored her completely, retreating to his potions and looking everywhere but at her.

"You're a real git, you know." Leaving her scores on his table, she thought of their shared nights, making life easier just by leaning on each other for comfort and in their grief she thought she'd found someone she could rely on, someone who'd seen the worst of her and she of him.

"The know-it-all got an O in potions and every other subject, bully for you." She lost it then, any resolve she'd had to find a way to reach him, to break through the sudden armour he'd built around him. It all stemmed from their nights together, the ones where they reached for each other in comfort, she was sure.

"I should've realized you'd be this flippant. Merlin forbid you actually care about the success of your friend." She watched as he poured the potions into several vials.

"Friend? Hardly, you were my nursemaid and a nuisance." She tried not to let his words wound her, but each syllable felt like an arrow into her sternum, penetrating the veneer she'd built. But, she knew his vulnerabilities too, the ones he'd shown her before he could speak. She entered his mind, recalling her care of him, her fingers literally plunged into his carotid artery.

"You are a hateful bastard, you know." She snapped, sending him more images, their times in the labs, their time solving several conundrums for patients and the nights, when they both woke in sweat and adrenaline, how they'd gravitated to each other. She hadn't imagine him seeking her out, she hadn't imagined his preference for her company. But, to look at him now, it had all been folly.

"I'm leaving tomorrow, for London, Australia, then Oxford. I hope you have a good life, Severus, I doubt we'll see each other again." He dropped his knife, cutting the edge of finger slightly, a mistake he hadn't made in years and for some reason, the blood triggered him. She saw him falter, the exact moment when he began to sway, to fall. She rushed to his side, cast the spells to heal his wound and then forced him to sit in his chair as she brought a cool flannel from the loo, dabbing his face and neck, his wounds completely healed, his heart and mind, however were still at war with everything they'd experienced together and apart.

"I have a draught, if you need it." Pulling the vial from her pocket, he refused and pushed her hand away.

"You need to leave, Granger." Maliciously he took the flannel from her hand and threw it behind him, leaving her stunned. Was this who he really was, after all this time; had everything she known been a façade? She refused to believe it had all been a farce, that he'd faked everything since he'd woken in the infirmary.

"It's working you know, this surly bastard routine. You've effectively pushed me away, congratulations." He waved her off and that simply made her wish she'd never let her heart feel compassion for him at all. "I should've let you lie there in your own blood, huh? I should've ignored the faint heartbeat I felt and let you die in pain. No, I should've left you to Greyback? The LeStranges? Or is your problem with my treatment of you, learning occlumency and legilimency to make sure you weren't in pain? Should I really have let you suffer?" He rapidly stood, his wand pointed at her and for a moment she felt fear she hadn't known since Bellatrix tortured her, but triumphed over the fear and pulled her own wand.

"I asked you to leave, more than once and yet you still feel above the wants of others, the commands of others. I want nothing from you, silly girl except peace and to be alone." As he watched his words wash over her, he saw it, a flicker of her magic manifesting in the room. She glowed iridescent and powerful, like a spectral and he knew he'd finally pushed her too far.

"Don't make me say things I'll regret." She snapped, her body filled with such frenetic energy she could barely contain herself.

"I obviously cannot make you do a damn thing, Granger. Leave, save yourself from this embarrassment, this adolescent fantasy you've created where we run off together and brew potions, have a successful apothecary and 2.5 children who all sort Ravenclaw because we can't possibly have too many Slytherins or Gryffindors. And don't forget the house, filled with books and the smell of cinnamon and vanilla. None of that is going to happen, you fool." But he could no longer tell if he was trying to convince her or himself. He waited for her tears, for some emotion but saw nothing in her, she simply stood with her wand drawn.

"I said leave!" He barked, dropping his wand and cleaning his work station, the sting of the cut forcing him to stop for a moment. He felt her move, her wand put away and as she reached for the door; there were so many things she wanted to say, to thank him for, but she refused to say anything kind to him.

"I hope you get exactly what you want, Severus, nothing and no one, I mean that with sincerity." Her hand turned the knob, but as she pulled the door she heard him curse under his breath. "You think you have me figured out, everything I desire in life wrapped in a perfect bow, but you have no idea, you don't want to know me and I obviously don't know you. Severus from two months ago played scrabble and chess with me and took tea in the Ravenclaw gardens, let me dress your wounds, let me read your books. What changed? You grew a heart? I pushed too hard and you had to examine what it truly means to live again, is that it? Regardless, I regret nothing about the knowledge I've gained being here this year." When their eyes met, she saw his regret, that his words had been far too harsh, but she could also see he wasn't going to retract, to apologize, to even thank her for saving his life.

"You're wrong, you know, I never imagined those things with you, with anyone because I didn't plan on living and even since I've yet to think of much beyond the next day and getting through, surviving crippling pain and trying to save your sorry ass. But, you are no longer my concern and I bid you farewell. Live your life, fall in love again, have children with someone or don't, do something worthwhile or I'll have wasted this entire year trying to save you for nothing." She walked out, stomping as she left, forcing her towards the astronomy tower, climbing each step in pain, her wounds still opening every now and then due to aftershocks. When she finally reached the top, she peered over the edge, wondering how it would feel to fly again, as scared as it normally made her. She didn't want to die, she didn't want to hurt herself, she simply wanted to feeling of flying without fear. Standing on the edge of the stone rail, Hermione took a step and felt immediately the sensation of falling, of the freedom, the adrenaline, the bliss of losing control and before she hit the ground, she felt his arms find her, carrying her back up to the tower.

"What the hell did you think you were doing?" He barked, holding her so tightly she could barely breath. He was petrified that she'd tried to kill herself over something he'd said or done; he had flashes of his mother, finding her dead in their kitchen, and he couldn't let that happen to Hermione. Everyone he loved died and he wasn't about to admit his love for her and keep her close, even though he wanted to.

"I was about to cast a cushioning spell. I'm not completely inept, you...you...infuriating man. You should've let me fall, it felt glorious." The adrenaline coursed through her body, made her feel alive as he continued to make her feel inadequate, unloved, and unwanted.

"Yes, until your neck snapped." His hands rubbed circles on her back even if words were terse and bitter, he was holding her like he couldn't bare to let her go.

"I knew what I was doing, I've done it before."

"Before? How many times?" She pulled herself from him and going to the edge again. She knew he hadn't been there since Dumbledore died and knew it was making things worse.

"Twenty or so. And why do you care, my life is none of your concern, you've made that quite clear." As she leaned over the edge, wanting to fall again, he pulled her back, his hands in hers shaking. All he could see was Eileen Prince Snape, lying in a pool of blood, her arms torn and though he tried to push those images from his mind, he couldn't. He couldn't stop thinking about his mother as he held Hermione, desperate to stop her yet keeping himself from loving her as he wanted to, to properly show her how devoted and dependable he could be.

"I never said your life didn't matter, I owe you mine-"

"Which you begged me more than once to end." She spat at him, trying to forget his hands in her hair, his body pressed next to hers, the tears he'd shed on pain and worst of all, the memories she'd seen, the abuse of his father, the depravity of being a death eater.

"I'm trying to save you from a life of misery and squalor, you have opportunities that most of the injured cannot even fathom and you want to spend them here, in this broken castle with old people who barely make it up the stairs. Go off, find Mr. Weasley, have children and when they grace my classroom, I'll know you finally listened to me." She snatched her hands back immediately and stepped several feet from him, angry that he was forcing her to leave, to admit that she did feel more for him than she thought she had and now, seeing him in obvious pain, she wanted to take him to the dungeons, lie next to him and watch him sleep, watch his chest rise and fall knowing he had a second chance.

"You have no idea what I want in this life. You think me ambitionless and some feather-headed ninny who cannot think for myself, that I've sought you because I'm weak and nimble- you are wrong. You are the fool. I've done nothing but hone my skills, I can cast almost every spell wandlessly now, enter people's minds without the tiniest hint of detection, project my thoughts on theirs, none of that would've been possible without you, yet as I stand here, reeling from another assault in my brain, my choices, and my life I remind myself that-" She paused and looked into his eyes, the same which had pleaded with her for more pain reliever, for mercy, for comfort and she felt the pulse of her magic brighten the alcove. Instead of finishing her words, she walked down the spiral stairs all the way to her rooms, packed the remainder of her possessions in her beaded bag and walked to the gates, she didn't look back, she didn't care in that moment if he hurt, if he missed her, hated her because it finally sank in: Severus would never care for her the way she cared for him, though she had no idea at the time how far from the truth she really was. When the gates wouldn't open, she contemplated her options and decided, that she was within the boundaries of apparition but in her contemplation he'd caught up to her.

"You told me to leave, I'm leaving. My scores are finalized; 10 NEWTs, I'll be able to do anything instead of wasting away here learning from a Potions Master, a Transfiguration Master, a Charms and Arithmancy Master, and the number one Runes professor in the world. No, I'll go to Oxford where every professor tells me the bare minimum to get my degree and then I'll be the drone you want me to be, unfeeling and unfulfilled. But, you be proud of yourself, Severus Snape, you finally won, you finally ruined me, good on you for scheduling my exams before I was ready- yes my mind knew the material, but heart and my body weren't ready. My wounds haven't completely healed, I can't even enter a room without the fear that I'll be attacked or worse, that you'll be lying dead in your own sorry blood. But, do what you do best, push. Make yourself believe you're making me stronger by flinging me from the flock instead of letting me learn to deal with my post-traumatic stress. You've won, Severus, you've won." She pivoted on her feet and took one more step, the gates recognizing Professor Snape as an authority figure. When she was on the other side, she saw him crestfallen, regretting something but she wasn't quite sure what.

"Thanks again for scheduling my NEWT early, who knows how long I would've wasted my time rebuilding the castle and carrying for the wounded while finishing my studies. Truly, thank you. I hope my saving your life was worth what I feel right now, you insufferable ass." Taking her wand, she concentrated on Grimmauld Place but felt his arms around her before she could apparate.

"This is for your own good." His voice cracked and she knew, he was doing this to save himself, his heart and had no concern for her.

"You are not my father nor my professor, and you barely know me or what is 'for my own good', so kindly unhand me and let me leave." He stared into her eyes, she was sure he was as conflicted as she was but her anger pervaded all other emotions. "Unhand me, Snape." He reluctantly pulled back.

"You aren't making this easy, Granger." She didn't care.

"You make nothing easy, Severus." She smoothed her hair and wiped her eyes, tears forming before she'd even realized were dropping onto her cloak.

"You'll forget this." His words felt empty and she wanted to forget how terrible he looked, how incredibly sad he seemed that she was leaving suddenly.

"No, you will. I will forget nothing, as is my life and insane brain. But honestly, I want you to be happy, whatever that means to you. I refuse to say anything else on the matter and I never will unless something changes dramatically." Her hand shook as he reached for his and then stepped away. "You've won, Severus, you've effectively pushed me away."

"Obstinate woman, I want you alive."

"I. AM. ALIVE, you pigheaded man, but what does it matter if I'm barely living?And you don't want any part of me, regardless of my being ALIVE, so don't even pretend that you do. You're pushing me from my safe place into a world I do not want to face."She yelled, her magic wrapped around them and he felt it, her love for him, even if she didn't know that's what it was, forcing him to relent for a moment and reach for her again.

"Why must you make this so difficult." He hand rested on her shoulder, gripping her gently, wishing again he could just pull her into his arms and be done with it.

"Why must you?" Hermione pivoted again and walked beyond the gates. She didn't look back.

"Live well, Severus, you've won, I hope that makes you happy. " And she was gone,going first to muggle London and a coffee shop, drowning her sorrows in espresso and a scone, wishing that she didn't let Severus make her leave. She didn't know if she could ignore him for another month as she finished part of two projects with Professor Sinistra and Professor Flitwick, but she doubted she could. Knowing she would've seen him at mealtimes and perhaps in the library, ignoring her on purpose as she tried to live life; she was unwilling to even consider the possibility. When she'd sat at the coffee shop for hours, hopped up on caffeine and sugar, she stepped into the alley and apparated; landing at 12 Grimmauld Place and walking through the door, Ron, Harry, and Ginny waiting for her with popcorn and butterbeer. No one asked why she'd been crying, no one asked why she arrived so late in the evening or why she was a month early, they simply placed her in the middle of them and felt cozy, warm, like it was meant to be. She felt safe with them in 12 Grimmauld Place but knew no matter how far away she got from Hogwarts, Severus would haunt her relentlessly until she moved on. But it took a while, it took violence, it took removing herself from everyone and everything, it took forcing herself on Harry, Ron, GInny and other Weasley's, even forming a friendship with Draco Malfoy and his wife. She never completely forgot him, she never really wanted to


	8. Chapter 8

AN: The next two chapters will explain a few things but remember that everything is still not what it seems. HG has done some planning and scheming, taking things into her own hands regarding the LeStranges (how better to do that than with former Death Eaters in her home?). Warnings- abuse, miscarriage, mothering, episodes of PTSD, and language. Thanks for reading and those of you who have followed, favorite, and reviewed!

Chapter 8: Finally

Over a week later, when Hermione finally dropped the wards and let Seamus and Severus back into the house, it was only because she'd figured out how best to bring the LeStranges into the open, working with Lucius, whom she'd sworn into secrecy through a wand oath; telling him of her plan hadn't been so easy, but she knew if she didn't take matters into her own hands, nothing would get done. Once she explained the contingency plan, he was willing to go along and do exactly as she asked. By the end of February, she would be completely ready to put her plan into motion and perhaps then Severus would be free of the compulsion charm and Lucius of house arrest.

She heard a door swiftly open and then slam.

"What did you think you were doing?" Severus asked as soon as Seamus let him know the wards had been dropped.

"Protecting my family. You were gone for over a month before and before that I didn't even know you were my own personal emotional thermometer and bodyguard, so don't act as though you not being here somehow made me less safe. Perhaps I was ready for the LeStrange brothers to strike so all this can be over." She didn't look at him, she carried the laundry to the laundry room and started a load then folded another, her mind consumed with his mouth on another woman's.

"This is probably the stu…"

"Don't you dare call me stupid. Don't you dare!" Hermione almost hexed him and he felt it.

"You are lucky Lucius has been working with me on strengthening my occlumency shields and soon it won't be an issue at all. I'll be back to work and so will you; it will all go back to normal." Hermione took the clothes with her to the nursery and then up the stairs to Albus' room, passing Lucius as she went, nodding to him in passing and leaning in as he kissed her cheek.

"You look radiant today, dove." Lucius had become quite protective and fatherly the longer he remained at Grimmauld Place, working with her to make her mind stronger, more pliable and less inclined to emotional outrage. It had taken her a full week to get her occlumency and legilimency up to standards she's only experienced at Hogwarts with Severus during his recovery.

"Your flattery will get you everywhere." She giggled, almost tripping on the stairs and hearing a snipped conversation between the two men at the bottom of the stairs. A few more weeks, that was all she needed and she'd be back; she'd be Hermione Granger, MLE officer, fighting for the equality of magical beings and living a life she wanted, relatively free of fear.

"Alby, we'll do history and herbology after lunch, okay?" Albus turned to her from his reading and nodded sweetly. He was looking more and more like his father as he grew and she loved it.

"I wasn't finished speaking with you. Can you please stop." Hermione looked to Severus and wondered if he'd bring up the date or whatever it was; this woman could possibly be his girlfriend or whatever he would call her. It was impossible for her to forget the woman's hand on his, his on her jaw just like he'd done with Hermione many times, and the kiss, how she'd longed for him to kiss her even when it felt wrong in her mind.

"In the library, I can bring tea. Kreacher is making stew for lunch and dinner, so I'm free right now." Before joining him with the tea tray, Hermione checked on the girls and found Lily awake and hungry, so she changed her quickly and brought her in the sling. Talking to her as they walked from the nursery to the library, Lily's sweet cooing making Hermione smile as they met Severus, looking annoyed and stern; far more like the teacher he'd been then the friend she'd come to know since working in the MLE together.

"Sorry, I was momentarily detained by a hungry girl. I'm trying to soak up this time as much as I can since they'll be on solids in about six weeks." He didn't say a word, only looked to the sling and noticed how much bigger the girls were in the contraption he'd made her all those months before.

"You wanted to talk?" She asked, pouring the tea and waiting for him to say something snide or biting, but he didn't. He leaned forward at the table and folded his hands around his cup, his frock coat the same as always, his shirtsleeves peeking out of his wrist only slightly. She said nothing further, only looked to him and occluded, her shields becoming so strong she could mask the strongest emotions now.

"How long have you been occluding?" He suddenly asked, his face a mask as though he was always occluding as well.

"I can occlude for full days at a time now, at roughly eighty percent for more than that when needed. It started when you first left in October, but the healer who came a few weeks ago helped far more with things and Lucius, as well." Very proud of herself, she sipped her decaf tea and waited for him to berate her for occluding for so long or for wasting her energies, but she simply couldn't be a slave to her emotion any longer and certainly didn't want him having to deal with things beyond their old working regimen.

"You're awfully quiet for someone who said he needed to speak with me." His eyebrows shot up but he still said nothing. "I apologize you didn't get your birthday present, if you'll wait a second I'll grab it." Hermione stood, leaving the room quickly and grabbing his present she hadn't wrapped and brought it to him, the potions ingredients and new scales were in a fancy bag from the store but no frills or finery. She had planned to write him a birthday letter but abandoned the idea the moment she saw him at the restaurant.

"Happy belated birthday, Severus." She set the presents down and resumed her chair across from him, finishing her tea.

"You shouldn't have." His voice had no malice, it was soft and as he opened the bags, he looked pleased beyond measure for his normal expression yet Hermione didn't feel the pleasure she would normally have felt. Instead, she was disappointed in herself and in him, but she couldn't exactly say why.

"You got these in Diagon Alley?"There was something in his voice she didn't recognize, except for a moment he looked like he had all those years before, the first birthday she'd celebrated with him.

"Yes, Seamus took me after I begged him. I meant to also take you to dinner or make something special, but things went far differently than expected." She wondered if he'd tell her now, if she wanted to know about this woman. Part of her was so curious she couldn't stop thinking about it and the rational part of her, it reminded her how much she wished her husband was still alive and her preoccupation with him was unhealthy and unfair. It was just as unhealthy and unfair as it had been all those years before at Hogwarts.

"Perhaps when things calm down we can go to dinner and discuss that day." His voice practically pleaded with her and it was nothing but a surprise to Hermione.

"I don't think there's anything to discuss, really." She watched as he smelled the lavender she'd gotten him and moonstone, daffodil, and asphodel. She watched as her hand trembled for a second then stilled; she wondered how long she'd been burying these feelings for him, months? Years? it was as though she had repressed everything that had happened between them, as though the year and change she'd spent with him was really only as his caregiver.

"Hermione, I do not make it a habit of seeking women like the woman you saw, I met her…" But before Severus could say anything else about the lady, Hermione cleared her throat and completely occluded her mind, going deeply into her library and trying to block his voice. She'd made up her mind that she didn't want to know about the woman.

"You really needn't explain. You are an adult and are not required to be in this house at all times. You deserve life lived unfettered." Hermione poured more water into her cup and then used her infuser to steep more tea, hoping the tea made her calmer. A tiny pinch reminded her Lily was at her breast, and that was when she heard her, a tiny cry and then a full wail. Hermione let the table and took Lily from the sling walking around the table, humming and rubbing her back, feeling her tiny head for fever but finding she was just gassy and uncomfortable. When she finally calmed her, she was in the nursery and Lily was nursing again, outside of the sling and realized that perhaps the girls were getting too big for it. In the lounger, rocking, one leg tucked beneath her, Hermione sang softly to her darling girl and completely forgot about Severus for a moment, until he appeared at the door.

"Her hair is getting longer."

"You weren't gone for that long, you know." Hermione quipped, staring into Lily's hazel eyes and wondering how she'd gotten so lucky. Both girls were thriving and mostly happy, Albus was learning more and more each day and though nothing was perfect, she felt her life returning to her each day, more and more.

"True but I didn't get much time with them at Christmas and since then, they've been hogged by Lucius or Charlie when he's here."

"Well Winnie is going to wake in a moment, so you can bring her to me and we can trade off." Like clockwork, Winnie opened her eyes and smiled at Severus, reaching for his hand.

"You are terribly stinky, young lady." He used magic to change her nappy and then picked her up, gently holding her under her armpits and using his fingers to cradle her tiny head, a mass of red curls growing longer each time he saw her.

"I do believe your father was right, Winifred certainly has Weasley hair color but that pert little nose is all yours." It flashed before her suddenly, the sight of Severus holding a baby with dark curls and beautiful dark eyes, cradled against his chest; it should've frightened her, that image, but it didn't. Instead she found comfort in the idea that someday Severus might have a child of his own. He was so good with the girls even if he pretended to be incompetent.

Switching girls, the momentary gap between nursing, Hermione pulled her jumper closed and then, coaxing Winnie to nurse, covering her face in tiny kisses and listening to her giggle- how could anyone be forlorn in the presence of a happy baby?

"Lily's eyes are changing." He remarked, again as though he hadn't seen them in ages.

"Yes, they're far more green whereas Winnie's are more hazel blue. Both such lovely shades." Severus held Lily like he had Winnie, from her little armpits and cradling her head in his large hands and her body on his forearms. He contemplated their beauty- how such loveliness survived such terrible times.

"Oh my goodness we're hungry today." Severus chanced to look over and saw Winnie's hand practically kneading Hermione's breast, their eyes locked in complete love and he wished he could explain to her, how much he admired her, loved her, wanted her and that the woman in the restaurant meant nothing, she had been a means to an end, a desperate mistake to convince himself he didn't harbor such affections for Hermione, but it had been a disaster. As soon as Hermione and Seamus had apparated away, he felt every ounce of Hermione's feelings of betrayal and for the first time, he felt hope. For the first time since he'd first felt the odd fluttering of feelings for her, he felt that there was a possibility, an inkling that perhaps she could return his affections again, all those years before at Hogwarts,and perhaps someday, they could explore more than a co-worker and professor and student relationship. He was snapped out of his contemplation when Lily giggled and reached for his hand. Looking down at her, Severus felt like he was looking at a tiny version of a woman he once loved, once obsessed over; the irony wasn't lost on him. He knew what he was doing with Hermione was exactly the same thing, but he was unwilling to let himself fall into the same trap twice. It was clear she needed time to sort her feelings and he wanted her the right way or not at all.

"I am planning to return to work in some avenue in February, just so you are aware. I've already spoken with Patton, my healer and he agrees that, even if I must work from another location, getting back to work is necessary." Her words were tentative, she said it with conviction because she knew he would argue.

"Your brain isn't going to wither away. The office can handle the other cases." Right as rain, he had said exactly what she expected of him, but she was unfazed; he needed to have some inkling that she would soon be taking matters into her own hands instead of hoping that at some point the Ministry would arrest the LeStranges and deal with the murders.

"The girls will be getting more independent and I won't be away from them for long. Albus is going to have a legitimate tutor or perhaps by then things will be safer and he can return to school. Regardless, my healer and our department head are in agreement." Her eyes pleaded with his even if her voice was distinctly void of emotion.

"I have to disagree, you may feel confined here but at least you are secure." Holding Lily's little hand, Severus chanced to look at Hermione again and though he could sense no emotions from her, there was a line of worry written across her face, particularly between her eyebrows and she was chewing her bottom lip. Even without legilimency or the compulsion charm, Severus could see that she did not want to disappoint him.

"It's still a while away; a lot can happen in a that time, I mean my entire life was changed in a matter or moments, this break is a long time." Smoothing Winnie's curls, Hermione kept her eyes locked on Winnie's, the rush of emotions hidden from the man across the room.

"Must you always go full force into a fight, or create one?" He snapped, trying to keep his voice low and calm, but she heard the pleading malice, the annoyed anger in him.

"I just want my life back and you deserve yours as well. If I can make that happen, I will do anything in my power to do so. I can't live a life wherein I am afraid to walk into Hogsmeade or Diagon Alley, to buy supplies for my children, or...or...walk into a restaurant." Her eyes flashed to his as she said the last part, knowing that she had told him she didn't want to know about the woman, but part of her, the wicked part, made her want him to feel slightly terrible, as terrible as she felt. Did he fancy her that way? Could he ever?

"I have a fine life, Hermione." Lily tugged him a bit and then tried to sit up, so he pulled her from the cot and held her against his chest, her little face mere inches from his own. Leaning into him, she blew a raspberry and he smiled. Hermione had seen his smile so infrequently in their acquaintance; she decided it was one of the loveliest sights, him with an innocent baby in his arms and the worry lines erased from his face.

"Well, you deserve a life that doesn't have to include me." Winnie's eyes started to close slowly, one little hand in her hair and the other on Hermione's breast, Hermione watched as she fought sleep.

"You continue to forget I chose you, Granger, above all others." When his words stopped, she realized she'd closed her own eyes, imagining him kissing the woman again, she felt sick. She shouldn't be thinking of him, she shouldn't be obsessing over something that was none of her business and she certainly shouldn't wish that those lips had been hers, not when her husband had been dead less than five months.

"And you can continue to occlude, wearing your mind and body out, or you can just process your emotions because I read them regardless. You hide no guilt nor worry, no anger nor love from me." With that her eyes opened and he saw fresh tears and though he couldn't specifically feel what she was feeling, he could see how distraught she was, even if only for a moment.

"It will not be your concern soon, Severus."

"You seem awfully sure of the outcome." Placing Lily back on the cot, Severus reached for Winnie who was asleep as well, but barely looked away from Hermione who was adjusting her bra and jumper, standing and stretching her legs before going to the cot and kissing each girl, wandlessly she cast the charms on them and walked out of the nursery to the kitchen to see if Kreacher had finished lunch and found him labeling stew into bowls.

"This looks decadent, Kreacher, thank you." He bowed slightly then scurried away. Hermione heard Albus and Lucius come down the stairs, and then all were at the dining room table, eating their stew with fresh bread. Lucius tried to engage Severus in conversation but he was too distracted by Hermione's words; he knew she was up to something and just didn't know exactly what. He feared she was going to do something foolhardy and dangerous, enough to get herself killed and it was something he simply couldn't let happen.

"Aunt Hermione, when is Uncle Charlie coming back?" Albus asked reaching for another piece of bread from the basket and dipping a chunk in the stew.

"By Valentine's Day, my love. He is in charge of training a new handler so he can stay away longer sometimes. He promised to write you, so we should see an owl soon. And you need to write Jamie back; after lunch, okay?" The boy smiled and nodded, he finished his stew quickly, ran his bowl to the sink and then up the stairs. He had homework and letters to write.

"We'll play outside after homework." She yelled after him. As soon as he'd gone, though, he could feel a fog descend on the men in the room, one who supported her even if she often made foolish decisions and the other two annoyed and rightfully so as she'd practically banned them from their jobs and her home for a week.

"We'll have stew again at dinner, so it will be sort of a floating meal because George and Angelina are stopping by to take Alby for a sleepover at the Burrow. Bill and Fleur will be staying with them as well, and I went to renew the wards already." Seamus and Severus exchanged glances, and Hermione knew that they thought she was being too bold.

"If you are worried about the plans, you can speak with George and Bill. I just think Albus needs time with his cousins and Draco cannot come this week with Scorpius. The poor child shouldn't have to endure what we do if we can help it." With that, she took her bowl to the sink and started rinsing what dishes there were in the sink still since Kreacher had cooked. She felt his presence behind her before he said a word, but didn't have the energy to fight with him, but when she turned, she saw a look on his face that did not suggest he was looking for a fight. Without words, he stood before her, his arms crossed and his normally stern face free of any malice. There were words he wanted to say, of course, but he knew it would fall on deaf ears.

"Excuse me." Hermione went quickly passed him and up the stairs to Albus' room where she found him writing a letter and his books pulled out, little pieces of parchment poking out where his lessons needed to be reviewed.

"Let's get all this finished so we can play outside before the girls wake up again." They worked for an hour and then she watched him fly in the garden with Lucius who seemed to be enjoying watching the boy fly as much as she did.

"Severus is concerned."

"Of course he is, because if something happens to me he'll have failed his mission and get sent Azkaban, but nothing is going to happen to me." Her terse reply made him pause, but choosing the right words, he replied.

"It's more than that, Hermione, and you know it." She scowled then smiled at Albus as he swooped down near them.

"Surely not. Severus is dedicated to the promises he makes, for sure; I've never known a more devoted man, aside from my husband, but their devotions are so dissimilar. When this is all finished, he'll see." Hermione quickly plaited her hair and rolled the braid into a bun, leaning on Lucius for a moment as her mind worked overtime, going over detail she could to ensure she wasn't missing anything, any minor detail that could ruin the plan.

"You and Charlie agreed and the matter is settled. I will not continue my life in fear and neither should you or any of the Weasleys for that matter." Her hands were on her hips as she stared him down.

"You have Severus all wrong, Hermione, you really do." Lucius forced her to look at him. "He is not a monster, he is not unhappy here."

"Who can be truly happy when they're in servitude?" Hermione's large brown eyes met Lucius' blue ones, and they refused to look away from each other.

"He doesn't believe himself in servitude; he only wants to do what comes natural to him which is protecting you. He will be far angrier that you are trying to do this without him." Her voice was pleading. she was desperate. She didn't want Severus this way, tied to her against his will.

"And when we succeed?" His hand came to her face before she even realized it and pushed a curl from her line of sight, and she wondered for a moment what it would've been like for Draco to have this version of Lucius as a father.

"That will be his downfall, I'm afraid." Hermione didn't quite understand his meaning, so her face scrunched.

"Why would having freedom be such a problem?"

"It's not freedom he desires, dove." Lucius patted the hand resting on her lap, but Hermione still didn't understand.

"Fine, he can go to any bird he wants, he can be a random lothario in any restaurant around the world but I won't have to see it again, I refuse to see it again." The bite in her words took Lucius back to the same tone Narcissa had gotten with him when he was unfaithful. It made him regret so much, each kiss, each caress. He couldn't think of anyone but Narcissa. Although he knew he could never understand exactly how Narcissa felt, the pain on Hermione's face brought what empathy he had back, full force, and his own guilt weighed heavy on his heart.

"Give it time, you will see. Severus doesn't want to be a lothario and he certainly doesn't want to be one around the world. As the time passes, it will all be clear and you will be able to understand the mixed emotions you feel." They both sighed at the same time, both moving their eyes back to Albus as he flew, carefree and growing more confident and adjusted as the days rolled closer to the summer break for his brother and cousin.

"I'm a fool, Lucius." He heard the pain in her voice, knowing the guilt and pain she felt as his own sins.

"We all are." Lucius sighed again and pulled at his hair."Do you think you can give me a cut?" Hermione turned abruptly to him and thought of his with Draco's old haircut.

"What would you like?"

"Short, like George's. I think once this is all over, having less the austere look will be to my benefit." Hermione took out her wand and with a few simple shearing charms, his hair was much shorter and he looked far younger, almost as though he was Draco's brother.

"Wow!" Albus exclaimed as he touched down on the ground and ran over to Hermione and Lucius.

"Do you want a trim?" She asked, turning her wand on her nephew. He nodded fiercely and then stood still as his aunt trimmed his hair.

"Maybe we all need a trim, but I need a mirror for mine. Hold on." Hermione went to the window, unplaited her hair and straightened it as much as possible, taking off a few inches, then a few more until suddenly, it was much shorter, so short she almost cried because it was the first time she'd ever seen herself with hair so short, aside from baby pictures. With a little curl on top, a very slight wave, and short sides and back, she looked like Harry had almost, aside from the colour and curl. Staring at herself, she wondered what had possessed her to take it all, to completely remove the hair she'd had for years, and then she realized, it was the weight, the freedom, the change she needed to move on. Removing her hair was like death itself; the grieving process the same, the grief as apparent as ever, but there was also relief and a pleasure that she hadn't known for months. Her pregnancy had been difficult, fear of losing Winnie as she'd lost their two sons late in pregnancy, and the sickness, though meaning that the baby was still alive, wracked her days. Now, she felt herself again, even if her most prominent feature was gone.

"Good lord, what did you do?" Lucius remarked, smiling at her as she stepped away from the window and looked at them.

"I needed a change." His hands went immediately to her hair, the soft texture of her neck blending with her hair and then cupping her face.

"I can see your eyes so much better now." He kissed both cheeks and watched her go inside.

"Winnie woke about five minutes ago." Seamus said from the table where he was writing up some paperwork, finally looking up to her as she passed. "What the hell happened to your hair?" Hermione stopped and gave him a ferocious look.

"I wanted a change." She replied, passing through the kitchen and dining room to the hallway and then the nursery. Severus was holding Winnie when she walked in, removing all shorn hair from her jumper before going over to them to see if Winnie was hungry.

"She is changed, but still a bit unhappy." He hadn't looked at her yet; instead he held the small girl in his arms, against his chest as though she were precious cargo.

"She has a few teeth coming in, they both do, so I bet they'll be fussy until they break through. I know Rose kept a fever for a few days when hers were breaking through, but nursing helps." Taking her from his arms, he finally looked from Winnie to Hermione and the shock was visceral.

"Thank you for holding her, I think we'll try nursing and then I have a recipe for a minor pain reliever if she stays uncomfortable." Unbuttoning her jumper as he stood and stared at her, Hermione sat on the lounger, one leg tucked beneath her, a pillow under her arm and Winnie at her breast, Hermione hummed lightly without awareness and rock slightly with her foot, going into her own world, her library filled with books, with memories and moments she both wanted to remember and forget. She didn't notice him staring, his keen eye roaming over her as though he was seeing her for the first time or after a long absence. Though Lily remained asleep, Severus stood by the cot and waited, wondering if this new hairstyle was some reaction to her grief or related to the desire to leave the house and go back to work. When Lily finally stirred, Winnie was asleep once more but still a bit warm.

"Come here, little love." They traded girls, Severus feeling the warmth of both of their tiny bodies and for the first time since they were born, he was genuinely concerned about them. He watched as Hermione snapped her bra in place on one side and then unsnapped the other, moving her jumper out of the way, allowing Lily access to nurse.

"Do you want me to brew the potion?" Severus asked, unable to take his eyes from her. Although he liked this new hair, he missed her wild mane, the recognizable attribute of her personality.

"No, thank you. I will brew it after dinner. I want to see if their temperatures come down on their own." Glancing up at him, Hermione saw his concern but it was beyond her now, her desire was too soon, too unpredictable, and she knew, again, that it was unfair. She couldn't let him feel the erratic yet powerful things she was feeling for him, especially if he was having to seek comfort because of it.

"Thank you again. Lucius asked me to cut his hair and then we all decided a trim was in order, so I didn't hear the charm." As though summoned by his name, Lucius appeared at the door and saw his friend trapped in Hermione's force field.

"You received an owl, my dear." Lucius strolled over the lounger as Hermione looked away from Severus and took the letter. "Seamus ran it through spells; appears fine." Breaking the seal, she saw it was from Charlie, he was coming a week earlier than expected. A smile stretched across her face and continued to her toes; she folded it immediately and put it in her pocket, returning her gaze to Lily.

"Thank you, Lucius." Both men then exited the nursery, leaving Hermione to the girls and her obsession with outing the LeStranges. But she heard them as they left, "But what possessed you to ask for a haircut?" Severus asked him, his voice returning to his normal tone.

"I'm too recognizable; this makes it easier for me to blend in."

"And why would you need to blend in now? You're in this house until things are settled or have you forgotten." Severus sniped, their voices still low.

"When I am freed, I want to disappear, you know this."

"And why did she cut hers?" Hermione could barely hear them now, so she stretched a bit, standing and walking with Lily.

"She's just as confused as you are, surely you see this." And then they were too far away. Closing her eyes, she went back to her library and sighed, she needed to bury her confused emotions and hope that she could free him of the jail sentence before she went crazy.

SSHGSSHGSSHG

(While Hermione was still at Hogwarts in 1999).

It took an hour for Hermione to really wake up on Severus' birthday; her mind had been reeling since Christmas with thoughts she couldn't quite explain. She'd been taking care of him since May, since she'd gone back to the Shrieking Shack and found him, his heartbeat faint but there and his bleeding had slowed, though it was most likely because most of it was on the floor. As she remembered that day, almost losing Harry and the others who'd died, it made her feel good to know she'd saved at least one person, especially since it was Severus.

Padding down to his rooms, she took her presents for him and the cake she'd made. It was chocolate but not bitter nor too sweet because she knew he didn't like things that were too sweet, and the icing was buttercream with just a hint of cocoa powder. He was turning thirty-nine, she believed though she didn't know exactly and she was too afraid to ask him, so she'd left the cake blank and simply iced it. Breaching his wards, she sent her patronus ahead of her to make sure he was decent, but found his quarters completely empty. Setting all his presents and cake down in his small refrigerator before leaving, feeling odd being in his rooms without him, though she'd done it before when he was still more frequently in the infirmary. Suddenly, she worried he'd had a relapse as he had at Christmas, so she ran through the halls to the infirmary and searched the main room, then the private rooms, finding him in the last room, she visibly paled as she saw him vomiting in a cistern, tears leaking from his eyes as he doubled over again.

"What happened?" Hermione rushed to his side, wiping his head and cheeks with a cold flannel, looking to Madame Pomfrey as she did, trying to ignore how terrible Severus looked and sounded as his vomiting finally stopped and he fell back against the cot.

"Some of his medicine reacted badly with new treatment."

"Oh Severus, on your birthday?" Hermione helped him get more comfortable on the cot, casting cleansing charms and trying to remove his soiled socks. It was a weird attraction, what she felt for his perfect feet, but she couldn't help herself. Like his hands, soft and delicate, they represented the dichotomy of his life, the rough side, his tattoos and scars, then the delicate length of his fingers, the perfectness of his toes.

"My birthday is just another day, Miss Granger, it matters not if I vomit or spend my day in this blasted room." She frowned at his words, sad that she knew as much as she did about his childhood and early life, images she'd seen in his mind when he was barely conscious. It made her heart sore to think of him so neglected, so ignored by everyone around him; it made her understand his desire to join Voldemort and his Death Eaters.

"Well, I made you cake and I have a few presents, and you're going to accept them because I made an effort." She was about to tuck him in when Madame Pomfrey came through again.

"If you help him, he can go back to his quarters." Hermione nodded, helping him to stand, then wrapping her arm around his waist. They'd done this so many times since he was able to walk again, but he felt incredibly light this time, she felt his hip bones as though he'd lost a whole stone, but she tried to hide her reaction so he wouldn't admonish her when they made it to his rooms.

"I know this is asking more you than is appropriate, Hermione, but can you fetch me clothes? I don't relish smelling like my stomach's contents for the rest of the day." She smiled at him, at least his humor was back and sarcasm. Going quietly to his room, she found a change of clothes for him and brought them to the sitting area where he was asleep, probably exhausted from vomiting, so she slowly removed his trousers and shirt, he woke up when she leaned him forward a bit to change his shirt, but when she met his eyes, he wasn't angry with her. Instead, when he looked up at her, she saw a sheepish smile, a grin she had only seen a few times and so she smiled back, taking his hand she led him to his room and helped him onto the bed.

"A nap would do you some good, then cake." As though in a daze, the medicine obviously getting into his system again, Severus reached for her hand, pulling her close and thanking her quietly, his voice raw from the bile and acid from his noticed he'd been whispering all morning.

"Just rest, Severus, we can celebrate you later." She smoothed his hair, the shortness of it still making her pause because she'd seen him for years with longer hair. He pulled her closer again and whispered something she couldn't understand; her confusion must have displayed on her face because he pulled her so hard she stumbled into him. Sometimes he forgot how strong he was, especially with her frail form.

"Stay." He whispered, patting the bed next to him, letting her go as she walked around his bed and climbed next him and crawled under the covers.

"You didn't have to manhandle me, Severus, you know I am always happy to stay with you." He turned towards her and brought a hand to her face, a small smile appeared and then he was out. Hermione watched him sleep for an hour before her mind calmed enough that she fell asleep, too, and when she woke, he'd pulled her tightly against him. She knew if he woke and found them like this he'd be angry with himself, so she moved his arm slowly and moved back to her side, wishing she didn't have to because the pressure his body had felt so welcome and so glorious.

"Were you too warm?" He whispered, reaching for her again.

"No, I know that you…" She paused and worried she was pushing him away when he was finally accepting her. "Severus-" She didn't know if she could continue to lie in his arms and not have some sort of understanding that he wasn't going to push her away.

"You are always welcome here." She couldn't believe he was letting her lie in his arms and she knew it was temporary most likely. Relishing the feeling of being wrapped in his arms, she felt herself drift again to sleep, both of them exhausted. When she woke again later, she was spooning him, her arm draped across his waist, her fingers laced with his. She needed the loo but didn't want to move; he'd done this so infrequently that she was afraid to break the spell, remind him he was the bastard of the dungeons. So she waited as he slept and recited what she remembered of 'Hogwarts: A History', in her mind. When he was finally awake, she hugged him tightly and went to the loo, curious about giving him the presents she'd made and bought and of course the cake.

"Do you need help to the loo?" He nodded as she helped him stand; although she'd seen him nude plenty of times before he was fully functional again, it was a bit different now that she'd realized her feelings for him were far more than friendly. She left him at the door and waited then helped him to sit on his sofa.

"Do you want some cake now or lunch?"

"Cake." His voice was a bit louder, his face still relaxed but she could tell he would need a pain potion soon. Grabbing the cake and plates, she set them on his coffee table then when back for the presents.

"I didn't know for sure what flavor you would like so it's sort of dark chocolate." Slicing him a piece, she put it on a small plate and handed him a fork. It surprised her when she watched him eat, as though no one had ever made him a cake. She ordered tea service and waited as a elf scurried through, apologizing profusely because Severus had tea at exactly the same time everyday and the tiny thing hadn't brought it. Hermione was sure they were still miffed with her about SPEW.

"Do you like it?" Taking a huge bite for herself, it was moist and springy, the buttercream perfect.

"Yes." She watched him attack his fork like it was his first meal after a long famine and smiled at him. It was his birthday and she loved him.

"Your family celebrated birthdays?" He asked quietly.

"Yes, always. Especially once I came here. We usually had ice cream and watched movies together or sometimes, especially for my Dad we went to a museum. Both of my parents are academic." It felt awkward talking about her childhood, how drastically different their lives were, so divergent. Hermione wanted him to feel how much she cared for him, even if nothing came from it aside from being his friend.

"Now your presents. I know you claim you don't like gifts, but I put some thought into these, so please don't be mean unless you really hate them." He squinted his eyes at her in pretend annoyance took the perfectly wrapped packages from her. The first was a new set of quills and ink.

"The quills will write automatically and better than a dicto-quill." He marveled at the colors, how they fit in his hand perfectly then set them aside and took the next package. It was a new house robe in velvet with a soft lining with silver accents and a beautiful recreation of the Whomping Willow and his name stitched perfectly in cursive on the breast pocket.

"I made it; it's not perfect but it's warm." He didn't meet her eyes this time because he knew if he did, she'd see how vulnerable he was, how utterly surprised he was that she would go to so much effort for him.

"I made those as well." He opened a set of perfect Slytherin socks, four pair and again couldn't meet her eyes. When he got to the last one, he found what looked like one of her essays, words neatly written on parchment and as he started to read, he felt her words flow over him. She'd created a charm to heal his wounds from Nagini's bite. It combined a potion and charm, she'd put all of her research on paper to prove to him that it was possible.

"I've been working with Professors Flitwick and Slughorn for months and we finally had a breakthrough. Unfortunately, this only works for fresh wounds." She thought of her own, how the combined potion and charm had helped with the word 'mudblood' on her arm but not the lighting bolts that stretched across her skin. Suddenly, she flashed red and hoped he wouldn't notice.

"You've combined magics?" She heard something in his voice she couldn't place and wondered if it was good or bad, like he didn't trust her.

"Yes and we tested it; I promise it works." She answered, almost sternly.

He scrutinized her, wondering just how she knew it worked so emphatically. He'd been trying to do the same things for years.

"You're sure?"

"Yes, I healed a few people with it." Producing the potion from her beaded bag, she handed it to him then sat next to him, aiming her wand at his neck.

"It tastes alright because there's mint." He removed the stopper and swallowed the contents as she cast the charm, repeating the same incantation over and over until she watched his jagged scars disappearing. They faded so quickly she almost forgot where they'd been; she fetched a mirror from her bag and held it for him.

"How is this possible?"

"We tested it a few times in hope. Slughorn pointed me to several restorative droughts until we found the one compatible with the charm." He still couldn't believe she'd gone to all the trouble of researching and creating a cure for him.

"Hermione, you shouldn't have spent so much time on this." His tone wasn't quite how he wanted to say the words and he knew it as soon as her face fell. She was sensitive and he knew this, but sometimes he simply couldn't control his tone, even for her.

"I did it for me, too and others who had permanent scars that would never fade otherwise. Unfortunately, it doesn't work for anything that was caused by an unforgivable curse or something more than a year old." Folding her arms across her chest, she diverted her eyes. Standing next to him, she grabbed the paper and took it to the rubbish bin, annoyed that she'd let his words get to her when it was clear he liked his presents. Pausing for a moment to order sandwiches from the kitchens, bacon and eggs his favorite, then returned to the sitting room where he was touching his socks and robe again. This time she sat across from him and waited.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome." She felt foolish, like she'd gone too far, played her hand too soon and now she wanted to leave. Anxiety boiled over within her and she bolted as soon as the elf brought Severus his sandwiches. She ran to her room and buried herself in books, studying up for her midterm exams, ignoring her rapidly pounding heart as she worked and the knocking at her door. So completely submerged in her work, she didn't even realize it was nighttime until she felt faint and so hungry. Searching through her beaded bag, she found some snacks and ate, trying to remember the feel of Severus' arm around her, his leg between hers, his breath on her neck. When she finally folded herself into bed, she cried. She felt far more foolish having run and left Severus alone, especially after the morning he'd had. Guilt overwhelmed her other emotions as she wept, her heart stuttering along as she tried to calm herself.

The next morning when she awoke, she decided to go to classes then return to her room, giving both of them space. She felt that her obsession with him had gone far enough; she didn't have to continue saving him to feel valid. Yet, each time she walked by the library and to potions, she felt her heart seize. In her panic-driven state, she ran to the astronomy tower and for the first time, Hermione stepped to the edge and like she'd seen him do over and over in Severus' mind, she stepped free of the railing and fell, the air flowing through her and just as she was going to hit the ground, she flew of her own will as though she had some power she didn't know about. And as though she wasn't sure, she tried it again and again, casting a cushioning charm each time in case she hit the ground; yet, each time she flew, taking off like Superman in comics or Ron and Harry on their brooms. She'd never felt so free.

SSHGSSHGSSHG

Weeks passed in odd quiet between Hermione and Severus. The girls two bottom teeth finally came through and then two top teeth, making nursing a rather odd sensation. Although she knew she would miss the bonding time, Hermione knew she would continue to pump and would get to bottle feed them or some meals. Knowing they were thriving was the ultimate gift. She received letters from James and Rose, both still doing quite well in school and loving quidditch, like their fathers. When Charlie arrived the first week of February, she and Lucius filled him in on the plan, and though he scoffed as Lucius had, he was willing to help if it meant the outcome would free more than one person and bring justice to their family.

The night of Valentine's Day, Hermione made lasagna for everyone and red velvet cake, a recipe a lady from the auror office Ron had brought home. The lady had been from North Carolina where red velvet cake was made with sweet cocoa, so Hermione began to make it for Ron for Valentine's Day each year, though they rarely did anything more romantic than watch a film together or when Rose was older, they would have a special dinner and cake, perhaps a walk around the neighborhood of townhomes and a few dances in the living room to old Big Band music Ron had learned to love due to Arthur's obsession with muggle music. Stirring, the batter, she poured two equal cake pans and put them in the oven.

"That already smells heavenly." Charlie remarked, coming up behind Hermione and running his hand over her shortened hair. "This is a good look for you, almost like you're a pixie now." He tickled her neck, her laughter ringing the kitchen and throughout the first floor of the house. She heard the charm on the nursery ring and grabbed two bottles from the larder.

"Here, make yourself useful." Hermione turned on the oven timer before following her brother-in-law into the nursery where both girls were trying to pull up on the side of the now deepened cot, reaching with one hand for Hermione and Charlie. She remembered for a moment how they hadn't recognized her at first when she'd first cut her hair, but now, as they were becoming more mobile, she knew they recognized her when she came into the room. Taking WInnie, she carried her to the living room and Charlie followed, the two girls drinking quickly.

"When she's finished, you can put her down. They love to sit up and try and crawl; they're growing too quickly."

"True, but I'm not putting her down until she screams, I haven't seen them in six weeks. Far too long for Uncle Charlie, wouldn't you say, Lily?"

"Have you seen Lucius or Severus?" Hermione asked not hearing much commotion from around the house.

"Old sour boots is downstairs in the lab, working on something for Lucius." Hermione's eyebrow quirked slightly then she smiled, thinking that by the end of the month they would be free again.

"Sour boots?"

"Yes, Madame Granger, young Weasley here seems to think my boots are particularly sour." Severus appeared at the door, watching as she laughed, her eyes bright and happy; this was the woman he remembered working with for years, even if her main form of therapy was occlumency. His eyes moved to Winnie who was holding her bottle and looking at him and then as if little Winnie had her own force field, she held her arm out to him, making a small squeaking noise which he couldn't refuse.

"Someone loves Severus." Charlie remarked, holding Lily tighter, but seeing that both girls wanted Severus, Lily's tiny arm reaching for him as well. Severus bent down and took her with his left arm, and with them sat on the settee across from Hermione. Winnie was first to lay her head against his chest, then Lily did; it still surprised Hermione how willing he was to help with them, feeding, changing, making each of them happy when he could. It seemed effortless for him, as though all the years he had been unable to share his true self was all dispensed on them.

"The timer." Charlie interrupted, as Hermione watched Severus with Lily and Winnie, content and comfortable. She bent down to him as she passed and kissed his cheek, "Thank you, Charlie. Try and pry one away before Severus hogs them all afternoon." Charlie scoffed but as soon as Lily was finished with her bottle, Severus sat her on the ground and she scooted over to Charlie, slobbering on his pants leg before putting her hands up.

"Traitor." Severus joked, placing Winnie on the ground. She sat still for a moment, then Severus took their bottles to kitchen where Hermione was pulling the cakes out of the oven.

"These will sit for an hour to cool and then we'll ice them...oh, sorry, I thought you were Charlie." Hermione turned and saw Severus staring at her movements, as though mesmerized by the mere sight of the heart formed at the nape of her neck, her neck elongated now that her hair was gone. She thought of the chocolate cake she'd made him for his birthday, for some reason that entire episode was readily on her mind.

"You can ice, too, if you're so inclined." Setting both cakes on the racks, she turned the oven to a different temperature and put the lasagna in.

"You cook like a muggle most of the time, why?"

"I am clumsy enough without adding magic to my cooking. Plus, this is how my Mum taught me, it's sort ingrained now. Old habits and all." Thinking of her mother made Hermione momentarily sad, so sad that her mother was in a safe house until Rabastan and Reynaldo LeStrange were captured, and before she could summon stronger shields, the weak facade of her shields cracked and he felt it all; her shame, her guilt, the lingering loss of Ron and her family, the absence of her mother, the love for her children, the fear of losing someone else, and then the worst of all, attraction. Her attraction to Severus had grown steadily even though she'd tried to distance herself as often as possible, there was something literally beckoning her to him.

Closing her eyes, she tried to go into her mind, she tried to find another memory or thought to latch onto, but then the worst and best possible thing happened, Severus wrapped his arms around her, pulling her closer and closer until her face was practically buried in his armpit, then his hand found her hair, first at the base of her neck, then slowly, she felt each finger crawl across her scalp, as though he was searching for treasure, she shivered against him, and before she thought she couldn't handle more, she felt him lean down and his lips touch her head, his nose noticeably taking in the smell of her lemon and honey shampoo and Hermione almost lost all sense of control. Pulling away slightly, she looked up at him, his face inches from her own and instead of asking why, she simply hugged him tighter, and felt her shields break completely, but instead of running, she felt herself melt against him, her entire body like putty in his hands. She knew she was tempting fate, pushing herself beyond boundaries she'd set for herself but in the moment, it felt too good to be wanted even if Severus would never want her quite like she wanted him.

"You've been holding this in too long." He whispered in her ear, the warmth of his breath making her skin tingle, and another shiver overtook her senses.

"I don't know how to turn it off some days, honestly. I've been living in my library; I thought I was stronger than this." She replied, her voice small and quiet, her arms wrapped around his waist and her fingers laced together, wishing he'd done this on Christmas or earlier when the breakdown started. Really it had started before that, but their inability to exist together had shifted then and she knew it would shift again before March, when her plan was put into action.

"You are the strongest person I know." His reply came with shock; shock that he thought of her as a strong woman, shock that the words weren't a derision of her behavior, but most importantly, the eucalyptus and spearmint on his clothes invaded her senses, forcing her to inhale as much of it as possible before she felt foolish. Guilt became her pervading emotion, it had been less than six months since her husband passed and she was clinging to a man, this man...a Severus Snape man.

"Stop berating yourself, Hermione, I can feel that, too you know." There again, his fingers made lattice work of her hair, each honey curl loosed through his dexterous fingers, and then his lips again, on her forehead this time; then something akin to lust took over and stronger than she could express; biting her lip, she knew she needed to move away, to distance herself from heartache.

"I am not going to hurt you." His words were even quieter than before, his breath causing another shiver to cross her entire body, but she knew he was lying, he'd already hurt her before, multiple times. Jokes about her writing, her briefs presented in court, her mothering skills (before he really saw them in action), her hair, her freckles, her teeth- they were all topics for fodder in the office, but worst of all, since she'd learned of his required protection of her and compulsion to be near her when she was upset or her life was in danger, he'd been unavailable most of the time or emotionally disconnected, as if her knowing about the requirement made it worse for him somehow. As though admitting that he could feel the wide spectrum of her emotions made him as vulnerable as she was. In her research, she found that she could reverse the spell herself since the was the object of the charm, but she didn't know exactly what would happen. Would he be immediately transported to Azkaban? Would Kingsley know what had happened?

"I don't know exactly what you're thinking, but stop, whatever it is, don't mess with it, Hermione." The tone of his voice changed; he was finally doing what she expected of him. His go-to response was always derision.

"You are not my keeper, Severus." She replied, pulling back and looking deeply into his eyes.

"I beg to differ." Instead of making her ire surge, she laughed...he was technically right but not for long.

"Feel better?" He asked, as they continued to hold each other at the waist, both pulled back slightly.

"If I am being honest, not particularly." Biting her lip again, his eyes traveled there and she felt it, his emotions bleeding into hers. "But, I have also never felt quite like this, so I am not a good judge." She didn't want to let go, she didn't want his scent to leave her clothes nor his hand to leave the nape of her neck, one long finger in her curls. As though under a spell, they continued to stare at each other until Kreacher appeared, breaking the magic and with great reluctance, they pulled apart, but not before he put his hands on her shoulders, facing him, he made her look into his eyes.

"Whatever you are planning is not worth it; I am not worth it." There went her lip again, stuck between her teeth, the same he'd made fun of once ages ago.

"I beg to differ." His arms immediately fell and with that, he left the kitchen, leaving Hermione to dissect what had happened, to hope that when she was better, when the compulsion charm was lifted, perhaps when she knew or certain that her feelings were legitimate, and that she was honoring Ron's memory, he would be amiable to something else between guilt she felt, as soon as he left room, hit her harder than she could imagine, it was thick, it was unbearable and that was the immediate sign she needed that what she was feeling was too soon, too raw, but so much wanted. Her affections for Severus were far different than those she'd had for Ron, and it honestly scared her more than possible death at the hands of the LeStranges.


	9. Chapter 9

AN: This chapter is extremely graphic in terms of the choices forced upon Hermione, Charlie, and Severus. Graphic mention of scarring. My other warnings still exist- language, character deaths, mothering, etc. Thank you for reading and for those who have commented, favorite, or followed. I promise, the next chapter is a bit brighter.

SSHGSSHGSSHG

Two weeks later, everything was ready, the potions brewed, the espionage finalized and the plan for the children was in place. Hermione made sure her life was in order, the paperwork required in case something did go wrong for all five children, and went over the specifics with Charlie and George; though reluctant, they understood her determination and the sacrifice she was willing to make if it meant she could give her family freedom and closure. All the intelligence they'd received on the whereabouts of the LeStranges had come at a cost, but they hadn't been as difficult to find as it seemed Shacklebolt portrayed. Although she didn't think Kingsley had anything to do with the deaths of the Weasleys or Potters, she was still concerned had been compromised in some way or the LeStranges had just made easy on them to find them in France. Either way, even if it was a set up, she wanted to take them into custody. She'd been brewing polyjuice and was surprised Severus hadn't questioned her, but he hadn't said much of anything to her at all.

"Lucius will stay here and the wards will make it impossible for anyone to penetrate the windows or doors. George and Angelina will also be here, ready to take the girls and Albus on the event that our plan fails, but this is a contingency plan only. Bill will accompany Charlie and me as back-up. We have found the LeStranges in Paris living near the Bohemian District. We will use this portkey to get there, it is unregistered for our specific purposes and then we will go to the Moulin Rouge. When they are apprehended, we will take them purposely to Azkaban and circumvent Kingsley because he has been compromised most likely. Once there, they will be questioned. Three aurors who promised to help made wand oaths with me yesterday and will also accompany us to and from Paris to ensure they are apprehended and taken immediately. If anything goes opposite of plan, we will be in contact." Hermione took a breath and finished her water. The girls were sleeping soundly next to her in their bouncers and Albus was up in bed. Four men and Angelina looked to her, all completely convinced she was insane but willing to do whatever she asked.

"And Severus?" Lucius asked, watching her close her eyes tightly then sigh.

"He will try to stop us, so he doesn't know. I've perfected a shielding spell and can occlude while still performing the spells required. He must be detained, even if the means by which he is detained are rather unsavory." Rolling her eyes, she turned away from Lucius who was rather pleased with her reaction.

"We leave in an hour." Hermione stood immediately and went to her bedroom, changing into clothes that would fit a different version of herself then grabbed her flask, filled with polyjuice potion and tucked it into her tall boots.

"Damn, Granger." Charlie whistled as she walked out, having already ingested his polyjuice so that there were two Lucius Malfoys in the living room. Hermione caught her reflection in the mirror and for a moment missed her old hair, long and bushy hair that she'd been teased about for years, crazy but all hers. The outfit they'd picked made her look like Lucius' whore, it was tight and gathered at the waist, almost like the can-can dancers they'd see at the Moulin Rouge. Charlie as Lucius had long blonde hair and a five o'clock shadow, his suit was cut to perfection, revealing a hardened body.

"As soon as I activate the portkey, we will leave. Please cast the wards as soon as we depart and if Severus happens to show up, I left polyjuice in the cauldron and hairs for Angelina." Hermione quickly hugged George and Angelina, kissed Lucius on the cheek twice and then the girls, still sleeping steadily in their bouncers. In what felt like an instant, they were at the Sacre Coeur in Paris, looking out onto the city. Charlie wrapped an arm around her waist, dropped droplets of vodka over his suit jacket and then they walked, Bill stayed yards away disillusioned.

They entered the Moulin Rouge and the owner immediately came over to Charlie, offering him his old table and they obliged, walking through the crowds and finding that they had a full view of the room.

"They aren't here yet." Charlie said in Lucius' aristocratic drawl, exciting her skin as his breath hit her.

"They'll be here, the aurors have been casing this place for months.i still don't understand why Severus had so much trouble finding them if they've been here for months, unless he didn't have trouble and has been playing his own game with them"

"And you won't tell me who they are, the aurors?" Hermione nodded, her makeup slightly smeared from rubbing her eye. Charlie didn't need to know all the specifics.

"It needs to look like you're rough with me. Lucius told me that he often brought women here who were mistreated by their keepers and tried to give them nights of freedom. He wouldn't hurt me, but perhaps because he's been in Azkaban, he's turned mean? I don't know, it was his idea. I am under your control." She whispered back, leaning behind him to speak so no one could read her lips. "We have to be believable."

"That will be no problem, my love." Charlie looked at her with Lucius' eyes and for a moment she forgot who he was, forgot where they were and why they were there. Before she could say anything, he bent slightly and his lips touched her neck and she didn't have to pretend to find it alluring, imagining what it would be like to have someone be attracted to her as Ron had been. When she opened her eyes, she immediately saw them coming towards the table but pretended not to know who they were.

"Fancy meeting you here, Lord Malfoy, and with her majesty the mudblood." Charlie put an arm around Hermione's shoulder, one eyebrow lifted in apparent annoyance.

"Funny that the Ministry still trusts this one to do their bidding when memory charms and a well placed imperio turns her into a pliable little mistress." Charlie leaned forward, drank some of the absinthe he'd been given and took his wand out, it had been glamoured to look like one Malfoy might have since his original wand had been taken.

"We have a private room if you'd like to join us, for old time's sake." Reynaldo quipped.

"You and I don't have old times, now you're brother here, he and I had grand old times. But I won't hold that against you." Charlie stood, offered his hand to Hermione and they followed the men to a private room where Charlie saw a man he hadn't expected to see in a million years.

"Dolohov." Charlie looked to the man, Lucius had warned him might be in Paris as well, but they could never get a good read on the situation. It still posed no great threat to their plans, now it would simply be three for two.

Charlie forced Hermione to sit on his lap, then directed her to turn, blocking their view of him drinking more polyjuice potion and allowing Hermione time to drink hers.

"The ladies will come in shortly, but first, a toast." Rabastan passed shot glasses full of a clear alcohol around to the men as dancers came in, their dresses far more beautiful than Hermione had anticipated. One in a green dress sat on Reynaldo's lap and Hermione watched as his hand disappeared under her skirt.

"There's veritaserum in the shots." Charlie whispered. Thankfully, they had anticipated this and both had antidotes mixed in with their polyjuice.

"Do you think Granger here could be convinced to dance for us?" Antonin Dolohov smirked, she remembered his face clearly from the department of mysteries in her fifth year, when he'd used the slicing hex against her. But, she also knew there was no way he could be in the room and so she immediately questioned who he was.

"She will do whatever I bid her, Antonin." It was difficult for her to hear Lucius' voice when she knew Charlie was truly within. She simply couldn't reconcile it.

"Good, she is the reason we must hide out in such company. I'd like a little show for my troubles." Charlie took the wand and pretended to strengthen the imperio as Hermione stood and adjusted her dress, she'd never really danced provocatively for anyone but thought about the women she'd seen as they walked in, except she concentrated on Charlie, running her hands through her hair, then down her breasts, across her waist, lifting her skirt ever so slightly in teasing, turning and looking over her shoulder at him, sucking on her bottom lip and then, slowly she walked towards him, lifting her skirt higher and straddling his lap, turning to lean back against him, until his hands grasped her waist and turned her around again, facing him she felt wanted even if the entire moment was a carefully calculated facade. Her hair fell forward as she captured his mouth in a kiss like no other she'd ever had; first it was the thrust of his tongue, the way his hands gripped her waist and then moved down, the heat from body meeting hers, it almost became too much. When she pulled back, smiling widely at Lucius' face with Charlie's mind, she felt his lips move to her neck again, then trailing down the length of her throat, to her breasts.

"You don't intend to hog her do you?" It wasn't Dolohov's voice she imagined saying those words. Hermione closed her eyes because for a moment, she felt an intense surge of jealousy and lust, as though someone had hit her with a spell, and then, as if in a trance, she turned on Charlie's lap and found Dolohov was sitting with a beautiful parisian girl who looked no more than seventeen and felt sick. His hands traveled the young girl as Charlie's traveled hers, each feathery kiss, each delicate touch made her insane with jealousy but she could no longer tell if it was her own jealousy.

"It's just so much fun when they don't fight back, don't you think?" Charlie's fingers were in her hair, pulling her back further on his lap, nibbling at her earlobe, causing a celebration in her nerves, forcing her to moan loudly. Rabastan and Reynaldo's girls were dancing for them, Hermione could make them out on her peripheral vision, but kept her eyes on Dolohov as Charlie's free hand snaked around her body and under the hem of her skirt, resting on her thigh; Hermione felt her body betraying her but the sensation was unreal. Had there been a lust potion in the shot as well? She was sure she'd tasted all of them before and it hadn't tasted like the clear alcohol at all.

"Her body is attuned to mine, Dolly, and you know how terrible I am about sharing. This one waits for me hand and foot, does anything I want, anytime I want." Hermione felt his hand move again, her skirt hitching a bit more as it moved towards her panty line and her breath left her and as his thumb dipped below the lace of her knickers, she felt her body pulse with excitement, imagining another man's hands. With his thumb she felt him press into her skin, mere centimeters from her sex; was Charlie really going to touch her? Before she got her answer, he'd turned her again, quickly in his arms.

"Selfish, I say." Dolohov responded as his own dancing girl climbed onto him, her skirt completely lifted, her hands obviously unbuttoning the man's pants, whoever he was, and Hermione became irritated. Her mind was frazzled with the apparent lust potion and her own jealousy, sprouting out of , just as she was finally clearing her mind, Charlie's hand slipped again, resting on across her knickers, pressing gently into the heat of her body and rubbing slightly. How did he even know how to please a woman? Rocking against his hand, she felt one of his fingers move up and down her knickers, it had been so long she thought she would orgasm just from his touch. She was torn from her ecstasy when he turned her face; instantly he dropped his hand and stood them up, taking her hands in his.

"Lust potion." He whispered in her ear, standing with her tightly against him, dancing to the music from the stage outside the room and soon the other men joined with the can-can dancers. In her mind, the hands roaming her body were not his but instead they belonged to a rather austere, dark-haired man she suspected was in the room. She wanted Severus, she felt her body pulsing for him as Charlie twirled her and her eyes met Antonin Dolohov's.

"When I give you the signal, stun them." Charlie moaned into her ear, Lucius' long blonde hair shielding his words and tickling her cheek. His mouth found hers again, kissing her as deeply as he had before, his hands finding a thigh and bring her leg to wrap around him, and she felt him, his desire, his want and though she knew they were playing a game, she wanted him to continue even though everything in her brain was confused; she was not attracted to either Lucius or Charlie in the least, so the lust potion must've been extremely powerful. With one last kiss, Charlie dipped her back, kissing from her throat to her breasts again and then he said the words, they both turned and quickly, almost effortlessly stunned the men in the room, they fell hard against the floor and the ladies ran, as Bill and the aurors came in, Dean Thomas, gone rogue from his boss, leading them, apprehending the two LeStrange men and leaving Dolohov. Hermione immediately wondered if Bill had seen what they'd done, embarrassment flooded her body.

"You aren't taking him?" Charlie asked, his polyjuice wearing off as red hair began to replace blonde. Hermione looked to Dolohov and smirked, she knew Severus had figured out their plan and had found a way to infiltrate as well. She suspected Lucius had told him, but couldn't prove it until she talked to him.

"It's Severus." Hermione laughed to keep herself from crying, trying to ignore the adrenaline and heat of her own body. Dean and the aurors took the LeStranges, Bill went with them immediately but Charlie waited with Hermione and Severus, canceling his glamour, as they all became themselves again, leaving Hermione to question how long the lust potion would last and if she could ever look at Charlie the same way once they left. Closing her eyes, she tried to bury her thoughts, the memories of what had just happened between she and Charlie, and when she opened her eyes, Severus was Severus again.

"Let's go before the Minister tries to arrest us." Charlie sighed as he spoke and took her hand, sending another pulse through her body forcing for to shrug him off. "I can't handle it right now." She whispered, holding her arms tightly around her body as they approached the portkey location disgusted with herself.

"Hermione, I'm sorry, I don't know what I was thinking." Charlie reached for the portkey as her hand and Severus' met, it was unbearable. Her heart beat rapidly, her skin afire and when they landed in front of Grimmauld Place she ran in and immediately threw her clothes off and jumped in the shower, trying to cleanse her skin of his touch. How could she have let herself get so aroused by her homosexual brother-in-law in Lucius' form? And then it dawned on her, they were both safe men, she knew neither desired her and her desire for Severus was masked by the lust potion, of which she'd only ingested a few sips after kissing Charlie. She couldn't imagine how he felt if her own body was teaming with electricity, each sensation afire from the smallest things, even the spray of the showerhead made her crazy with urgent arousal. Realizing that it would only get worse the longer she stayed under the showerhead, she filled the bathtub with water and the lavender bubble bath her mom had given her for Christmas and let herself immerse completely. Suddenly, there was a knock at the door.

"Hermione? Can I come in?" It was Lucius.

"Yes." Making sure the bubbles covered her nude form, Hermione opened the door with the flick of her wrist and watched as he stepped through, his face unmasked. It was odd to see this version of Lucius again, short hair and demure.

"Charlie let me view his memories." From her head to toes, Hermione blushed, knowing how wanton she'd behaved with his form; the way his/Charlie's hands traveled her body, mere centimeters from her most intimate parts and looking at the real Lucius did nothing to assuage her guilt and ultimately, her extremely powerful lust.

"I don't know how we missed the lust potion. I only had a few drops, but Charlie had two shots, he must be going crazy. Did you tell Severus?" Opening her eyes, she glanced to Lucius who was now sitting on the floor next to the bathtub.

"No,I'm so sorry, darling, I know that this must've confused your mind even more, to find him there and the lust potion as well. Consider that Charlie feels equally as uncomfortable and that you did nothing wrong. You've freed me again, and I find myself at a loss as to how I can thank you." Lucius ran his fingers across his face and saw the tears in her eyes, crying for the awkward position she was in and the battle with her body. She was still so very confused as to how Severus had known their plan.

"You let us use your image to catch them, I think that's thanks enough." Bringing her hand out of the water, Hermione let it drip for a moment, then patted him on the shoulder, finding that she liked him better with the short hair and that her skin was a touch less sensitive. Even though there had been animosity for years between she and the Malfoys, after defending him after the war then making friends with Draco had been a nice change from the way she thought things would go with them. Looking at home now, she was sure he was someone she could trust, even in her altered state.

"And you protected my family here as well. You've given just as much as you've taken and as soon as those men are kissed by death, you will be free." She felt and heard him sigh and then found Severus at the door, sensing her need.

"Join us, Severus, we're wallowing." Lucius joked, taking Hermione's hand in his and warming it.

"How did you know I was there?" He suddenly asked, standing almost sheepishly and leaning on the door frame, staring at her with his dark, beckoning eyes.

"Do you really want to know? Maybe tell me how you knew we'd be there or why you didn't apprehend them before tonight if you knew they'd been in France?" Her questions made him drop his arms which had been folded tightly against his chest. But he said nothing, perhaps knowing wasn't what he wanted.

"How did you get that scar; I don't think I've seen it before" Severus asked, pointing to the jagged edge of her scars, the little showing; he'd seen her nursing the girls and had not seen the scars before. Looking down, Hermione recognized that the glamour she usually wore was gone and the slicing hex scar from Dolohov was obvious against the white bubbles. She wanted to remind him that he had seen the scars before, years ago at Hogwarts when he'd found her asleep in the library and helped her to her room, changed her from her robe into a long flannel gown that was hanging by her loo door. When he'd removed her robe, he saw the curious scars leading from her chest upward and shivered. He hadn't known she'd experienced such pain. After he put the gown over her head, she opened her eyes and remembered her scars, that he'd seen them, that it was no longer a secret.

"The Department of Mysteries; Dolohov used your sectumsempra spell against me, I normally have it covered because I worried the girls would find it disturbing. It's how I knew you weren't really Dolohov because I killed him, a year after the war when I went to Oxford, I found him and killed him. He's the reason I have difficulties carrying children, why my torso is covered in gashes so appalling my husband could barely look at me without glamours. Sure, Ron loved me and showed his affections quite freely, but it was lights out most of the time. God, why am I telling either of you this?" Bringing her hand to her face, she covered her eyes in shame and tried not to cry harder, not to admit that it had been a sore point of contention for many years. She pretended he didn't know, that he hadn't seen them but part of her wanted him to remember.

"You really killed him?" Lucius asked, not believing her capable of such an act outside of warfare.

"Yes, I went to Ukraine, he was there for vacation. It was after I took my NEWTS and left Hogwarts for good, after I spent a year trying to convince you," She pointed to Severus and then covered her eyes again, "to try living again. I had anger built up, pain I couldn't describe to Harry and Ron because at that point neither knew how bad it was for me after the crucio curse opened old wounds. I was acting out, angry and frustrated at being thrust into the world again, and I knew I would always look over my shoulder until he was dead, so after Draco and I made amends, we worked together incognito and found him. Draco was the first to see all my many scars." She held up her arm and they both saw the distinct letters of the word, 'mudblood'. Lucius felt himself shiver, knowing she'd experienced that particular pain at his house, in his own drawing room.

"I used a glamour." Severus finally said, looking to Lucius who looked visibly ill and then to Hermione who was still buried under the bubbles and her own hand across her face.

"Well, it was quite believable. I think Charlie thought you were really Dolohov because your compatriot here warned him Dolohov might be in Paris ." Hermione turned the tap with her toes, pouring more hot water into the tub, nothing taking the incredible ache away and lucius' circles on her palm weren't helping.

"Speaking of, is he okay?" She finally uncovered her face and looked between the men, both awkwardly looking at anywhere but her face.

"He's upstairs, I believe. The potion must've been a much stronger concoction than is normally brewed because you both seem far more affected than you would normally be." But as Severus finished his speech, he felt Charlie tap his shoulder. His words were evidence that he hadn't brewed the potion nor gave it to them.

"Can I speak with Hermione alone?" He asked, Severus immediately turned and left the room, Lucius reluctantly let go of her hand then promised to look in on the girls.

"Have George and Angelina left?" Hermione asked, trying to break the uncomfortable silence that descended as soon as the other men left.

"Yes." He took Lucius' spot on the floor next to the bathtub; she thought he'd fallen asleep until she looked at him and saw his fear.

"Charlie? Are you okay?" She saw his face fall, his beautiful blue eyes full of tears.

"No, I'm not okay. I am embarrassed and ashamed; I'm sorry."

"Charlie, we both did things we aren't proud of, but we were intoxicated, you have nothing to be sorry for." But before she could really finish her statement, she felt his hands holding her face.

"No, I wanted to kiss you. I don't understand why or how, but I wanted all of it." Her blood pulsed through her, and for a moment she was reminded of Ron and his tenuous love for her, attracted but repulsed in some ways by her nude body; he had always been extremely affectionate, but she knew he didn't appreciate the scars of her body, even if he'd been incredibly patient with her issues following the war. But, here was a man telling her she was wanted, but her mind was too crowded with emotions. She was far too confused.

"It's the potion, Charlie, it has the same compulsion that the Wizengamot used on Severus. I promise you don't actually want me." His lips met hers and she couldn't breath, the pressure of his lips on hers made her want to forget all propriety, but she knew it was wrong. She knew Charlie would feel differently when the potion wore off.

"I'm so sorry." He whispered against her, his kiss tasting like fairy floss and cinnamon. Using her foot, she lifted the plug in the tub and stood, letting the water fall down her body. His gaze traveled her form and for the first time ever, she saw a man desire her without glamours over her skin, but she knew, she felt deeply, that they were acting on emotions intended for others. Her attraction to Charlie was only a by-product of her attraction for Severus, whom she could not have and his to Billy Mackelroy.

Without words, he helped dry her body turning his head from her nakedness so he could keep from pawing her, then wrapped her in her bathrobe, walking with her to the bedroom and lying next to her for a moment on the covers, first looking to the ceiling then to her large eyes, her hair slick from the water.

"You will regret this once it wears off." Her words were terse but she meant him no harm; she knew he would feel guilty for his behavior even if she welcomed the comfort.

"I've felt like this before." Her head turned sharply towards his, shocked by his admission.

"But…"

"Can I kiss you again?" He rested his head on his hand and looked down at her, pulling her body flush to his. Part of her mind screamed to push him away, but another part wanted every touch, taste, sensation, so she nodded and that was all it took. She felt his lips warm and soft against hers, his hand traveling down her back and inching her even closer to him until one of her legs was wrapped around his, her robe falling away before she could even consider the recourse of her actions, she moaned into his mouth, desperate for human contact that wasn't two small girls pawing at her breasts.

Suddenly, he'd pulled her on top of him, the robe barely on her arms now as his hands traveled from her waist to her breasts, his thumbs brushed her nipples hardened under the pressure and then they leaked. It was the immediate reminder she needed to break the spell. Instantly she was off him, wrapping herself tightly as she inched away from him, terrified that they'd already gone too far. She'd felt him pressing against her, both of their desires meeting but she'd been right, she wanted Severus and not Charlie, not Ron's brother. And though she wanted Severus, she knew it would do nothing but make her feel the shame of lusting after a man sent to protect her six months after her husband died.

"Charlie, you don't want this, I promise." She was hysterically crying now, and it only became worse as her core ached, desperate for another man. And as though he was summoned, Severus knocked hard on the door as Charlie sat up, folding his legs under him tightly and crying. Hermione jumped off the bed and opened the door, embarrassed that she was such a mess.

"Antidote." He shoved the vials towards her and though she had tried she knew she wasn't able to keep her emotions hidden from him and he'd felt everything, from the moment they entered the Moulin Rouge to the moment she opened the door. But, Hermione had felt his as well, the jealousy, the same burning desire and suddenly she wondered if he had ingested the lust potion as well or if he had been the one to give it to them. Her mind instantly went to the young girl who'd been on his arm, his lap, kissing him as she'd kissed Charlie. He didn't seem particularly aroused, perhaps he had already had the antidote.

"Drink it now; you are torturing me." His voice hissed as he looked into the room, seeing Charlie sitting on the bed, hands covering his face, he immediately took a vial from Hermione and went to Charlie, forcing his mouth open and emptying the contents. And again, Hermione had been right; Charlie looked to her with the same shame and guilt she knew he would, but he didn't flee the room. Quickly, Severus turned to her her and tried to do the same thing, taking the vial but Hermione wouldn't let him force the antidote down her throat.

"Are you enjoying this? The feeling that you would take any man to your bed to scratch the itch you feel? To have him worship your body?" His face was inches from hers and though she knew she needed to drink the antidote, she liked the feeling of being alive, even if her senses were overwhelmed, she felt like herself for the first time in ages. She felt wanted.

"Drink it, please." But part of Hermione wanted him to feel her desire, to get a taste of the torture she'd felt when she'd seen him with the blonde at the restaurant.

"I don't want just any man; unlike others, I prefer to have more between myself and a lover." She responded, digging into him, and like she had earlier, she felt his emotions surge and envelope her, drowning her own desire with his regret.

"You have no idea of what you're speaking, you saw something and now think you know my life. I've been a spy since before you were born, give me a little credit. If I didn't want to be seen, I wouldn't have been." Shocked, Hermione felt her body shake, there was no way he had orchestrated her seeing him that day and in her anger, she threw the antidote against the wall and when it shattered she felt Charlie's arms around her, pulling her away from Severus.

"Shhhh love, he isn't worth this ire. Come, let's get you in pajamas and we'll talk." Hermione felt her eyes full with tears; how could she have trusted him to be more than her forced protector? How could she have thought for one moment that anything could exist between them but their odd friendship and even that felt compromised.

"You are a liar, Severus Snape. You said you'd never hurt me, but that, just now, you ought to have just hexed me because that would've hurt far less." She pulled from Charlie's grasp and Severus saw the scar again, how it traveled across her chest and abdomen like lightening striking the sky and his heart broke; why was he trying to hurt her?

"How can you claim you want to protect me? How can you say you don't want me to occlude yet when I finally feel something, anything but despair, you immediately rush in here to save me from my own brother-in-law?" Realizing that the robe had fallen open, Hermione decided he'd already seen it all and went to her armoire, pulling her knickers on and then a long shirt, running her hand through her hair before cleaning the mess she'd made with the vial and wasted potion. He still hadn't said anything, but both men had been visibly shocked by her scars.

"Yes, Hermione the freak show. I hope you both got a good look." Charlie's hand came to his mouth when he thought of the pain she must've experienced after the hex and then later, when she'd been tortured by Bellatrix LeStrange, opening all those wounds anew. All Severus could do was stare at her, her body thin and as scarred as his, he couldn't control his pain, that he'd snapped at her again and though he'd placed himself at the scene to help them if things went wrong, having to watch her pretend to service Lucius under the imperio had been too much to bear. He wanted nothing more than to pull her into his arms and hold her until she no longer hurt.

"You are not a freak show. Come here." Charlie held out his arms to her and she hesitated for a second then ran to him, allowing his arms to shield her, the potion wearing off on its own. "Look at me, Hermione, please." Her tears clouded her vision, all the courage and strength she'd had earlier was waning, she felt like she had a huge beacon on her, magnifying her flaws.

"Do you know why I think you are beautiful? You have these freckles, on your nose right here," he touched the bridge of her nose," and your eyelashes, they're so long that I always see them before I see anything else when I look at you. And your curls, they practically scream, 'touch me,' but none of your physical beauty compares to this." He placed his hand on her chest, her heart. "You love all of us without exception, without rules or reprimand, your heart is beautiful and no physical scars could ever change how I see you. So, we can talk about what happened, well last night now, another time because all of our emotions are too volatile to accomplish anything good. Let's get you to bed." Hysterically crying, Hermione felt him leading her to bed but some effects of the potion weren't gone yet and without thinking, she kissed his cheeks.

"They are really gone, aren't they?" She whispered to him, relishing the victory for a moment then thinking of the trial and everything that would go into prosecuting them.

"Yes, they are and it's all thanks to your tenacity."

"Foolishness." Severus added, folding his arms again and then knew immediately he shouldn't have said anything when her eyes met his, her pain hitting him first.

"No one asked you to come, no one asked you to get involved." Hermione snapped. "Nothing I do is right enough for you. If I work, I'm a terrible mother, if I want to help others, I'm a bleeding heart. If I hide my emotions, I'm wearing myself down, if I don't I'm being irrational. I will never be good enough or do the right thing for you. I can't win with you."

"It's not a game, there is no winning." He snapped back.

"Well, that's obvious, isn't it. Why actually try when there's no point." Charlie stood between them, understanding for the first time, really, that they were not talking about what they seemed to be talking about.

"Direct your anger somewhere else, Granger."

"Stop dictating what I am allowed to feel...you may sense my emotions, you may think you know me, but we are strangers, aren't we. You've been a spy since before I was born and I am only a mother who apparently has no other value to you now…"

"Why don't you understand I am trying to protect you so those children don't have to lose another person? Why has this become such a point of contention for you?"

"Because instead of taking those men out when you had a chance, you…" but she stopped herself, knowing that screaming that he'd fucked his way through informants would get them nowhere. Instead of saying anything else, she pulled her legs to her chest, burying her head in her arms and crying. She was so overwhelmed and exhausted, tired of fighting with him. Without thinking, she grabbed her wand and as he turned to leave, she slammed the door.

"Let's go to sleep, okay? The girls will need you in the morning." Charlie crawled into bed beside her and held her.

"Thank you for stopping me, I was going to hurt him." Hermione shook against him as he smoothed her hair and tried to calm her, though nothing seemed to be working. When she felt him fall asleep, Hermione went to her desk and wrote two letters; one to Kingsley asking for a transfer and another to her parents asking if she could come stay in their vacation home for a while. She ran them to the window where Harry's owl Tyrus was waiting and the letters were off. She knew that things between she and Severus would be worse than ever and for once, she refused to allow him to make her feel worse than she already did. Taking her parchment out, she wrote one to him as well.

Master Snape- the children and I are going away for a while. I will report for court when summoned. You are welcome to stay at Grimmauld Place, but I ask that you not bring any strangers here until I decide where my family will live once everything is settled. I have asked for a transfer and await information from Shacklebolt, though I doubt he will make a decision soon because he loves controlling us so much. There are some new developments regarding the charms placed upon you that now change me significantly, please know I am working tirelessly to get them reversed before I lose your friendship forever. I do not understand fully how you knew what our plan was or why becoming Dolohov somehow made us safer, and I do not regret forcing the Ministry to apprehend the LeStranges, but I do greatly regret what occurred during and after- I may never forgive myself for my actions. Regardless, though I esteem your judgement and have counted you a friend for longer than I ever thought possible, you and I obviously cannot co-exist without one of us hurting the other. Please forward any remaining materials I need to finalize.

Yours, HG

She left it under his door, she ferociously packed things for the girls and Albus, and with Charlie, though he was groggy, they all apparated to York, the vacation home her parents kept. She immediately warded it, and watched as Charlie played with the girls and then she finally slept. Her parents arrived three days later, after she received word from the Ministry that the LeStranges would face a private counsel of the Wizengamot and they would seek the death penalty. She received personal correspondence from Kingsley that her transfer would take time and that she should wait until the summer ended for a new job placement, so the majority of her brood would be at Hogwarts. Although she did not receive word from Severus, she had invited Lucius to stay with her until the trials were over and then he could decide if he wanted to leave Britain or stay; he told her that Severus had lost it the morning she left and battled with himself over what had happened the night before. He told her Severus didn't speak for days, simply went to the Ministry to finish casework and start working on the case against the LeStranges, distraught that he'd once again he'd damaged what was good about their relationship.

Although she and Charlie never talked about the events leading to the capture of the LeStranges, she knew he understood that she would always love him, would never use those events against him, and Hermione became comfortable with him again, as if they hadn't almost had sex. With Charlie and Lucius checking on her frequently, her parents able to come and go, things calmed significantly for Hermione and though she still felt some of Severus' emotions, she tried her best to occlude hers from him. She found the distance made things easier but also that she missed him, far more than she cared to admit to anyone except Lucius.

SSHGSSHGSSHG

(Hermione has worked with Snape for 1 year)

Hermione searched frantically, it was Rose's birthday and she couldn't find her anywhere. She walked away for only a moment to use the loo and Rose had completely disappeared. Although she was six now, Hermione still worried that someone had taken her so she searched frantically, forgetting her brief at noon, going first to Arthur's office, then the aurors, and lastly the commissary, hoping Rose was in her usual places, but she wasn't. When Hermione finally went back to her offices, she found Seamus fuming, pacing the sitting area between their offices.

"Where tha' hell were you? I was in there alone, you-" The shock of what he was saying hit Hermione; she'd missed her brief and left an extremely anxious Seamus to the courtroom alone.

"I cannot find Rose, I'm so sorry. She's been missing for over an hour; I promise I didn't do this on purpose." Hermione fidgeted with her hands, so worried about Rose that she couldn't stand it, until she saw the door open and Rose and Severus walked through. Rose was asleep on his shoulder, her curls masking her face as her arms wrapped around his neck, the faint mark of the fangs of Nagini still there.

"Was she with you this entire time?" Hermione asked, reaching for her but Severus held her tightly, refusing to wake her up.

"I found her trying to break into the Department of Mysteries; I sent a memo, but I am assuming from the shock on your face that you did not receive it." Hermione broke down, she'd never lost Rose, she'd always watched her so closely and now all she could think about was her tiny girl, lost in the Ministry and most likely afraid because she couldn't find someone she knew. Tears fell and though she tried to stop them, things hadn't been quite right since the last miscarriage and since she'd become friends with Severus again. She didn't want to see disappointment on his face.

"Granger, she's out cold." Hermione was facing her desk with her back to the door, her sniffling was audible. "Why are you crying?" Her pain was evident to him and he hated to feel it.

"I'm a terrible mother." She whispered through her tears. He gently lay Rose on Hermione's loveseat and offered her his handkerchief.

"We may tease you, but you are not a terrible mother."

"My child disappeared; she could've been taken. Ron would never forgive me." Hermione sighed heavily, going to stand then kneel next Rose as she lay folded into herself on the loveseat.

"He would have understood. Are you saying Weasley has never done anything wrong concerning Rose?" He voice was light as he sat in front of her desk but turned towards Hermione and Rose, his legs and arms folded.

"Of course, we both have, but it always seems more frequently me. I attribute it to his childhood, always surrounded by other people and I wasn't." She played in Rose's hair, finally sitting on the floor cross-legged and finally looking at him.

"You're an only child?" He asked, she was sure they'd talk about this before.

"Yes, my parents were wonderful but they worked so often and I was left to my own devices most of the time. And though it didn't happen often, when they argued, I was left alone wondering if it was my fault because my magic manifested when I was very small. McGonagall came to visit us several times, but I still always worried that someday they'd let me go completely." Finally, the crux her problem, abandonment. It made so much sense to him, then, that she was clingy with people, a people pleaser but also commandeering at times, it was all because she wanted to be wanted. He empathized with her, that fear of abandonment was strong in him as well, his mother choosing to love a drunk over him, choosing to take her own life and sending him down a path he could never completely atone for.

"He would understand, easily. I was an only child, too." It felt odd, talking to her again like they had all those years ago, but pleasant, like he was finally making up for making her leave.

"Thanks, but he wouldn't. He thinks I am a terrible mother. I can't carry his children, I work too much, I ask too much...sorry, please watch her for a moment." Severus nodded and fought within himself not to follow her, the compulsion charm pulsed with his heartbeat, he focused on Rose, her perfect little face and a smattering of freckles on her nose, the way her hands rested her side, her tiny shoes. For a moment, he felt a pang, as though he could've been her father, this could be his six year old lying on Hermione's loveseat, though her hair wouldn't most likely be red, it would be a dark brown or even raven like his, she would have Hermione's eyes, gorgeous amber. It made him shiver, he'd hardly ever imagined himself as a father, but somehow with Rose over the year, he'd taken his protective nature, his devotion and applied those to Rose. It was easy, then, caring for her in his way, playing chess and having tea; although he still wondered if being a parent would ever be something he truly wanted, he felt that since so much of his life had changed, so many bonds broken; there was a part of him which suddenly knew he could love someone else enough to be a husband, father, something besides a spy and professor. He felt it again, bringing him from his reverie, Hermione was breaking down. Against his better wishes he sent a patronus to Weasley and waited. He almost fell asleep waiting, listening to Rose's tiny sleeping noises.

"Thank you, Severus." Hermione walked in with Ron and watched as he scooped Rose up, clearly he'd done this many times because she didn't stir at all. Hermione and Ron walked with Rose out to the office and down the hall. When she returned later, it was only to grab her bags and thank Severus again.

"Molly and Arthur are already at the house, so I have to get back. Thank you again, for everything." She gently rested her hand on his arm, where did dark mark was still fading bit by bit every year.

"You needn't thank me." He heard his tone, how it sounded as though he was annoyed and he wasn't. "I mean, it's not required. Rose is-"

"Your friend. If anyone, I am glad you always seem to find her and me." She wanted to hug him, but she didn't know if he would be receptive to her. After a sigh, she threw her arms around him anyway and even though she'd tried to avoid it, she cried again.

"Thank you for understanding me, I...I'm sorry I keep thanking you, but having you as a friend again, it's just so lovely." She knew he was uncomfortable so she pulled away, but found that he was still holding her, his hands on her hips like they were about to dance, so she immediately leaned into him and hugged him tighter. Part of her didn't want to return to the townhouse, to face Ron again and his disappointment, but she knew she had to go.

"Tell Rose 'Happy Birthday' from Mister Sebrus." Hermione laughed, remembering how she'd said his name for the longest time, how she still did sometimes when she was sleepy. Standing on her toes, she kissed his cheek, and left, walking to the lifts and then to the floo. After she arrived at home, she saw Rose and James running around together in the backyard and Ron and Harry whispering to each other at the kitchen sink. Her parents hadn't arrived yet, and none of the other Weasleys had either, so she knew she had a few minutes to freshen up, so she went into her bedroom and loo, splashed her face with water and reapplied a makeup charm to cover the dark circles under her eyes.

"You look beautiful." She heard from the door, seeing Ron standing there, his blue eyes sparkling like their wedding day, after the kiss in the Chamber of Secrets, when Rose was born.

"You're being kind." He moved to stand behind her, moving her hair from her shoulder and kissing the nape of her neck, up her cheekbone, across to her mouth.

"You know I love you, don't you?" He said suddenly, pulling her into an incredibly tight hug; she could barely breathe.

"Of course, I love you, too and I'm so sorry about Rose."

"It's not your fault, she is curious and adventurous, our little Gryffindor. And Ol' Snape was there to save the day." Although nothing about his facial expression changed, Hermione heard something in his voice that sounded like jealousy, but she didn't mention it.

"Tonight, I want you." Chills ran up her spine as she hugged him, her mouth being ravaged by his. "Why not now?" She countered. "We've time." He stepped further into bathroom, closing the door behind him and lifting her onto the vanity, removing her knickers as she adjusted to the height, pulling him forward and undoing his pants but let him remove his boxers.

"Merlin, you're beautiful." Hermione smiled and looked down, her charm was in place, hiding all of the scars she knew graced her skin. Sometimes, even when he said sweet things, she could barely differentiate between what he loved about her as a girl and this modified version of herself. Pushing that out of her brain, she took him her hands and for a second, reminded herself how much he loved her, even when she messed up, even when their lives weren't perfect.

"Get over here, Weasley." She teased, casting a silencing spell and warding the door. It was ferocious and hurried, as though they were both fighting to cover emotions they wouldn't speak allowed to each other, and when they both had come down from exhilarating highs, Hermione felt herself almost in tears again, guilt and fear enveloping her, hoping she would conceive another child this time and carry it to term, give Ron all the things she knew would make him happy, but for a second, it was brief, she thought of Severus, his hug and how that made her pulse race.


	10. Chapter 10

AN: It's been a while, sorry! I have been on vacation and the end of the school year did me in. My niece was hurt badly in an accident at church, so my editing stopped for a bit. Here is the next installment, a bit of movement in plot and some positivity...don't forget my usual warnings of character deaths, scenes of PTSD, mothering, etc. Also, I am aware that the sentencing of the leStranges and abductions seems too easy- it is. I promise there's still some major changes to come (but still a HEA for SSHg). Thank you for reading!

Chapter 10 Everything Has Changed

(After the final battle)

Her legs felt like dead weight as she sat on the stairs leading to Gryffindor tower and though Ron's kiss still tingled on her lips, there was a pull at her navel, a gentle thrum in under her skin pulling her but she didn't know where. Without another thought, those had been plaguing her enough all day, she stood and walked almost transfixed out of the castle, passed the mourners and maimed, the hurt people desperate to get aid, through the castle doors and onto the grounds. It pulled her like the beginnings of portkey, an invisible tether beckoning her on and on until she found herself in the tunnel leading to the Shrieking Shack and remembered with sudden pain and anger that Voldemort had killed Snape. Somehow, even without Harry's testimony to the opposite, Hermione had believed Snape innocent of malice towards Dumbledore. Like a beacon, like a knowledge that she'd somehow known all along, Hermione's mind travelled her experience with Snape; to be sure he'd been a bully, he'd picked on them worse than any Slytherin, he'd targeted them as though they'd personally harmed him yet there was a tragedy to his ministrations. When Hermione found him on the floor of the shack, blood pooled and congealed around him she instantly fell in tears, her heart and mind in competition for her next move. His face showed no pain, his skin was cool to touch but as her tears fell, as her magic washed over him she felt the faint drumming of his heart, a subtle cadence to his life and without pause she searched his pockets, she found vials of liquid and a bezoar, but she was so unsure how best to help him. Without thinking, she poured the contents of one vial down his throat, it reminded her most of the antivenin they'd given Arthur Weasley after his attack in the Department of Mysteries, but the liquid dripped slowly from the wound in his neck, prompting her to use her right hand, inserting her fingers as a plug and dumping the next one, then another until she get his pulse quicken, his eyes flashed open and she could see his anger, his surprise; with what little strength he had, he pushed into her mind and yelled at her, showed her images of mercy and begged for death. Yet, Hermione could not let him die, she wanted him exonerated, she wanted everyone to know what he'd sacrificed to save them so she pushed him from her mind, desperate to stop the tirade he'd start, she closed her eyes and shoved the bezoar in his mouth, rudimentary healing the gashes at his neck and sending her patronus to the castle. Her own wounds seeped with blood as she cast spells over him, trying to calm his adrenaline and help restore feeling throughout his body, but it was unsuccessful, everything she'd done seemed like half-measures, so she made him light, she pulled him into her arms and slowly carried him from the Shrieking Shack like Hagrid had carried Harry from the Dark Forest- both still alive but barely.

When she saw the steps to the castle, she wasn't sure she'd make it, certainly not if her wand skills didn't hold. Although it took far more steps than she'd anticipated, going all the way to the infirmary, and she'd passed many people who gave her looks of disdain or curiosity, she kept moving; she was called, her blood and body pulled to him and though she could not explain it even if she tried, she had to save Severus Snape. It simply wouldn't do if she stopped, each time she attempted to take a rest, something spurred her on and she continued climbing until finally at the infirmary doors, she spotted Madame Pomfrey and Professor Flitwick, looking to her immediately in surprise and confusion, neither spoke at first, simply came to her aid and helped Severus Snape to a bed, casting charms and spells to determine how best to keep him steady, but finding that Hermione had done everything she possibly could to bring him back.

"How did you know he was still alive?" Madame Pomfrey asked, looking to the young, innocent girl who seemed far too invested in her former potions professor, but finding just that in her eyes, innocence.

"I don't know, I just went to the shack...I found him, I…" But the tears took Hermione's words as she watched them, removing his robes and casting them aside as though they weren't the thick wool he always seemed to wear but feathery light cotton, his chest bared for the entire wing to see, Hermione covered her eyes, it was black. It was charred, like he'd been burnt alive and though she couldn't fathom what could possibly have done it, she suddenly couldn't look away. Drawn further and further into his presence again, she touched his hipbone, the base of the dark matter and whispered an incantation, one she'd never heard before or spoken, and the blackness started to disperse, it disappeared as though she was Merlin himself bringing the sword from the stone and knighting a new lord.

"Miss Granger, how are you doing this?" But she was in a trance, she didn't know how she was doing these things or why, she simply couldn't turn away from him. Moving to his face again, she put her hands on either side of his cheeks, his cheek bones digging into her hands like some dagger and she continued to whisper, possessed by something she couldn't explain.

"It appears she's made a soul connection or something has, Poppy, I couldn't help now if I tried." Professor FLitwick stepped back and went to the storeroom, gathering the remainder of the supplies they would need should Hermione's odd incantations fail, and when he returned, the girl was on the floor, completely lifeless as Madame Pomfrey tried to move her to a bed. Charlie and Ronald Weasley came from the hallway and upon seeing Hermione, ran to her side and lifted her where Madame pomfrey directed.

When Hermione awoke two days later, she had no recollection of helping Severus Snape aside from finding him and bringing him to the castle, her own wounds were tended though she'd received a stern lecture from the mediwitch about tending her old wounds and leaving the infirmary to avoid infection, Hermione couldn't help but see her world in disarray, so she stayed. She assisted Madame Pomfrey for months, aiding everyone who came through the medical ward, focusing without her own cognition on Severus Snape when she cold, but finding that no matter how much she wanted to help him, he was determined to suffer. There were times late in the night, when his eyes finally opened and she felt his ire, that her mind steeled against him and her natural and unexplainable healing took over, as though she too were some horcrux, possessed by something otherworldly and she couldn't stop herself. When he finally rested, she trained her mind in legilimency and occlumency, working with Professor Flitwick and Professor Dumbledore's portrait to ensure she could communicate with Snape when he was finally completely cognizant. It happened weeks later, when he entered her mind without really trying to ask for water and making her heart skip several beats.

"Do you still hate me, Professor?" She whispered, bringing the glass to his bedside, a straw bent near him as his dark, fathomless eyes searched hers and she asked him again, but this time silently. He shook his head, but she could see the beginning of tears, as though suddenly he realized again that he hadn't crossed the veil, that she'd brought him back from the brink of death like he'd promised he could do in their first potions lesson.

"You were alive when I found you; I don't know what made me go out there, but I don't regret it...urm...you have another chance at a free life." Hermione knew she sounded ridiculous, but she needed him to try, otherwise everything she'd done had been in vain. "Professor, please don't hate me, please…something happened, I had no choice." Her mind was invaded and the words he said made her set back, made her move herself as far away from his bedside as possible. Vile, hateful words filled her mind and ended in a slurry of words, 'There is always a choice.' Teary eyes met his, misty themselves, and she left the water. She returned in the morning and found him asleep, her mind repeating the same words over and over, 'Please don't hate me. Please, don't hate me...please…'

SSHGSSHGSSHG

The first few weeks in York were torture, she trained her mind against him and found herself emotionally void, feeling almost nothing for anyone or anything...then it was as though a great deluge opened and Hermione could suddenly feel again, but with knowledge she hadn't been able to tap into when she was still in Grimmauld Place with Severus. Though she knew he could still sense her emotions and worried that her shifting deluge would mean he'd come to York, he never did. She still believed her words on most days, that they would do nothing but hurt each other until things could truly be sorted, if ever, but she missed him. It had been years since they'd spent time apart purposefully, aside from when Kingsley Shacklebolt sent him purposely on a goose chase for the LeStranges. Hermione knew it had all been too easy, finding them, taking them, but when she searched her mind for more answers about what had happened to her family, she found none. And she knew trials would be a joke, that something else was going on even if she couldn't quite pinpoint what it was. Instead of focusing on her pain and the vacuum of questions she still had, she focused on her girls, on getting to know her parents again, on fixing her own heart and mind and accepting that her family was gone regardless of what had taken them.

It wasn't until the end of May that the trials were held and Hermione knew the first time she saw Severus again would be awkward, but it hadn't been. He acted as he almost always did, aloof and stern and she was pleasant but not overly so; they met outside the courtroom and Seamus briefed her. It was odd to be so close to him, the distance of two months was far more than time, but the way she felt about him hadn't changed at all, even though she'd been so angry with him about the comments regarding the blonde woman she'd seen him with on his birthday, she coldn't help but let her heart be happy that he was so near.

"There isn't a chance they won't be convicted, but you need to be prepared for that possibility. Reynaldo is claiming insanity and persuasion." Hermione rolled her eyes, then tucked a curl behind her ear, her hair had grown out a bit, but she still liked it short. She greeted Severus with a handshake and as soon as their fingers touched, it felt like electricity sparked and she immediately wondered if it was the charm that connected them, but when she looked into his eyes, she saw the same longing she felt when she thought of him. And a spark of something else, a sudden memory that she coudn't quite place.

"Fine."she replied, preparing herself for a long trial. But it seemed as though Hermione blinked and it was over. They both admitted guilt, were sentenced and then both kissed by the dementors in less than two hours. She could barely look at the men without feeling all she'd felt the night at the Moulin Rouge, but each time she looked at someone else who'd been at the Moulin Rouge, Charlie or Severus, she felt herself blush and reminded herself that the LeStranges were killers and that her mind needed to be focused on their guilt. It still didn't quite make sense, any of it. Every court case she'd participated in had been wholly different than this one and though it became extremely clear that both men were going to be convicted, it seemed all too easy. Her heart raced, her mind raced, and when she looked into Reynaldo's face as the Wizengamot handed the sentence down, she didn't see anything but regret.

Leaving the courtroom visibly shaken, Hermione found Lucius with Charlie and the girls, who were now eight months old and far more mobile than they'd been the last time Severus had seen them. It all felt too easy, like getting them to admit guilt came too quickly. It didn't sit right with her at all, but as she saw her girls, she lost her worry.

"What a treat!" Hermione reached for Lily, kissing both girls and then Charlie and Lucius' cheeks, noticing that the entire Weasley clan, well the adults, were convened in the portico.

"We won; they're gone." Bill and George exchanged a look and then hugged their sister-in-law, Angelina and Fleur both eventually hugged their husbands and then out of nowhere, Percy appeared and shook her hand.

"I think it would be good to convene at Hogwarts. Sinistra has given us permission to collect the children and have a family meal and visit the graves." Bill announced. They all agreed, but as Hermione turned to leave, Lily shrieked.

"What's wrong, poppet?" Hermione looked over her shoulder and saw Severus standing near the edge of the group, he and Seamus in conversation which halted as soon as they heard the tiny girl squeal. "Oh, you want to see Severus." Turning in her arms, Lily fought to get down but Hermione simply walked her over to him and handed her over. One finger on her mouth, Lily immediately snuggled against him and quietly, as though she wanted no one to hear her, she said, "Seb." And then repeated it over and over until even Hermione was convinced she was trying to say his name and then, as if on cue, Winnie started as well.

"Well, you're officially their second word." She met his gaze for a moment and then turned to Winnie, whose wild curls bounced with her as she reached for Severus. They were as charmed by him as she was, even though there were times when she couldn't fathom why.

"I guess this means they missed you." Lucius teased, but Hermione knew they had missed him, he was calming presence when she lost her way and though it had been two months since they'd seen him, he'd been there since birth and before for Winnie.

"Come, we need to get to Hogwarts." Hermione dropped her shields for a moment and reached for Lily and then Winnie, but he held her tightly. "I'll apparate with her." Hermione simply nodded and followed her family from the courts to the apparition point and the long walk from Hogsmeade to Hogwarts. It was odd to see him, holding her daughter as though everything between them was normal. She didn't quite know how she felt about him sometimes, or if she was being too emotional about the entire thing and should've just told him to stuff it, either way, she missed him, too and wished she could reach for him with the same tenacity her girls did.

After an early dinner in Hogsmeade, they walked back to the castle and went to the graves, each enjoying private time with the deceased, and though Hermione had seen worse things, knowing the men who'd taken these men from her still gave no explanation, no matter how the question was asked, they just fed the same lines of revenge.

"Seb." Lily's tiny voice broke Hermione's concentration as she sat with Ron and talked. Winnie was gently resting on a blanket Hermione had spread out for them; Hermione rubbed her back as she lay looking over at Lily and Severus, slowly closing her eyes.

"I'll take her." Hermione whispered, reaching for her strawberry girl but Severus simply sat on the blanket and set her down and as though he'd cast a spell, she lay down exactly like Winnie but held Severus' finger in her hand, like she had as a tiny baby. Suddenly, Hermione felt herself summon courage she seemed to only possess at Hogwarts.

"I have something I need to confess." She said after several minutes passed in silence. He seemed open to conversation so she decided to tell him everything.

"Yes?" She felt the tension, the heat of fear emanating from him and considered leaving her thoughts to herself, but knew if she did she'd never fix their relationship. His sudden shift in emotion worried her, but she continued nonetheless.

"When I found out about the charms placed on you, they changed. I don't know if the Wizengamot intended this, but I started feeling, urm sensing, your emotions as well, and the night at the Moulin Rouge, I knew it was you because I read your emotions, like your magical signature is a song and I can hear it, if that makes sense." Making sure Lily was completely out, Hermione sighed and added, "I was disgusted with myself because for a long time, longer than I probably even know, I've felt more than friendship for you and that night, everything that happened that night, I did it because I knew you were there and I wanted you. I felt disgusted with myself because my husband had been dead only six months and there I was, lusting after you and I worried for a moment that the lust potion was making me feel that way, so I left and thought being in York would make me feel differently, but it didn't disappear." She heard his breath catch then she felt it, his hand grasped hers and immediately, he pulled both of them onto his lap. It felt like years before, in the infirmary when she'd been called to his side so many times by an invisible force she sometimes forgot even existed.

"I didn't know that was the case."

"What do you mean?" Hermione's hands were cold but were starting to warm in his and she wondered for a moment if the girls were cold. The older children had gone to see Hagrid and everyone else had dispersed, so it was just she and Severus and two almost toddlers.

"That you were sensing my emotions as well." Rubbing her knuckles under his thumb, Severus tried not to stare at her too much, to meet her gaze and find himself completely lost.

"I noticed it before that night, though and I should've said something but this last year has been tenuous enough, I didn't want you to suddenly have to worry about your own emotions." They both sighed and she took one of her hands back to cover Lily and Winnie with a flannel, feeling both of their tiny foreheads and noting that Winnie seemed flushed.

"So you did know about my feelings for you, then?" Through her lashes she looked at him, he reached over and tucked a curl behind her ear, agreeing silently with Charlie that her lashes were the first thing he saw when he looked at her.

"I didn't, as it were. Not to say that I haven't noticed certain feelings, but you have been quite emotional overall; I certainly didn't anticipate the same response as the one I received when you left Hogwarts." She scowled at him momentarily, then agreed with him.

"I've wanted to say something, but I also know that with things the way they are...and though my feelings are what they are, I don't know exactly what I expect or want, or what you want." His fingers laced between hers again, like they had that night in the kitchen and the tether was still there.

"How about we just talk, we seem to be doing well with that right now, at least. I think you are wrong, by the way, we won't destroy each other." He was teasing her and the smile it brought to her face made it worth the effort, pushing him from his comfort seemed as though he didn't want to talk about specifics, but wasn't disinclined to her affections. "What was their first word?"

"Huh?"

"You said earlier I was their second word, what was their first?" Hermione took her free hand and ran it over Winnie's hair, then Lily's.

"It was 'Mum', both of them on the same day and Alby thought it was hilarious. I guess they heard me saying it quite a lot when Mum and Dad were able to come to York, and so it was Winnie first, she was screaming for me across the yard because Alby was flying and I guess it scared her and then Lily followed soon after. Their little voices are so precious...I sound like one of those mums, I know, but it's been a good few months seeing their personalities grow." Her face fell thinking about the LeStranges, how they'd taken so many from her and she hated that she was sitting in a graveyard instead of enjoying a nice dinner at home with her family.

"This ending must be a relief."

"I didn't think they were going to admit guilt, it certainly gives us closure, even if the loss is something I don't think the kids have really accepted. I wish, though, they'd said why; revenge alone is vague without explanation. " Tugging at her hand slightly with his, Severus tried to search her emotions, but found nothing.

"I don't think they were ever going to admit their motives." Severus looked across the lake as she over the girls again, trying to see if Winnie was any warmer. "And you think you have?"

"Have what?" Hermione felt like she kept losing the conversation.

"Accepted that your husband, family are gone." He needed her to say yes because it was almost beyond him to stop himself if she didn't.

"Yes, it still hurts but that doesn't mean my life has to stop." He was surprised by the distinct change in her, the sense of calm she had and how her entire being felt eased.

"I'm being transferred, you know I wrote about it in my note to you. I think a change of scenery would do me well for a while. Kingsley is making me a diplomat." His eyebrow quirked.

"Severus, you know that things are different now. You were right, I need to be a mother and I need to sort my life; I want a job that I don't have to put above a spouse or these girls." Nibbling her lip as she did whenever she was nervous, Hermione squeezed his hand and thought more about the fact that she was holding his hand, next to her dead husband's grave, and she didn't feel as guilty as she would have months before, but it still felt odd.

"Where is he sending you?" She felt him want to pull away but stopping before he did, and instead taking her other hand again as well.

"Dublin and perhaps Florence every now and then. I can bring the girls to work because the consulate has childcare and even then, my hours are what I make them. I'll have a flat in Dublin, but I'm not moving until September."

"September?" He cold barely find more than one word at a time; why did it always seem they were on separate paths, only converging when it was least appropriate?

"Yes, after Alby goes to Hogwarts so he can have a summer with his siblings and some normalcy. And I have things I need to do as well before I move." They both turned as Lily stirred a bit then calmed, her tiny sighs making Hermione smile again.

"You do?"

"Yes, I never got to take you to dinner for your birthday." He almost smiled, but simply pulled her closer instead.

"Look, I know we have a lot to talk about and that being with me is far more complicated than being with other women- I mean five children and a house that's too big and not to mention the PTSD, but I'm unwilling to leave today without at least admitting I don't want my life to be void of you, unless that is what you want. After I had many, many conversations with Lucius, it was quite clear to me that I'd been wrong about so many things, things I didn't understand. And I judged you, I was so jealous.I know we lashed out at each other, frequently, but I also think most of that was motivated by my guilt and fear that once again I was falling for you and you didn't care for me. It was Hogwarts all over again in my mind." She felt his grip tighten and when she looked to him, she felt his own jealousy.

"We do have much to discuss and knowing you, there will be multiple occasions where this must occur, but I am amiable if you are." She could feel his remorse but then, like a lasso, she felt his hope envelope her.

"Even if it takes me a while to really accept that you really feel this way?"

"Even if it takes you a lifetime, I don't plan on seeing anyone else." Her eyebrows scrunched at his words.

"Even with five children?" It was his turn to make a face. The idea of helping raise Potter children didn't make him particularly happy, but he really had nothing against Albus or Lily, and he knew James would grow on him over time.

"Even with Potter's children."

"My children." They both looked over to the girls, their little hands resting on each other, as they had as newborns.

"These two aren't so bad."

"Yes, you're right, these two have had the influence of two convicted murderers, a gay uncle, a bookish brother, ministry employees and one crazy mother." For a moment she didn't quite know how he would take her words, but instead of doing what she feared he'd do, what he might've done months before, he let go of her hands and smoothed all of her hair behind her ears.

"Especially the crazy mother."

"Slowly, Severus, you might overwhelm me. Speaking of which, Kingsley has agreed to remove the compulsion and give you immediate parole at time served." For several long seconds she watched and felt as he went through many emotions, overwhelming her as she thought he would.

"I don't think this could ever work before you are free; I will constantly worry, as I had for months, that every one of my emotions was driving you crazy or that the only reason you come to me is through some invisible force-field."

"Hermione, he removed the compulsion charm when he sent me away in October. " Hermione was flabbergasted; she couldn't believe Kingsley would let her think he was giving her some major boon.

"Really? That rascal making me think he was actually doing me a favor."

"Yes, all I've done since then has been of my own accord. I still sense your emotions, and greatly at that, but there is no required heroics.i was compelled completely of my own volition." Taking out her wand, Hermione aimed it at him.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Are you going to hex me?" He was teasing again but Hermione felt the situation was a bit less laughable.

"No, I know the reversal spell and I can cast it as the object of the charm. Do you want me to?" They stared at each other for a moment and Severus contemplated her words as his eyes narrowed at her.

"Not right now."

"Are you sure?" Hermione tucked her wand back up her sleeve and sized him up; it felt good to be able to touch him, see him and not worry so much.

"Not until things are different."

"What things? You're being vague." He laced both of their hands together for a moment, the intensity of his gaze warmed her heart.

"If you'll be in Dublin, I'd like to know you are safe."

"You want to know I'm safe? When I'm in Dublin?" She tugged him a little pulling him close as she spoke, wishing he would kiss her but knowing it was too soon for those affections.

"Does that mean you won't visit me?"

"Does that mean I'm welcome?" And as with many conversations they'd had over the years, they were dancing around the subject instead of talking directly. Hermione decided she was weary of not being forward.

"Look, I want something more with you however it happens or we define it, so that means you are welcome at Grimmauld Place, Dublin, wherever I happen to be. The question is, what do you want because I don't want to assume because you're holding my hands right now that you'll want to visit us in Dublin or Florence. Who knows where I'll be sent when we get a new Minister for Magic. And, honestly, I can't bear to walk into a restaurant and see you with another woman, unless you tell me right now that it is what you prefer. I adore your friendship and I'd be a great friend to you still, but I want more than that." Looking away for a moment, she stared at the girls still sleeping and wondered when the older kids would return and somewhat terrified she was reading more into his words, his body language and what she could sense on the surface of his emotions, he was as pensive as she was.

"You know it isn't easy for me to express myself, I'm more likely to show you how I feel than say it but I can see that you need my words. I do not want to rush anything with you; I've felt far more than friendship for you for longer than you can imagine but it was not appropriate and I would never have pursued you and even now, I want you to be sure you are comfortable and ready. I am perfectly happy being your friend and helping you through the grief if you need me, but it's more difficult knowing how you feel." She noticed he didn't mention the event in the restaurant, but it was probably for the best, even if she still felt jealous. Several minutes passed before she finally took a deep breath and looked at him.

"I do not want to rush anything, I don't want to make the same mistakes I made with Ron. You deserve love and devotion, we both do and as nothing in this life is guaranteed, I want to give you those things . The greatest thing I've learned from all this is cliche I'm sure, but everyday is a gift and I want to spend days with you and my family, because you feel like my family. And I may not be completely ready for everything, but I just can't keep fighting my feelings for you." Severus was at a loss for words, he couldn't believe her candor but sensing her emotions, he knew that above all the legitimacy of her faith, the seriousness and truth in her words surprised him after months of dancing around their mutual attraction. As he was about to make his own feelings perfectly plain, Winnie woke and looked between them hurriedly, smiling immediately upon seeing her mother and chanting ,"Mum", over and over until she finally sat up and reached for Severus, crawling quickly into his lap, her tiny hand touching his face then her chubby little arms encircled his neck.

"Seb...Seb." She kissed his cheek with slobbery kisses and snuggled into his arms.

"It seems your daughter has placed her claim, Madam Granger." Hermione smiled towards them, her smallest girl wrapped delicately in the arms of a man she would no doubt love, as though she hadn't for the years since she'd left Hogwarts, and yet, looking at her daughter, she saw Ron's eyes, his gentle, sloppy grin as he made a ridiculous joke and she wondered how he would feel about another man being so influential in their daughter's lives.

"Your face is suddenly solemn." Severus watched her as Lily awoke and clamoured for his lap, both girls had obviously missed him.

"How serious are you in this, with me, with us? I don't want…"but before she could even finish her sentence Severus grasped her hand, difficult as it was with two babies on his lap, climbing him as if a tree.

"Are you worried I am going to disappear?" He asked, both girls finally settling on his lap and holding onto his hands.

"Yes, if I'm being honest, I am. I guess I'm getting ahead of myself. You've pushed me away before and it took me this long to realize how I felt. I don't want you to push me away again." She worried he'd be gone, that he'd see the weight and difficulty of having five children and the other issues facing her as time passed, helping the older children struggle through their loss. But she never got his side of things, his words interrupted twice, yet she knew they would talk later and she tried to quell her anxiety.

"Mum! Our uncles are leaving." Turning quickly, she found Rose and Albus running towards them. Her face lit in surprise and immediately she stood and hugged her daughter, kissing her cheeks.

"Mister Severus, will you walk with us to the gates?" Rose took Winnie from his lap and then Albus took Lily, leaving Hermione to shrink everything back into her bag and follow them, watching as they walked from the Black Lake to the gates, wishing she could take Rose and James with her as they left.

"Promise you'll study but take breaks, okay and we'll see you at Kings Cross in two weeks, alright love?" Hermione pulled Rose in tight, then James and kissed them both. "I love you both, now make us proud on your exams and we'll see you soon." Taking Winnie from Rose's arms, she wrapped her in a modified carrier and waved as Rose and James ran back to the school with their cousins. Taking Lily and putting her in the same carries except on her back, she stepped beyond the gates and ruffled Albus' hair before looking to her brother's-in-law and then Severus.

"To Grimmauld place, Kreacher promised a ham." She reached for Severus's hand, felt his arms envelope her and the girls, transporting them safely to the steps of the old house she hadn't been in for months and found it immediately jarring when he let go.

"Albus,you have classes tomorrow so go ahead and get your bag ready, wash your hands and come eat." He hugged her tightly and ran up the stairs.

"Your mum sent these over from York, apparently you accidentally left them." Charlie laughed. It was a stack of letters that made Hermione immediately turn pink as she removed the girls from their new carriers and placed them on the ground, bordered by magic with a few toys and blankets. Taking the letters, she went into her room and immediately cast several cleaning charms, noting that Kreacher had at least changed the bedding.

"Love letters?" She heard from the doorway, Severus watching her take her robes off finding her in a simple dress of light blue, fitting her perfectly as though she'd never had two children. He thought her too thin, but knew better than to say anything to her.

"Of a sort...letters to you I never sent. Perhaps someday I'll give them to you; they're drivel, I'm sure." Slowly, he left the door and walked to her side.

"I'm sure I'd like to read them." His hand rested on top of the stack and then moved to her chin, forcing her to meet his eyes, though he could feel intensely her nervousness.

"Be patient, I don't think you're quite ready for them." On her toes, she kissed the corner of his mouth and then walked out of her room to see the girls still playing on the floor watched by Charlie and Lucius, her constant companions. Though she wished he would stay, Lucius excused himself and went back to York.

"Let's get some late dinner, or we'll all wake with rumbly tummies tomorrow." Hermione reached for both girls and took them to the dining room and in their magical chairs they waited for their meal, tiny chipped pieces of ham and potatoes which Hermione fed them, happy to be back at Grimmauld Place and surrounded again by family and free of the threat of the LeStranges, though there was still the niggling question of why, which she assumed would never be answered. Although it weighed on her mind, that doubt making her fear that she would never let it go, as she helped Lily eat her potatoes, she felt hope.

"When do you start your new job?" Percy asked,reaching for bread and slathering so much butter Hermione wondered if he was nervous, he was twitchy, acting oddly even for him.

"September, after Albus goes to Hogwarts and…" Before she could finish her thought, Percy was already asking more questions, so many she lost track and felt her anxiety rising.

"Percy, please, we can talk about this at a later date." Charlie interrupted.

"I'm just curious, we see the children so rarely as it is," Hermione almost hexed him but felt her hand being held by Severus'.

"You may see them whenever you'd like. Aside from when they're at Hogwarts you can see the older ones on break, and the younger ones have been available daily since they were born." Bill and Fleur both nodded in agreement, as George and Angelina stood to leave.

"You're a real prat, Perce, as usual. You can't let the family have one evening of respite without ruining it." George threw his napkin down and took Angelina's hand before walking through the front door, soon everyone else followed aside from Charlie and Severus.

"Have I really kept them hidden?" Hermione asked, unsure of herself as a mother, as she'd always been.

"No, if he'd wanted to visit in York, he could've. We all could've." Charlie purposely jibed Severus with that, but knew that Hermione and he had communicated very little if at all and instigating a fight would help no one.

"I wish Lucius was here, he would've put him in his place. Maybe he wants my old job." Hermione laughed, wiping both girls' face before taking them both to the bath. Wishing Lucius had stayed and not gone back to York to retrieve some items before returning.

"Dirty little princesses." Lily splashed the water a bit while Winnie stared up at Hermione like it had been days since she'd seen her, always inquisitive and curious, taking in every moment before reacting. Whereas her sweet Lily enjoyed every moment and reacted later, so extroverted and lively, she was much more like her Uncles Fred and George. She was immensely thankful for magic and the safety it provided in bath time.

"Need a hand?" Charlie came through with fresh linens then sat on the toilet and watched. She noticed him looking towards the girls with an expression she couldn't quite place.

"Don't you want one of these someday?"

"Oh, I get to pick...hmmm that's pretty hard especially since they said "Seb" before Charlie." Hermione splashed him a bit then drained the tub, handing Winnie to him to be toweled off, the routine they'd had for a few weeks.

"Who loves Uncle Charlie?" Winnie giggled as he bounced her a bit, then put on a new nappy and pajamas with footies.

"Seriously, though, when are you going to ask your beau to be more exclusive? I know that's what you want even if you pretend you don't." Hermione watched Charlie's face contort a bit then fall, as though the idea of becoming more serious with Billy Mackleroy was not in his future. "What's happened?" They switched girls.

"He was less than understanding about the Moulin Rouge incident...I felt I had to tell him, you know, and he didn't understand, even with full knowledge of lust potions." Hermione rubbed circles on Winnie's back helping her calm before sleep but found she was as anxious as her uncle seemed. She watched as he put Lily in her nappy and footie pajamas, then as he snuggled her she quickly fell asleep, so he slowly put her in the cot and then turned to Hermione.

"I'm so sorry, I had no idea." Hermione remarked, reaching for him she placed her hand on his stomach, but he seemed far more distraught by the sensation.

"It isn't your fault, I guess his ability to reason and empathize was far beyond his pay grade. I have spent a great deal of time here and at York, I'm sure that makes him wonder and worry." Although he appeared to be joking, Hermione could tell that Charlie was far more upset than he was letting on.

"Don't give up on him, I'm sure from the outside it does look far worse than it was...he should know that your devotion to him didn't waver." Charlie sighed as Hermione circled the room with Winnie trying to calm her.

"I'll leave you to it, I know sometimes she feeds off emotions." Charlie dipped to kiss Winnie's curly head and then Hermione's cheek, forcing her to admit that her own behavior hadn't helped the situation for Charlie, though she had ultimately pushed him away, she hadn't exactly hated what happened because it had forced her to admit she had feelings for Severus, even if they made her feel guilty. Though it had been weeks since Winnie tried to nurse, Hermione attempted it since she was so fussy and found Winnie calm almost immediately. Minutes passed in quiet, Lily already asleep and cozy their expanded cot, Hermione began to hum lightly as Winnie stared into her eyes. Although she'd still been pumping frequently, the girls had weaned themselves mostly so nursing time had practically disappeared and Hermione suddenly realized how much she'd missed being so connected to her girls.

"Someone feeling poorly?" Severus was at the door and though the compulsion was gone, she was sure he had felt her pain for Charlie and worry about Winnie being fussy.

"Yes, she's been acting strangely all evening, she barely ate earlier and slept most of the day. Maybe new teeth? I don't know, I can't always predict what's going on with her in comparison to Lily, they're so different sometimes." Severus stepped from the doorway into the room, closing the door behind him, opening the one to her room and allowing the breeze from Hermione's window waft in.

"Hermione, earlier, I was going to say…" But Lily suddenly sat up and cried, forcing Severus to her side. "I guess I'll never finish that sentence." When Winnie finally fell asleep, Hermione switched off with Severus, Lily feeling a bit warm herself and tried to nurse her.

"I just need to know if you are ...willing, umm desirous, I guess to pursue something with me, that's more than just a passing fancy?" Severus' eyes immediately flashed to hers and she felt it again, the hope, it flowed over her like wind through the window in her room.

"Can you doubt me; imagine this exact scenario when you were my student, me with a child in my arms, soothing her and letting them both crawl all over me. Honestly, I have no idea how to do this with you, with these girls and their siblings, and the fact that you would even consider me as an adequate influence in their lives…"

"Whether you're my friend or more, I believe you are a wonderful influence for them. Besides, they need a sarcastic Seb to counter their awful Uncle Percy and silly Uncles George and Charlie." Hermione giggled as he rolled his eyes like a teenager, resting Winnie against his chest, she looked so small in his arms, like she'd just been born.

"I've tried to say this all day, I do not want to rush or push you into something you aren't ready for, and I'm willing to wait for you, I have for years. I pushed you from the infirmary, from my lab all those years ago because I realized you were a woman, a woman who enjoyed my company and it was so soon after the final battle, you'd saved my life...I felt confused, so like you going to York, I scheduled your NEWT, and hoped that it, those feelings, would disappear, and it did for a time, I was able to manufacture feelings of friendship, obviously I'm good at that, but when the Wizengamot said I had to choose, I chose you...I wanted to repay the life debt I owed and protect you, I didn't intend on those feelings to change, intensify, and certainly not for you to feel the same way. I just wanted to ensure you were safe, you'd been through enough and so had I." He'd turned from her, placing Winnie in the cot and turning back to her, Hermione couldn't believe all he was saying. "There were moments I let myself indulge, I shouldn't have, but you make it so difficult to deny you, even when you're being impossible." Hermione kissed Lily's forehead and felt her temperature normalizing, then looked to Severus who was standing next to the cot, as vulnerable as she'd ever seen him aside from the time she'd helped care for him in the infirmary.

"Am I impossible?" She joked, repositioning Lily a bit to push a blanket under her arm and watched him as he watched her.

"Yes, impertinent and exacting, I've never known anyone quite like you and that's what makes me…" Their eyes met; she saw everything in him at once, hope, desire, fear and wondered what he might say.

"I care for you, I have cared for you." He finally said, when Lily was finally out, he took her as Hermione adjusted and walked with him into her room, they sat together on her settee.

"I was selfish in choosing you, I know it and now you know it. It kept me close to you, though there were times when it was torturous for many reasons, I kept you safe. I only wish I could've kept the others safe." She nestled herself against him, his chest a perfect resting place for her tired mind.

"There is nothing either of us could've done, if I've learned nothing else it's that." Hermione had spent her time in York working through serious guilt and acceptance, talking with Charlie and Lucius often and even a muggle therapist who she planned to continue seeing until she moved to Ireland, and all of that had helped her move on, accept her feelings for Severus weren't simply a byproduct of her grief and allow herself to enjoy his company.

"You've really fancied me all these years?" She whispered, toying with the button of his dapper navy shirt as she then chanced a look at him; he was looking at the door to the nursery as though it were a portal to their future.

"Mostly, devotion and dedication are my strong points, as you know, but so is denial. When you married Weasley, I tried to replace you, I guess, though I was unsuccessful with longevity." He gently pulled her hand into his and though she knew she had no right, she felt jealous of the woman or women he pursued. Suddenly, she thought of the blonde in the restaurant in Hogsmeade and her heart raced, beating rapidly beneath her ribs.

"I was jealous of your husband, as well...especially when I knew you had moments of unhappiness." He added. Hermione tried not to think of those few bad moments, truly Ron had grown to be a good husband and she a good wife, but there were ways they were ill-suited, she'd admitted as much plenty of times.

"You've seen me, well most of me I don't really know how closely you were looking the night of the Moulin Rouge, and sadly most of Ron's issues, and therefore mine, stemmed from my scars. My inability to feel desirable and his to find me desirable when we were intimate made things difficult in our early years, how we conceived Rose at all is a wonder, and then losing the two boys. My job, well you remember the fiasco of me asking him to quit. It all seemed easy for him, moving on from the war, the year hunting horcruxes, but it wasn't easy for me, and the side effects of the slicing hex and cruciatus, you know...But, you know for all his shortcomings, and mine too, I think we had a good marriage. There are things I'd do differently, though if I marry again." Severus caressed the back of her hand with his thumb, gently plying her fingers apart to insinuate his, resting both of their hands on his chest.

"Such as?"

"I'd certainly never hide from my husband again. I understand that scars are distracting and can lead to unsettling thoughts, but my body has carried babies and fed three, I don't want to hide anymore. And I would try to slow down, take work in stride and give more than I take. I see my children, I see how much they need of me and I know my heart continues to grow." She didn't quite know how to say that if they ended up together, that she wanted him to always know how much she cared, that the life they would build together would be rich and lovely, filled with hope and the optimism they'd both lost sight of for many years. She knew they were speaking of heavy things, things that in any other relationship would take months, but she didn't want to enter into any agreement with anyone without being clear that her children, all five of them, would be the center of her life and that any spouse who entered into their lives would have to love them as well. Suddenly her courage surged and she asked what she'd wanted since she first knew she cared for him.

"Do you think you could ever love us?" Hermione asked tenuously, pulling from his grasp completely. "Because I can tell you now that this will never be easy, the older ones will always carry a weight the younger two won't know, and those little girls will only know you, and only Harry and Ron through stories and pictures. I just don't even want to consider this at all if you think you could never love us, be devoted to us as we need and you need, as a real family. I know it's asking a lot, we haven't even seen each other in months, but...Severus…" Her fingers traced his jaw, his cheekbones, the curve of his hairline before she dropped her hand and folded it with her other one in her lap, waiting.

"It is a lot to consider at this juncture, but I understand why you are asking. You have responsibilities to your family and considerations that must be made before embarking on a relationship." It suddenly felt to Hermione like she'd said too much, like she'd assumed far more than she should've and couldn't fathom him saying no. Before she could process her thoughts, tears formed and began to fall; it had been weeks since she cried over something like this.

"I understand it's a lot to ask of anyone, especially you who've already given so much and three of these children belong to a practical demigod in the Wizarding world. And it's, well, early, there are things we still don't know about each other, I guess I…" But words failed her as he finally noticed her tears.

"Why are you crying?"

"Well, it's been an emotional day, for one and for another, I've just laid my soul out to you, everything I feel, I've felt and it's too much, isn't it." She stood and went immediately to the loo to dry her eyes, to calm herself but for once, not to berate herself for being honest. She knew Severus cared for her, that would be enough for now. Splashing her face with cool water, she didn't feel him cross the threshold nor notice his presence until she looked up, drying her face as she did. It really had been a long, arduous day and she simply didn't know how to do things by halves. She didn't want to compete with a ghost, with a beautiful blonde in a restaurant who seemingly had no baggage, with the pain of their mutual past, but Hermione found her heart heavy and fearful now that she'd said all the things she'd wanted to say to him for years.

"You needn't hide from me in the loo." Putting his arm around her and resting it on her collarbone, he watched in rapt patience as her countenance shifted, changing once more as he brought his other hand to her hair, smoothing the side she'd freshly cut again, remembering how soft and pliable her curls were.

"It's just too much tonight. You're right, I charge headlong into every battle without thinking, or considering the casualties." She closed her eyes, staring into his through the mirror were difficult, the reflection from the light brought hidden depths she was unwilling to see.

"Perhaps, but you've yet to let me respond. So, since I can see and feel that you are overstimulated, why don't we adjourn for the evening and continue tomorrow when we've both had sleep?" His mouth was close to her ear, his words vibrated against her with the baritone of his voice, each word played her like she was an instrument, but it only made her tears worse. She felt too exposed, too raw and though she knew he was right, she felt rejected. Tearing from his embrace, she went to her room and pulled on her nightshirt and tried to stop her tears; she went to the library in her mind, to one of her favorite books and concentrated until her mind calmed and heart stopped trying to escape her chest.

"After all these years, this last year, today you really think I'd push you away?" His words were as wounded as he looked when she finally opened her eyes and saw him.

"I'm asking too much too soon. We can talk at a later time, it's fine." Throwing back the covers, she sent a charm to the nursery then sat down, cross legged and tried to calm herself once more. She'd been doing so well in York, she'd been channeling her fears and anxiety until her day seemed to flow almost flawlessly in the old optimism she used to carry like a badge of honor. There was no doubt how much she cared for Severus, absence had only made things more clear and yet she'd jumped yards ahead, she knew it. She didn't regret telling him how she felt and she reminded herself of his own words and admissions, how he'd told her that he'd cared for her for years; still, there was the doubt, the weakness in her armor that she didn't want him to see. It wasn't as though she'd expected declarations of love, simply the possibility. This man had been wholly devoted to Lily Evans Potter for more than half his life, she wondered if that left room for anyone else.

"Hermione, look at me, please." He had sat across from her on the bed, his legs folded in mirror image to hers.

"Severus if I look at you I will lose my resolve and I've already embarrassed myself enough for one evening."

"You haven't embarrassed yourself. We've both said more than we have in honesty for years and it makes us raw. I promise we will continue this conversation, but right now is not the time." Whether from exhaustion or defeat, Hermione finally buried herself in covers, pulling them over her shoulder and sighing deeply. She knew he was right, but she didn't want to accept it.

"Goodnight, Severus, thank you for today and for helping with the case." She kept her eyes closed, she refused to open them for fear she'd see him pull away from her. She instantly berated herself she felt childish, she knew she was behaving like a jealous, insipid woman, as exacting as both Severus and Ron had pointed out many times, but it felt so powerful to her. She fell asleep quickly for a change and didn't hear him leave, he closed her window and went up the stairs to his room, contemplating her words greatly, accepting Hermione meant accepting the Weasleys as family, her children as his, their lives connected by bonds deeper than charms on emotions and though he could feel the weight of it all press squarely on his chest, it didn't frighten him nearly as much as it should've.


End file.
